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The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Hetero Male Dominant, 62,  San Bernardino, California
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jchandos - photo 1
jchandos - photo 2

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Isn't there a single woman on here who is actually interested in a real-life Ds relationship? Not one who isn't fake, or a mere bottom interested in kink and topping from the bottom, or a man deluded into thinking he can change his sex? Seriously, not a single one?

I'm a dominant man looking for a submissive woman for a romantic, long-term relationship. Not that I wouldn't enjoy a bit of casual play, but that's not really what I'm looking for. Rather, I'm looking for a real relationship of the sort you might find on one of the vanilla dating sites, except that I happen to have a very dominant personality, and I happen to like women who are honestly submissive. It's not about kink, really, it's about personalities that connect.

I'm not looking for a smart-ass sub, nor a bedroom sub, nor a switch, but rather a woman who truly likes stronger men and gets genuine pleasure from being with one. I prize intelligence, education, laughter, and, most of all, an even temperament. If youve ever thrown a temper tantrum for no reason anyone other than you can understand, then we will not make a good couple. Ditto if you break into frequent tears for no apparent reason, or if you sulk without obvious cause. I do not tolerate fighting for the sake of fighting. All relationships have problems, but decent, civilized people can work through them calmly and caringly without recourse to loud blowups.

I'm not looking for a woman to punish--someone who continuously gets into trouble just for my response. I'm looking for someone to experience life with, to laugh with, to hold hands with, and to revel in. I don't want a doormat, but I also don't want a woman who gets angry because I dont agree with her.

My politics are somewhat to the right of Genghis Khan, and I am a staunch atheist. Think of me as a rabidly pro-military Constitutionalist. I have no problem with women who are liberal or who espouse religion, but they rarely like me.

My cultural values are a little different from the norm, too. My tastes run to classical music, classical literature, and classical art. I consider Frank Sinatra to be about as modern as I can stand in terms of music. Conversely, I love movies, even bad ones, sometimes, and I usually despise art films; I guess we all have our dirty little secrets. For fluffy reading I prefer hard science fiction, but most of my reading is about history. I love fine scotch, fine cigars, and fine red wine. I will probably not be a good match for a rock-and-roll chick who loves Budweiser and who hasn't read any book other than a novel in a year.











 Dominant Male

 San Bernardino 


 5' 8"






Actively Seeking:

Submissive Female

 Lives For:



 Hunting (Expert)

 Martial Arts (Expert)

 Blindfolding you


 You wearing my collar

 Being Massaged

 Foot Worship

 Massage (Giving)

 Mental Bondage

 Obedience Training

 Orgasm Control

 Spanking you


 Cooking (Expert)

 Singing (Expert)



 History (Expert)

 Intellectual Discourse

 Libertarian Politics





 Classical Music

 Opera Music


 Atheism (Expert)


 Antique Shows

 Art Galleries

 Fine Dining (Expert)

 Going to the Opera


 Musical Theater

 SCA (Expert)



 Body Worship

 Breast Play

 Corner Time


 G-spot Stimulation

 Rear End Play

 Erotic touch

 Housework Service


 Placing you on a leash


 Speech Restrictions



 Board Games



 Historical Shows

 Puzzle Games

 Science Fiction

 Web Surfing

 Art Collecting




 Conservative Politics (Expert)



 1950s Lifestyle

 Folk Music



 Bird Watching

 Coffee Shops

 Flea Markets





 Canes and Crops


 Hair Pulling

 Medical fetish play

 Sensation Play

 Selecting the clothes you wear

 Role Playing

 Sensory Play


 You wearing stockings

 Wax Play

 Horror Movies


 New Age Music

 Show Tunes


 Garage Sales


 Modern Primitivism

 Rubber Fetish



 Curious About:

