Recently, I have been receiving some messages to my inbox from various members, male, female, and couples, asking if I could come out and "play" with them. These are not members that regularly come out to events, and as far as I can tell from their profiles they do not have any mutual friends with me but the general ones like the leaders of NK and WK. When I use to get these messages when I was single and I was not interested in the person or the couple, I would politely tell them that I was not interested in them. They were almost always polite and cordial in response to my decision with the rare few who would get rude and angry.

Now that I am married, something seems to have...changed.

Last week, I got a message from a couple who shall remain nameless because they either changed their name or cancelled their account and I rather not start drama if they do decide to come out to events. Their first message was polite, asking if I would come meet them out in public for lunch, their treat. I responded I would rather meet them at the NK munch and pay for my own meal. Of course, they said they do not go out to the socials which sent the first warning bell off in my head. The couple then proceeded to ask if I could be more comfortable just meeting the wife somewhere for coffee before HEADING OVER TO THEIR PLACE so we could get to know each other better. I tried to be polite when telling them that I do not go to private residences without knowing the person first and never without my husband unless I have known the person for quite some time.

Now, the word "husband" seems to have made them, I don't know, hopeful, because they seemed to get more zealous in their intentions with me. I believe the phrase "I am sure that if you and your husband came over we could all have a good time." as well as "We can invite other couple over with similar interests if that would help you become more at ease and relaxed about letting go and enjoying yourself." which I am pretty sure meant that they wanted us to swing. I explained to them that we are monogamous and do not play with others. (At least, not right now. People evolve over the years and it may change, but as of right now we are pretty much into just each other, but that is another thing entirely!) A couple more messages come back and forth before they finally get the hint that my husband and I are just not into that type of thing. Their final response was so nasty and hateful that I just blocked them after that.

This is not the first time that this has happened since The Man and I have officially became a couple. It seems that I catch hell for not being into the "swinging" lifestyle even though I am into BDSM. Over the last month I have gotten four people messaging me about my husband and I coming out to play, and being told we are not really into the life since we do not play with others. What gets me is it isn't the people that comes out to munches, but the people who lurk in the shadows. They seem to only be a member of the community group online and not a member of the community. The people that come out to the munches do not give us flack for it, in fact they are happy that we are trying to become part of the family.

I guess my question is why the people who lurk in the shadows to prey on the people in the community who do not know any better think that they have any right to say what I do and do not want to do with myself? They seem to think that on my profile that the Monogamous label means nothing since I have labeled myself a sub. One person said I was not a true sub because I did not obey their command without question, which makes me wonder if he got laid or play at all since I have no doubt that he was one of those abusive Dom/Top/Master types. Well, I don't care what they think because I know better, but what about the people who do not know any better? I luckily have enough self-esteem now to not place sex as the only reason why a person would ever want to spend time with me or hand out with me. I just worry about the ones who don't have self-esteem and will do anything to get approval.

I think I am going to start making a list and handing it over to the leaders of the community, because if the people come out to the socials eventually I am afraid they will prey on some of the new people who come out and make them think that it is the only way that the new person can be a part of the community.

Ug, so who wants to help fund our move to Nashville? Anyone? Yea thought not.

Everyone has had it happened. You get in a relationship, you get comfortable, and it becomes the best thing that ever happened in your life. Then, that little thing from the past comes back to try and get you to come back to them. Being in a relationship, you try to let the down easy, and things go sideways.

Recently, someone from my past messaged me out of the blue. The guy was curious to see how I was doing and wanted to know if I could get together with him to catch up. I told him sure, I would just have to check with my husband to see what my availability would be for the following week in my free time. At that point, things turned…well a little ugly and pathetic on his end.

First, he was shocked that I was married. It shouldn’t have been all that surprising since I changed my name on Facebook and most of my other sites clearly state that I am married. He was messaging me on my phone, and obviously not checked with my sites within the last oh year or so. The conversation turned from a friendly how do you do to why did you marry someone like that? I, loving my husband and happily married, tell him that it made me happy and he is what I want for a mate for life. That response didn’t appease him, because he immediately got butt hurt. I think my favorite insult was “His boobs have got to be as big as yours and you choose to marry him? That is not a real man.” He actually asked me to meet him at his apartment to discuss this “horrible mistake you have made for yourself and see if we can get you out of it.”

