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Update: Seeing someone currently. We'll see how that goes. I haven't been around because I had a very severe exacerbation with my Multiple Sclerosis recently and spent two weeks in the hospital. I am still unable to walk without crutches. It's been rough. But for those asking for an update, there it is. I am alive and well enough. Just dealing with a little hiccup in my illness. |
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Good Morning. It's nearly dawn and I'm still awake. Gotta love insomnia on top of exhaustion on top of fatigue, right? Anyway, I haven't updated much since I angrily fell off the planet and told a good number of people to eat shit and die. It's nice to be back and less bat-shit crazy, I must say. I think I needed the break from everything. There's only so much negative clouding a person like me can handle, and I'd reached my limit.
Tonight has been fun, but so tiring. I don't think I have the energy to run around as much anymore. Who knew I'd be old at 27? A little sad, I must confess.
Off to sleeps with my Nini-cat. Her brother is mad at me for cleaning his filthy face earlier, so it's just me and my fuzzy princess. Hope everyone out there in the CM world is having a good day! <3 Cheers! |
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Good gods. This has been one hell of a night for terrible messages from equally terrible people. I've had one good one all evening. I guess that's more than some get. A little tip, don't call people unintelligent if you are incapable of composing a sentence. Also, do some research. Read the profile before sending a message. That might help you keep your head out of your ass. |
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Sorry, Everyone. I don't do casual. I know it's disappointing, but it just how I roll. |
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I'm too bored. There's so little going on tonight. I need to be more tired, but in reality, I'm just bored out of my skull. I guess that could make me sleep, but I don't think it will. The bubble bath is only going so far. /sigh |
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Been without interwebs for a long time now. Losing my mind. Been spending a lot of time by myself. Now I have a new cat. She's evil and dramatic, but sweet. Hooray for the library that doesn't prohibit my strange online fun. |
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Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday, I'm awesome!
Happy Birthday to me!
Well, not 'til Monday, but I couldn't resist. |
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Another dull night. I'm the only one up, but at least while I am here, I can watch all my bad nighttime TV in HD. It's good to be spoiled. I've been working on a new crochet project and watching the NCIS marathon. Tomorrow might be more eventful. I owe Bob pancakes. Sounds good, huh? I love pancakes. I should get some reading done or something. I feel like I've been a useless lump all day. We'll see. This is my vacation, after all. |
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Hanging out at my brother's for a week. Hooray for sitting around like a lump at a house that isn't mine! Actually, I'll probably get bored enough to clean while I'm here. Tends to happen when everyone is at work and I'm just... here. The cat hates me, but he didn't ninja my leg today, which is quite nice. It always startles me when a ball of orange fluff sprints from nowhere to attack my feet. He's a meanie. Good thing he can be cute sometimes, eh? We chose to ignore each other today. I did laundry and he slept under the window. I crocheted a new hat. That was about it today. I played a little WoW like the geek I am. I'm almost level 85 on my third character. Might as well finish it. I need more productive hobbies. I should head to bed soon, but I slept until 1pm today, so I'm not that tired yet. It's pretty quiet tonight. I have a nice list of pagany tunes to keep me occupied. When that runs out, Pandora. I love me some Pandora. I'm realizing I'm still confused and bothered by the end of the last relationship. I mean, I saw it coming, but I always thought I'd make that choice. I dunno. I'm probably over-thinking the whole thing. I do that sometimes. Moving on is good... but slow and boring most of the time. I don't think I am destined to be with someone. Maybe I am one of those sad few that doesn't have a match. I am curious about my gardening. I'm still a bit worried about a frost getting to my seedlings, but I guess with them covered in plastic, they should be alright, right? Unless, the cat eats them, of course. I miss my Ewok. I'm not used to sleeping without my snugglebug. Oh well. I'll live. I have a body pillow to snuggle. Off to do some snuggling and some chatting. Hit me up on yahoo if I'm around. Laters. |
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Feeling really good today.
Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! I read something about the "snakes" driven from Ireland being the pagans, but I still don't feel bad about celebrating the holiday. I am proud of my Irish heritage, pagan-bashing or not. Go pagans and go shamrockery! |
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Tired and watching Family Guy. Off to find ice cream. Hooray. |
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What a wasted day.
