- The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Bisexual Female Slave, 51,  Jacksonville, Florida
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kimberlee2010 - slave

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 Female Slave



 5' 3"






Actively Seeking:

Dominant Female

Dominant Male

Friends Only

 Lives For:

 Mental Bondage

 Lifestyle BDSM




 Anal Play




 Breast Binding/Play

 Canes and Crops



 Electrical Play


 Local BDSM Community

 Hair Pulling

 Knife Play

 Massage (Giving)

 Medical Play

 Needle Play

 Obedience Training

 Orgasm Control

 Outdoor Bondage

 Plastic Wrap

 Sensory Deprivation






 Wax play


 Alternative Medicine




 Eye Contact Restrictions



 Public Play

 Role Playing


 Body Worship

 Corner Time



 Masks (Wearing)

 Speech Restrictions

 Curious About:


 Fire Play


 Vacuum Stimulation

 Gorean Lifestyle

 Old Guard



 Foot Worship

 Hard Limits:


 No Strings Housework

 Serving as a Maid/Butler


< style="color: #800080;">I'm a Lover and a Fighter, Yin & Yang. I'm Chocolate and Vanilla. Well, Okay I'm NOT Vanilla! I am a very communicative person, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I'm just a girl who lives by the hour. < style="color: #800080;">I'm your friend till the end, if you know what a friendship consists of. I have learned to always believe in truth. So, if you don't want to know, then Don't Ask! Funny thing about truth, People may not like it, but they can't argue with it! < style="color: #800080;">I'm a little bit eccentric, okay(a lot). I have 150 pairs of shoes and only 2 feet ... (go figure) . . . Fact: Shoes CAN Change Your Life! Don't believe me?? Just ask Cinderella, and if you still don't think the right shoes are important; Talk to Dorothy!!! My favorite flower is the Orchid. I'm strong willed, and love change, challenges, learning, and exploring anything new. I don't mind being different or standing out for what i believe in. I do my own thing, even if it doesn't always make sense to others. Oh, and I'm always at least 5 minutes late everywhere I go! (Can't help it.) lol < style="color: #800080;">I believe the evidence that God exists, far outweighs the belief that he doesn't. Don't ask for an easier life; ask to be a stronger person. If you're arguing with an idiot, make sure he isn't doing the same! And if you love somebody, hurry up and show it! < style="color: #800080;">I'm 51 years of experiences and hopefully many more to come! I am learning to accept and embrace truth,while taking responsibility for my actions. I've had obstacles and failures along my path, but I'll take the wisdom I've learned from them any day! If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always gotten. (So true) < style="color: #800080;">The hardest lesson I have ever learned. . . Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what and who you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are! (More truth) < style="color: #800080;">Humans are the only creatures that refuse to be what they are! My father once told me, there are 2 kinds of people; those who work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be the first group, there is less competition. (Such a wise man!!) I dislike (a lot) when people say things like "I would never do what she did. Considering, that the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound, it's no wonder so many people appear bright, until they speak! Never look down on someone unless you're helping them up! < style="color: #800080;">Remember, The most important things in life are not things; because people WILL forget what you did, people WILL forget what you've said, but people WILL NEVER forget how you made them feel. < style="color: #800080;">Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved. We're all surrounded by water, therefore; we are all in the same boat! So get over yourself, and discover what this thing we call life is really about. If you want different, do different! Then just have a little Faith. < style="color: #800080;">I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well! All I can say is, You are not promised tomorrow, so live today like you mean it and Always look forward! Seriously, because if you look backwards you WILL trip and fall! < style="color: #800080;">Never Regret Anything! < style="color: #800080;">God Bless < style="color: #800080;">Remember.. To the world, You may just be somebody; but to somebody, You may just be the world!

< style="font-size: 23px; color: #800080;">~submission is the key to my happiness~ < style="color: #800080;">No Matter Who You Are, No Matter What You Do. You Absolutely, Positively, Do Have the Power to Change . . .

