kimiikins on Collarspace

3/4/2009 2:50:07 PM

A Journal written from a past experience:

September 29, 2000

 Well after only having got very little sleep, we loaded my things and left for the airport. The flight was delayed for some time but finally we were in the air. I didn't eat breakfast this morning. I finally landed at LaGuardia around ten pm or so. I was nervous as hell just the same just because I knew that I would be going to Blue's and Tamie's sometime this afternoon and was very unsure of what may or may not happen as well. I called Mistress once I was on the ground and talked to her briefly and then I called Jewel to let her know that I was also here because I would be staying at her home. After that Dae and I caught a cab to Jewel's.

 The cab ride was rather quick and not a whole lot out of the way on getting there occurred. Me and Dae had a wonderful conversation on the way there. He is really a nice guy and I enjoyed talking to him. I was trying to not think about how nervous I was and such. I sure was happy to see Jewel when we finally got there. After a bit of hugging and visiting, I put a few of my things away, didn't get them all put away though and then we all took a walk over to Mistress's & Michaels place. I stopped at the flower shop and bought her some flowers as well as brought her some other gifts as well. Dae had a gift for her also. When we got there Mistress was still tired due to lack of sleep but she soon woke up and we had lunch right down the road from where she lives. After a nice visit, I went back to Jewel's with Jewel and Dae so that I could get a bath and be ready for when Blue and Tamie would come and pick me up.

 I still had quite a bit on my mind about what would be happening once they came for me and another thought had been evading my thoughts and that was because he had told me the night before online that I was to have a dress on by the time they arrived. I told him Yes Sir, but I wasn't sure what the plan was concerning the dress though. I had a nice bath and then I got a dress on and started working on getting my things together that I would be taking with me to Blue's and Tamie's. They arrived around 5:30 or so I think. I'm not sure of the exact time though. When they came up to Jewel's apartment, both Tamie and Blue came in along with Mistress. I was just about ready but realized I hadn't put my collar back on after having taken a bath. I was so nervous that I couldn’t even think straight. I knew I had taken it off in the bathroom but for the life of me I couldn't remember where the hell I put it. I was getting really uptight that I couldn't find it too. Mistress made a comment about me not having my collar on when I should be and I was becoming frantic with not find it. Me and Jewely both checked the bathroom and the rest of the apartment and neither of us could find it. Blue walked into the bathroom and came back out I can't remember exactly what he said but there he stood holding my collar. I had hung it on the back of the door. I sure was glad that it was found.

 Mistress then told me that i was to kiss Blue's and Tamies feet, thanking each one of them for taking me with them. I did as Mistress told me, I didn't even think about it, I got on my knees and kissed Blue's feet and thanked him. He run his hand across my head and told me I was welcome and I was about to stand up and make my way to Tamie Ma'am when Mistress told me to crawl. I did as she told me and crawled to where Tamie Ma'am was, kissed her feet and I also thanked her as well. She patted my head, said good girl, your welcome and I was glad that I had done it the way I was supposed to do. Mistress also told me that when I left with Blue that any rules, or anything else for that matter would be set by him and that I was to follow them. She also said that in order to smoke, I would have to ask Blue or Tamie Ma'am permission to smoke. A few minutes before we were gong to leave, Blue told me that I had to take off my panties before we left the apartment. I was going to ride back with them with no panties on. I knew something was going to occur concerning the wearing a dress thing, but it hadn't occurred to me it would be this. My face felt was on fire by then, but I did as I was told and went and removed them.

 The ride to NJ seemed to be a really long one too. Blue told me it was somewhere around 140 miles from Jewely's to their house. Blue asked me how I was doing several times and I know he knew that I was really nervous. We chatted on and off during the trip to their house, they teased me, and we just had an all the way around nice drive to their house. I was glad when we stopped at a Rest stop for bathroom break too cause even though I had gone to the bathroom before we left, by then I needed to go again and I hadn't drank all that much on the way to their house. I finally arrived at their house just a little bit before nine pm. The plan by then was that Tamie Ma'am and Cindy would be going off for a while tonight and while they were gone, Blue planned to have his fun with me. I guess my nervousness was obvious cause even Tamie got a smile on her face while asking if I was nervous. I of course said I was a little bit.

