I am a student at UCLA studying neuroscience. My ideal relationship would be with a woman who I adore, knows it, expects me to adore her, and who is deeply concerned with my well-being. The right amount of meanness in a loving, vulnerable relationship can be very intoxicating. My worldview is primarily informed from Buddhism, atheism, game theory, the scientific method, and modern forms of liberal thought.
From a conversation online, Here are some of my thoughts on the critical need of accepting diversity in our species, equality between all people's, and cycles of hurt and violence in human societies:
There is a scene in the Temple Grandin movie in which two boys put sawdust on Temple's head, teasing her, making her feel separate, and she responds by punching one in the face.
The teachers pull her aside and lecture her about not hitting people. You could ask, Did the boys hit you first? Well, did they? That's the only way to justify punching!
But, we know this is not really true. Because psychological harm that can be done to a social, sentient species like ourselves is real and immense. And the decision to not intervene UNTIL Temple struck the boys demonstrates the relevant worth of Temple and the boys in the powers' eyes. They were/are okay with systematic mental abuse of a certain group of people.
With African-Americans in America, the government systematically destroyed their chance to have a good life, their sense of worth and dignity as a human being. You see your child go to a broken down school, 10 miles away, while white children go to a nicer school two miles away. (That's what motivated Brown). When you systematically do that to a people, they will not tolerate it. African-Americans came to not tolerate it. Their immense frustration, over generations, led to a series of responses, including political action and violence.
A frustrated people without a political will continually turn to violence.
That's why it is critical to allow all groups of people to participate in a democracy, as we have today, because people can tolerate not having their guy win for four years. But if Democrats just automatically won ever Presidential election for 100 years, conservatives would surely turn to violence.
What other chance did you give Temple? You knew she had less resources than those boys, and you did not intervene or pay enough compassionate attention to her before she struck. That is why it is okay for Palestinians to be the first to launch rockets against Israel. If Israel doesn't want to that continue, they should politically empower the Palestinians, or integrate them into their nation
In the hearts and minds of human people, collected into culture, stories told from parent to child, a hurt inflection on remembrance of a passed loved one, killed by a national army who was attempting to protect people the parent never met... ...the child learns unambiguously that there is another group of people, rather nearby, who seem to not have any value for this boy's family's life or story. A deep rage, anger, and resentment grows in this boy, shared and multiplied by a thousand other boys in similar circumstances... ...as they glance across an invisible line in the ground, they view other boys, close to their own age, playing, happy, being hugged by their mother who wasn't killed, and they know it is unfair and wrong... ...in their overwhelming sorrow, and lack of education. Not afforded any political recourse for the world and Israel to be compelled to say, Yes, what we did was wrong, and we hurt you because of it, they organize into groups and lob rockets into Israeli... ...the Israelis, not bothering to concern themselves with the sorrow of other sentient creatures living nearby, separated artificially by cultural patterns, ask, Why do they attack us unprovoked? And another generation of human beings, separated by an invisible line under the sky live lives unhappier than they otherwise have to
A unique, sacred world, created years ago, inhabited only by my consciousness. My spirit flies back over the ruins from time to time, looking at the broken obelisks and fallen pillars
I remember the majestic city we once created together, our place of security, tranquility, and rejuvenation. Secret sharings under vine-laden walls... the only memories now are the cracked handprints we placed in the still wet masonry. Every solar eclipse, there is a shimmer in the timestream and, as I look on, I can see our translucent forms run back through the catacombs, both hiding from our responsibilities, and seeking out new adventures I give chase, almost remembering each decision, whether we went left or right that day, still I cannot keep up. As I round the final turn, short of air, I pause for a moment. I rest against the wall, looking ahead: we had already made it to our secret spot where we used to kiss I walk up, quietly, delicately, as if believing that these psionic echoes from years past might be disturbed by my footsteps over fallen cinder blocks and through the dense vegetation that has all but obscured the previous path we created Locked in our embrace, I reach out to graze my hand against your cheek
The eclipse ends, and the sun loudly emerges, shouting down its luminescence once more from its omniscient place in the heavens, illuminating my awareness into the present moment
The echo fades Translucency fades to transparency and eventually to oblivion
Though I remember confidently that your eyes remained closed during our embrace, I see now your echo look to me and as a tear runs down your face your eyes say to me, I love you It is all gone. I stand in an empty field with no towers and no obelisks. The vegetation retreats from my body
The sun shines down on me saying, hello, here I am, once more. I look up, partially obscuring its overwhelming brightness with my hand. Birds chirp as they fly overahead and I remember, this is my life, to which I smile
Here are some quotes I like on the topic of acceptance of others. '
"When I have been listened to and when I have been heard, I am able to re-perceive my world in a new way and to go on. It is astonishing how elements that seem insoluble become soluble when someone listens, how confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard. I have deeply appreciated the times that I have experienced this sensitive, empathic, concentrated listening." - Carl Rogers
"I hear the words, the thoughts, the feeling tones, the personal meaning, even the meaning that is below the conscious intent of the speaker. Sometimes too, in a message which superficially is not very important, I hear a deep human cry that lies buried and unknown far below the surface of the person. So I have learned to ask myself, can I hear the sounds and sense the shape of this other person's inner world? Can I resonate to what he is saying so deeply that I sense the meanings he is afraid of, yet would like to communicate, as well as those he knows?" - Carl Rogers
There is an opportunity for each of us, in every interaction, to heal this world and those around us in meaningful ways. There are often beautiful messages interwoven into the communications of others, along with cravings, hurt, and conflict. The goal is to be able to see the beautiful things, in addition to the abnormal things. - Me
"One of the most satisfying experiences I know is fully to appreciate an individual in the same way I appreciate a sunset. When I look at a sunset...I don't find myself saying, 'Soften the orange a litle more on the right hand corner, and put a bit more purple along the base, and use a little more pink in the cloud color...' I don't try to control a sunset. I watch it with awe as it unfolds. " - Carl Rogers
I think acceptance can be pretty challenging for a lot of folk due to their strict cultural upbringing, i.e. exposure to the ideas of one particular culture without also being taught that there are a multitude of cultures combined with lack of a basic awareness of sociological methodology. For example, the single idea of 'latent function, manifest function, and dysfunction' (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manifest_function) has completely changed my conscious awareness.
For instance, it appears evolution has built the social human brain to be concerned with, first and foremost, social prestige. Exclusive valuing of social prestige makes the 3rd quote very difficult for others, because they risk losing social capital if they associate with others who are less emotionally and/or socially developed than they are. :(
Finally, a song by Morcheeba, Fear and Love, which speaks to this turmoil between the the valuing of the self, and the valuing of the other: " target="_blank">
We always have a choice Or at least I think we do We can always use our voice I thought this to be true We can live in fear Or extend our selves to love We can fall below Or lift our selves above Fear can stop you loving Love can stop your fear Fear can stop you loving But it's not always that clear