< style="color: #800080;">< style="font-size: 23px;">A Total Power Exchange < style="color: #800080;">~giving up control~ < style="color: #800080;">~having No Choices~ < style="color: #800080;">~learning discipline~ < style="color: #800080;">~surrendering completely~ < style="font-size: 23px; color: #800080;">*allowing me to become whole in mind, body and the spirit of my soul. . .*

< style="color: #800080;">I have been in the lifestyle a little over 16 years now and while the BDSM M/s lifestyle is a significant part of my life, it is but one component of my life, not my entire life. I've learned quite a bit about myself, having crossed paths with many extraordinary and wonderful, submissives/slaves, Doms/Dommes and Masters. Through these encounters, I have gained so much knowledge and am grateful and appreciative for each and every experience (positive and negative) that I have acquired. < style="color: #800080;">I have grown within my explorations expanding my knowledge, learning with an open mind, free of judgments and prejudices allowing me a very clear understanding of exactly what it is I need and want in my life; being careful not to let my wants cloud my needs. I look forward to each day, knowing I have much more to learn as I continue on this amazing journey, experiencing and exploring all life has to offer... < style="color: #800080;">I am a slave seeking a well rounded, moderated within reason, tempered with love, nourished with humor and built on trust, TPE.  Switching is NOT something that I need, want or desire to do. My need and desire is to serve NOT be served. I need a Very Dominant Master. He MUST be trustworthy, firm, strict, controlling, loving, kind, compassionate, reliable, honest and able and willing to take control, knowing when and how to push a bit further, and when enough is enough. Mind Body and Spirit. It is a huge responsibility that few have Mastered, but many have claimed. He must know that there is so much more to this than just **kinky** sex... Now don't get me wrong, while I very much love the kinky sex and all... The mental aspects involved within the Power Exchange between a Master and his slave are incredibly stimulating, and so powerful. < style="color: #800080;">*** There is so much more to it all *** < style="color: #800080;">***NOTE*** < style="color: #800080;">If you don't get a reply from me, please do not take it personal. It just means I'm not interested in the same things as You. < style="color: #800080;">It is always nice to make new friends and I really like to see who I am respondin

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Journal Entries:
8/26/2017 10:46:16 PM
Knowledge is knowing a tomato 🍅 is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit 🍍🍇🍒🍎🍓salad❣️❣️

3/23/2016 10:52:01 PM
Sex after Surgery
A recent article in the Daily Post reported that a man, Mr. Harper, has sued St. Paul's Hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesperson replied:
"Mrs. Harper was admitted for cataract surgery.  All we did was correct her eyesight."


3/23/2016 10:44:58 PM
Apparently when your kids' school asks what you'd be interested in selling for a fundraiser,
isn't the right answer.

3/23/2016 10:37:20 PM
If you fall, I'll be there.
                                          ~ Floor

1/26/2016 12:24:02 AM
A man walks  into a  restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress  asks for their  orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a  coke," turning to the ostrich she says,  "What's yours"? "I'll have the same,"  says  the ostrich. A short time later, the  waitress returns with  the order. "That will be $9.40 please," she says and the  man reaches  into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man  and  the ostrich come back to the restaurant again. The man orders, "A hamburger, fries,  and a coke." The ostrich also orders the same.  Again the man reaches  into  his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine everyday until  the two come in later in the week. "The usual"? asks the  waitress. "No, this is Friday,  so I will have a steak, baked  potato and a salad, please" says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.

The waitress  brings  their order out and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls  the  exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The  waitress can't hold back  her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir, How  do you  manage to always come up with the exact change out of your  pocket every time"? "Well," says the man,  "several years ago, I  was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I  rubbed it,  a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that  if  I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in  my pocket and the  right amount of money would always be there."

"That's  brilliant!" says the  waitress. "Most people would wish for a million  dollars, but you'll  always be as rich as you want  for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's  a gallon of milk  or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the  man. The  waitress asks, "But  what's with the ostrich"? The man sighs and answers,  "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees  with everything I say."

happy Tuesday :)

9/16/2015 11:47:38 AM
"Smile" . . .  It's a beautiful day!

Bob forgot his "50th" wedding anniversary.  His wife was very upset.   She told him " Tomorrow morning I want to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!"

When his wife woke up the next morning she found a gift wrapped box in the driveway.  She opened it to find a brand new bathroom scale!

