Three years ago I got back into the dysfunctional relationship that hadn't worked before.  Why did I do it?  Was I insane?  Stupid?  Horny? (yea, that's probably the right answer).  In retrospect I was trying to grapple with the inner most part of myself that gives rise to who I'm being-- my identity.  I wasn't happy at all with the way I had ended the relationship, and 3 years ago this month I made an effort to make amends for the hurt I had caused; and fell back into relationship again.

But I was dealing with an emotionally controlling woman; and I didn't have the skills to understand how she was manipulating the situation.  I was committed to talking straight and not simply cutting her off this time-- like I had done twice before; so I continued to try to address issues with conversation, listening, and logic; but I simply didn't have the skills to do what I knew needed to be done.

And I fell into social isolation; and lonliness; and directed my energies to attending educational instruction in the ontological-- the art and science of being; and I grew; and matured ontologically; and transformed myself.

So this time, after giving up that I could ever have a satisfying relationship with the woman I was with, I said the words to her, "This relationship does not work for me, and it's time to move on."  Simple, right?  But impossible until I gained the skills to understand the ontological-- the art and science that gives rise to understanding how the human animal is structured.  And now I know.  I have transformed who I am being.

I gave her all the space and time she wanted to say everything she had to say.  She was angry and said hurtful things; so I politely listened and didn't make her anger mean anything.  She sent text messages saying (in effect) that I had been put on the earth by the devil.  Then she called me the next morning and demanded I listen to what she had to say, so I said yes and gave her all the time and space she needed.

It was the same old emotionally controlling line.  She rambled for the better part of half an hour and ended her soliloque with, "I am offering you real love."

I responded, "I decline your offer."

Heartless?  One could argue I was; but how do you communicate with someone who doesn't listen?  Someone who's every word is directed at emotionally controlling the situation?  I saw no point in further attempts at discussion.  I had made my choice.

My whole life is now in front of me to create whatever it is I want to create.

This beautiful and lovely slave takes pride in being a slave, and she explained to the group what being a slave means to her.  Contrary to the popular belief that "a slave has no rights" she adheres to and follows a rational and reasonable life style where her particular protocol, negotiated with her Master, provides a working document for how their relationship works.  She was generous and kind enough to share a copy of her protocol with the group, and after reading it I was totally amazed! 

Although her particular protocol is not the way I would structure a protocol, by reviewing it I could envision structuring and negotiating a protocol that would work for me.  One of the things I like about her protocol is that it forbids her to open doors; her Master opens any door he wishes her to pass through.  I was raised with the vanilla concepts of the "Southern Gentleman" and having a woman open my door for me is just too irksome for me; it goes against what is thoroughly engrained in me.  The solution?  Simple!  Write my protocol the way this one was written!  Write it to please ME!  (It's all about ME!  And that's something I can get into!)

I recently made the statement in this journal that I want a woman who can think, and implement actions designed to make my life easier.  No problem!  Write the protocol to please ME!  Doing so clearly defines her obligations and my expectations of her.

Oh, and one more thing as long as I'm on a rant.  A D/s or M/s relationship still requires all the basic interpersonal things that a vanilla relationship does.  So if I'm to be happy with a woman, I have to find a woman I'm compatible with.  Is building a mutually satisfying D/s relationship rocket science, or what?  Duuu..... or is it perhaps just common sense?

Well, since this is my rant, I'll take poetic license and add yet one more thing.  In case you haven't already concluded so from reading my previous journal entries, I have a tendency to make broad sweeping generalizations from tidbits of personal experience.  So, my apologies to any submissive who may take umbrage with my statement in a previous journal entry that "all subs are brats."  Hey ladies, I'm 'fessing up and apologizing, so please, cut me some slack!