Today?s counseling group was ?Solutions?. Maggie the Chelsea Handler look-a-like left for greener pastures and instead I had a guy named Andrew who looks kinda like someone who paints water colors and takes his dog to therapy.
There are 4 people in my group, including myself.
We have Kevin, the sunglasses wearing methadone addict.
John, the quiet drug-addict who looks like he was once a very mean biker.
Then there is the girl whose name I never find out. She is impossibly skinny, with wide green eyes flitting nervously about the room.
She has lots of bracelets. All plastic.
Andrew has no idea how to start group. He asks us what our problems are. Kevin goes first.
?Well, I got lotsa problems, ya see. DRUG problems, ya know.? Kevin?s voice goes soft and loud for emphasizing certain words. Listening to him is kind of like listening to the Pixies. Loud. Soft. Loud. Soft.
?I just got offa methadone four ..four months ago. It?s a bad deal. BAD deal I tell ya.?
John goes next. He?s quiet and very visibly depressed. He was a drug addict. Oxy. He kicked a policeman in the knee and went to jail for six months. He said it wasn?t too bad except for having to ?poop in front of someone?.
John is wearing cowboy boots, Wranglers and has a scruffy beard and coarse brown hair. He has lots of tattoos. I can?t figure out what any of them are.
Then we get to nervous eyed girl. ?Um?may I have permission to leave the group??
?Sure? Andrew goes, taken aback. ?Whats wrong??
Nervous girl waves a hand at us. ?I can?t be around men.?
?Sure sure. Let me walk you out.? Andrew goes with her and closes the door behind him.
The three of us look around at each other, as if trying to figure out which one of us was the offending male that caused her to leave.
?Well then.? John grunts.
Kevin jerks up in his chair again. ?WHAT is that?? He gets up and goes over to the painting on the wall. It?s an abstract painting of a dandelion. ?I like art. I?m sumthin? of a ART fanatic.? He tilts his head sideways. ?Mmhmm. Yup.?
I look over at John, eyes wide. John looks at me and shakes his head once and looks down at his boots.
Kevin is back in his chair. The wrong way. He is backwards, poking at the vcr behind him. ?VTECH? What da hell is VTECH? I ain?t never heard a no VTech.?
Andrew comes back in and Kevin gets back in his chair the correct way.
I tell Andrew my problems. Divorce. Death. Druggies. Depression.
?Now, I?d like to start with one of the core ingredients of depression?, Andrew begins ?which is anger. It?s said that depression is simply anger directed INward.?
The air conditioner clicks on and Kevin jerks in his chair like he?s been shot.
?You all right?? Andrew looks puzzled.
?I?m JUMPY! They got me on some thang called Remorisl.?
?You mean Restoril??
?Yeah thats it. It?s..?
?Or Remeron? There?s a lot of ?R? medications.?
?YEAH! Remerons. Makes ME jumpy.?
John grunts.
?Okay then. Now.? Andrew the counselor scribbles on the dry-erase board. ?Thoughts. Emotions. Actions. These are all?.
Kevin bursts out. ?This is all CLICKIN for me!?
Andrew pauses, marker in hand looking at him. ?Yes??
?Oh nothin.? He waves a hand in the air. ?You doin a good JOBBBB?.
John snickers. I?ve decided I like him.
I tune Kevin out for a while and try to concentrate on my hand-outs and the dry-erase board. He runs through some scenarios of how thoughts impact actions and how actions impact thoughts. I think about my Mom.
The air conditioner shuts off. Kevin almost falls out of his chair.
John grunts. Or is laughing. I can?t tell. I hold my hand-out of thoughts versus actions over my face as if concentrating really hard and cough-laugh.
Later on, we are trying to discuss why John kicked the policeman in the knee. ?He shouldn?t a been messin with me.? John laughs dryly. ?I dont know what I was feelin. I just kicked him.?
?But what I wanna know is what do you DO about how you feel when you have like, post stress traumatic SYNDROMES like when everythin in your head is like KKKKRRRAAAA!!!? Kevin shakes his head back and forth like a dog with a shoe.
I clear my throat and try not to laugh.
The air conditioner clicks on. ?DAMNIT!? Kevin jerks, waving an arm in the air and looks around behind him at the ceiling.
?Okay guys, I hope we learned something today and this was productive for you all.? Andrew wraps it up. I go and shake his hand and ask if I can keep the handouts.
?You did a good JOB, man!? Kevin proclaims, standing up and yawning loudly.
As I?m leaving, I look across the lobby and Kevin is standing there in his sweatpants and baseball cap, head tilted, looking at a children?s scribbled crayola drawing of a dog in a pool.
