- The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Pan Transgender Submissive, 35,  Long Island, New York
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Sadistic Masochistic Princess.
proudly owned by Grandwizard, a member of his family

my Master is so proud of what i have become, i like being fixed xx












Last Online:


 Submissive Transgender

 Long Island 

 New York

 5' 11"

 150 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Dominant Female

Dominant Male

Mascdom Couples

A Poly Household

 Lives For:







 Body Worship


 Canes and Crops

 Hair Pulling

 Housework Service

 Knife Play


 Obedience Training

 Serving as a Maid

 Sensory Deprivation




 Horror Movies


 Flea Markets

 Garage Sales









 Breast Play

 Electrical Play


 Local BDSM Community

 Domestic Service

 Foot Worship



 Massage (Getting)

 Massage (Giving)



 Orgasm Denial

 Outdoor Bondage

 Plastic Wrap

 Pony/Puppy Roleplay

 Public Play


 Role Playing

 Speech Restrictions




 Wax play




 Online Chatrooms

 Romance Novels

 Science Fiction


 Web Surfing







 1950s Lifestyle


 Female Supremacy

 Gorean Lifestyle

 Lifestyle BDSM




 Anal Play

 Corner Time

 Pantyhose Fetish



 Curious About:

 Renaissance Faires



 Eye Contact Restrictions

 Fire Play


 Masks (Wearing)

 Medical Play

 Mental Bondage

 Needle Play

 Rubber Fetish


 Body Art




 Amusement Parks


 Genital Punishment


 TV News

 TV Sports

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Journal Entries:
9/23/2013 7:28:45 PM

Dear Diary,

Was rather good for a Monday.  i luv when i'm told to shut up for my singing is that bad,....  whoops, was i singing horribly out loud  again?  LOL  Yes i was.  Frolicking also.  Making corny jokes, yep.  That was my Monday.  Slow at work, and easy to do my job.  Haven't had a day like today in months.  Many months.  Maybe over a year.  And so on top of my game, oooo i luv it.  Anyways, after-all that,  i went on a shopping scavenger hunt to three different stores, and couldn't find what i was looking for.  i will keep looking!  :P  As for now, time to make something to eat, then lay in bed, thinking about Him, thinking about my place, while i tether myself to my bed, dream, and wake up thinking of Him, Oh He makes me feel so good inside.  What was i ever without Him?




9/22/2013 4:43:42 PM

Dear Diary,

Today's accomplishments solely included Laundry.  i took too naps today, and they were both long.  i was awake this morning and wasn't very tired, but then just slept and slept.  Ate a full breakfast early today, and just had a hearty supper.  i think i'll be in bed after this, just watching tv in bed till i wake for work.  i hate when there is something i need to do, i do it, and don't like the results.  Delete and try again.  Nope.  Over and over.  Practice makes Perfect they say.  Tomorrow is Monday again.  Not my favorite day of the week, but may go by the quickest.  Always a giant mess to clean, if i'm not there all falls apart.  Sad yet true.  Should have seen it when i cam back from vacation, took 2 weeks to clean it up.  Oh why am i thinking about work when i still have twelve hours till i realize i've been there for thirty minutes lol?  i need to focus on one thing and one thing alone, well, He's not a thing :P  Though He is where all my energy should be focused.  As it usually is, He never leaves my mind nor my heart.  Him on my mind results in me with wonderful dreams i am sure.  Waking up happy is a sure sign of that, despite how much i am dreading work.  errr work..  ...  i'm like a yo-yo tonight lol, focus!!!  ...on Him.


9/21/2013 6:24:11 PM

Dear Diary,

So i went to the hair salon, just to set an appointment up, get prices, see if i can get what i wanted.  They said na, we can do you right now, they insisted, OK.  They didn't want to completely bleach it and dye the base, for they felt it too much for after having it straightened.  OK, that is fair.  So extra highlights instead.  It does look 1,000 times better then it did, so i am happy with it.  But this isn't the super fun part.  my card was denied.  i felt the price was way high, so didn't have that much cash on me, the atm next door also refused my card, contacting my bank when i can, Monday, but errr, hence why i've been so long without such, its a pain lol.  Drove home to get more cash.  Ran all over the place to pay for my salon trip.  Weird day.  Had lots of work done, so it was a fun trip.  And was even happier when i finally did get home.  What a glorious night.  i'm such a happy bitch.  Thank You.