Nothing got accomplished.
Awkward dinner at the neighbors'.
An argument.
An ambulance.
A disappointment.
All alone.
Sad and bored.
Even the puppy is mopey.
Wasted day. |
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Happy Halloween
and
Blessed Samhain
Everyone!! |
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Gods, I am grumpy today.
I was up all night with a horrible migraine, then when it subsided enough to sleep a little, I slept in. When I woke, I was supposed to aid my mother in cleaning out the shed, but she wasn't here. For 3 hours I sat around bored as hell waiting on someone to get here to do stuff. In that time, my sister in law called and asked if I'd go to a lecture with her tonight. I agreed, figuring that no one was here and it was already 4pm. When she finally showed up, I said I'd made plans with S. and we'd have to do the shed tomorrow, and I get yelled at... even though she wasted the day as much as me.
I mean, wtf? Does that make any sense?
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People suck. They really really suck.
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I am so tired, but I can't seem to relax tonight. It's completely maddening! Anyone have any cures for insomnia? Besides sex, that is... I'm quite aware that it helps, but I'm not getting any at the moment... except from myself... which is totally not the same, but I digress. Any helpful suggestions would be awesome! :)?
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I think I've figured out exactly who I'm looking for in life... Rhett Butler!
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I'm grumpy today. It seems that in spite of my best efforts, no one sees me for who I really am... not even people I considered friends. I'm exhausted from trying to explain myself. I'm to the point where I just want to give up on everyone and live like a hermit. I'm starting to think those crazy hermit guys in my Arthur legends may have had a splendid idea. Surely there are worse ways to live out your days than in solitude communing with the divine. I don't know. It might just be the hormones talking.?
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Nothing makes me smile quite like Firefox and its spell-check. So many errors here....
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Another Birthday.....
25.....
A quarter of a century.....
Not sure how to feel about it yet. |
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I'm thinking about deleting this profile and giving up. I'm so tired of people. I'm gonna give it a month. After that, unless I find a reason to stick around, I'm done here. |
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Not looking for anyone at this time. I'm happy where I'm at. Friendship is still welcome. :) |
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Gods, I can't stand rude people...
or people who don't read things
before talking out of their asses.
*sigh*
When did submissives get so lofty?
Where was I when the rules changed? |
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I'm losing my damn mind these days.
I wake up. I work on silly things. I do a little spiritual research. Then, I go to sleep.
Everyday the same routine and each day I wake up thinking that I need to go out and start living again.
Mourning is a terrible disease.
It gets complicated when you're mourning someone who isn't dead. Even more when it's yourself.
I lost my hairbrush. That's just a small irritation, but it's worth mentioning in case I forget I'm supposed to be looking for it.
I forget a lot lately.
I forgot my address.
I had to go outside and check the house numbers.
I want to blame the medications.
It seems easier than admitting to myself that my brain is about useless. I want to get back in school, but I'm afraid I won't be able to learn anymore.
Is this rational?
Or am I worrying too much? |
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Well, another season is upon me. Perhaps this one will be better than the last 2.
I fell apart for a minute about the brain issues, but I wonder if I have recovered, or if I am merely ignoring the seriousness in favor of my sanity. Whatever works, right?
As for me, I am going out to enjoy the beautiful day.
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Well, the results are in and not looking good at all. Not sure how to feel about everything, and it sucks balls in the bad way. |
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Why are all the dominant males on this site so glum?
Do they think the pictures make them more appealing?
Smile.
I mean, even in BDSM, happy things can happen.
Being an emotionless "tough-guy" isn't going to get the subs to flock to you.
Being a genuine, caring person in spite of being a badass with a flogger. . .
that is what appeals to the sub in me.
/end rant. |
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Well, today sucked.
Spent the whole day in the ER
just for them to do tests
and tell me more nothing.
I would love to have an answer...
just one...
that's all...
Ya know? |
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Hi hi all!
Still in the waiting process. Hurrying up and waiting here. Lots of bloodwork and MRIs and no results yet. But I'm not dead... and that's something.
How is everyone else faring in the universe? |
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Hi hi.
