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His words soothe me, his presence enriches my very soul, I belong to him and within him I am whole. His body excites me, his breath enriches me. He is the one I search for, he is the one who completes me. I am his and he is mine. Together we are greater than the sum of our parts. I submit to him purely because he has earned my devotion, he has my soul my heart my life. I am his xxxxx
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What happens when you lose a Master? You float in a sea of confusion and grief for what was, what could have been. He wasn't perfect, but his imperfections made him whole. He was the cleverest person I ever met, witty and sharp and sarcastic and a tad cynical. He wasn't the short skirt high heels type of guy, he'd prefer to see me in a simple cotton dress, face scrubbed free of make up.
He didn't shy away from his fetishes, always pushing the boundaries until he sensed it was too much, then he'd sigh and instruct me to take care of him.
He didn't do self pity, in a sub and in the end he had no pity for himself. Maid, he said, old age wouldn't suit me. He wanted to find me a new Master but I wouldn't hear of it. He agreed only instructing me to remain dutiful and cheerful in his service and no tears, he said I'd have to share him with pain pills and oncology nurses. He joked to them about the size of their chests. And then his huge frame weakened but his heart never did. He left us. He is free.
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I cut my hair yesterday, and lost the blonde tresses. He refused to allow me have it short so it seemed like a disrespect to his memory but it's what I needed. It's in a bob now. He's probably tutting at me from wherever he is.
I wish I'd been wiser the past few years. He knew so much, and I should have soaked it up more. He said to me one day a couple of years ago: maid you're pissing your life away and neither of us are getting younger, but in my arrogance I didn't listen to him. I assumed he'd be with me forever.
He wanted to find me a new Master. Told me my rack was passable and I could muck out a stable with the best of them and oh god I don't want anybody else but I think he'd have enjoyed conducting a search. Once when I was being petulant he went on a search to replace me. You never could tell what was going on in that brain of his, but it snapped me back to my senses.
I wish I could describe his essence. I can't.
I wish I'd leaned on him more and tried to assert my independence less. I wish I'd been more responsive to his requests, no I never disobeyed him but I wasn't always graceful in compliance. I wish I'd appreciated him more. I wish he was still here. |
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| Age: 21 |
| Leicester UK,
United Kingdom |
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