Now, as much as I wanted to be cordial to this person, my anger hit its boiling point with that remark. I sent the person a long lengthy couple of messages. I explained that my husband was a real man. He is going to school so he can support me and make me the housewife I want and SHOULD be. My husband is the type of man that will spoil me rotten, is not ashamed to take me out in public, and understands me in all my issues. Not only that, I find my husband sexy as hell. Just because he doesn’t fit what social standards are for most doesn’t mean he isn’t attractive to me. In fact, I told the guy he insulted ME because my husband was an extension of myself now that we were together.

The guy immediately turned around when he realized I would not be walked all over. “I just wish you were single so I could keep you,” he demurred. “I let you get away and I shouldn’t have. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.” Of course, I looked back on our relationship and go think to myself that he was joking. Like most of the men who I attempted to date before I met my husband, I was the dirty little secret. All of us bigger girls have had this guy, the one who will fuck the hell out of us, compliment us on our lovely luscious figure, and come over often to hang out and talk about their problems. We are amazing listeners apparently, us curvy chicks. When I suggested I meet his friends, the excuses came about. I didn’t think about it because we were only friends, but at the time I should have seen the signs. I saw on his Facebook that he got a girl that was one of those girls that are socially standard attractive, and he stopped answering my texts. I moved on, so I assumed he also moved on. However, I figured since he was just surprised, I decided to let his insult go and be the adult in this situation. So, I told him that if he wanted to hang out in public to see a movie that was fine, but we could only meet in public or with my husband.

Here comes my favorite part.

He tells me “Oh no I couldn’t do that. I don’t want to cause any strife in your marriage.” Yea, like how you were telling me that it was a mistake to get married wouldn’t do that. And then, oh and then the comment “I remember you being kinky, do you have any kinky chick friends that you could introduce me to?” Ah, the truth comes out. I proceed to laugh, loudly, because I called it. He wanted to get laid again. I asked him what happened with this girl, and he said he got bored because she was just too plain. He thought that I would put some excitement in his sex life. He told me that I was one of the only girls that ever got him to cum fast, so maybe another kinky girl could. I told him where he could go after that, then ignored him from that day forward. I read his texts, all of them calling me a bitch and how I needed to loosen up. A couple of them talked about how he hoped I would stay ugly and fat because my ugly fat husband and I would suit each other when people looked at us in public. I just let it roll off my back, because I knew what the real issue was with him.

He was thinking that maybe if he showed some interest in me, I would be grateful enough to give him sex again. He may have even pretended to want a relationship with me, going as far as introducing me to his friends because now that he is older they will forgive him banging a fat chick. After all, good girls are hard to find. Then, as soon as a girl he finds attractive and his friends will find attractive comes along, I am no longer welcome around anymore. I am sorry, but I am not that girl anymore. If anything happens to my husband, I promise you I will never be this girl again.

I am telling this because I want other girls out there to know that you deserve a man like mine. No matter how you look or what problems you have, you deserve to have no less than what you want from a man in your life. Don’t settle on asshats like that. If you think you are being treated like this, walk away from him and find someone who will take him to meet your friends, who will be proud to have you on his arm, and who makes you feel like you are the most important and most wonderful thing that ever happened to him. If you are getting anything less than what I described above, then I urge you to make the best decision of your life by taking your sex life in your hands, and not let a man use you like he did me.

The husband and I discussed how being on here is actually not necessary since I am not looking for anyone, and we don't share each other. That, and the solicitation emails are getting out of hand.

So, in a week I will shut off this account, and anyone who wants to follow what I am doing, read http://thegothhousewife.blogspot.com and it should tell you what is going on in my life.

I am often told not to feed the trolls, but the internet makes it too easy to resist ^.^

I wish I had the ability to run away this weekend. I want to just go away and not be around people that I am normally around. My husband is wonderful, don't get me wrong. I love him. I just have this driving need to get away from everyone and sit and be myself for a while. He doesn't understand when I try to tell him this. I tried to explain once it is not him. I just wanted him to know that I feel these urges once in a while.

I use to run off and sit on a friend of mine's bed and watching him play video games for hours. He would get me my sodas and bring me food when he went out but I would doze and color my felt posters and just watch him kill things. Sometimes I would try to do things like that on the XBOX myself, but I miss that. My husband will never get that I want that not just from him but from someone else. Someone that will reassure me that if anything happens to him, anything at all, when he is gone someone, anyone will care about me and make me feel like I am wanted and not a nuisance. I know I married him, but sometimes I wonder if I am still just a burden to him. I have to keep thinking over and over he is not the people I use to date before that he is not going to push me into talking about things I don't want to talk about or do things that are out of the zone I am comfortable in breaching at the moment. I just feel like I am holding him back from things he wants to do in life.

