Collarspace.com

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Well I am back,
I almost had what I was looking for but I screwed that up royal (more about that below). I am not here to find a hook up I am here in a quest for self knowledge and it feels good to be able to associate with others in the BDSM scene. It makes me feel like less of a freak show to be able to peruse the profiles of others.
I have been into Bdsm ever since I became sexually aware. I have been cross dressing for that same amount of time. With time I have learned that I am not such an odd duck. I consider myself straight with bi tendencies. In other words I prefer to spend erotic time with women. I am not opposed to men but I am mostly attracted to women.
I am switch that means I can Top or bottom. It really depends on the person I am with. I do enjoy sadistic play with willing subs in fact it seems I have a natural sadistic streak. When I take the sub role I prefer erotic domination. I am not a painslut just a slut. I have had some not so terrible cbt experiences but I think it is the surrender I enjoy not so much the pain. Lately my interest have been with chastity edging and prostate milking.
I am a person that is shy and private which most people find impossible to believe especially those that know my public persona. I don't share pics and I don't go to public places for BDSM. I am trying to find a balance between my Vanilla life and my BDSM desires. I have tried several times in the past to "quit" my BDSM life. Going through the ritual purge of s/m things and people only to find myself months later full of regret. In doing this I have hurt peoples' feelings and left them feeling abandoned as well as discarding meaningful relationships all in the hope of feeling "normal".
Over the last two years I had the best D/s relationship I had ever had in my life. In a fog of haste I ended that. I was her Dom and she was a GREAT sub. It started just as mutual carnal lust but after a while we developed strong feeling for each other. The lines between my Vanilla life and my D/s life were becoming very blurry. To compound this I was only feeding my Dom tendencies which as a switch was very dangerous. So my Alpha side was running the show for a while and this caused a lot of problems in my D/s life and my Vanilla life. Things were way out of balance and so was I.
I am not here "looking", it would be impossible to replace or match what I had in my last relationship. I am here as I stated to find a balance not only between my Vanilla and Sm life but also to find a balance between my Dom and sub tendencies. I am pretty sure she is her on Collarme, that is great I only want the best for her. I also hope she knows that I am truly sorry for breaking her heart.





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LadyRoxan
 
 Age: 22
 New york, New York