New update.
I have a lesion in the middle of my brain that's been causing all my issues. So far, we're not sure what's causing it. It could be something as simple as a B-12 deficiency or it could be serious, like MS or cancer.
Fun stuff, eh?
Well, I had bloodtests yesterday and I have another MRI on Tuesday.
Wish me luck! |
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Hi Everyone. Sorry I haven't been around much. I have been having some issues with my head lately. The CT said that it's not a tumor or a stroke, but until I see the neurologist, we don't know why I am seeing double, or why I can't think or finish a sentence or remember what I am doing from one second to the next. It sucks. I'm on a lot of painkillers because of what the hospital tells me is a severe migraine. I was blacking out and seeing 2 of everything before the pain, so *shrugs* I don't know. Anyways, if I haven't responded to you, that's why. |
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Another lonely day full of people.
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I went shopping!!
I love shopping for new clothes.
Sweet Sweet Freedom of Choice!
My last guy-thing didn't like the black and the skulls and the spikes and the all-around goth-wear. Well, guess what! I lost that 180 pounds of ass, and I can wear what I want now! :)
And I shall!
I bought a black and grey striped sweater to wear with my black leggings, a t-shirt with a victorian chandelier and spiders on it... black of course... a grey ruffle-y tank top, skull leggings and the cutest pair of orange and grey skull knee-highs to go with my black skirt that I bought last week. Oh, and a pair of black pants.
Life has been good today. |
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The purple hair is darker than I planned. |
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Hi hi!!
I lost weight!
Go me!
I fit in my Tripp pants again!
I missed them...
the chains...
the lacing on the pockets...
the way they hug my ass.
*Sigh* |
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Hi Everyone! I'm feeling oodles better, but not quite out of the woods yet. Hopefully, I'll be back to my normal cheerful self by next week. Thank you to all those who sent me good wishes during my recovery. |
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Hi all! I'm having surgery on August 1st to have my tonsils out. I won't be around for a week or so, but messages are still welcome. And to all of you who sent me encouraging messages, thank you. I needed a few kind words. :)
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I'm tired. This past week has been craziness. I'm now debating whether or not to give up on this site again. I'm looking for friends, which seems to be an alien concept. I don't want a relationship right now simply because I have too much going on in my life to have to worry about another person and their feelings. Frankly, I think that is the only respectable thing to do at the moment. School is priority one; my own emotional stability is the second. Everything else can wait until I've figured out the first two. |
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Has anyone else been sick to the point that you just stop caring about anything or anyone else? Well, I'm there. I've been sick for a few days, and all I want to do is crawl in a hole and die. I don't feel like discussing the lifestyle, nor do I feel like lying to you to boost your ego. Don't message me wanting me to fix you. I have enough to fix with myself already. I'm too tired and miserable to deal with the rest right now. Give me a week t recover, then I'll be more pleasant... Trust me on this, it might be better all around. |
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I am so sick of dating sites.
Honestly, a simple "Hi" does not mean "Take me now."
I don't care who you are, but you don't instantly blow someone off when they say "Hi."
It's damn rude and I don't like it. |
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Home at last.
And feeling oodles better!
Go me! |
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I'm so bored!!!
AAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
*smashes her head into the wall* |
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Happy Birthday to me on Friday!!
I'll be 23! |
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Hi Everyone!
Well, I'm doing alright. School's out for the summer, and I have a lot of exciting things planned. I might even go on a date or two. Hooray for self-awareness and all that other crap!
Hope Everyone is having a wonderful May, so far.
~Kins |
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I won't be online much over the next few days. My grandmother is dying and I am spending time with my family. If you want to send messages, feel free, but do not expect an answer for awhile. |
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Am I the only person on here who wishes for a red pen with which to correct the spelling and grammatical errors?
I mean, seriously. . . .
"Your" and "you're" are not the same thing. "Your" is a possessive pronous, whereas "you're" is a contraction of the words "you are."
Also, "then" is not the same as "than," no matter how poor your pronunciation may be.
The other frequent mistake is the use of "women" when clearly it should be "woman."
I'd be lenient if the mistake only happened once in a message, but more than that is sheer laziness on your part.