Bob has been missing since Friday . . .
Have an Amazing Day! 
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10/16/2014 11:05:56 PM
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help . . .  Your house is "haunted" !  :)

10/4/2014 9:12:53 PM
I'm so thankful that we don't have to hunt for our own food anymore . . .  I don't even know where sandwiches live!  :) xoxox

8/17/2014 11:37:51 PM
A State Trooper pulled over an old man for speeding... 
The Officer said to the old man, "If you can give me an excuse I've never heard before, I'll let you go..." 
The old man said to the Officer, " Several years ago my wife ran off with a State Trooper and I thought you were him trying to bring her back to me!" 
To which the Officer smiled and replied,  "Slow it down and Have a Nice Day!"  :)

6/14/2014 10:43:32 PM
He never looks for praises,
He's never one to boast.
He just goes on quietly working,
For those he loves the most.
His dreams are seldom spoken,
His wants are very few,
And most of the time his worries
Will go unspoken too.
He's there ...
A firm foundation,
Through all my storms of life.
A sturdy hand to hold onto,
In times of stress and strife.
A true friend i can turn to,
When times are good or bad.
One of my greatest blessings,
The man that I call

Happy Fathers Day
kimberly ann

4/27/2014 12:57:28 AM

~~ Always follow your dreams, except the one where you can fly ... that always ends badly!~~



12/12/2013 9:20:16 PM

Dear Santa,

 . . . Please Define Naughty . . .  Surprised xoxox

11/9/2013 12:58:41 AM

The "CUTEST" pair of shoes followed me home today ... Wink



11/8/2013 5:05:00 PM

Forecast for Tonight:  "Dark"


11/5/2013 8:21:22 AM

~~ Advice of the Day: If you call a psychic and they don't greet you by name, HANG UP!!! ~~

11/5/2013 8:14:19 AM

Some People are like clouds, when they disappear it's a brighter day! Lve Innocent

11/5/2013 7:50:57 AM

If you do not step forward, you will always be in the same place.

10/4/2013 12:22:58 AM

I am going to be very busy in the afterlife. . .

The list of people I am going to haunt grows everyday!:)

7/4/2013 4:18:09 AM

From My Home to Yours,

May your day beSparkling and Patriotic ”!   Wishing you all a verySafe and Happy 4TH of JULY ” holiday weekend spent with family and friends. .

A  big  “★★ Thank You ★★”  to all of the Men and Woman serving Our Country,  past and present;  for all that you do for us, the sacrifices you make each day and for all that you have given and continue to give fighting to protect our freedoms. . .

**Prayers for Our Fallen Soldiers**,  Remembering them always 

God Bless America

Remember, Don’t  Drink  Alcohol or Text  While Driving!



Have an Amazing Day 
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2/20/2013 6:35:52 PM

((swirling magic {#}wand around))

"Bipity Bopity Boo!"

. . . one more try . . .

((swirling magic wand around **again**))

       "Bipity Bopity Boo!" {#}

.¸•°nope didn't work °•¸.

Ughh! .{#} .I guess I'll have to actually clean the house myself!{#}

ღ  Lve  lol

Have an Amazing Day! 
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1/29/2013 11:05:54 PM

Question: Innocent Is it "good" witches or "bad" witches that melt when they get wet?   cause it's raining here and I've got garbage to take out  :). . .   Lve :)

1/25/2013 11:04:22 PM

Desperation . . .  Shaving before stepping on the scale! :) LL

1/24/2013 10:19:58 AM

Does anyone else find it weird that chocolate makes your clothes shrink?? {#} just wondering . . .   :)LL

10/2/2012 11:52:44 PM

A wife wakes up from a dream {#} yelling “hurry my husband’s home!” {#}and the husband wakes up and “jumps” {#} out the window! ღ ღ ~ {#}

Ok, so who is guilty here? {#} lol

9/17/2012 6:42:17 PM


~~ When i open a pack of bread, i skip the first slice ... because it's ugly!!  ~~  Laughing

9/17/2012 6:13:59 PM

~~ The Hardest Lesson ~~

  • Treat your Parents with loving care. 
  • For you will only know their value, when you see their empty chair.


9/17/2012 5:50:16 PM
The Newspaper

Wife:  I wish I was a newspaper, I would be in Your arms the whole day...

Husband:  I wish you were a newspaper... I would have a different one everyday! 

8/9/2012 5:31:28 PM

I Fish

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married... on and on and on . . .   an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. 

Finally, getting up... the therapist walked around the desk...   asking the wife to "please stand."  He embraced her,  kissing her long and passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. 

The woman was immediately quiet and sat down as though in a daze.

