JulianVanPatten

I was just told about a new thing called Financial Domination. Apparently it's the new "In Thing." Sounded weird at first, but I just bought a 19 year old Vassar girl a Gucci handbag and I have to say, I feel pretty dominated! I keep trying to call my regular dominatrix in the East Village but someone keeps answering the phone saying it's an Ethiopian Bistro (at first I thought it was the punchline to a new starving Ethiopian joke!) so until I can reach her this financial domination stuff is kind of a rush I guess.

This is all very confusing. First of all, I have been watching MTV for the past hour and not only have I not seen a single Talking Heads video, I have not seen a video at all. My apartment here in the American Gardens building is largely unchanged, but when I stepped out into the hallway for a moment everything was different. The walls were painted burnt yellow instead of beige, there were no Onica prints, and I saw my neighbor walking into his apartment and he is clearly Chinese. Not Japanese (I have been learning Japanese for the past year) but CHINESE. Why are there Communists in the American Gardens building??? 

I don't understand what happened--I am at sixes and sevens here. One minute I was in the back of a limo on the way to a U2 concert, talking to my good buddy Alex Van Der Pool. Alex had just said, "Is it just me, baby, or are we NOT making enough money?" Then there was a blinding flash of light. When I woke up, my Rolex had stopped at 7:14 pm March 10, 1986 but I was sitting in front of the smallest, fastest computer I had ever seen. The time and date say it is now March 10, 2012 which absolutely cannot be right! I cannot get any service on my Motorola portable phone and I canNOT find Family Ties on my television which is long and flat like it's from the Starship Enterprise or something.

What gives, baby?