kajirus302868633

A Lesson?s Never Free

Leaving  debris in my wake,  i trash my way across my life

Looking back  I fled not knowing how to apologise

It took one such as you to stop me in my path

To make me realise the pain that was my aftermath

Would that another could have seen the ways of me

Would that I could have learned the proper way to be

And that had I been whole and complete before we met

Then maybe I would be held close in your eyes still yet

I stood broken before you, and never paid the mind

To the lessons I should have learned, I was still so blind

If I could turn the hourglass, shift the sands therein

Step back a while in time and space and we truly could begin

But in my haste I kicked and tore my way into your world

Too fast I ran, with blinkered eyes, still crying out for more

I wondered why you held yourself, you guarded well your pride

And through the flames I see you standing on the other side

With heavy heart I gaze across this chasm which I tore

The bridge a smoking ruin, embers cast across it?s floor

A lesson learned in haste, at cost, and never worth the fee

And the lesson in the lesson, that a lesson?s never free

Journey's Beginning

Needs must,

Wants denied, my must......

That i should walk a solitary path

Through these furthest realms i travel

Locked in yesterday, i head toward tomorrow

To seek outside that which lies inside

To lay myself down in corners of a foreign field

To find the fruits my travels yeild

I will climb mountains, touch the Goddess' face

Traverse this vast and lonely place

When darkness beckons

When sleep creeps near, to claim me in it's sweet embrace

My mind one final picture plays

My final thought, to gaze upon Your face

No matter the miles, no matter the distance passed

Your countenance would the last i see

Your hand would be the last i held

Your cry the only call i heed

i would run, would fly to You

In time of need

Such is the love so deep inside

That You would need of me

That You would call for me

This would be my badge of pride..............

I woke startled from my dreams and scared, I see things flash across my mind?? people and acts of delicious hell and mayhem??chaos punctuated with maniacal laughter. I search my recollections for the comfort of your face and cannot find you. I cry out your name and you do not respond. The house is empty apart from the demons and delights that are awakened inside of me?.I am afraid?.and I desire?.O the longing in side of me fractures my being into a million shards of guilt and joy, muscles spasm and leap and my skin cries for the touch of what I have seen behind my eyes. Numb, dry mouthed and hard in my groin I fearfully wait to realise what I am becoming, and I am afraid.

I skip inside again to a giant and medieval scene. the hall sliced through with long tables and freakish people, a carnival of debauchery and pain. I try to separate the love and hate, but these emotions are twisted and welded together in a dance of pure greed. I smell the lust and the juices of their couplings and again call out for my One??..She is not there. Others see me and the circle closes?.. questioning and quizzical smiles surround my trembling self, some of the faces I feel are familiar, not from my life but from dark places inside me, hands reach for me, clad in black and red and gold and darkness, shrouded in the objects of their desire and dripping emotive seed??..my skin climbs to feel their touch and my soul screams into my own depths of wanton joy.

I call your name?I cannot see you?. I need to be held in your embrace?.you are not there. I stand as an island here??..

Feeling blows raining down on me, numb behind the searing walls of pain, I heed none of the sensations that I should feel?.lightning across my face,, the harsh jolt of electricity surges from one to me and through to another

I can see the blackness and blood seeping through the wide rents in myself,  greedily sucked up by something before it hits the cold stone of the floor and yet I feel only emptiness and longing for my One

I call your name again?????..

You are not there??????.

My feet leave the ground as I am lifted, borne by countless hands and hoisted aloft, carried to a monstrous wall upon which chains bleed from the gaps in the rocks. Cast down to the floor the cold kiss of steel invades my skin, and then hoisted high again, suspended in a tortured cross, fear seeps out of me through the gaps that the emotional razors tore??..and I cast my eyes down across this nightmare ???.trembling in fear at what may be to come, hard in anticipation and repulsed by my arousal.

Like white hot serpents , pain appears across my body and I see my soft skin tear in so many more places, the wide evil white grin of bone insinuating itself to my eyes and I feel my essence drifting n to the dark void of their depraved passions?..I retreat in to the darkness that beckons me to it?s soft caress.

 I weakly call out Your name????.

 I see You waiting to hold me as I expire?..

 I am no longer afraid?????????????.

26 Sept 06

Others see?

Others see??????????

Steel grey and jade green eyes??.glinting like granite

Lips set hard as ruby quartz

A soul bound in chains and tethered to a cold heart

Livid lines of pain on white skin

Pointed heels tipped in silver

A body bound tight in uncompromising leather and pvc

Corseted

Restricted

The harsh reflection of neon light from chrome manacles on the wall

The coiled kinetic menace of the crop and whip which hang beside

i see

You

And know that i am truly loved