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Not Currently Looking, Thank You.
DO NOT WANT:
- Anyone with Lord, Sir or Master in their username, unless it is with much irony.
- Likewise anyone calling themselves "iwantsluts", "slutfucker", "bitchshagger" or any other inane crap that generally indicates you've never even felt a girl's boobie.
- Anyone poly, because for 99% of Doms this equals "Of course I can fuck your sister/best friend/mum/granny, I'm POLY! Now shut up and get back in your box whilst I watch Top Gear!"
- Anyone over 45. Non-negotiable, no matter how many times you 58 year olds say "but I FEEL like a 30 year old". Grey pubes and saggy wrinkled manboobs are unattractive, full stop.
- Anyone under 30. Because I expect sympathy when I turn thirty, not "Haha, I've got another five years left yet!"
- Anyone called Jeremy, Norman, Gordon, Roger or Crispin because I'm noisy when I cum and would probably piss myself laughing having to shout those names.
- Anyone who mistakes someone who is pissing themselves laughing during orgasm as a "squirter".
- Anyone in a different country. I DO want something that has the prospect of moving to real time, not just online wank fodder. I especially don't want to relocate to Cairo (or, more likely, let you move here with me) so stop asking.
- Anyone who uses "lol" at the end of every sentence. It's not a word.
- Anyone who replaces words with numbers during typing.
- Anyone who thinks handcuffs, a bit of light spanking and Ann Summer's blindfolds are extreme or hardcore. I'm a very dark person and subsequently, the vast majority of my fantasies and turn ons are dark. If you are ever shocked by anything sexual, we are unlikely to get on.
- Anyone who thinks good hard shagging has no place in BDSM.
- Anyone who sends naff copy and pasted wank fantasies as introductory memos. Sending the same message to every girl on the site is not going to win anyone over. Please go away and get a personality.
- Anyone who accuses me of being male just because I don't have tit-pics or, in fact, any pics. Men, by definition, are desperate. Do you honestly think a bloke would be this fricking picky?
- Anyone who has ever sent a memo to a girl simply saying "KNEEL BITCH!!!!1111!!!!"
- Anyone who over-uses the exclamation mark, as per above.
- Anyone who finds any of the above opinions offensive or un-submissive
It's worth noting, I am new to this site but not to BDSM, so I don't really need anyone to memo me to tell me what it's all about - I already know.
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