I have moved from Oregon to Pennsylvania

I was hoping to find the relationship we had talked about for many long hours online for real life. Turned out that she was not nearly as ready as she thought she was. I can?t really blame her, it being a big step for anyone. Still there was disappointment.

I hadn?t been actively seeking till I got a few mails and surprisingly a woman with some Gorean references was in the profile I saw when I tried looking up the one who had sent me an email. Needless to say the one I had tried to look up didn?t have a profile listed. And I answered to the wrong person, which I feel turned out to be a good thing.

My life has had a number of instances where a wrong turn, turned out to be the right turn in my life. I hope that this latest one is such an instance.

     Well here I am again?

     Almost as quickly as I entered the local scene I took myself out of it.

     Seems my people skills are some what lacking, though how I am to improve them without interacting with others I?m somewhat at a loss.

     I?m a politically incorrect male in a politically correct society, a throw back, not that I go out of my way to say mean spirited things it just seems to come out that way.

     I?m just not the type to over think what comes out of my mouth, more often than not it?s misunderstood, or the meaning misconstrued, more than likely because I didn?t think it through be fore saying it.

     I think I told a girl once that there was a lot there to hug, when I gave her a hug, She was not what you would call a light weight, but not really what I would call fat, after all I?m no light weight myself, but that was not really what I was commenting on, I was thinking how she filled my arms, and that it was a pleasant feeling, any ways I can only say the comment was taken the wrong way.

     Didn?t like my comment on how a school girl uniform might not work with her, not really sure how any woman of forty+ years would carry that off all that well, again I think she thought I was making a slur about her size.

     I have had any number of fantasy scenes in mind, and was trying to work out in my mind which would work the best, and which just might have to be thought about a bit more. Course I didn?t say all this out loud.

     Then with an online mailing list I took offence at a woman comments about some website. I simply should have let it go, and let others deal with her opinion. But I got hot about it, and like a dog with a bone I chewed it to pieces, to wit I over did it.

     I can?t say I like looking at myself and seeing my own shortcomings, but at least I will admit to them and try to take steps to deal with them.

Greetings and salutations 

I am new to the scene, new to the lifestyle as such and looking to learn.

I am Allan Wellhausen. Those that know me well I am aka as Grey Dragon.

Back when I first came online in the early 90?s it seemed everyone needed a nickname for chat rooms. It seemed lame to use my real name so I had to think what would unique to me. The last thing I wanted was to be called Master or Lord this or that.

I was born in Feb. 24^th 1952, I just made into the year of the Dragon, and I have always had an sort of affinity to Dragon lore. The element for that year was water, making me a Water Dragon, It all sort of fell into place with the close relationship with water I would use Grey (blue already being used). I had joined the Navy, Loved being at sea, and loved all the faces of the sea from mirror smooth, to its angriest turnings. It just felt right.

Most everyone here has had feelings that the ordinary, the vanilla life as it is referred to has left them wanting. The same went for me, only I didn?t know what it was I was looking for. For most of my life it was like that. Two failed marriages and three children, I was still adrift as to what it was I had wanted.

That there was a BDSM world out there was known to me, however it seemed dark and forbidding. I was born and raised here, and those who were born here know while not a backward state as I learn from my time in the service, Oregon and Eugene were not at the forefront of the community at least not when I was young.

I felt a need to be dominant yet didn?t know how to go about it. Father was out of the picture when I most likely needed him most for that sort of guidance. I grew up under the influence of a dominant mother. Who had her own problems?

Needless to say with no guidance, more than a little shy. I was a mess. I stumbled though my first marriage which should have worked had I known even a little of what I know today. Young and in the service does not make for the strongest glue for a marriage. I was away form home far more than I was home.

I did have good instincts she was just what I was looking for. In that I have the fates to thank. But the fates can?t do it all, and can be fickle at times. I lost her due to one very real reason poor communications skills. It?s just my opinion but that even more than money problems ends more relationships than anything else.

Took me years to realize that of course it was far too late. I will not go into my second marriage just that had I followed my instincts it would never have happen. But then I couldn?t say the wonderful children from it were in any way a mistake.

My children are the only good things I have to show for my life. How they got to be such great kids is a bit of a mystery to me. 

