Heyoka


	heyokay2020 Female Switch, 29, LA, California

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	About Heyoka Basic. Butch. Top. All the natural stubbornness, passion, fire and intensity of a born red head. I still believe that good people can make a difference in the world. I still think that there's someone out there for us. Does that make me a Dreamer? or a Fool? I like to think of myself as a Garden Variety Leatherdyke: steadfast; solid; a little vicious; a lot of fun. This is a cool path. Dangerous sometimes, sure. But it's heady stuff. You can learn a lot here if you're careful - about other people, about yourself. I'm open to answering questions, to mentoring, but have no desire to be the footman to a "do me" queen or to be your human ATM. I used to want for myself someone to collar for the long haul. Now I think I may have given up. Lately, I have settled into a routine of reading, writing and research. The things we all really want to know aren't taught in classrooms or hotel ballrooms. Men need not apply. If you're at home leafing through profiles thinking "Nobody gets it. Nobody feels and believes about Leather the way that I do" you might want to send me a message.

You know, it's been a sad, thin time. Used to be when you asked for someone's resume', for their credentials it was about what they'd done, what they'd taught, what they knew. Now you talk to these people who want you to believe that they're "masters" and "dominants" and they're appallingly young, no life experience, no leather experience. They want street cred for attending runs, and going to classes. Or worse, they sit through a workshop and then they want to go back to their hometown and teach it. That's like me saying "I saw Nickelback in concert, that makes ME a rock star." That's bullshit.

You know... this shit is intense. It's some crazy, intense stuff. The things we do and the bonds we form are intense. Beyond the mental aspect, the physical stuff is just as intense. For the Top's part, it requires planning and practice and preparation (for success and for potential failure). It's not kids' stuff.

I updated my resume' recently. Not just my real world resume' but my Leather resume' as well. Looked at classes I'd taught, events I'd judged at, the whole nine yards going back about a decade. And I found myself wondering if it mattered at all. There's so much crap online and so many people who claim to be something they're not, more who claim to have done things they never did, I found myself wondering if an honest inventory of where I've been and what I've done would matter at all.

Once I posted my thoughts about abuse in the lifestyle all the bulk of the messages I was receiving from people dried up almost instantly. Which makes me wonder, do people really not understand the difference between Leather, SM and abuse? Do they believe that abusive relationships are the only way that Leatherfolk engage each other? Am I the only who thinks that this can be a healthy form of self-expression and interaction? Am I the only person who believes that what it is that we do can transcend on-line into real time? Indeed real time is where it started - and for me real time, real people, real skin, real sweat, real pain and real pleasure were my major motivations for coming out publicly into Leather. I guess I'm just feeling like that lone voice in the wilderness. Does anybody else out there think the way I do?

I open the e-mails and read the horror stories with a heavy heart. It saddens me to think of how many more are out there who didn't have the heart to write. I see it so often and there seems to be no end to it: bottoms and submissives who are bullied into silence or intimidated into abiding by rules and conditions they know aren't healthy. Too often, I see them frightened into remaining in situations that are harmful (emotionally and mentally if not also physically). Whether it's out of fear of being alone, or whether it's because of some other reason that they've been force-fed, they stay. They stay and they suffer. To the detriment of themselves -- and everyone else they will ever serve. Those are the scars that may fade, but will never heal. There are for too many self-styled Dominants and Master who prey upon the fears and insecurities of submissives... too many emotional vampires of low self-esteem who pull people down in order to lift themselves up. If we as Leatherfolk are going to carry on in good conscience, we owe it to ourselves and those who serve us to take proper care of our property.

Leather, in its purest form, is about the growth that comes from subjecting the self to the spiritual discipline of the rules of the relationship. Top or bottom, Dominant or submissive, everyone grows, everyone is lifted up. Like a whetstone, the structure of the relationship sharpens us. It brings who we are and who we are capable of becoming into sharp focus. It reveals us to ourselves. It shows the best and worst of who we are and who we can be in sharp relief.

A collar is a sign of commitment -- that goes both ways. It is a symbol of mutual care taking and duty and responsibility that flows in both directions. It is not a resignation of rights or responsibility. It is not a denial of needs nor of self. And, most of all, a collar is not a muzzle.

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Heyoka

About Heyoka