 I was apprehensive about the hardest part of what I knew I would have to do tonight. After Tamie and Cindy left, Blue said it was time to get naked, but when I asked Blue if I may take a quick shower to clean up, he gave me permission to do so. I had a bath before I left Jewely's, but by then I had gone to the bathroom three or four times and I just needed to make sure I was clean. This gave me a chance to gather my courage and prepare myself for being naked the rest of evening. I didn't take very long to shower though. I didn't want it to seem I was prolonging things. In fact I'm rather surprised at myself as well as proud of myself because I didn't waste allot of time in going back into the dining area which was where we would be the entire time Blue had his fun with me.

 I came into the dining room and he told me to take the towel and lay it across the chair he had put in a specific place and then told me to sit down. He asked me how I felt about sitting there naked while he had a good look at me. This part gets a little confusing to write about because I can't really remember the exact sequencing cause allot of emotions flooded my mind all at once. I felt close to tears and I ended up having some run down my face. It wasn't that i was scared of him, or that I felt fear. I think it was a combination of all the emotions that had been filling my head as well as when i sat down naked and learning to put this inhibition aside while I was with him. He spent a few minutes hugging me and talking to me as well. He ran his hands over me touching areas a little at a time and I know I probably felt like I was as tight as a spring to start with.

 I started over here cause there was some things that I remembered a few days later to write into this. I have been trying to make sure I hadn't left out anything that I know later will be of some importance or that I will remember and add to it if it comes to my head.

This part of my journal is going to seem a bit erratic and all over the spectrum of what went on that weekend.

Somebody asked me how I felt about my rights being taken from me and I had to think about it for a moment. Well when I got there, nothing was mentioned until Blue/Tamie arrived over at Jewely's with Mistress. I was freaking nervous and stuff too. I had taken a bath and got dressed in the dress that I had been told some weeks before that I would need to have on when Blue and Tamie came for me. I had taken my collar off so that I could take a bath and I hung it on the back of this door. Thing is, I was scrambling to be ready on time and I had already and I also was thinking about why there was the dress stipulation as well. There was no reasons or explanations given and I was told just to make sure that I had it on.

When they got there we hugged and then I realized I hadn't put my collar back on. I was so nervous I couldn't fucking think straight either and here me and jewely are looking for my collar because I couldn't remember where the hell I laid it and I as getting frantic because I couldn't find it. Blue goes into the bathroom after me and jewely had looked several times and came back out and stood there looking at me and I'm standing there trying to concentrate clearly enough to remember where I had taken it off. I just couldn't think though. He holds it up and says, "looking for this?" Talk about happy to see it too.

I was thinking oh lordie, I'm starting out all wrong already. I put the collar back on and then Mistress tells me to kiss both Blue's and Tamie's feet and thank them both for coming to get me and for taking me back home with them. So down on my knees I go and I kissed Blue's feet and thanked him and then I started to get up to go over to Tamie to do the same thing when Mistress told me no, crawl to Tamie and do as told.
So here I am with a dress on crawling across the floor to Mistress Tamie. I'm sure my face was a big red but I didn't care I just wanted to please.

After that I had got back up and finished gathering my things together and had them ready when Mistress told me what was expected. She told me that all rules, limits, ect., will be given to Blue. That I’m to do as I'm told, and if i misbehave he would also be punishing me as well. After Mistress said all this, the first thing Blue says is for me to remove my panties and that I would NOT be allowed any panties all the way from Ny to NJ.
That got me feeling embarrassed all the sudden and I felt like my face was on fire but I did as he told me and removed them. We left jewely's and dropped Mistress off at her place and set off for NJ. All the way there I was thinking about what may happen after we got there but I had no clue really what that would be at the time.