I almost burst into tears at work when I finally told him I was not myself and did not want to go out on Saturday with his mom. I have been driving him around for two days and I would like to just have some me time. Maybe I will get over this feeling of needing to escape tomorrow when I get up and putter around the house a bit. I might just be PMSing who knows. I will just have to find out I gather. Here is to hoping these feelings of needing to escape will fade like usual and I will get back to normal shortly.

I should have known better than to start trying to sell my own things that I make. it goes from being a bored kitty at the house to "OMG I have 6 hats to crochet" and "I wonder if I should try to sell this on etsy" obsessed.

What to do what to do with a night all to myself and the house empty with no one but me and the dog children? Well first work! Then when I get home, sleep! Nothing out of the ordinary

I wish that I knew what to do right now. It is less than a month away from my wedding, and I am having doubts about it. I know that I need to do this and that I am probably having cold feet, but most of the time I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Meh. I don't know.

Work is work. I have been cut out of overtime for the last week since there were apparently some complaints. Who knows.

Weight loss has pretty much been horrible. I am back up to 240, so my fat ass feels like I am really unattractive. The Man has been pretty supportive about it, but still. You know how females are.

Hopefully the people who are living with us are moved out soon. I am so very tired of having people in my house. I want to be able to walk around without feeling like I am intruding on everything. I walk downstairs to say hi to The Man and I feel like I am intruding on buddy time. And the child OMG the child I hate living with a kid who doesn't pay attention to me or listen. Gah.

Meh tired. Started back my medicine so that might fix some issues.

I am having the most awful confusion of emotions right now...I think I need to drink. Maybe something else. I don't know what to do anymore.

I need a change of pace. I need to get away from the people I am normally around and do something different. I am starting to get restless and cranky again and this is not something that I usually can fix with just going to see the family or something. I am needed to just...get away for a while, but now I cannot do that. Guess I will ahve ot settle for just being...here for a while

I think I might have to work more. When I have free time, I get antsy.

I am in the mood to do something on my days off this week. I mean, I know that The Man is going to want to spend some time with me, but I want to get out of town this weekend. I might be able to let him see the wisdom of me having some time to myself and out of the house, but that is unlikely since he does not want me far from him when we have days off together.

*sigh* I know I am suppose to be the devoted girl that is always home, but there are times when I need some me time away from people I am normally near. I might go wander around somewhere without him so I don't have to worry about going out of town. Meh.

I went to the gym twice this week and I will probably go twice more after that. I am trying to get some stuff done with my physical body shape that will make me more desirable in case something happens with me and The Man. He and I are doing really really well at the moment but you never know what might happen in the future.

I am getting better about being up during the day. I am still able to stay up all night and sleep all day a the drop of a hat. I think that might fade over time if I continue to work this shift I have.

Things are okay. There are still some kinks in the life of being with someone who doesn't do what I want just yet because we are still not comfortable with each other in that aspect, and it doesn't help that we have someone living with us at the moment till they get on their feet.

Annnnnnd, that is pretty much it. Nothing else going on nothing else happening in my sex life that is broadcastable. Just normal stuff really

This whole waking up in the day and sleeping at night stuff is not something I am use to. I am still really really tired during the day. Guess I will have to get some coffee in me more often.

I had my first anxiety attack in over a year at Kroger of all places today. None of my regular triggers were there, I just started to feel...strange. I clawed at my arms a bit and double numbers, name presidents in order of election, things like that. I am upset with myself and annoyed more than anything. A little bit embarrassed as well. I guess it was a fluke but you never know.

Things are okay. Getting use to having days off and sleeping at night and such. Should be interesting.

And yea...kind of in a weird place right now.

For the first time in a very very long time I feel like writing. I have so many different ideas in my head spinning and spinning and spinning that I need to just get it out. I need to make it count though. I often thought that I should write a novel to share some of what is in my head with the world, but the question is, who would want to read some of it?

Sooo, started a new job making a bit more than I was at the last place, signed up for classes at the community college for stuff that I can possibly do and make more money, and going to the gym. Life is going okay. Yay me

I have been trying to get myself motivated to work out more lately, and all I can think about is "Maybe I can just stop being nervous if I lose weight before I go" which defeats the purpose of going to the gym ya know? I need to get down about 70 to 80 pounds to get out of the morbidly obese class. Actually to get out of that class I need to lose about 40 pounds maybe 50, which doesn't make any sense to me what so ever because I would be halfway to my goal weight at that point. That is seriously fuck up man.