This goes for Dominants as well as submissives who message me. I'd like to see some intelligent, well-thought-out messages before I scream. |
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Hello Readers of my senseless drivel!
I've been trying to catch up on "Beowulf" all day and I think I'm at a decent spot to stop. Hooray!! That makes me happy. This means I can devote my time to more exciting things, like making silly things like dolls and hats and shirts and the like. Woot. Anyways, I am officially signing up for the second minor this week. I'll officially be an English major/Studio Art and *Medieval Studies* minor! Go me! This of course means that I have to work like crazy to get my Ph.D. "Dr. Jessikins*.... . It will be good. Not to mention, it will be splendid to rub it in to all those bastards over the years who said I'd fail. Vengeance will be sweet. Very, very sweet. Anyways, back to "Beowulf" I am translating an extra segment this week, so messages might not get answered right away, or even this week at all. Next week all of my projects are due and I have to start the massive amounts of studying for Finals. So I might not exist for a bit. Come May, however, I'll be more available to chat. :) I'll miss "Beowulf" when it's over. As my professor says all the time, "Beowulf is SWEET!" |
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A little bummed today for no apparent reason. I had an excellent day in classes.
I know my lines...
I have trouble saying a few of them,
but I know what they are.
I played outside in the sunshine.
I worked on my rock garden,
but now I'm a little sad.
Weird. |
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My Blog is down, so this will have to do.
I think being single is getting to me.
I've been a little overwhelmed with school lately so, I took a nap after school and I just had the weirdest dream ever.
Here's the dream:
It was time for my Medieval Drama class and my classmates and I decided to meet at the bar insead of the classroom since our teacher had cancelled class.
Being as exhausted as I was, I crawled onto a couch that happened to be there and went to take a nap. Some boy I kind of had a thing for crawled up behind me and snuggled in to sleep too.
As always happens in such situations, one thing led to another and there was doin' it.
It was pretty good doin' it too.
*sigh*
I miss the good doin' it.
Anyways, I digress.
Halfway through the doin' it, we discover that there is another couple in the same room with us, also having sex. Both I and my partner lose interest quickly when we find that 'tis a freshman and some professor, right? Maybe she was failing; although, she shouldn't have been with the amount of "extra-credit" she was putting in.
So we get dressed enough to sneak to the restroom in one of the dorms to shower off the sex.
On the way, I start talking to him and he decides to inform me that I was just something to do other than class.
Sad really.
I get upset and run off and find myself downstairs in the bar with my Drama class.
I proceed to get pretty plastered to forget that I've just been someone's boredom relief.
Who should walk in, but the aforementioned boy who makes a few rude remarks and then follows me when I leave the bar only to grab my hand and take back all the mean things and kiss me. I woke up shortly after the snuggley moment.
I think I might need therapy. This hopeless romantic crap just isn't like me these days. What happened to my rage? I miss the rage; it was far more stable.
Wow, just wow. Any comments, dream interpretations, or other weird dream stories are welcome. It might be interesting to discuss.
Have a good one!
-Kins |
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I had a surprisingly good weekend.
I missed the sun.
It was nice to finally see it again.
'Beowulf' takes up too much of my time these days.
I don't see much other than my monitor.
Sad really.
I am dying for school to be over.
I need a vacation and a little "me" time.
Ya' know?
leaves-leaves
leaves-leaves-leaves
leaves-leaves-leaves-leaves
leaves-leaves-leaves-leavesleaves-leaves-leaves-leavesleaves-leaves-leaves-leavesleaves-leaves-leaves-leavesleaves-leaves-leaves-leaves
leaves-leaves-leaves
trunk
trunk
trunk
trunk
trunk-trunk
roots-roots-roots
roots roots roots
ro ot s
I made a tree. |
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A little lonely today.
I had an "I miss him" day.
Stupid, I know.
He obviously couldn't stand me
for longer than a year,
but still....
Oh well.
I'll move on I guess.
I always do.
I've been relaxing tonight.
That helps.
Hope Everyone has a great weekend!
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Hello People who actually read my drivel!
I think I've had a little too much Dayquil, but I am feeling quite pleasant. :D
Hope Everyone is having a good weekend.
