I recently sat down and wrote about my motivations and interests regarding BDSM. I thought it would be helpful to post it here.

My interests in BDSM are many and varied. Submission is something that comes from deep within me. Submissive is who I am. I didn't choose it, it just is. Although it is hard to explain, I will try to do so without creating confusion. Please feel free to ask any questions.

My primary motivation is to please and to serve. It brings me great pleasure to care for and please a deserving partner. There is the additional reward of appreciation, caretaking of me in return, and of course, reciprocal pleasure as well. Examples are kneeling at His feet, worshipping every inch of His body with my hands and mouth, being sure all of His needs are met, bathing Him, pleasing Him sexually, etc.

Since my motivation comes in pleasing, I don't have to be punished to get your point across. In fact, I hate to disappoint and even never had to be spanked as a child. I am my worst critic and always make myself feel much worse than any punishment would be. I really believe that if you have to punish someone to get them to do as expected, then perhaps you aren't a good match with that person. And because I don't need to be punished, I guess I wouldn't be a good match for someone that gets off on physical discipline, either.

The control aspect is a major motivator in my love of BDSM as well. The examples above are also means of control... and also of showing my respect and doing as instructed. I enjoy this aspect very much, but I am quite independent and have my own ideas about things. So, I don't HAVE to be told what to do. But, I sure like it. =) On the other hand, I also like being asked my opinion about things and want to be involved in the decision-making, with my partner having the final word, of course. I even enjoy being told it is my turn to plan an experience sometimes.

I enjoy feeling small/little, so I enjoy sitting on the lap of or being spanked by someone much taller or bigger than me, which is also somewhat related to the control factor, of course. In fact, my interests seem varied at first glance, but they are all related to control and service in some way.

I guess I should mention what I enjoy sexually, as sex is a very big part of my D/s. Although, I hesitate to do so because of all the weirdos out there... So, I will keep this part brief. I enjoy kinky sex. I enjoy rough sex. And not just a little rough, I mean really rough. I very much get off on things that involve more than a little risk. I am all about the adrenaline rush! I love to be nervous and scared. Anything that makes me feel naughty really does it for me as well. I am very open minded sexually. There isn't much I haven't either done or plan to do some day. I, of course, like most women, enjoy soft, slow, sensual sex from time to time. But, I have to admit... rarely.

I also enjoy public play, sexual and non-sexual. I enjoy dressing well or sexy to get attention. It is very important for me to look good at all times. I love it when I walk in the room with someone and all eyes are on us. I am certainly an exhibitionist and am not the least bit interested in voyeurism, unless it is being used as a humiliation device.

Then there is the S&M aspect. I have been able to take quite a bit of pain in the past, with the right partner. I guess I am a masochist in a lot of ways, but I do not really get off on pain for the sake of pain. What I really enjoy are the mental and emotional aspects, although a certain amount of physical pain is most definitely a way of heightening pleasure for me. I guess what I am trying to say is that tying me to a cross and beating the living daylights out of me really doesn't do it for me, although it can make one quite high. That is enjoyable in itself, but it is not my primary interest.

That being said, I really, really, really enjoy such things as face slapping, spitting on me or in my face, name calling, and really most aspects of verbal and physical humiliation with a partner that I can trust. Yummy...

Again, emeshed in this as well is the bondage aspect. Which is also very much related to the control factor for me. Losing complete control in this way is very freeing to me. Sensory deprivation, gags, ties, restraints of various kinds, sensual torture, sensory overstimulation, etc. I like to be tortured and feel that I am at someone's mercy.

All that being said, what I enjoy the most is what my partner is good at and enjoys. That always makes for a great scene!

After all, it is of utmost importance to me that my partner is pleased.

I enjoy sharing my partner and being shared, both sexually and non-sexually. I don't comprehend jealousy and I don't tolerate it. I want a partner who is confident enough to allow me the freedom to play with others and in return, He will have that same freedom. Although I definitely prefer to have close relationships with those I play with, I am not interested in sharing my partner in any deep emotional bond with another submissive. Perhaps one day I might want to be involved in a larger extended BDSM family, but I want to be the only one my partner is deeply committed to. 

It is extremely important to me that my partner be gentle and caring in any situation that calls for it. It is about being responsible not only for the submissive's physical needs, but her emotional well-being and safety as well. When with a partner who can meet these needs, and I meet his needs in return, it is a beautiful thing. And when all is said and done, I want to feel deep down that regardless of the naughty activities that we enjoy together, I am actually cherished and respected.

~ missy