Turning to the husband, he said,"This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week." . . . "Can you do this?"  the therapist asked.

Looking at the therapist, excitedly he says, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, Saturdays & Sunday, I fish!"

~~ Lve :) 

8/9/2012 11:02:48 AM

~~ Remember .... The Most "IMPORTANT" things in life, aren't things! ~~ Lve :)


4/23/2012 10:33:16 PM


Your Penis “IS NOT” Pinocchio’s nose 

" It " will not get bigger if you tell a lie!  


2/22/2012 7:47:41 PM

A masked armed robber bursts into the Bank and forces the tellers to load his sack full of cash.{#} Just as he is about to leave with the money, one brave customer grabs the armed robber's mask and pulls it off revealing the robber's face. The robber immediately shoots the guy dead without hesitation!  {#}

Looking quickly around the bank, checking to see if anyone else had seen him, he notice's a bank teller looking straight at him.  The robber walks over and calmly shoots the bank teller dead too. {#} By now Everyone is very scared and looking down at the floor.

"Did anyone else see my face?" shouts out the robber.  A tense minute of silence follows.  Then an elderly man tentatively raises his hand and says "I think my wife caught a glimpse!"    Lve :) LOL{#}

1/8/2012 8:30:22 PM

A woman was sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her husband.   

She says, {#}"I Love You so much, I don't know how I could ever live without You!"{#}

Her Husband asks,{#} "Is that you talking or the wine talking?" {#}

She replies,{#} "It's me... talking to the wine." {#}     {#}

 ᕼᗩᑭᖘϒ ᘉᕮᗯ ϒᕮᗩᖇ
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┊  ┊  

with Lve,

kimberly  :)

12/8/2011 7:00:37 PM

Dear Santa, a good girl with naughty thoughts is still a good girl, right Santa?



12/6/2011 9:27:23 PM

Umm… If I’m sweet and a little bit twisted

    Does that make me a Candy Cane????


{#}May Your Holidays Sparkle


 Love and Laughter !{#}





11/29/2011 9:48:33 PM

11/8/2011 12:20:50 AM

ღ . . .You are where your thoughts are, so make sure your thoughts are where you want to be!ღ  {#}




11/7/2011 1:58:55 AM

¸.¸.•° Unfortunately, {#}people have to make a mistake {#} in order to {#}realize they've made one . ¸.°•.¸. 



10/21/2011 5:04:33 PM

{#} thinking . . . I may need to learn how to sing to the animals,{#} so they will come clean my house too! {#} {#}

{#} xoxo


10/18/2011 9:34:00 PM

                                   (¯`•.•´¯) (¯`•.•´¯)
                              *`•.¸(¯`•.•´¯)¸.•´ ♥ 
.¸¸.´¯`.¸¸.´¯` º ♥ ` •.¸.•´ ♥ º .¸¸.´¯`.¸¸.´¯` 

Question~  What would the world be like if ones pants really did catch on fire when they lied???{#}

Well, once your pants catch fire,{#} i'm guessing the fact that you're lying becomes less important. {#}



10/11/2011 9:15:14 PM

FACT: Rainbow Trout are NOT a Skittle flavored fish.  {#}

10/11/2011 9:05:09 PM

I received a call this morning from a charity asking me to donate my clothing to starving people!   I told her, "If my clothes fit those people, then they are NOT starving!"   {#}


9/21/2011 9:21:53 PM

Dear Fairy Godmother   

   We Need to talk!!  ღ  {#} 


9/16/2011 10:40:08 AM


Just call me Cinderella {#}today!    

Hey wait a minute, does that mean i have{#} {#}two ugly step-sisters somewhere?? {#} Hmmm . . . {#}



9/10/2011 8:10:40 PM

♥   Darn it{#}. . .

i was swatting  flies {#}{#} and accidentally killed the cleaning {#} fairy!  

Now what?     {#}


9/8/2011 9:38:13 AM

Fact:  Shoes CAN Change Your Life ;)  Don’t believe me??  Just ask Cinderella … 

 and if you still don’t think the right shoes are important ???  well then just talk to Dorothy !!!

8/31/2011 1:28:40 AM

.. Whether your glass is half empty,  {#}    or half full,  just stop and be thankful you have a glass in the first place!     {#} ..



