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In the end, I think I've always been heading toward BDSM. I've had tepid relationship after tepid relationship, and I was never really able to figure out why they all failed, why I've never had an orgasm once with a man, only by myself.
I've always had fantasies of being controlled, being hurt, being violently fucked but I never put two plus two together until a few months ago. These fantasies - they were what I wanted to happen to me. All of these violent yearnings - they were what I deserved, what I needed.
After my last relationship failed, I avoided new ones. I had been in relationships with men who only cared about my body, not my mind. I want to be controlled by a man, body and mind, to know that I am his. I've come to the conclusion that is the only way I will find love and sexual satisfaction in this life.
I will note I am very inexperienced. I've only ever had vanilla sex. I'm looking for a man who knows what he wants, and how to command yet treat gently when need be, and with most of all patience, who will work around my problems and who can earn my trust because I do have trust issues. I also have problems interpreting the subtleties of others; I like to be told up front what a person is feeling and wants from me. I expect to have a life outside - I am an artist by hobby and a computer science student by trade. But I would be yours completely when I am in the house.
When responding please tell me where you live and how much experience you've had in BDSM, and possibly what interested you about my profile. I am submissive (possibly a switch) but expect you to respect my words - if it appears to me that you haven't read my profile and are just auto-responding to a female in your area I won't read your message.
Picture coming soon. I am somewhat chunky, but am actively losing weight (changing my diet and exercising). I think I would be a good investment.
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