Things are going good at home. Getting things cleaned up a lot more than normal with these random days free. I am starting a new job with 8 hour shifts which could mean that I am going to have to switch my weekends off. I rather not have to do that, but it is easier for me to get 15 minutes to and from work financially and physically easier. Plus it is 3-11 so I can go to school, and I can go to the gym longer. It makes me smile. It is also a pay raise. Super exciting.

Hope all of you are doing well ^.^

Soooo, I tried on wedding dresses the other day. Being OCD I am planning a wedding so detailed so that in the next 20 months I don't have to worry about it. I could not believe how much some of these dresses cost. Dear gods I need to lose some weight because if I want an affordable wedding dress then I need to go down about....oh 50 pounds. Which the gym membership will help.

G thinks it is amusing that I am OCD. I have a binder and a portable planner and all kinds of books and ideas that I need to get started on so that way in the last few months before the wedding I can just sit back and do my wedding dress fittings and not have to worry about much else. I even started to work on my fake flower bouquets. Just need to start putting things together.

His mother is buying the wedding reception as a present to us. So that means 1600 I do not have to worry about. That is money I can spend on other things. Like...idk. I have to replace the roof on my house since this recent round of storms fucked it up.

Meh. So tired. Hate it.

Taking advice from an ex of sorts, I proceeded to got myself the movie The Secretary on Netflix. I settled myself in bed with G, put in the movie, and watched probably the most pornographic movie for me ever. I swear some of the parts of the movie I almost came on myself without touching myself at all. It was like...it was like...there was this part of me that just wanted that, craved that, made a lot of sense. When he scolded her in the quiet disapproving tones, it was exactly the type of thing that I want to happen to me.

Let's just say that my man creature enjoyed the effects the movie had on me.

Other than that, been working a lot. Trying to save up the money in case shit goes down and I need to GTFO right away. I am thinking of moving...further away than what I am right now if I do have to get out. Like, maybe Nashville or Chattanooga. I would have to live fairly close to work or school in case I had to get myself to there by walking. I know there are several places I could live in Chattanooga that are walking distance from where I would be working if I can get a job somewhere there. Plus I have more friends there.

Work has been okay at the moment. We have been slammed with people ever since the place the next town over closed up. I am glad because that gives me plenty of hours. I am really enjoying watching my bank account grow. I might be able to spring for a decent Macbook if I can get enough money in savings to cover it and the amount I need in case shit goes down.

Mostly I have been okay lately. I have been outlining some of my novel ideas and making it a bit easier to write if I could just let myself sit still and write them or at least start some of them so I can send off chapters to friends to edit or something. Other than that I haven't been as depressed as I was before and it looks like I am getting better overall.

G is kind of baffled. He actually is shocked at how little I am working now. I mean yea I cut down my hours from 130 to like...okay not as much as I thought I cut it. But I am sure that I am not working like 6 or 7 or 8 days in a row now. I am at least only working 5 in a row before taking a day off.

I have been doing some more house work. I am getting my boxes unpacked and only have a few left.It is a new experience coming home to someone. G is dealing with it the best he can and he laughs at me when I start to have fits. He just lets me go.

So honestly I am happy. I am content with my life I am starting to make here. He is a man that I can be with the rest of my life, I just...okay the sex is lacking. There are things that I want to do sexually and I cannot get it from him. He won't do them or physically cannot do them because of his health issues and mental issues that he suffers from his ex's.

I wish...I wish some of the people I dated before made an effort before I got myself into this. I love G. I love him more than I can say but some part of me is wondering if this is a mistake. IDK. Meh.

So dude messages me to see if I am "professionally trained" and being a good sport I continue the conversation. Then he asks for my yahoo and I give it because let's face it I am an attention whore.

We get on yahoo he asks for cam and I say I don't have one because I am not in the mood do deal with an asshat "demanding" I remove my clothing. He says he wants to stop talking because I might be a dude. Really? I mean I understand that I am ugly as hell but still really? I then told him I do have a cam but I won't turn it on without G home.

It pretty much when downhill from there with me reporting him for spamming and then him supposedly reporting me for being a wannabe and a liar and not into the lifestyle. LOL

Why is it people cannot see that this place isn't just for the meat market type thing anymore.

I have been moving a lot lately. I mean A LOT. G and I have to go get another SUV load today and I am going to be getting a load of things tomorrow or Tuesday once I get the electric and water out of my name.