9/21/2013 10:28:35 AM

Dear Diary,

i woke up happy, took care of a few things that needed, worked in the yard for a bit, took a nice long bath, and now i have a couple of other things that i need to tend to.  This past Friday was the first payday, that i didn't stop on the way home to pick up something to drink for the weekend, lol, i feel achieved.  i'm not saying i'm as dry as i think i will soon be, but feels so good to be off the spell i was on.  Thank You for fixing me.


9/20/2013 8:55:21 PM

Dear Diary,

i've lied to myself, disconnected myself, felt so very far apart.  He was there to catch me.  He set me on my two feet again.  i don't understand why i can be so confused inside, but i am so happy He is there to set my thoughts straight.  i never want to be released.  Never.  On a whole different note, i need not forget again to ask someOne, if i may ask someone, for a shopping list.  So i write it here as a reminder to myself.  And yet on a different note again, i hate how everything double spaces here, so i wonder if html works here, for a single space,.... let's see:  <br>  So?  Did it work? lol  Or has it been so long i did it wrong?  ah, trial and error.  i want to avoid all errors.  Who wishes to be in error?  <br>  i just made a video of somethings in my room, to put to a song off the new album i just bought.  i'm greatly enjoying it.  They only come out with an album like every seven years, and always a great gift toward my life.  It could not have come at a better time.  <br>  Work has been good.  i have been great.  i truly have never felt so loved before.  Maybe it's simply because i have never been so deep in love before.  <br> xo

9/19/2013 3:21:20 PM

Dear Diary,

Another day passes where i have nothing to say.


9/18/2013 7:18:29 PM

Dear Diary,

i'm skipping you today.


9/17/2013 6:50:45 PM

Dear Dairy,

Can you picture me using a jig saw to cut a 1x6" piece of wood, yeah, that was me today.  Just a lil work in the yard.  Took two minutes.  Literally.  And now after four days of missing Him, i miss Him now after talking with Him today.  Time to lay me down to sleep.  It's been another wonderful day!


9/16/2013 3:54:23 PM

Dear Diary,

Was a typical Monday today.  Work went smooth, was up on time, my boss is on good terms with me again (i never even got in trouble).  i am not sure if its my happiness over-taking me, or i just have more energy from not drinking as much, lol, but i've been feeling great physically and emotionally.  i wish it were still summer, i'd plan on evening bike rides, lol, but too cold now,....  Well, gets dark too soon i should say.  Once i am going i'd be warm, despite what i wear, i used to bike a whole lot, my legs still have nice muscles then my arms,.... oh how i hate my arm muscles,.... i so need an office job lol Ah well.  




9/15/2013 4:22:10 PM

Dear Diary,

i spoiled myself with some sushi.  Haven't had it in months.  So i had two things this weekend that i haven't had in months.  i feel good.  To bed early i go, for i am in such a peaceful state of mind.  i miss Him so very much.




9/15/2013 2:49:44 AM

Dear Diary,

Today was a great day,... errr, yesterday was a great day!  :P  i did more then what was needed, and got more then i wanted.  i can never ask for more then that.  i am very proud and super happy.  Not sure what this next day will bring me, but i will be in bed early, unlike tonight, ;)


9/14/2013 5:24:46 AM

Dear Diary,

i so skipped writing inside you last night.  i ordered some food, then fell asleep pretty early, especially for a Friday night.  i slept long and hard, and woke up much later then i usually do, which is odd.  Must have been rest i much needed.  i think the first thing i'll do is go to work in the gardens.  It seems to be like a nice cool autumn day, i shouldn't have left my windows open, its a bit chilly inside lol.  Today will be a fun day!




9/12/2013 5:38:10 PM

Dear Diary,

Today i agreed with myself that i found a salad i really luv.  masculine, baby spinach, walnuts, chicken, cranberries, feta, balsamic vinaigrette.  mmmmm Its the second one i had.  and right now, i'm craving it!  sheesh lol


9/11/2013 7:44:44 PM

Dear Diary,

i am humble and merry.  i may be tired, but i am not lost.  He found me, and in His hands i lay.  Weak in His presence.  Always smiling, for i hold Him close to my heart.  Perhaps right inside my heart.  i shall grow as i never have before, for i never had His compassion in my life before, and now i do, and have never been happier.




