hyenagirl


	hyena95 Male Submissive, 26

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	About hyenagirl Trying this a second time. 1. If you're in any way connected to my ex (you know who you are), please go and waste your time on something more productive than stalking me. 2. Please take a moment to spell check or use proper English if you're messaging me; it's not hard, and it means I find it a lot easier to respect your intelligence and character if you make an effort. 3. I'm not going to be exactly thrilled if your message consists largely of insults or discussions of what's wrong with my "attitude". I'm not "a brat", I'm just someone who doesn't know you yet. 4. While I'm actively looking for doms, I like talking to new people, so if you're interested in conversation say hello! 5. That said: cut the bullshit. No purple prose, no talk about how you alone understand the secrets of the universe, yeah? Let's just chat to each other like human beings and see if we get on. 6. I am not a bitch, cunt, whore, slut, or any other woman-hating language you care to use. I'm not really asking for all that much, I just want to be addressed as an equal; submission is an act of surrender from a position of equality, not your fucking birthright.

Soliciting for book recommendations - anything vaguely analytical regarding submission (I've already read Anita Phillips' book) which doesn't devolve into evo-psych-style "men are meant to dominate because SCIENCE* and women are meant to be submissive because EVEN MORE SPURIOUS SCIENCE" or launch into excessive sociopolitical readings of the human libido? That would be wicked cool.

* "Science" here meaning "I just made some shit up that made my ego feel good and then didn't bother to do any research or construct an ethically and methodologically sound experiment of any kind in order to determine whether my hypothesis bore any relation to reality".

God I am too self-conscious for this shit. What do you mean "discuss things first"? Argh.?

Clearly I need to either get a less dangerous absolutely necessary-to-my-getting-off fetish or I need to resign myself to the fact that I am going to die in a wanking accident.

Bruising your own neck is neither big nor clever, self. At the very least cut your damn nails.

Having a bit of an "ARGH CANNOT ANSWER NEW MESSAGES" brainfail at the moment, please bear with me, I have not forgotten about you, I'm just monumentally unstable.

Seem to have fallen down a porn hole on tumblr, whoops. Also I am blaming that Judy Blume book I read as a kid for the sudden interest in girls wetting themselves. Clearly it should be banned for the good of the nation or at least of my ability to stop looking at porn and get on with editing.

... yes I do seem to end up here when I'm procrastinating, don't I?

I was out at a radio recording the other night with my two dearest friends (a small circle of subs, if you will) and appropos of very little one of them grabbed my hair and pulled my head back so she could throttle me for a minute. Nothing at all sexual in it, as she pointed out; "isn't it funny how, with us, that just means I love you?"

It reminded me that part of what makes submission is intention; I could have punched her in the face. There isn't a great deal of doubt that I'd win a physical fight - I'm taller, heavier, and have more experience of unrestrained nastiness. But there also isn't any doubt that I'll never react like that to her, because we're friends, and she won't do anything I don't want.

The tacit agreement is one that I'm happy with, and one that I'd ideally replicate in a relationship (and do, in the ones that I already have). Contracts bother me, because they speak of a lack of faith, and I'm not about to let someone I don't trust to stop handcuff me to a wardrobe and wander about with a knife.

Although I'm beginning to suspect I won't find what I'm looking for here; a lot of people interested in "mind-control" and "total dominance" and proving how much better they are, which confuses me; I'm not submitting because you're incontravertably powerful, I'm doing it because I want to and because I like you.

Then again, everyone seems to stop talking when I mention bloodplay and breathplay, so I'm probably never going to get to test my theory.

Please imagine a tone of heavy sarcasm for this next sentence:

Really, absolutely *nothing* brightens my day like getting abusive emails because I didn't want to talk to you.

I haven't been checking my messages due to an attack of - oh let's call it "shyness" because "social anxiety" sounds especially pathetic when it's on the fucking internet - but I did manage to take a photo of myself where I don't want to have my face removed and replaced by a picture of a warthog or something.