 Scuba Diving


 Vacuum Stimulation


 Simulation Games

 Political Activism

 Victorian Lifestyle


 Bar Hopping



 Local BDSM Community

 Fire Play

 Public Play

 Comedy Shows


 Online RPGs

 Role Playing Games

 Romance Novels

 TV News

 TV Sports

 Country Music

 Pop Music






 Renaissance Faires


 Gas Masks

 Masks (Wearing)


 Online Chatrooms


 True Crime

 Alternative Medicine

 Liberal Politics (Expert)


 Industrial Music

 Nineties Music

 Rock Music

 Hard Limits:


 Genital Punishment

 Oral Service


 Paranormal Phenomena

 The Occult


 Female Sovereignty

 Eighties Music

 Heavy Metal Music

 Hip Hop Music

 New Wave


 Punk Rock Music



 Seventies Music






 Feng Shui





 Latter-day Saints

 Modern Paganism





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Journal Entries:
7/26/2015 11:21:41 PM
I am out of a frustrating relationship and eagerly looking forward to finding a real one.  Go ahead and write--you never know.

6/2/2013 12:54:56 PM

It is incredible how often women complain about the men on here--there must be some unbelievable jerks, and that is simply unacceptable.  I wonder, however, if women are aware of the other side of the coin?  For every new profile posted, something like 75% of them are clearly fake (I kept track at one point).  There will be a single picture of a girl obviously taken from somewhere else, and the text will show clear signs it was written by someone who comes from another country "I am Lisa by name, a good girl from California who has living here all her life."  (That's a real example.)  Frequently, the race is listed as "Native American," because the foreigner who wrote it doesn't understand what that means in this context.  When ads are that blatant it's not so bad (albeit tiresome to weed through), but on top of that, there are many more that are well enough done that you can't tell they are fakes.  All of them want you to send money so they can relocate here from Russia, Nigeria, etc., to serve you as your complete and utter slave with no limits, or to give them your credit card number in exchange for watching them perform some passionless sexual gymnastics on a webcam.

Of the few remaining profiles, many mischaracterize the writer.  Ladies, if you claim to be a submissive only as long as the man to whom you submit meets your *exact*, detailed, and restrictive list of desired characteristics and as long as he promises to do the exact list of things you want and nothing more, then you are *not* a submissive.  You are a bottom who wants to top from the bottom.  Now there's nothing inherently wrong about that, but let's call spades spades, shall we?  There's nothing wrong with letting us know generally the sort of person to whom you want to submit, in fact it's very important, but being too restrictive is a clue that you're a wannabe who wants your specific fantasies fulfilled after reading some steamy BDSM novel.  Moreover, when your entire ad consists of nothing except demands regarding the characteristics you require in a man and the specific things you will allow him to do, it's even more clear that you are not submissive.  An actual submissive tends to talk more about who she is and what she has to offer, and spends less time on what she demands and what she will permit.

10/16/2012 9:59:37 PM

A "dominant woman" is a contradiction in terms; a "submissive man" is a disgrace.

12/30/2011 4:00:06 AM

Ladies, I truly love receiving messages, regardless of whether someone is likely a good match for me or not.  To help keep you from wasting your time, however, I would suggest that before writing to me you review your profile for errors of spelling or grammar.  I mean it as no criticism, but while anyone can make typographical errors (and I certainly do), if your profile contains numerous spelling and grammatical mistakes, or if you use "text speak" (to coin a phrase), I strongly suspect we will find that we have little in common.  I am carefully avoiding any value judgments here, merely pointing out a potential issue of compatibility.

12/28/2011 3:46:00 PM

Folks, time for a little reality:  I saw a profile from a girl who said she wouldn't talk to conservatives because we're mean and lack compassion.  Reality:  The left is the side of theft, lies, abuse and slavery; ask anyone in a Soviet gulag.  The right is the side of compassion:  We don't want the government stealing what people earn to give to those who haven't earned it, we don't want their liberties trampled under the iron boot of socialism, and we don't want to be dependant upon a nanny state.  After all:  “Dependence begets subservience and venality, suffocates the germ of virtue, and prepares fit tools for the designs of ambition.”—Thomas Jefferson.