Back to how I came to know BDSM was not the dark specter I had imagined it to be, Was when I when I got my first internet connection with MSN back when it was first entering the fray against AOL.

One of the things I found were the chat rooms. Back then finding adult topics such as those associated with BDSM were layered under a number of headings. You had to dig to find them. I didn?t know about IRC.

I found a chat room named ?submissive women? or some such thing, was a very long time ago. MSN changed a lot since then, it no longer hosts chat rooms. One of the first things I was asked was ?what was I looking for?? To tell the truth it set me back to thinking just what was I looking for? Honestly I was not sure but I knew I was in the right place. It just felt right.I spent a lot of my time watching and learning the feel of the chats. Talking to some of the women, learning, more and more to get over my shyness. I learned that there was a balance between them and myself. They were without guidance, I was without one to guide.

 I was learning my instincts were to be trusted more and more. Some of them needed me as I needed them. There was a great deal of confusion but I was learning that simple common sense was all many of them were looking for. I was learning. I was becoming the rock they needed. Still I had not seen just what it was I wanted.

Then a woman/girl entered the chat, and like the sun coming up I saw what it was I had been looking for. Well at least now I had a name for it. ?Kajira? For those who might not know what that is, it?s a made up word for a Gorean slave, from of all things a set of Sci Fi books. It just so happened that I had read them years ago in the late 70?s early 80?s. At the time they were just good reading for me. I had never thought of them basing a lifestyle on them.

However it fit with my fantasy of a Japanese geisha, mind you I was not thinking of a prostitute, but their grace, of their attention to detail in performing their serves. Someone who just in the act of doing something for you showed they were doing it for no body but you and you were their sole reason for being.

In a way this is not Gor from the books. The books are far too harsh and in them there is nothing of the grace of a geisha, just simple slavery. While in Japan a geisha is more a companion for a night?s entertainment, which rarely included sex. And the use of such is a status symbol for that night you were left with the feeling they were yours, and yours alone.

I?m getting away from telling you about myself, but such I learned was what I was looking for.

I?m not looking for anything less. But I am willing to try to train a girl to this. To those that seek that sort of devotion and life the challenge is yours.

I wish you well

To be sure women are not cars, nor is a submissive/slave simply a thing. There are those out there that may truly believe they are, I simply do not share that view.

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A slave is a thing in name only; the range of feelings one has for a slave are as varied as there are Masters. The resemblance for me is closer to owning a pet.

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Even here you will find a wide range or degrees in owning a pet. I think I like the pet ownership analogy is with most pets one finds themselves loved unquestionably by the pet. Where love with an equal often involves conditions of acceptance.

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Some will think I do not want to be an owned thing or a pet. Yet how often do you see so many treating their pet better than a child or spouse? This not to say such behavior is good. But it is head and shoulders above being ignored. Which may be the number one reason older marriages end. 

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I see people talk to their pets more than they do other people.

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Slavery is a hot button word for many, seen as unnatural. Yet slavery is a condition that is there yet unseen. Up until a few decades ago a wife was virtually a slave to her husband, what ever she own became the property of the husband, and she lived under his will and control.

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I see women wanting to serve, to give of themselves much more than I do that of males to greater or lesser degrees. They will always give to the male that in some way compels them.

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Master/slave, what will the relationship be for a new girl who does not know what to expect, want to know about me?

Ownership is a concept we have all seen. I will try to use that of a automobile. When a buyer sets out to buy a new car. (to new to him at least) He really not so sure exactly what he is looking for. He may go out to lots and inspect the ones sitting there all in a row looking as shiny and ready as possible for sell.

He may turn to looking in the papers for descriptions of likely vehicles in his price range. Much harder in that you have a much more limited view of what your looking at and for. Be that as it may he does find one that peaks his interest and makes inquirers about it. To be sure it may not work out he learns some things that he is not willing to deal with.

Finally he does find what he is looking for, he has in a way kicked the tires and test driven it to see how it responds to him. He likes what he has found, and a deal is made with the cars owner and the title changes hands the keys are handed over and the man drives off with his new car.

Often the first thing he does is wash it. Thus getting to know it much better, looking for all the details he can on the outside.

Then he may change the oil, again repeating the examination only on the inside. He may take it then for a long drive feeling her out at great length. Taking it home he will park it in the garage and lock the doors keeping safe there till the next time he need it.