I feel like I've lost myself somewhere. Is this part of getting older or being in a bit of a funk? I used to be quick witted, cheeky, and without a smile or joke. I could captivate a room. Now I feel I lost all that and even find myself having a hard time looking others in the eye, let alone smile at a stranger. Sometimes I think it's because I'm afraid - afraid to open up and let someone in. I've always kept myself guarded, but would allow one or two people in at a time. I know I kept them at a distance, which made me feel in control. It makes me curious if that is why this l/s appeals to me. You get the facade that you don't get close to someone, when in reality you are closer to them due to trust then anyone else. I haven't allowed myself that closeness though. I think I want it and desire it, but I am having a hard time letting go and trusting it.

Currently, I feel vulnerable and that is not good for me.