9/10/2013 5:50:09 PM

Dear Diary,

Work is OK, and the rest of my life is absolutely wonderful.  All thanks to one Person.  i feel as i float on a cloud in absolute harmony.  i feel loved in all different directions.  i feel like nothing can go wrong.  i have always been the "prepare for the worst, hope for the best" kind of person, but right now, i see absolutely nothing bad happening.  He is that powerful.


9/9/2013 7:44:50 PM

It was a long day, and didn't realize the time.  i can barely keep my eyes open.  xo

9/8/2013 10:38:27 AM

Dear Diary,

Lazy Sunday.  i was thinking of tending to the gardens today, but naaa.  lol  So i'm just writing in here while the bath fills with bubbles.  i just wish to keep my mind clear and relaxed today.  It feels good.  But a nice idea did just pop in my head, i need to find out how to edit my Google Chrome spellchecker dictionary,....  i have a word i want to delete lol ah well, the bath is almost full, see ya later xo

9/7/2013 7:36:13 PM

Dear Diary,

Today i got a lot done.  i had been slacking on some things that built up over the summer, and just today, all done.  Or most done i should say lol.  And i'm just talking about the inside of my place,....  i still have all the gardens to tend to!  i need to clean them all up and transplant what needs to now for next spring.  And there will be lots of transplanting this year.  Today i simply cleaned up some furniture and set things right.  i hibernated in pretty much my bedroom all summer.  (psssst, its where the ac is lol)  But even though i haven't had it on for the past month or two (what a cold August for an August), i still stayed in here, i have a whole lil apartment to relax in, derp.  i mean, my vanity bench isn't even comfy, lol.  Ok, i think i'm blabbering,....  goodnight.



9/6/2013 8:23:57 PM

i feel free and good.  Happy and proud.  Alive and well.  Submitted and strong.  Loved and desired.

Thank You Sir.  ♥

9/5/2013 6:40:58 PM

Dear Diary,


i turned off my puter, and was about to go to bed, turned around and turned it quickly back on, i almost forgot about you!  Silly Diary, i can't forget about you!  :P


It was a nice family day in a way.  i luv my family, they luv me, its good and great ;)  


i'm going to bed with a smile on my face anyway.  I feel so happy.  


Sweet Dreams!



9/4/2013 7:41:15 PM

Dear Diary,

i feel so loved.  i can not deny it.  i am happier then ever, i can not hide it.  i will strive to be the best i can, for i need it.  

i just took the longest bath ever.  just soaked and soaked.  i needed to.  i simply cleansed by letting my body soak.  And i so need a new marker.   :P




9/3/2013 5:59:23 PM

Dear Diary,

A bad day at work with many things to think about, made me come home and smile like there was no tomorrow.....  i feel so happy inside i wish i could burst!!   ~bloom boom~

i have not felt this happy or luved in so long.  





9/2/2013 6:55:08 PM

Dear Diary,

today was eventful.  i am happier then ever.  i might be in big trouble at work, but it doesn't matter much to me.  i'm so giddy inside, nothing can stop me.  




9/1/2013 3:53:19 AM

Dear Diary,

Complete opposite upswing from my last entry.  Life is beautiful, my soul has never been happier.  Happy.  i was asked why, and i don't know.  i have no answer.  


8/17/2013 8:18:58 AM

Dear Diary,

Well i just fucked that all up.  What else is new?  i am my own failure, i am.  i set my mind to something, i can't fix it.  i want to go one way, i go the other.  i want to be strong then i am weak.  i am a walking talking breathing oxymoron.  These journal entries are done, this is the last.  i'm closing the book.  i will rise again when i see fit.  For now i just feel like crying in bed.  i have so many things i know i need to do, but they can be done later or tomorrow.  i am feeling lost now.  i asked for this.  i made it happen.  i just need to give up.  i am doomed to be alone.  i can not be who i strive to be.  i will never be that person.  i want exactly what He wants of me, but its too much.  i'm scared.  i just ran.  i don't know if He gave up on me, but i did give up on myself.  