We talked on and off about this and that and oh before I forget, Mistress told me also that if I wanted to smoke, I would have to ask Blue/Tamie permission to smoke. Anyhow we talked on the way there about this and that the other. I was asked several times how I was doing. The first few minutes of the trip I was nervous but soon I started relaxing a bit and it got easier to talk even though there were times I had got quiet because I was thinking about what was gong to occur later that night. I could tell that Blue was so looking forward to his and Tamie was so happy about this as well. The plan was, once we got there Tamie Ma'am would take Cindy out and they would leave for a few hours so that I would be alone with Blue. We stopped at a rest area because he asked if anyone needed to go to the bathroom and of course I had to. Which of course he ragged me a bit about saying I had been told to go to the bathroom before we left Jewely's. I did go and I had even said that which I soon regretted opening my mouth to say that because they both made a comment, "oh now she's being argumentative," and I got a little scared briefly there because I wasn't being that but it may have been taken that way. I still had to go again and it was so damn strange going in this big place with loads of people standing around. Here I am in a dress and sandals with no panties. It was very unnerving to say the least. Tamie Ma'am also bought me and Blue some dinner too. So we sat and ate and again it was still very unnerving to sit there with no panties on. For some reason I felt excitement at the same time which just made it more confusing.

After we left there we arrived at their home a little before 9 pm. Tamie and cindy soon left not long afterwards to go out for the evening and that left me and Blue completely alone. I felt like a cat on a hot tin roof too. He talked to me for a few minutes. Just light chat, nothing really specific. He spent quite a bit of time hugging and holding me. Then he told me to get naked. I knew this part was going to happen before hand but I well was nervous and for some reason I needed to take another shower. I wanted to make sure I was all perfect I guess but I think it was more a reason to just go and regroup and get my mind ready for being naked in front of him. At the point I got up enough nerve to ask him if I may take a quick shower first just to get freshened up and he granted my request which I was so glad about. I got in the shower and did what I needed to do and my mind was focused on what I knew I had to do.

I didn't waste time in the shower though. I didn't want it to seem like I was trying to prolong the inevitable. Instead of putting my clothes on only to have to strip them off, I just got myself all dried off and took the towel with me but didn't bother wrapping the towel around me to hide behind it. I had taken a deep breath and told myself I could do this even though this was the hardest thing I thought I would ever do.

I walked back into the dining room which was where most of what would occur, occurred. He had moved the table to the corner and there in the center of the room were two chairs, both facing each other. I know my face had to be really flushed by then and the first thing he said was take the towel and put it in the chair so that when you sit on it, you'll be a bit more comfortable. I did as he told me and then he told me to sit. I sat down in the chair opposite his chair and he looked at me for a few minutes. He said he was going to look at me. I couldn't look him in the eyes because I was petrified. Not of him. I wasn't scare of him either. It was my own personal fears that had me petrified. He took his fingers and he started lightly running them over areas of my body, telling me that he thought I was beautiful.

He told me there was nothing better to see than a woman who has marks from childbirth and that I should feel proud of them. He continued his gentle touching and exploring of my body for a little while. Then he asked me a question that sent me into tears. He asked me what I wanted. When he asked me that, I was already unnerved as it was, and before I knew it, the tears were streaming down my face. He took me into his arms for a few minutes holding me close telling me it was alright and asked me if I was scare of him. I had told him no I wasn't scare of him. He asked me what had caused me to cry like I did and I told him that I felt all the emotions come flooding in and that I wasn't even sure how to answer his question. He waited cuddling me till I relaxed and finally he asked me again what it was I wanted. I was having a hard time with the question because I didn't really know what to say and all I could squeak out was I wanted to feel! He hugged me tight when I said that and basically continued to just cuddle me for a few more minutes till I found myself relaxing and I had stopped crying and then he had me sit back against my chair. He took his hands while I sat there and moved them all over me, touching me here and there. He was testing each region and watching my reaction as he did. After he was satisfied with my reactions he told me he was going to bind me to the chair.

Before he bound me to the chair he talked to me about safe words. Stop means stop, and yellow means to slow down. He basically told me that if something hurt to much, to let him know and he'd stop and I was to tell him what it was. If it was something that could be approached in another manner, he'd approach it another way. He was specific about this when he was discussing this with me. He wanted me to tell him how I was feeling. He wanted communication from me as well.

He got his ropes out and showed them to me. He had blue and red rope. He had me take my feet and put them between his legs on his chair.