Happy Easter! |
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The Wonderful World of Jessikins Presents:
A Rant
Wow, I'm bored.
Ya' know,
'tis sad when the exciting part of my day
is checking my email.
And today,
even that is uninteresting.
No new messages this morning.
Not even on MySpace.
Just nothing all around.
My classes were cancelled this morning.
That was good...
but now what?
I have one class
and then more nothing...
unless my new boy decides to come over. That'd be hip.
But yeah...
nothing...
always nothing.
Nothing
or Beowulf.
The story of my life.
This is my rant.
Yay rant.
The End. |
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Finally got my new computer!! Yay! Now I can actually answer my messages! So, if you sent me one and I didn't respond, I might now! Yay! |
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Hi Everyone.
How are things?
I've been busy with school,
like always.
My group has died.
No one talks and I am sick of trying.
Join if you'd like, but I can't promise any activity.
Those of you that may have been refused, please re-join as something messed up with my email, and I didn't get the notifications that you attempted to join.
Well, I am off to bed. I have a Beowulf class bright and early.
Have a grewat evening! |
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Recruiting new members for my yahoo group!! 'Tis called Conversational Kink, and it is simply a forum to discuss all form of kink with like-minded peers. If anyone out there is inerested, please contact me for the details!! Thanks a bunch!!
-Jessikins  |
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Thanks to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday!
I had a great day for once.
Usually my birthdays are spent in tears,
but not this year!
Woot!
I got some wonderful presents!!
I got 3 new books,
3 new piggy things,
play-dough,
the locket I've wanted for years,
and a new bike.
What more could a girl ask for, right?
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Happy Birthday to me tomorrow!! |
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Hanging out...
playin' Nintendo.... |
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I'm doing better. We talked... there was some closure. I feel a little less vengeful. Thanks everyone who offered support and advice. |
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I hate everything!!!
Boys suck... they hurt you too much. |
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*Happy St. Patty's Day!!* |
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Hello to all of you who have viewed my profile and not said anything.
Also, if you add me to your favorites, leave me a message.
I don't bite unless asked to. |
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He asked me back!!! Yay!! I missed him... :( |
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So....
I'm a little crushed at the moment.
My boyfriend just decided to call it quits tonight.
I think I need a vacation.... |
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Ok, so... I'd like to request that anyone thinking of inviting me to chat on here just send me a message instead. I do not answer chat invites... The chat thingy hates my computer. Also, I will be moving soon and I may not be online much during the process... So patience for those that write to me. Okies?
*hugs everyone* |
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I am too full of worries. |
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I got a B- in my Shakespeare class!!!
WOOT!!! |
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Happy Holidays Everyone!! |
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I need more mail!! I am feeling so neglected. Apparently conversation is hard to find on here. There used to be a time when I'd get at least 10 messages a day, but now.... Not even one per day!! I am unloved!! *cries* |
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So, I find myself in a new relationship. I really like him. More than I expected to. It is a little scary. Things are going too well; I have this need to poke at it and make it break, but it hasn't broken yet. Seems a bit odd to me. Something has to screw up soon, or I might just end up falling for him. Which is saying something because I have a problem believing in romantic love. I've never seen it. Ever. So, how do I know it exists? Hmmm.... I thought I loved the last boy, and maybe I did, but he didn't love me enough. Either that, or he didn't appreciate having me and decided that I wasn't worth the effort. It ended in me losing my patience, and let me tell you, I am a tower of patience. A TOWER!! I mean, I put up with the last boy after months of neglect, even a time when he didn't bother to come see me for an entire month! And he cancelled on me almost everyday. Yet, I still spent a year with him. It was stupid of me, but I didn't want to be alone. Ya' know? Well, now I have a new boy, and he's great. Very sweet. I hope things go well. |
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Life is funny.
I spend a lot of time and energy trying to find someone decent to chat with, and usually it ends up in my irritation. Yet, in the middle of my everyday life, I find friends in the strangest of places. This surprises me. I never thought I'd find anyone worth talking to near me. Most people in this...er.. "region?" are horrible. I rarely speak to people at school for this very reason.
It's been interesting.
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