This is a whole new experience not having to work 60 or 72 hour weeks to support myself. I can get overtime once it picks back up to help pay off my car sooner sure, but the ability to actually save some money. I have been having fits and moods over it. I am often bored with nothing to do so I end up cleaning house and organizing things. I might actually be able to have a LIFE now. ::tears up:: I honestly don't know how to have a life anymore.

Grant it, my friends are coming back to me and trickling around to get back in my life, but still doesn't make it easier to have days off without still panicing about money. I don't think I will stop panicing about money, ever. I just need to learn how to slow down it has been 5 years since I have not worked 60+ hour weeks so this will be a new experience.

Moving is a bitch and a half

I am on my couch with my snuggie on, my large project I am almost finished with across me while the hard boiled eggs cool, and Edward Scissorhands playing. Only one thing is missing, and maybe one day I can have that too.

Friend: I need to get a girlfriend

Me: You need a good girl. The kind that makes an awesome pot roast and bakes cookies then gets tied up and beaten in the bedroom

These past 24 hours have been nothing but a "Let's kick her over and over in the same emotional soft spot till she becomes suicidal" fest.

I have an unexpected day off and nothing to do. Any suggestions?

Gotta love not being able to sleep and having to work tonight

Something has been on my mind for a while and I thought I would go ahead and share it with everyone. It may seem whiny and emo but I know that it will be okay as long as I don't take the trollers I am sure will come out to heart.

I am a housewife. I know how to budget, I can clean extra fast and do it right, can micromanage my time like nothing else, and know how to bake an awesome ass cake for a bake sale.
 

There is however, a dilemma beyond that fact I am not married and do not have any children: I can never honestly be a real housewife because I know what it takes to be one.
 

There are a lot of show on television that place an unrealistic view on what a housewife is. Mainly, The Real Housewives bullshit that people see, or even shows like My Super Sweet 16 and such. They make it seem like being a housewife is all about planning parties, going to luncheons, and spending money out the wazoo. So little girls and teenagers watching these shows grow up thinking that when they get older they too can become a rich spoil wife that doesn't do anything at all.
 

I do know there is more to it than that. Not every male makes enough money to support you and kids, so you will have to budget the money carefully to pay the bills and make it so you and the children can eat that month. You may also have to decide on weather or not you can get new clothes for you, or buy the kids something they need for class like a calculator that costs the 150 bucks. You are also everyone's maid in a way. You also cook and make sure that things go smoothly in the home. It isn't always sunshine and roses, because you and about three other people in the home may have the flu all at once and you may have to be the nurse no matter how you feel.
 

I can do all that. I love the thought of my husband coming home to dinner on the table, not having to worry about if his work clothes are clean and pressed because I know for a fact I did that. I am able to get the kids to soccer practice and make sure that the lunches are packed for the day. I want him to be able to sit down on a Sunday afternoon with the boys and watch a football game with delicious snacks before having to go to work on Monday. I like the thought of doing nothing but taking care of hearth and home, I just know that it takes a male that is reasonably well-educated and makes a modest salary to get by on. Most women think "Eh staying home will be easy, just live off him and let him worry about the money" but alas, I am not like those bitches. I know what a REAL housewife is, and because of today's economy I am pretty sure I cannot get that because of certain standards I place on myself and others.
 

So, I will continue to hope and dream, and think that one day it will happen, because if I am lucky, it just might.

I have coffee, Howl's Moving Castle, a blanket, and pumpkin spice creamer. I am a very relaxed happy kitty

Day off? What is this day off you speak of?

I am a shy peeing person. Today I got the surprise of my life when I peed. A lovely mouse crawled across my bathroom floor. I proceeded to scream, stop peeing, start having an anxiety attack, and then sat down in my sun room to watch Breaking bad to calm down.

Then, the hardware store opened. I hauled my fat ass down to the store, slapped down some Bengal, a 3 pack of roach foggers, two packs of no touch or see traps, a tin trap for mice for under the house, and two packs of rat poison.

These bitches are going to BURN! Momma is tired of playing games with these stupid bitches.

8 days in a row is just way too much for me to do. I need to start taking some time off for me more often. I mean, yea the saving money is nice. I have enough set aside that I can take a few days off a month more than usual, I just don't really have anything to do with anyone.

And apparently, making someone wait six months is unfair to both people in the relationship. I am sorry, but I have been hurt by myself way too many times because I think that I have to give someone sex just so they will stay with me. This is more for me therapy wise than it is about them.

I lost a friend who I wasn't really close to recently. It kind of sucks but I can deal with it really.

