JBurkard

Hello everyopone, this is sopmething I've never done on here or anywhere else for that matter. I am going to get as real as I can. I know that probably no one will read this through but thats ok by me.
I am an ego maniac with an iferiority complex, a few years ago I with help was able to stop using drugs, and have managed to stay clean at least so far. tomorrow isn't here yet. I met a woman, younger than me and beautiful. she said she was submissive and bi. That at one time she had discussed giving herself to a couple. Well I brought her into my world and as time went on I fell in love with this young woman.

I am not perfect by any means and made more than my share of mistakes, one was thinking that she wanted to be part of that couple with a submissive scene. We both never really got real with each other and I couldn't believe that this young beautiful girl had fallen in love with me.

I let that seed of an idea sit inside my head telling me I wasn't good enough, that I was too old, that I wasn't handsome enough, and eventually convinced myself that it was only a matter of time before she bailed on me anyhow. She and I never talked openly. Never shared what we each really wanted. Never allowed the other that close.

Up until I came home and she informed me that she had cheated I can honestly say I was ok inside my head, that seed hadnt grown to an out of control weed. But when she told me she had slept with someone close to me something died inside. The world I knew was no longer secure, safe , and the weed had more than enough to take off like wildfire. I wasnt a perfect man nor 100% honest, but I can truely say that I believed in us.
Things changed the dishonesty got worse, I began talking with other wopmen when I was at work. I cheated on her emotionally and she cheated on me all the way around.
She has now decided to move on and this has given me the chance to really look at me. If you are involved with awoman that says she is submissive do yourself a favor and make sure she feels she can approach any subject with you. The woman I feel in love with never opened up to me past the how was your day conversation and I was too weak to let her know that I didnt feel good enough to have this sexy young lady as mine. Because neither of us was real with the other I am here today,
I cant help her at this point but what I can change is me. I don't want to be the man that felt I could do anything I wanted and her feelings didnt matter. I dont want to take the next woman for granted. I dont want to lie to her just because I can. I want an open and honest relationship with no sneaking, no lying, no cheating.
There will be those of you that if you do read all this will think me weak, what was weak was not being real with my woman and her not being real with me. If you still feel the need to send me a  note and talk trash you may feel free to do so. For those of you that I spoke with either single or as possibly joining she and I you have my apology. I really did think she wanted another woman in our life. I have learned some real hard lessons through this and am making a real effort to become a better human being out of this pain.
If you are out there and read this know that you are missed and will always be loved. You always have a place should you ever decide you want a better and improved version of the man you once said you loved.

Jeff