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| I got married very young with a man 21 years older than me. As a child of a single mom I always had daddy issues and I expected my husband to fill that space. But soon I found he's an insecure man with a weak personality and constant complainer.
Besides I love him and had three child with him our sex life has been a total mess. The initial passion of the first year became routine first and an effort later. Since I had my third kid my libido has been increasing exponentially while his sexual potence has been decaying. Almost all my sexual pleasure came from masturbation.
Then I found BDSM porn and it was like my mind exploded: it was like a familiar stranger, something I never knew but somehow I could recognize. My masturbation games evolved and incorporated clamps, crops and bigger toys. But my sex life with hubby almost stopped. During 2016 we only had four sexual intercourses and I was really concerned. That's why I told him about my submissive fantasies and requested him to dominate me sexually. He tried. We had a couple of sessions where he spanked my ass a bit, tied my hands or blindfolded me. It was ok but mingy. I needed much more.
This fall (2017) we went on a vacations trip to europe. During our London visit I found a kinky guide and saw there was a fetish party on a bdsm club. I suggested hubby to leave the kids at the hotel for one night and go the the party as a lifestyle couple. He was reluctant but finally accepted.
The party night I was really excited and aroused. I begged hubby to treat me like a sub that night, not like his wife.
The place was fascinating to me, full of lifestyle people, and interactions. But hubby was uncomfortable. Even I was wearing the minimun dress code (a black dress) some men were looking at me and hubby didn't like it. He wanted to leave only after 10 minuts there. I wanted to stay. We had a hell of an argument. He left upset and all I could do was cryng. But soon I was approached by a huge black Dom who offered himself to show me the place and activities. I went with him and I felt submissive from the very first second. It seemed natural to follow him, listen to him and agree to him. I was very horny. Soon enough I began to obbey his simple orders (sit there, come here, tell me this..) and it felt good. He asked a lot of personal questions and made me confess him some of my sexual fantasies (He loved that interracial was one of them).
He asked if I'd like to experience some of them that night. I nodded so he brought me to a different room. An humiliation show was going on. It made my pussy juices flow. He noticed my excitement and when the show ended he asked me to go with him up the stage. I followed him like a lamb to his shepard. At the stage he made me undress for the audience. It was the first time ever I was nude in front of strangers and I felt exposed and vulnerable. He made me separate my legs widely spread, put my head back and my hands clasped behing my neck. The eyes of the audience felt like ants over my skin. Then he brought a nine tails whip and used it extensively over my body: ass, tits, pussy. The pain was awful but I didn't dare move or complain. When he was satisfied and stopped I was bruised and sore but extremely horny. I heard some claps and the humiliation was maximum.
After that he brought me to a private room where he used me sexually. It was brutal, nasty sex, the kind of thing I only saw in hardcore porn before. There was no love, respect or affection, just a cruel male using a submissive female, only worried by his pleasure, not hers. He was one feet taller than me, and doubled my weight... and he used his size to subdue me physically.
It was my first time for several sexual practices. By the end of the night I was exhausted, in pain and aching... but for first time in my life also fulfilled.
Back at the hotel hubby saw my marked, bruised, used body and said nothing. I was really disappointed with his attitude. I wished for some kind of dominant reaction or punishment but there was none.
I felt guilty since then. But I can stop thinking on being used again.
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