I think the next time I have a couple days off in a row I need to disappear one of those days somewhere unexpected, somewhere that my phone cannot be reached, and just chill. It really blows having no friends anymore. My hectic work schedule and constant depression and self-destructive behavior has made me pretty much alone. Going to work is the only real social interaction I get now. They are the only people I have to talk to and be around. It kind of sucks.

I am thinking of starting a World of Darkness game once I get all the books for it. I mean, I need to get all the new books at least the starter books and start collecting from there. Maybe I can make more friends that way. Idk.

Just a random posting to let everyone know yes I am alive, and no I am not happy.

I was awoken this morning by someone mowing my backyard. Apparently the city paid someone to get my backyard. So part of the jungle is taken care of, and it makes me kind of happy to be able to see the yard and walk in it. I am excited to see what I can do to it. I already have a garden planned out. Just need to figure out how to plant and where to plan it.

And also, the sun hates me. I was outside for like 10 minutes tops and I am getting a little bit red in the skin ::cries:: I don't wanna have color!

The humidity has been killing me lately. I actually have to turn on my A/C which makes the budget monster in me twitch like hell. I do not like having to turn on something that I deem an extravagance. It helps me sleep and makes it easier to breath, but still do not like having to pay a HUGE electric bill.

Unless I can pick up tomorrow for some hours, I think I might tackle the jungle I like to call my backyard, or if it rains the disaster I like to call my upstairs will get a good cleaning. I figure it will help me feel a little better and I might even have my Law and Order: SVU marathon if I get enough work done that I do not feel like a total lazy fat ass that is not worth the time to get to know or anything. Cuz ya know, putting a six months in a relationship before sex rule I just decided to impose is REALLY screwing up my love life ::bangs head on end table::

Work has been crazy lately. I am going to probably have to take a vacation sometime around my birthday next month or a couple days off no matter what to just relax a bit. I feel...off kilter. Like my head is in water. I don't think it helps any that in the new Alice: Madness Returns game I have been battling in the water level. Kind of makes it harder to think playing a game like that too. I did get Bioshock and Bioshock 2 because the sister picked it up in Gamestop and literally COOED "Oooo what is this?" and started to pet the first game. How could I NOT get it at that point? It made her happy and amused me greatly watching her play that.

I just got out of work, and it is a Sonic and Labyrinth night which I am refraining from eating and watching, so if there are any typos I do apologize.

Believe it or not, sucking on a rabbit actually helps the urges to blow someone. Never thought of that before

It is a day like today that I want to curl up with someone while they play video games and sleep. Then wake up and smile at them with this look and get played with and pleasured before I have to go to work, and feel loved like nothing before. Then again I am pretty sure that won't happen considering I have really high standards

My life is getting a slight bit better now that I had my mild breakdown the other day. I suppose the whole ordeal was about everything creating down on me at once, which I do not do well with at all I never really do well with stress to begin with as some of you know.

My television is getting fixed today. Much happiness to be had there! I have missed my TV and honestly I would love to be able to play some of my video games again. I have had this itch to finish out Dante's INferno for days. Maybe if I can get some video game time in it will help me not die from over working myself this next week

I started my 8 day stretch last night. I am hoping that if I picked up a few more extra days than normal, it will help me catch up on my bills and save some for the summer time. We are suppose to have fewer days than we get right now because we do not have as much work in the summer, but I figure if I can get some extra this summer as I can save for the bills this next winter. Hopefully, I will bot have a 700= bill for my gas hear again. I am sending good money thoughts out there in hopes I can get some of my money plans taken care of so I can get back in school.

Once I have some of my money stuff taken care of, I am hopping I can get into nursing school. It is a very competitive field to try to get into, but it is the only thing that I can guaranteeI will not get my job outsourced to another country. That and I am not really all that smart when I comes to things like science in the chemistry field or do something like engineering. I would be a far long shot to become a doctor but you never know what can happen if I work hard enough.

MY weight seems to be stuck about 215 pounds at the moment. It is getting frustrating as hell to get all of this weight off, but I think once the roommates move out and I start eating at home more often I can start losing more of my large but attractive ass. Here is to hoping I can keep my shape I just tone it up and make it more slender looking. It seems rather ridiculous to me that I need to lose about 70 more pounds before I am considered "healthy" by the AMA standards. In order for a of my height to be in the correct NMI (18% to 25% body fat) I need to erg about 145 pounds. Which is kind of stupid crazy in my opinion, but if it will help me with my life in anyway, shape, or form I can do that for myself I suppose.

