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| I am a lying sack of shit. I have told a lot of people I have an owner, but I do not. I used to, when I used to treat my wife with respect, but I have slowly, but surely, over the last 4 years, taken every bit of control that I gave to her back. All of the things I promised her, my submission, my body, my love, it was all a game just to get my rocks off. She was serious about it and spent hundreds of hours training me to be a good slave, and I threw that all away because I was never serious about it in the first place, even though I pretended I was, and even left my first wife for her.
Then she got sick. And when she got sick, I took all the control back. I stopped serving her. Little by little, from the glass of water I was to leave on her table each morning before I left for work, to wearing my collar, to being honest with her about my feelings -- everything-- I took it all back.
Now, I am on the internet trying to find men to jerk off with. I tell them that I am owned, but it is a lie. I tell them I have no experience sucking cock, but that is a lie. My wife/owner loved me and provided me with situations where I would be able to suck cock, where I would be able to serve very beautiful women all over the country. She helped me learn to treat women the correct way, to serve them, to be loyal to them, to be honest with them. But the minute she became sick, I changed back to who I really am: a mean and controlling drunk.
Now, though she is still sick, she is trying to get herself to a point where she is not financially dependent on me, and I am trying my best to keep her miserable and to prevent her from being able to leave. Because, see, I am a chickenshit. I am not brave enough to just go out and find someone to have casual sex with. She has always been the one who provided those experiences for me. She has always been the one with balls. So I want to hold on to her and to make her provide those situations for me by controlling her financially.
So, if you read this profile and think that I am a submissive, you are reading lies. I want to be 'forced' to suck dick, because that takes the guilt away from me. I want the whole world to think I am "normal." I am ashamed of being gay, and I equate sucking cock to a woman sucking cock, which, to me, is abhorrent and disgusting. I would never say that in public, but that is how I think, and that is who I am.
So, if you would like to be led into a situation where you think I am submissive, to later find out that I was playing a game all along, to find out that I will lie to you and cheat on you, even if you allow me to play around (as long as I tell you what I'm doing), I'm the guy of your dreams. If you want to talk endlessly about me sucking your dick, without ever following through, I am the guy of your dreams. If you want to hear me say the same thing over and over and over until you are bored to tears, I am the guy of your dreams.
If you are looking for a true submissive who actually wants to serve, you are barking up the wrong tree. Because that is not who I am.
In short: I am not owned because I refuse to be owned. I am a game player and a liar. Even if you allow me to go outside of a relationship, I will STILL cheat and not tell you. I will play along as long as I am getting my rocks off, and then I will treat you like shit, argue with you, say things to hurt you, and abandon you. I am a shitstain.
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