8/16/2013 6:57:50 PM

Dear Diary,

What did i do to deserve this?  Is Goddess Karma finally being kind back to me?  :)  There is no other way to explain how i feel right now.  i am so fucking happy.  i mean wow.  Super Wow.  Re-Reading His messages, i am still in awe.  Maybe i am in some kind of shock.  Emotional shock?  Like my soul just crashed into a wall?  A wall of desire,...  i'm so happy i walked into it.  Like a fly on a suicide mission into a spider's web,  but i'm no fly, and this is no captive scenario.  i am not stuck here, but i am happy that i am here.  Maybe too happy.  Damn i feel good!  




8/15/2013 8:14:12 PM

Dear Diary,

Just spent two hours on my hair, my neck and arms are achy lol  :p

Its past what time i should be asleep lol

i'm still smiling, i feel so good :)

i am not sure what else to write lol

i'm so bad :p

i can't do some things, that should be easy, on command.


i don't know.

i'm tired and over thinking, for what i hope is, no reason.







8/14/2013 6:47:30 PM

Happiness is good.

i am happy.

i've come a long way.

i've had trials and circumstances.

i have grown, i have fallen, i got back up.

Just last week i posted a quick single line on facebook,

"I'm sick of it all .... 
Sick of being alone......
Sick of my dead end job ....

Now, i feel quite the opposite.

All thanks to one Man and his wonderful girl.

Guiding me, showing me, comforting me.

i can not thank Them enough.

And i say thank You as often as i can.

so once again,

Thank Yyou!  :)



8/13/2013 5:11:26 PM

Dear Diary,

When set a limit to the resources i need, i cut back to the point that i still have a good ration.  i can't help it, i'm one who tries to do her best.  So i slacked a bit, held back from enjoying the full amount, clipped and saved for later, but now i need to play catchup,....  its better mixed with mayo, but yeah, i need to fulfill my limit, not just minimize it.  


i don't know.  Do i care to know?   maybe.  Should i know?  nope.

i am still very happy.

more then i feel i should be.  i can't help it.

but i will do as told.

i don't care for much else.



8/12/2013 7:34:24 PM

Dear Diary,

i haven't said that in a decade.

i had an awful week at work last week.

its all done and forgotten after the great weekend i had.

i am even happier tonight.

i need a new outlook on life.

i need a change.

This all came at the perfect time.

Its here.

Time for me to better myself.

Inside the shoes i walk in.

i laced them, i tied them tight, time to walk.

i'm not a fan of heels, but i wish they were very high.

For to math my smile.

Everything is looking up.

From something so simple, so easy.

Thank You and thank you.

i am not depressed or sad,

but looking at me now, 

i already see a different person.

Growing strong and happy, as life should be.

i will always be me.



8/12/2013 8:28:45 AM
I feel good. I yabberred a bit too much last night. Reading it today I'm not sure if it all makes the right thing I was trying to say.... Lol but bottom line, I feel good. Xo

8/11/2013 5:34:41 PM

Today, was a glorious day!  Not sure how much details i should get into, but was great.  Nothing is official, so i can't name names,.... even how bad i wish to.  i am happy and scared, not scared in a bad way, in a good way.  To better myself, to be more like her.  She is wonderful, and i am hers for the next week.  i can not question her, just do as i am told.  i don't mind that, so why am i scared?  perfection is the key, and i'm no where near being perfect.    i've always been a half-ass.  i can't help it.  Though this next week, i hope to give my full effort.  



7/8/2013 2:28:04 PM

I've been a submissive since I was born.  I was first submitted to my parents, then to religion, then to school and such.  I did feel a change in me, a great change, though this is something I have always been.  I crave certain things, and there is nothing wrong with having my wishes become true.  My changes reflected upon my gender changing, but changing me physically does not change who I am psychologically.  Although, I have always desired to be the top bitch, no sub crosses me, oh no ;)
So there is a balance to my personal yin yang.  

7/7/2013 4:12:54 PM

Not today, but the past few days, maybe even weeks, I realized, I am no Dominant.  I am a submissive.  I got lost in my ways.  I was only fooling myself.   i don't understand the difference, bu I am not Dominant.  I would rather vacuum then cane another person, but ooooo I luv the cane.  Thanks to  Master Awzum for showing me the light, i am gracious.


12/2/2012 5:02:56 AM

Lately, I have been feeling more Dominant.  I feel My changing of genders has affected My personality, in a good way.  I feel more true to MySelf now.  I have been in the lifestyle for a very long time, so I do find this change fitting to Me.