And as soon as I've figured out how to upload it the world will see precisely how low my standards are. Whee!

EDIT: SUCCESS. One additional photo uploaded. I disagree with the red lipstick on principle, the principle being "it makes me look like an arse", but I heard that if you dress nicely enough people will overlook your obvious and glaring defects (in my case; fat, laugh like a specific African savannah animal, and the inability to stop talking/talk about normal sane things). At least, I hope so.

Why does no one ever smile in their profile photos? I can't be the only person who is generally quite happy with their life (until I read the papers arrrrghh) around here...

...aaaand back to work.

Procrastinate procrastinate procrastinate.

Stop downloading free trailers from Kink.com and do your damn work, self.

ETIQUETTE QUESTION

Doing my best hermit impression until January due to a general hatred of winter and trying to make myself hit deadlines; I come on here and there are messages I feel I ought to answer, but figuring out what to say takes time.

Is it especially rude to respond to CM messages about a month later? I realise by then I'll probably have "missed my chance" with whomever, but chronic shyness doesn't really allow for speedy replies.

Blah blah blah sex blah blah blah. Who the hell has time to get laid, that's what I want to know.

(Mostly I am fighting with my notes, I'm a day and a half behind on writing because I made the stupid mistake of going to my own birthday party, and I don't understand what I've written. "Alice has a 2.2 in Zoology". Who is Alice? Why is this relevant to the plot? WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS?)

Have just been asked by a friend if I'm writing about furries. Perhaps I should. Perhaps I should scrap the entire 40,000-word monolith of political machinations and science-fiction bollocks and write a happy domestic superhero story about a hedgehog furry who saves the world from global warming.

Ye Gods am I ever fucking procrastinating today. KICK ME UNTIL I GET OFF THIS DAMN WEBSITE AND DO MY WORK.

And so it BEGINS; another bloody November where I attempt to force a novel out of myself without having a breakdown or getting RSI. And another month where I suddenly spend a lot more time online, trying to avoid writing (self-discipline, I lack this). Do me a favour, oh mighty doms of Collarme? If you see me online please tell me to fuck off and finish my 5,000 words for the day?

Sequence of events which rendered myself and my companion for the evening at the comedy whatsit the other night momentarily speechless at our own wrongitude:

Shaven-headed creepy motherfucker comedian withdraws a hammer slowly from his suit and declares, "This is my hecklehammer. I hope I do not ... have ... to. USE. IT."

Myself and my dear friend gibbered quietly and compared notes. Apparently we both find this incredibly hot.

Is there some sort of therapy you can get for being attracted to men who want to kill you with a blunt object? It seems like it might end badly, that's all I'm saying.

Oh, what is a journal for if not to whine about the bondage gear I want and can't afford (and, er, don't have anyone to use it with, hush)?

This, for example: http://www.coco-de-mer.com/products/111820

Something about a sword-crop just amuses me on a fundamental level. Not even a "oh I know, let's roleplay we're in pre-Revolutionary France" sense, just ... I like swords? Then again, I wouldn't object to a real one either.

Er, then there's this:
http://www.coco-de-mer.com/products/213

Which, yes. Well. I did MENTION that I didn't bloody well have anyone to use things with, here in England, didn't I?

So, all these chaps keep offering to teach me how to be submissive, which is very interesting but I'm pretty sure I have a good handle on how to do as I'm told (even if I don't necesssarily demonstrate it much, ahem). On the other hand, I kind of really need to learn how to ...drum. Hrm.

Sorry about the lack of eloquent response, I'm gearing up for my first long stand-up comedy shows early in August.

Actually, if you're in or around London on the 9th, 10th, or 11th of August you should check out the Camden fringe program and see if you can work out which of the acts is me. ;) I appreciate that BDSM and stand-up comedy best described as "surreal satire and gross-out humour" is not a combination that springs readily to everyone's mind, though.

hyearts

Male Dominant, 25

hyeon

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hyenagirl

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