8/16/2011 9:56:32 PM

{#}... im in line at safeway, ({#} 2  men ahead of me in line)

Man 1: {#} says to me, If you were dropped off on a deserted island what would you bring?

I would bring {#} unlimited water,he said..

Man 2 :{#} I would bring unlimited {#}food!

Both were then staring {#} at me...

(Where do these people come from? Ughh!! I am a magnate for nutty people!)

{#}thinking quickly,  I said ummm… a boat? {#}


7/30/2011 1:46:24 PM

{#}  Thought of the Day:  Do Not cook bacon naked! {#}. . . {#}Just sayin' {#}. . . (◕‿◕) ღ :)  lol

7/28/2011 9:13:13 PM

A wife wakes up from a dream {#} yelling “hurry my husband’s home!” {#}and the husband wakes up and “jumps” {#} out the window!   ღ ღ ~ {#}

Ok, so who is guilty here?  {#}  lol

6/7/2011 11:55:05 PM

. . .  ♥ The speed of light is faster than the speed of sound . . . ♥ ♥ That's why so many people appear bright, until they speak . . . ♥ ♥ ♥ .  .{#}


6/4/2011 1:29:26 AM

June 04, 2011

 ...Do, or Do Not. . . There is no try’ ! {#}



4/9/2011 10:23:46 AM

♥ ღ ღ Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes, then if you still don't like them, your'e a mile away ... and you have their shoes!! :) ...ღ ღ ♥ {#}




3/31/2011 7:40:18 PM

A Giants fan, a Padres fan, and a Dodgers fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.  The Padres fan insists he's the most loyal.  "This is for San Diego!" he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.  Not to be outdone the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team.  He yells "This is for the Giants"  and pushes the Dodgers fan off the mountain!!  :)   {#}

3/31/2011 12:46:39 AM

**sweet dreams Everyone***   If You do dream of me, Remember I like my hair pulled!!  :) {#}


ps... and if you see my fairygod mother.... tell her she's fired!! ;) **winks**




2/14/2011 9:32:34 AM

{#}{#}Wishing E/everyone a very Happy Valentines Day !! 

{#}I am the luckiest woman in the world! My valentine calls me Mommy. :) {#}

{#}Happy Valentines Day to my Mom and Dad.{#} {#}Mom you may be in Heaven now, but your love for and from Dad, your children and grandchildren lives forever.{#}{#}  We miss you so much!  **sending you hugs and kisses Mom....**  I love you!{#}{#}{#}

{#}For all of the people that hold a special place in my heart and who have been a blessing in my life, You are all Loved and mean the world to me {#}~{#} today and everyday!  Thank You  for touching my heart along the way :-) {#}

{#}{#}{#}{#}{#}Umm... FYI ... *** truly the best thing about today is half price chocolates tomorrow...  ;) {#}{#}{#}{#}{#}{#}



2/6/2011 3:01:39 PM

{#}♥ ღ...Tip of the Day from my Dad...ღ{#} ♥♥ Remember... All that glitters isn't always gold! ♥♥ ღ  {#}    thank You Daddy...  I Love You! {#}

2/5/2011 7:17:07 PM

{#}Wishing i was able to clean and cook with just a wiggle of my nose...  ♥ ღ ღ lol{#}

1/28/2011 10:39:29 AM

{#}♥ ღ ღ... hmmm... thinking about turning the furnace up to 80' and pretending it's summer!... ღ ღ ♥

1/27/2011 12:22:12 AM

ღ ღ... Wondering if i am the only one that screams every time the can of biscuits pops????... ღ ღ :) hmmm...

1/1/2011 1:23:47 AM

{#}Happy New Year!{#}

Waving goodbye to 2010{#} ~ the heartbreak, the losses, the frustration!  I thank you Dear Lord for carrying us through the storms… 2010 made me stronger, and I am ready for 2011.  2011 will be as good as I allow it to be.  This New Year I hope to learn to have more patience, not worry as much, and to pray more.  I have learned that anything is possible…  Life is short…  Embrace and enjoy each day!   The three – C’s of life…  Choices, Chances and Changes ~ You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change!  Every new year people make resolutions to change aspects of themselves they believe are negative.  This year my resolution is to be myself,  to be thankful and happy with all that I have  and more importantly WHO  I have in my life!  And to make my daughter and my family feel even more special than they already are.  They have blessed my life beyond my wildest dreams and I love them so much! {#}

To my beautiful daughter...  I hope the New Year brings you everything you wish for. Happy New Year and no matter whatever happens in 2011, my love for you will never end!  Life goes fast, the years don’t last, live for the future, but don’t forget the past…  My wishes are silent but true, everywhere they will follow you.  Luck is yours, wishes are mine, I wish for your present and future to always shine.

