idoasuplz

Ok my sweet Prince lets get things clear.It was i who chose to end the encounter due to your demented excessive demands.It was you who begged me not to leave once i called your very tired bluff!It is i who indeed loved you intensly and will contine to do so ,as i have explained i cant seem to help my stupid weak self where you are concerned and i have no inkling as to why.You pick people up and demand instant and immense changes from them to prove their love for you which i have lived up to.You were the one who wanted to marry me and i the one to explain it takes much more before those choices can be made.You have no recourse to any feelings aside from your own which contrary to your advice ,you do not and have never owned without a mirriad of excuses to make you feel vindicated.Yet through it all i continue to love you.I truly am a fool.I cannot converse with you as you weaken my resolve but my strength will return and through the self same love i will resist you forever.No my Prince you have not broken me again,you have shattered me totally. But i will as always walk with my head held high,i will not allow you to destroy my wants and yearns.I do not know if i will ever find one i feel as deeply for as you but i am content that if i ever do He will love me back as completly as i do him.I will find my happiness because i deserve to,i am a good person,no, i am a great person.Loyal and trusting.I wear my heart on my sleeve and make my mistakes openly which i know is not a good thing. I have loved you and will continue to do so,as i said i have no control of that,i have been more or less silent regards our split but here you are demorolising our whole unity which i believed was sacred and found was indeed not.You are unable to be trusted with anothers heart,you cannot be trusted with your own.So keep it clear while you go around and explain yourself as the poor innocent victim you will never be.At least have the gaul to pretend to be any kind of man,you tried to give me impossible goals to scrape your way out when the fresh excitment of the catch wore off,as you always do.You involve children and hearts and promise the world .You deliver so very much less.Yes i will cry for you and yearn for you and i do not know how long i will love you,but dont you dare try to cover up what you are doing as anything other than what it is.Drac got bored in the first 5 mins as usual and so needs some new excitment,anyone you have been with will be able to back that one up.Thrown away as rubbish once you are sated.I have noone but myself to blame,i knew you would do this and i still entered your world .So i take my consequence and i move on,still hating me for loving you with a love you will never find again.

SUICIDE CALLING

Into the dark the spirit stumbles,


out of the sound the ears depart,


unto oblivion goes the being,


teardrops of a broken heart.


Rivers of meaning flow with heartbeats,


havens of darkness lure the mind,


vissions of passions once encountered,


discarded memories left behind.


Lost inhibitions - forgotten reasons,


invisible claws realease their prey,


at peace you enter welcome hollows,


You know this is the only way.

CHERISH

Cherish this heart of mine,
as i place her hesitantly into your care,
for she does not come easy!

Be tender with her,
for you may rip her skin
and she shall bleed a mirriade of soft tears into the palm of your hand.

Have patience with her silence as she learns to sing again,
experience has taught her to be wary.

Do not squeeze too tightly.
Try not to harm her as the memories wield deep scars.

caress her gently with your kiss,
cradle her in your arms.
shield and protect her,harbour her from pains clutch.
For she loves you so she is willing to take the chance.

Yes, cherish this heart of mine,
which YOU have awakened,
for she does not come easy!

Did you forget you loved me, as you looked into her eyes?
Did your heart not feel me dying while you felt so alive?
Could my soul not lure you as you kissed her sweet lips?
Could my love not pursuade you to release her firm hips?
Could nothing remind you as your rhythums began
that she's somebodys woman and your somebodys man?
Did you not stop to worry as you melted to one
that you may never stop all the tears you've begun?
did you not remember how you love me so much
as your body surrendered to Jezebels touch?
As she lay in your arms with her satisfied sighs
Did you consider the pain that would bleed from these eyes?
As i walked in the bedroom and found you together
did you know its the end of our 'always forever'?
So don't look for forgiveness as your tears start to fall
as i see i should never have loved you at all.
I just hope you'll remember as i walk away
that my heart was destroyed by the games that you played.

I need to find a safer place to get out of this rain,



to see the blue above the grey and feel the sun again.



I know I have a lot of work that starts on the inside,




Ive got to find that hidden place my feelings like to hide.




I need to gain that deeper strength that helps me to let go




and face the future free from all the things I shouldnt know,




release the neverending thoughts that cause me so much pain,




to find the key within myself - unlock me from this chain.




I need to run through dew swept fields and not expect to fall




and try to understand if you were worth my love at all.




but ill not shed a single tear as memories drop away




tomorrow is a brand new me that I have made today

Broken

I am broken!

I tried so hard to fix myself ,

but the mends would slip,
 
so i'd fix them once more.

Slowly, oh so slowly i began to mend.

Then i met YOU.

YOU were the remaining piece -

I could finally heal.

But then YOU looked close,

and YOU saw the cracks,
 
and I was too imperfect for YOU.

So YOU threw me down.

And I am broken!

I AM NOTHING

Keeper of my heart i call for you now,

why are you not by my side?

preventing intruders from shooting false arrows.

Imitating your ways to infiltrate my defence,

Trojan attack on a restfull sleep.

Protector of my soul come quickly!

Vulnerable yearning has overthrown my restrain.

Surrounded and confused , i search for you.

Patience eroded, time running out.

i have waited , i have tried,

i mistook you with harsh consequence,

weakened and bought to my knees

in the knowledge i have failed you.

i should have known he was not you.

Eager lust persuading virtue to comply.

Self wrath rising guilt.

Are you standing on the edge observing me?

How broken should i be before you save me?

Dry my eyes, clear my head, cherish my heart, release my soul.

Build me back up so i stand strong once more,

So you alone may tear me down within the safety of your bonds,

to soothe me with the comfort of your love.

Defender of my world claim me, own me , complete me,

for without you i am nothing!

Her wings are torn so she cannot fly,

a broken angel with a silent cry,

noone to hear indeciepherable weeps,

as unseen tears find no rewards to reap.

while in the dark hours its his touch she'll miss,

and the sound of his breath on the midnight mist,

the beat of his heart where she rested her head,

and the comfort of love as it warmed her bed.

she wouldn't cage love so she set him free,

held the door wide open so he could flee,

smiled, as he bent for the final kiss,

aware it was sealing her loves dismiss,

her hearts catching teardrops as they fall from her eyes,

and her soul feels so heavy that her spirit has died,

Her knees drawn tight as she rocks in a ball,

expecting no comfort from noone at all,

her burden feels heavy, its hard just to breath,

as she quietly prays that the pain will relieve,

her heart has been shattered, its strewn on the floor,

shes not quite aware of its use anymore,

she ponders the words that were left in his wake,

though shes not sure how much self infliction she'll take,

she struggles to stand ,wiping tears from her eyes,

grateful that noone has heard her souls cries,

so she straightens her back and her wings fold away,

as she puts on the smile that she'll use for today.