I mean, I keep myself clean, I work, I take care of myself, I am buying my own house and car and do not give off this vibe in any way that says "Take care of me!", so why is it so hard for me to find a male who understands I work and have goals? Blah. I guess I need to get back to friends only at the moment till I can straighten some stuff out. I can try to date some people but nothing serious since things constantly change.

Such is life I suppose.

I have been having a really rough time as of late. I have not been updating as much because my life pretty much went to shit this past month. I do not know where to begin really. I gather I will just…start with a train of thought and hope that it helps.

I have been sick since the beginning of February. I caught a cold, the stomach virus, the flu, and then the weather changed and made my sinuses go all to pot. I even had to take some time off work because I had a high fever for about three days and could not move off my bed. I was freezing, then hot, then freezing again. It was not all the great of a time since I really did not have some help to get up and around.

After buying Band of Brothers on Blu-Ray, I come home, set it down, lay down in my bed, then proceed to wake up to my TV being busted. I was like FUCK ME really? I mean grant it I have my computer to watch stuff on but it does not have a Blu-Ray player in it. I have been trying to get Best Buy to come look at it for the past week, and I finally called the store instead of cooperate and the store is sending someone out this morning to get it fixed for me so I do not have to feel like I am going through withdrawals. I mean, I do have some video games that I want to play ya know, like finally finish Batman: Arkham Asylum before the second one comes out, and to finish Dead Space to buy the second one finally. Oh, and finish Dante's inferno. Yea I have a lot to finish on my plate I know to have that many video games to finish , but at least I put work and people I love first.

And oh my gods the asshatery that has been going on with the males in my life right now. Seriously I have been such a good fucking girl by not being a slut and sleeping with just anyone and having the good sense to not be alone with people that I know I cannot trust myself with, but dear gods the asshatery. So, apparently Minecraft is more important than I am or a future with me and bettering ones self by applying and going to college. Also, I was kind of worried about someone I knows father, because I know that he was having a hard time with his father's condition and that it was not good. I texted him because I wanted to know what was going on, and proceeded to be basically told I was a stalker and worthless in so many words, and that my fucking feelings didn't bloody matter because HE was in a bad place in life and I left him and blah blah blah. Okay, first of all I was not wanting to do anything with him I just wanted to know how he was doing and secondly, do not tell me you need to see me, get my hopes up that I might get to spend some time with a male that will not try to get into my fucking pants and just be around for a while possibly playing cards and baking things and cooking and caring for someone without feeling like I have to bend the fuck over and let him have his way to me, then tell me to fuck off I am NOT going to do shit to him again. ::bangs her head on her dresser and tries not to cry:: This is STUPID FRACKING GORRAM BULLSHIT I swear. If I could live without penis I would be a lesbian. Strap-ons are not the same nor are dildos. I have a nice vibrator but that doesn't take place of being held and told that I do belong here and that I am not part of another world and that it will all be okay.

So, yea. I am going to go through my Tim Burton collection, watch it as much as I possibly can and hope that the people can fix my TV, and maybe hold onto the hope that one day if I possibly lose some of my fat ass that someone might be able to put up with me, since apparently men will only put up with difficult women if they are amazingly hot.

Damage to Sex life post from long long ago I have saved

10. Comic Books Public Humiliation: 49.5%

Our studies show that comic book geeks are normally solitary, but engage in very noisy arguments when gathered in numbers. These are usually based on the most recent superhero movie, and how much it sucked. This sucking is always measured in direct relation to the number of continuity problems between it and an issue of The Incredible Hulk, which to be honest, had some problems of its own like the Abrams tank with the completely wrong size smoothbore turret and the Hulk’s hair just all of a sudden being parted the other way! Safety Tip: If your comic book geek isn’t loudly complaining about something, check carefully – you might have blacked out and killed it.
Damage to Sex Life: 68.7%
When you’re finished showing someone your chart of all the ways Magneto’s hat in X-Men 2 was incorrect, it’s going to be a long, uphill battle to then have sex with them. And to make matters worse, the faulty shape of the dong port in the movie’s version of Magneto’s hat will make having sex with it even harder.
Distinguishing Characteristics: Comic book geeks wear a uniform of a faded Green Lantern t-shirt and a confrontationally unkempt appearance.

