IrrumatorSeattle

Educated professional with natural Dom tendencies but not "in the lifestyle" and really only here to lurk over desperate subs. I will not be meeting you.

All that said, I'd like to say a few things to the sub community about my world-view, in the hope that it will spur some dialog. Here is what I think:

1. Dom/sub is in many ways like any other relationship. People seek out a "match" of interests and needs; intimacy is gained through disclosure, behavior, and trust; both parties have to be attentive and in the end loving.

2. Thoughtful domination requires excellent listening and perception, to adjust, guide, and inspire the WILL to submit. Short term submission (aka bottoming) is cheap and easy to give and get. Long term submission is an emotional and intellectual commitment that a Dom has to earn through stewardship, leadership, and thoughtful engagement.

3. A real sub gives up the right, over time, to make choices. It might start out with a few simple choices like being able to move your arms while being fucked. In the end, though, it's a whole series of life choices that blossom out from the kink life into the rest of life. What do you wear? What are your other relationships like? No sane person would give up this control to a Dom that wasn't loving and thoughtful. You have to trust that you are being taken to a good state of being.

4. Submission is sometimes treated as a character flaw rather than a gift. Maybe it's because it sometimes (not always) derives from abuse, or from the lack of a powerful male figure in childhood, and therefore it's got a negative connotation. To me this misses the point. Desire to submit is a charmed gift that very few genuinely have. The challenge is finding the yin to your yan.

5. We all want deep commitment, whether we admit it or not. Pain and bondage are cheap and easy substitutes for the depth of feeling that you crave. They do in fact work, thank goodness. When real commitment is coupled with BDSM, it's really very powerful and fulfilling. That's not to discount the value of an uncommitted bound fuck, though.

6. How can you be committed to a slut? Easy. You just are. She becomes YOUR slut.

7. Cuckoldry. This is one of my favorites. It's a great combination of multiple fantasies, including the sub wife, the force-feminized and humiliated husband, exhibitionism, group sex, etc. I really don't understand why more people don't love this one. Perhaps they do and aren't telling?

8. The ultimate "order". What is the Dom order that is the hardest for a sub to fulfill, but that is also most aligned with the true mission of a sub? subs always talk about "mind and body" but are they really ready to give their mind? I think that it's way easier to accept pain and bondage and humiliation, passively, than it is to actively and passionately go on a mission to serve. How would you feel if told to use your full intellectual capability to seduce partners that you would then be told to watch be fucked? Or to see them LOVED, more than fucked? You would have to have supreme confidence and trust in your Master. That, dear, would be real depth of engagement.