As My self-sub-past, I haven't found an Owner, for I've been too picky.  Its a note that now makes sense, for I'd prefer to mold someOne into what and who I want them to be, rather vice-versa.  
I am open to a lot of things, but as a Domme, I expect MySelf to be trained in certain play before executing any MySelf.  Better Safe then sorry I say.
That is all for now, for I expect some people to be surprised by this.  ;)



8/13/2011 10:46:03 AM

i just changed Who/What i am seeking.  i don't mind Men, but i don't think i wish to be owned by One, a Couple is fine by me, but not a solo Man.  

i am no longer interested in wearing diapers, but won't mind wearing one for punishment or Another's amusement, i just don't think that's me full time, though nothing beats them when it comes to making all maleness go away, for me anyway lol.

i've been working on upgrading my career, lightening my hair, being more feminine, and a bit more happy.  So i am not looking to relocate, but that may be in my cards in the future, just not now.  i wouldn't mind finding somewhere local to live, but i'll take my time with that, getting to know, and understanding the situation.

i still drink alcohol daily and smoke like a chimney lol

Life is good, but i think i really wish to be a housewife for a Woman, a working one or a stay at home one.  i wouldn't at all mind being cuckolded by Her too.  There is nothing more important than my future Owner's happiness, desire, pleasure, and contentment.

Thanks for reading.


2/25/2011 7:05:08 PM

i am still looking for a local place to live, though at the same time, i'd also like to find a Mentor/Trainer, Male or Female, to help me be a better sissy.  

A sissy always strives to be better, but in this rut i am currently in, its not easy sometimes,...

i am thinking going full-time in diapers, temp for now, just to keep me in my place.

So i think i need a Mentor/Trainer (whether me in diapers or not), to help me and keep me in my place.  This can be a Long-Distance thing, i have no problem getting on web cam, actually i enjoy being on cam.

i simply need things chosen for me, kept in my place, a lil discipline (even if self-administered (on cam or with photos), or however,..)

i feel Fate has said that there is No One close to me for now, so i open up to EveryOne Who may be slightly interested in a sissy.

There may be One or Two close Persons for this Role, though, i felt i needed to write an update anyways ;)

Write me, i always respond!

Thank You for reading.


12/20/2010 5:47:52 PM
i think i would like to find a good vacation adventure from on here.
Dec 29th to Jan 2nd, i'll be on vacation.
If You would desire a pet / sissy maid for that time, then please let me know.
i can drive or train to You, but would ask to stay a few of those nights at Your place.
i apologize for the short notice, but if this interests You, please respond with Your desires and wishes, and even rules if You would like.
Thank You!

11/30/2010 5:08:20 PM
Lately i have been training my pussy.  i want it ready for a Man.  Any training and advice is very welcomed and requested from this one.  i want it to always smell good and to take anything inside of it.  i have been self-training it, and will continue to do so.  i need to take my place in my role and learn to be completely available there.
Also, my search for a place to live is still very open.  i really want to be able to live somewhere where i may be a full time girl, the sissy i was born to be.  i have no problem with wearing a maid or sissy dress whenever "home", and being locked in a cage for the night, or sleeping with a Pperson, the floor is also ok.  i want to live my life as the thing i am supposed to be, a sissy, and there are so many scenarios, each and every one i am ok with and respect for my life.   If its local, i can pay rent on top of my complete service.
Thank You!

11/12/2010 6:42:01 PM

i am no longer owned.

i want to be Your maid.  Give me a bed and small room, and i will wear a maids dress a few days a week, pay rent from my full time job, keep Your house clean, and be a full service sissy maid for You some days of the week.

On Long Island, NY.

Thank You.


7/19/2010 5:15:46 PM
i am now currently owned. ;)

5/31/2010 12:28:51 PM
Lately i've been desiring to be owned by a Couple (D/s, D/D, doesn't matter). To do all domestic chores, to serve anyway anytime. To wear what's chosen for me, to eat what's chosen for me (i luv being hand fed while on the floor). Maybe like a weekend thing, on Long Island.

4/10/2010 11:24:34 AM
i am seeking SomeOne that enjoys spending time with a sissy, SomeOne Who will be respectful, and would like to go on a date from time to time.

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