While he was tying my ankles, he questioned me asking if they were comfortable, or too tight and that if a rope became to tight, to please let him know this. Once he had my ankles bound he had me put my feet back on the floor. Then he moved behind me and I could feel him pulling the rope under the chair. Then he told me to take my wrist and place them so that they were against the wood part of the back of the chair. He then bound each wrist to the side of the chair, which was connected to my ankles as well. Once he did all that, he stood up and then he went to running his hands down my body again, only from behind me, teasing my skin with light touches. He had me squirming in the chair before I knew it too. The more he did it, the more I squirmed and of course he laughed because he says..."uh huh, your not ticklish eh" because basically he'd hit a specific spot that had me giggling and squirming and other spots that I would just squirm and sounds would escape my lips as well. Before I knew it I was more than aroused by then. Then he goes and does it! His fingers found their way along my pussy and he's feeling and touching and poking. He'd hit a spot down there that had me moving in the chair big time. He asked me if I wanted to cum and of course I did, had been denied the luxury for a while before this trip of having any orgasm. For 8 weeks before this trip I had to masturbate to the edge but not cum. Needless to say I was good and worked up before I ever got there.

I told him yes Sir and he then starts playing with me a bit and tells me to tell him when I want to cum. This was the first one..didn't have to ask, just had to tell him when I wanted to. I can't tell you how he did it, or what he did, but when his fingers slipped inside and he found my little hot spot, I thought I had died and went to heaven because the next thing I’m saying is please can I cum.and my hips were moving around and he kept on teasing and I was nearly pushing against his hand with want and need.

He tells me that I can cum to let it go and he started working on me more so and before I knew it, I had cum hardest I think I'd ever have. I was just squirming and moaning. He went back to the touching, teasing all over me again. Finger tips lightly running everywhere. He did that for a bit and then he'd go back down to my pussy and start the sweet teasing/torture some more and before I knew it I wanted to cum again and then he tells me that he wants me to ask to cum this next time and before long I'm begging to cum again. By then my eyes were on his face too and I was begging big time. So he pushed me into another orgasm and it was just as strong as the first one. He had me all worked up in a major way. Then he stops and says he's going to try something different.

Some of these details I'm starting to remember that I couldn't write about in the earlier part of the journal that I started. I've spent the past few days trying to write about it.

He makes a comment that I’m wiggling too much and that means I'm not bound as well as I should be. He takes the red rope and ties it so that it runs across my chest and to the back of the chair...several times he did this. He had my upper body secured as well. He goes back to running his hands, teasing, just as before and I think that I must have ended up begging to cum a couple of more times the same way he was doing it before and only part of my body that could even move was my hips and I know I was really worked up too because I was making all kinds of noises and saying things in between all this.

He would pull my h air a bit, then he'd move his head down to my ear and say things to me, he'd kiss my ear or whatever to tease me further and then went on for awhile. I can't tell you how many times I came during this time because I lost count and all track of time.

He had taken some of his rope and rapped it half way around my neck and he'd tug on it cutting the air off a bit, and when he did that my head would swim and that only turned me on further. I was really on fire by then. I don't think I have ever found myself this worked up before if ever. He stopped, allowing me to catch my breath and said he'd be right back and while he was gone for a few seconds, I know I was sitting there softly moaning and that I seemed to have relaxed so much that I didn't care what else he did because it was something I had wanted for so long and I just wanted to finally feel and he was pushing it so that it was finally happening.

When he returned to the room he had a bowl of ice, a candle and some very long matches. The candlestick was red and first thing he does it take a cube of ice and he starts running it all over the place. I was nearly bucking seemed like in the chair. The more he did it, the more excited I got too. Then he goes and sticks the ice cube on my clit which had me moaning really loudly by then. He kept on with that till the cube was totally melted. He lit the candle and he says to me that if it burns too much to please let him know this. He holds the candle rather high to start with and when he starts dripping it on my skin I was moaning because the wax really makes me more so want it, gets me hornier and hotter sending white flashes of white heat through my head all the way down to my pussy causing it to ache. He'd bring it down a bit closer too and the more he poured the more I squirmed despite the ropes and the more he'd hear me moan and I could see him enjoying what he was doing too. He had it all over my chest, breast, ribs, tummy and legs. The wax was all over me. The longer it went on the more I was wanted of it too.