To Our soldiers still at war….  May 2011 bring you home safe, well to your families, and loved ones…{#}  Prayers for the fallen, remembering them always…  A big thank you for all that you do for us, the sacrifices you make each day and for all that you have given and continue to give as you fight for our freedoms and for Our Country...   

As one door closes… another opens!!  A New Year is the time where you can make a fresh start on life… a New beginning… and I am so ready for a New Year!  2010 brought many ups and downs ~ Some we will remember and hold onto ~ and some we want to forget. 

As the pages in my book of life turn, I look forward to the New Year ahead ~ new memories, and yes a new journey for many of us…  So in honor of the loved ones I have lost, it’s time to start a new chapter in my life, which I dedicate to an amazing, strong minded, beautiful woman…  She was a loving wife and devoted life partner, decisive, compassionate, dedicated, unwavering, firm, constant, and loving.  Her courage and strength were simply extraordinary and beyond belief.…{#}

I am blessed and so honored to say this remarkable, awe-inspiring woman is my Mom… My role model, my inspiration, and unquestionably, MY HERO! {#} She is the reason I am the person and Mother I am today. 


Mom, you may be miles and miles away, but you are in Our hearts and thoughts every day!  Always…  We can’t be with you physically, hugging you, laughing with you, hearing your voice or seeing your beautiful smile that brightened your face just perfectly….So tonight as I look up at the stars, I will feel your loving warmth.  Sadly, 2011 is already missing something very special…  Life will never be the same without you Mom!  You are Our Sweet Angel….

Thank you to everyone, for all of the Love, Support, and extra Prayers sent our way when we needed them most…  You ALL are Amazing ~ {#}

Here is to a Bright New Year…  A New Start...  to the wonderful things that are yet to come, and to the memories to be treasured…  Happy New Year!  May 2011 bring us everything we need and all the very best of Health and Happiness…


12/17/2010 12:26:33 AM

{#}  Baptist Cowboy  {#} 

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into the bar and orders three mugs of Beer.  He sits in the back of the bar room, drinking a sip out of each mug in turn.  When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

 The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,  "You know, a mug goes flat after i draw it.  It would taste better if you bought one at a time."  

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.  One is in Arizona and the other is in Colorado.  When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.  So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." 

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.  He orders three mugs of beer, drinking them in turn..

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.  All the regulars take notice and fall silent.  When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says.  "I dont want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

 The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine."  he explains  "It's just that my wife and i joined the Baptist church and i had to quit drinking ."

"Hasn't  affected my brothers though."

~ {#}

11/24/2010 11:01:34 PM

♥ Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks reflecting on the reason for the season! I'm thankful my wonderful family and friends near and far, and very blessed to have had so many special people in my life. Wishing Everyone a safe Thanksgiving Day. May we all enjoy this Magical Holiday Season giving thanks to those we hold close to our hearts and remember those that are no longer with us!
Happy Thanksgiving ♥


10/28/2010 8:31:28 AM

October 28, 2010
 ♥ Joke for the Day:
Two snakes in the middle of a jungle,
One says to the other " Are we poisonous?"
"'i don't really know," replies the other snake. "Why?'"
♥ "i just bit my tongue." ♥ lol Have a great day Everyone! ♥

9/24/2010 9:52:26 PM

September 24, 2010

I'm the whisper in the windchimes... That faint shadow on the lawn. I'm the scent in the air. You can't miss me, I'm not gone. I'm the flickering of a candle, a summer breeze upon your cheek.In the darkest, blackest hour I'm the ...comfort that you seek. I love you Mom and I promise I will make you proud. You are an inspiration and the reason I am the person and mom I am today. Rest In Peace Sweet Angel

8/10/2010 4:29:06 PM
-Put this in your profile if you know someone who has survived, struggles with or died of cancer...

Never pass the chance to say "i love you" to those in your life you care we are not promised tomorrow  

Thank You Mom, You are AMAZING !  i don't know what i will do without you...  I LOVE YOU! 

updated  ~ August 10, 2010 

Put this in your profile if you know someone who has survived, struggles with or died of cancer...

