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this is my profile from another site....
i have been back in the "lifestyle" for about two years... my ex-husband and i had the intentions of living a D/s life when i was 18 but it quickly turned to abuse and i spent the next 20 years just trying to stay alive and sane.... those years taught me to be a very strong and independent woman.... and i learned that i am the only one i can depend on.... hence my struggles today with my submission.... there are parts of me that i fought very hard for and i am just not able nor willing to give those pieces up....
it is very hard for me to express what it is that i am looking for... it is a feeling... abstract... not concrete... for me a D/s relationship is a very natural and flowing relationship... not forced... one built on mutual respect, trust and honesty... friendship and love... to the outside world it would resemble a "traditional" relationship.... one where the woman defers to her Partner yet is cherished and wanted... respected for what she brings..... a prized possession....
it takes a strong Man to handle me... i can be stubborn... sometimes i speak before thinking which also means sometimes i react without thinking and regret it later.... i need structure, a firm hand and sometimes kept on a short leash... but someone with the wisdom to know when my free spirited soul needs some room to fly.... i don't need to be fixed or changed.... but guided to be the best possible...
i also have a short attention span.... combined with a little bit of an attention slut (i know... bad, right?)... getting my attention is easy.... keeping it is the challenge.... showing me consistent and sincere attention is the key to keeping mine.... i don't do well with being ignored... i will take that as a sign that i am not wanted each and every time... and leave.... i don't stay where i am not wanted....
that all being said.... i am loyal to a fault... love fiercely and passionately.... once my trust is gained there is pretty much i wouldn't do for the right One.... when i am disobedient You can know that i will be the first one telling on myself.... and accept my punishment with grace, dignity and gratitude.... or as much as possible...
the kink is the icing on the cake.... it is the feeling of being owned and controlled by a Man stronger than me.... that i crave and need yet it is not easily given... i have to know that i am in "safe" hands... that He has my best interests at heart...
i am a very spiritual woman and i would love to explore how my spirituality and BDSM can be combined.... i am Pagan and am a practicing witch.... an initiated High Priestess and have been an apprentice to a Medicine Woman in the Jemez Mountains of New Mexico... i study and practice various healing methods... i was a member of a spiritual Order for many years which is where i received the majority of my training...
i work as a victim advocate to victims of sexual assault and am very passionate about my work... i also work with at risk youth.... "gang bangers" and i am good at it.... it seems they relate to me... because of my abuse i can relate to where they are coming from.... that need to belong somewhere.... before this i was an activist for people with HIV/AIDS... i have worked in the helping profession most of my adult life...
i love pretty much any outdoor activities except hunting... camping and hiking... gardening.... yardwork... i love to play in the dirt... but i clean up nice...
i workout pretty much everyday.... between 2006 and 2008 i lost over a hundred pounds.... in a very healthy manner... i try to eat healthy most of the time... i ran my first 5k in November with my youngest daughter... at 50 years of age and i did it in 35 minutes and 28 seconds... not bad... i do strength training as well.... i love being strong... i don't own a television but listen to music all the time.... it sooths my soul.... i am not a couch potato and it might sound shallow but my partner needs to be physically fit as well... |