Then he stops and blows the candle out and quickly disappears for just a moment and here I sit bound and covered in wax trying to regroup. He returns back to the room to stand in front of me and when I looked up I know I gasped because he got this look of amusement on his face. he was standing there holding a very large knife. He later told me the look on my face was priceless.

He takes the knife and he starts to lightly scrape the wax off. He'd hit a spot here and there that would cause me to either moan and whimper or I’d go and move and he'd stop and say that I have to be still. He wouldn't want to harm me. Reminded me he could hurt me but he couldn't harm me. After hearing his words I had to concentrate on not moving even though he was doing what he was doing. Interesting note about the knife, When I first saw the knife, I'm not into knife play at all, but for some reason I didn't struggle against the idea of it and I trusted him and knew he wouldn't cause harm to me, so I went with it. *smile*

Once he had all the wax off me, he went back to using ice on me again. After allot of squirming and moaning he finished the rest of the cubes on me. Then he went back to the gentle hand touching/finger touching and then back to my pussy with his hand he went and before long I was writhing and begging to cum again. He did just that too, made me cum again, and again and again.

It was at the end of this part of the scene he decided we'd take a short break. He untied me and helped me to my feet and asked me how I was doing. I told him i doing fine. My legs felt all wobbly and it took me a couple of minutes to get my bearings. He asked me if I was thirsty and I realized I really was. He handed me his cup and told me to go fix us a drink. He told me there was a gallon of tea in the fridge and that the ice was in the usual place. I did as I was told and went and got the drink fixed up and returned back with it. I didn't sip from the cup either. I gave him the cup and he drank from it and then he gave me same sips as well. That night between the two of us, we drank an entire gallon of tea too. He gave me a few minutes to relax while we talked. He asked me how I was doing and I know I had to be smiling. I felt almost like I was in a dream by then. At some point I was kneeling at his feet and it wasn't because he told me to.

I'm not sure how long the break lasted but he got up and put the chair further away from the middle of the room and asked me to come and stand facing the chair. He had me bend over so that my hands were placed in the seat of the chair. I had to adjust myself a bit and then I was bending while standing the way he told me. He picks up his crop first which I didn't know what it was because I couldn't see it. he ran it over my backside and up my back and then back down o my backside and then I felt the first bite of the crop. This was the first time I’ve felt a crop. It stung but at same time it felt good too. He had got a yelp out of me because it caught me by surprise. He did the little teasing and then he'd smack me several times. He stopped with that and then he picks up the cane he'd showed me earlier in the evening. he would run it across my back and across my backside. I had never felt a cane before. While he was running the cane all over my back and backside he said to me "Canes are like a love/hate relationship, either you love them, or you hate them and if you find you hate them, I want to know about it" in which I replied back to him yes Sir. He started out lightly and then he'd bring the first stroked down hard. The first stroke caused me to jump and it hurt and stung but at the same time it was a strange almost familiar feeling too. The weird thing is I also noticed that my body seemed to like it too. He would use it on my ass a few minutes, light strikes and then hard strikes. Then he moved to my upper back. Blue was aware that I like pain on my upper back because I had said as much. He started out with light strokes and then a hard one and before long I was moaning and squirming and he kept haven’t to take his hand to the middle of my back and tell me to lower my back down because I was arching it up. The more he did it, the more quivers I'd feel run down the very core of me. He'd touch my pussy and then he'd do more strikes, and then touch me more and that went on for a while. He'd stop long enough to mess with my pussy forcing me to cum again. The more he did on that part the rougher he'd get too. He kept messing with the little special spot inside me which was driving me insane at the same time and then he'd go back to giving more pain. That went on till my legs were shaking and I could barely stand up.

He would stop with the cane, and then he'd run his hands all over the place. He'd stop with running his hands to take his fingers/hand to torture my pussy until I was begging to cum again. he kept rotating between the three things.