My thoughts and prayers are with My Mom, she is so stong and brave in her battle against this very ugly disease!

Mom, You are my Hero, I love You!
i know you CAN and WILL beat this!

Updated ~ July 14 2010

Thank you for all of the Positive Thoughts and Prayers sent to me for my Mom, who has small cell lung cancer...  The support from so many on collarme has been Truly AMAZING!!!! 

Thank You ...  and God Bless   



March 24, 2010

4/29/2010 10:38:22 PM


Last year i replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

Today, i received a call from the contractor who installed them...

He was complaining that the work had  been completed a whole year ago and i still hadn't paid for them.

So, i told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year,
that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Just because i am blonde does not automatically mean i am stupid!

Helloooo?  Its been a year, i told him!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so i finally just hung up.  

He never called back...  I bet he felt like an idiot.  :))

4/29/2010 10:38:01 PM

Only if it’s raining!

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.  On one wet and lusty day, she was in bed with her lover when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh my God – Hurry!  Grab your clothes, “she yelled to him.  “Jump out the window, my husband’s home early!”

“I can’t jump out the window, it’s raining out there!” came the reply from beneath the sheets.

“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied.  He’s got a quick temper and a very large gun!  The rain is the least of your problems.”

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out of the window.  As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovers he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon.  So he started running alongside the others about – 300 of them.  Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tired to “blend in” as best he could.  It wasn’t that effective!

After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer...

“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.

“Oh yes,” he replied, gasping in air.  “It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all of your skin while you’re running”

Another runner moved alongside.  “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”

“Oh yes”, he answered breathlessly.  “That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home.”

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

“Only if it’s raining!”


4/25/2010 4:12:34 PM

The Mayonnaise Jar and Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and coffee ~~

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.  When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.  He then asked the students if the jar was full.  They agreed it was.

So the professor then picked up a bowl of pebbles and poured them into the jar.  He shook the jar lightly.  The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.  He then asked the students again if the jar was full.  They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a bowl of sand and poured it into the jar.  Of course, the sand filled up everything else.  He asked once more if the jar was full.  The students responded with a unanimous “yes”.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.  The students laughed.

“Now,” said that professor, as the laughter subsided, I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions ~things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, your car.  The sand is everything else ~~ the small stuff.

“If you put the sand into the jar first” he continued“, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.  The same goes for life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.  Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.  Play with your children.  Take time to get medical checkups.  Take your partner out to dinner.  Play another 18 holes.  There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal.  Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.  Set your priorities, the rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented, the professor smiled.  “I’m glad you asked,”  He said  “it just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.”

Author Unknown


4/25/2010 4:10:08 PM


It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was
almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to
her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.

She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard. she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift.

This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by. She started to follow it. Following the snow plow she was feeling very smug as she was not having any problems with the blizzard conditions.

After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and
signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted
to know if she was all right, as she had been following him for a long
time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to
follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could continue if she wanted. . . . . but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Sears next.

4/25/2010 4:09:22 PM

Subject:  FIRST TIME

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. 
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.  'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,

'I had no idea you were this religious.' 

The boy turns, and whispers back,

'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'


4/25/2010 4:06:18 PM
It Couldn't Be Done
by Edgar Guest

Somebody said that it couldn't be done,

But he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one
Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;
At least no one ever has done it";
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he'd begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.

** This is my favorite quote **

4/25/2010 4:01:27 PM


...clean can be funny too...

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a  very Sexy nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing.

************ ********* ********* ********* **

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran  into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey,  pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or  mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,'
she said. 'Just get out.'  

4/25/2010 3:52:25 PM

from previous profile... :)


Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me?

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.... 


4/25/2010 3:41:38 PM



3 Men go into a Motel. The man behind the desk said the room will cost $30, so each Man pays $10 .

A while later the Man behind the desk realizes the room only cost $25, so he sends the bellboy to return the $5 to the 3 Men .

On the way up the their room, the bellboy couldnt figure out how to split the $5 evenly between the 3 Men, so he gave each Man $1 and kept the other $2 for himself.

This meant that the 3 Men each paid $9 for the room, which Totals $27, add the $2 that the bellboy kept and you get $29.


Can you figure it out? Let me know what you come up with.

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