And stealing what people make to give to those who haven't earned it isn't compassion, it's theft.  For it to be compassionate, charity must be voluntary.  Therefore, it naturally follows that there is no compassion in the left's desire to steal from hard-working people to give to welfare mothers and illegal immigrants who have learned to work the system.  To quote Jefferson again, “To take from one because it is thought that his own industry and that of his father’s has acquired too much, in order to spare to others, who, or whose fathers, have not exercised equal industry and skill, is to violate arbitrarily the first principle of association—the guarantee to every one of a free exercise of his industry and the fruits acquired by it.”

So let's not pretend any longer that the left is the side of compassion.  It's the side of evil and cruelty and oppression.  Don't talk to conservatives if you don't wish to--you have that right--but don't pretend it's because of moral superiority, because that is simply not so, and the fact that you have been lied to often enough to believe it doesn't change that fact.

10/14/2011 8:18:54 PM

After a recent contact I find myself forced to add a new restriction:  If you're the type to stomp off in a huff because you're insulted by a completely innocuous comment without even asking the intent or meaning of said comment, then you are *definitely* not the one for me.

8/14/2011 11:51:46 AM

So, apparently the new scam is to make fake profiles with the picture of some hot young internet chicklet, then use that profile to view your profile.  I suppose the intent is that when you look to see who viewed you, you'll become excited that you were being viewed by the said chicklet and will write to her--upon which, the person who made the fake video will send you a link to view a pay website (just enter your credit card number to verify your age!--morons) with webcams or other such nonsense.
I don't know whether to be sad that people think I'm stupid enough to fall for such an obvious ploy, or to be appalled that someone must fall for it, else the scammers wouldn't use this tactic.  Perhaps I'll just be sad and appalled.

8/6/2011 9:52:15 PM

It’s past time we stopped pretending all viewpoints to be equally valid.  I’m an atheist who despises religious superstition for the specious ignorance it represents.  I despise the draft, not because I’m a cowardly peacenik, but because I feel that no country deserves to exist if her men fail to serve in the military voluntarily.  I find the lies and political correctness and lack of personal responsibility and the attempts to control people’s lives inherent in Liberal politics to be disgusting and reprehensible.  The phrases “rap music” and “modern art” are contradictions in terms.

I love old scotch, fine wine, bread baked by a true artisan, rare cigars, the mathematically sublime music of Bach, the wisdom and humor of the Bard of Avon, the earthy humor of Chaucer, the stunning perfection of lighting in Rembrandt’s painting, the breadth of genius in Doyle, fast hounds, spirited horses, predatory hawks, the thrill of the hunt, the courage of noble prey, elegant meals, the purity of an a cappella choir, the politics and philosophy of Teddy R., the deep truths in Kipling’s poetry, the smell of old books, the smell of a Christmas tree, the cold majesty of mountains, and the love of a woman who wants to belong to a man.

Oh, and there is no such thing as an “inorganic” vegetable outside of a plastic still life, so stop using the term “organic” vegetables.  There’s nothing in regular produce that kills as many people as dihydrogen monoxide, yet I don’t see any hippies protesting that!

6/27/2011 10:31:12 AM

I find it extremely ironic that so many liberal women, a group smugly (and rather loudly) claiming the corner on tolerance and inclusiveness, should have statements in their profiles to the effect that they have no interest in dating or even talking to conservative men.  I have been visiting several dating sites off and on over the course of many years, and have yet to find even a single conservative woman make any such claim against liberal men.

I find this quite telling about the *real* nature of liberalism:  Rather than being a philosophy of tolerance, it is the dogma of conformity.  Its supposed tolerance and inclusion is a sham: they only tolerate opinions matching their own, and include only those who blindly accept their mental oppression.  The liberal agenda has so little basis in either reality or reason it must, perforce, demand blind adherence to its creed just as any other religious superstition requires lest common sense expose its many errors.

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