The more he did it, the more I found myself wanting it to keep going and the hotter I got and the more I sunk into what was happening to me too. We'd been going for i guess nearly three hours with one break and I think at this point I was having problems remaining on my feet because my legs was shaking so much. He also noticed that and he stopped and told me it was time to take another break. I felt like I was somewhere else. Just me and him. Nothing else existed but what was going on between us. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else was in my head but him. He owned me that night.

He led me into the living room and he held me for a while. he'd stroke my hair for a while and touch my face (another thing that is some what of a issue depending on how my face is touched). He did that for a while with me too. At some point he's wrapped a blanket around me because I for some reason start shivering uncontrollably, which was a new sensation as well.

Blue made me feel so special that night. That was his goal too. I felt loved. We relaxed and talked and cuddled. I never felt so content in my whole life.

After a bit of rest he took me back into the other room and went back to caning me some more, used the crop, flogged me, more touching, more cumming till I could barely stand again. I was soaring as well. I really can't honestly tell you how many times I came that night because I lost all track of reality. IT was just him and me.

He decided to stop at that point and wrapped me back up in the blanket again and we went back to the living room and he cuddled me and he'd stroke me and touch my face and that went on while we watched TV relaxing together.

I never thought it could be this intense. I needed to discover my inner self and I wanted to feel like I never felt before. Blue helped me find it.

 All I can say is this night I never felt as alive as I did when I was with Blue. He helped me to feel that which I hadn't been able to feel in so many ways. I felt not only cared for and that my feelings and thoughts as well as what it was I wanted was taken into consideration as well but also because there was so much caring that went into this as well.

 My trip to Blue's was something I will never forget for as long as I live though. He managed to bring something out in me that I didn't think could ever be possible in a million years. I just didn't think that the fire or other things was there anymore. Thought it had been killed off or stifled so to speak.

 I also was fortunate enough to be with them and they are such wonderful people. Tamie Ma'am is the loveliest person I have ever meant in my life and well Blue, words can't even be said about how I feel about him as well. Both of them have a wonderful relationship and I felt nothing but positive feelings around there. Their kids are so lovely too. They both made me feel so damn special. Another thing that caught my attention was the amount of positivity I saw in their home. It was infectious. Allot of what I felt, saw and experienced made me realize just how much I do miss out on in everyday life and what I had possibly missed growing up as well.

 Some of the things that will remain deep inside me are the the fact that he did something for me that I don't think anyone else may have been able to do. He pushed on my limits and kept on pushing them, helped me work on the inhibition of being naked, It got easier the longer I spent with them too. It got easier each time I saw them to take my clothes off without worrying over repercussions or whatever concerning me doing that. It meant so much to me. His words, his hugs, his understand as well as his patience that he had shown me. He made me feel special. It wasn't just about the amount of feelings that I had physically, but also it had to do with the mental feelings he brought out in me too.

 I hope that the amount of feelings I have displayed in this journal doesn't seem as if I've gone overboard and carried away with how I feel. It's just that it meant so damn much to me to feel the way I did and it was so special to me as well.

Things that I learned about myself Friday night:

I learned how to at least tell somebody what it was i wanted. Even as vague as me saying "I wanted to feel" is, it has allot of meaning. I learned it was ok to feel the way I did too. It was ok to want more, and to freely cum with no repercussions or comments. I learned it was ok to further explore what it was I needed and wanted too. I learned to give freely of myself through my submission too. Things as simple as instead of hiding behind the towel like I wanted to after the shower, but instead I walked out half way holding it up but not really trying to hide myself either. Then to sit in the chair naked while his eyes roamed my body and his hands freely explore. With all the fears I felt, I didn't jump up and run but instead I remained where I was told to remain and closed my eyes and just went with it too. All I know is I think that I made a breakthrough that night and I learned that it was just ok to need, to want, to crave, and then when ya get it, to enjoy it to its utmost thought and feeling. Something that Blue said in an email about that how much he would forever remember that night we were together and that he was able to own my soul that night. That hit home to the very core of my heart because what he said was so true. He had really truly touched me in a way that it felt as if he owned me that night.

Addition: Safe Words correction: Blue gave me two safe words. No - meaning i absolutely couldn't handle it or couldn't do it.

Stop - to stop and discuss what is making me uncomfortable or something that needs to be changed or done differently.