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| Where to begin. A little background.
I met my first mistress when I was 16. She told me that she would wait until I was 18 and at that time makes you an adult and still does. In the two years that followed our first meet and right up until I did become an adult, she watched over me. I did choose to be with her and she was very kind to me for almost 5 years. Neither of our families agreed with our relationship. So it was dissolved and I was heartbroken.
Something happened to me that I'll not go into details but my second mistress was met while I was recovering in hospital. When the day came that I was to be released, there was an airline ticket waiting for me and I was on my way to meet my next mistress. I was with her until she told me that she was retiring and could no longer afford to keep me. That was from '91-'04, five years was given to me to find another mistress and none could be found here.
I should like to point out that my mistress' husband during the time of service was responsible for my training, discipline and punishment. I have become aware over the weeks since my return to CM that my mistress' husband was Gorean and like anything written is open to interpretation by the reader. I understand that I can not be considered kajira by any measurable standard and that each kajira is trained differently to suit the desired needs to whom the girl, this girl serves.
At this moment, would like to add that this girl be allowed the opportunity to earn her Turian collar.
I tried to find another mistress in the time that she allotted for me to do so and I thought I had. A red herring it turned out to be and I thought I would be stranded, but did manage to find another mistress. After only a year, it became apparent that the woman I thought would be my last mistress, was just not to be.
It has been a year now without a mistress and its difficult for me. I have given the best years of my life to two mistresses and would not trade that experience for anything in the world.
I am experienced, my body broken in, not crippled as it's used to being punished. Mind willing but body is not as willing as it used to be, but it can be pushed, pushed hard if it is required. Am I done? Not a chance. There is life in me still but these days I crave a gentle hand, a discerning touch, a mistress too that has experience that has come from many years of having enjoyed the lifestyle. Maybe having enjoyed the lifestyle a little too much as I have, now just want to take my experiences to the next level. Discipline can be the focus to enlightenment, punishment and pain to open doorways into other forms of consciousness, like sub space. Push limits, extend boundaries. Much like the martial artist strives to push themselves to the point of perfection. Think this impossible, maybe, but there is the challenge.
With discipline comes doctrine. How far am I willing to go? All the way.
No games.
An experience to share. One of many.
I remember once. Being suspended. I was not aware of it. The ropes were bound so masterfully to my body that I just felt so comfortable. I went to sleep. I did not stir or even perceive my bound body being raised above the floor. I just remember not being here. People would spin me on the end of the rope as if I was art. I would not stir. A caress or touch would not cause me to stir. Was I actually asleep. Not sure. I can tell you. While I was bound and suspended, I was not here anymore.
Since then, I have been bound and suspended a few times since that time. I close my eyes and its the same. I'm just not here.
The physical is no longer the main allure.
This girl has never been used sexually in any way and has no experience in such service. This girl's chastity is held in high regard for the One yet to be discovered.
Seeking something more substantial.
Seeking a deeper meaning to servitude.
Picture soon.
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