9. Role Playing Games Public Humiliation: 63.4%

Dungeons and Dragons combines the nerdiness of a fantasy setting with the fruitiness of improvisational theatre, and as if that weren’t enough for them to deal with, the rest of us think these people are going to go crazy and kill us. It’s really hard for society to do more to tell you that if you play this game, you’re on your own.
Damage to Sex Life: 78.0%
We weren’t exactly sure on this figure, since a 78% means that there’s still a 22% chance of a woman walking by role players and one of them saying, “A minotaur? Here in the Dungeon of Kajmar!? Very well, I swing my axe of axing at th- why hello there, pretty lady. My name’s Twinkleberry, The Spritish Pegasus. Why, as a matter of fact I AM single.”
Distinguishing Characteristics: An RPGeek either wears a black heavy metal shirt or, in tragic attempts at stylishness, a button-up shirt with a wrap-around dragon and flames.

8. Scrapbooking Public Humiliation: 86.2%

Most people tend to avoid scrapbookers in an effort to prevent their photo from being pasted between a floral border along with a word bubble shouting, “Are we having fun yet!” Scrapbookers have an insatiable hunger to date and catalogue precious moments, and many fear that these keepsakes are being collected to one day be used in an evil plan to flood the world with vomit.
Damage to Sex Life: N/A
People who make scrapbooks do not have sex organs like you and me. As required by the Code of the Scrapbookers, after the completion of their first book of cherished memories, surgeons replace their genitalia with paste dispensers.
Distinguishing Characteristics: You’ll know these people because they’re always leading a small parade of their offspring in karate, ballet, scout or soccer uniforms. And according to shocking facts learned from these people’s sweatshirts, their children THINK THEY’RE AN ATM!

7. Star Wars Public Humiliation: 82.1%

Before the lame-ass new Star Wars movies, we might have let it go if we saw a Lando Calrissian or an Ewok waiting in line for a movie. Not anymore. Anyone disguised as a Jedi in this day and age had better have been helped into that costume by a caregiver assigned by the state to assist their special needs. Related Trivia Fact: Admiral Ackbar is the guy with the fish head from Return of the Jedi that screams things like, “Shorshenblorg borshchortle!”
Damage to Sex Life: 54.6%
Dressing like Darth Vader creates a number of sexual obstacles. First you have to find someone who doesn’t mind dating the dark lord of geeks, and from this point on the sentence is moot since you won’t, and then they have to safely be able to dig their way through your codpiece of cybernetic space enhancements. Impossible. Plus, the speech that Darth Vader gave to Natalie Portman in Episode II (about how she was so great because she wasn’t like sand) is going to hang over the heads of evil single Jedi for generations. On the other hand, the strict moral code of the good Jedi prevents them from touching naked women with anything other than a light saber. And that, of course, would kill them. On the third hand, I have this theory I’ve been meaning to test that jumping into a room naked and screaming like Chewbacca would be super erotic. Keep in mind, however, that my last theory, “Wouldn’t it be sweet if these were like, FLYING condoms?” went largely ignored by the sex community.
Distinguishing Characteristics: Overweight, casually strolling into the center of the room, and then when you least expect it, bursting into a blinding Jedi combat storm with a golf ball retriever.

6. Vampirism Public Humiliation: 90.0%

When enjoying Tim Burton movies and the Cure aren’t enough to express your artistic depression, you turn to vampirism. This type of geek gathers with its kind to simulate vampiric society through a game of milling around and giving each other spooky threats in untraceable fake accents. Beginner’s Tip: The costumes and makeup required for this hobby are elaborate, so if you don’t have time every morning for a Dracula makeover, you can send the same message by just wearing a sign reading, “I hate my parents and my classmates beat me.” To make this slightly more vampiric you may want to add the word “Blah!” at the beginning and end of the sentence.
Damage to Sex Life: 14.9%
One danger of vampiric sex is that many singles within in these communities are actually undercover vampire hunters waiting to jam a stake into you while you’re struggling to untie your corset. Aside from that hazard, though, it’s all good news: The dark creatures breed some pretty sexy people jammed into some skimpy leathery outfits. If you don’t mind making out with someone who, like you, tastes like stage blood and cigarettes, you can lead an exciting sex life of the night.
Distinguishing Characteristics: Vampires are difficult to spot. Keep an eye out for the group of restless magician corpses with simulated human remains dripping from their mouths. One way I’ve found to make sure they’re real vampires is to scream, “Skeletor!” and see if they cheer in agreement.

5. Collectible Card Games Public Humiliation: 96.8%

Some experts claim that living a moment of completely pure humiliation is impossible, since that can only be achieved through some kind of lethal masturbation accident. But those experts have never seen the shame on a grown man’s face who’s just been caught by someone he knows playing Pokemon cards with a 10-year-old stranger in a hobby store.
Damage to Sex Life: 89.3%
All the carefully constructed card decks and assault strategies become useless once these geeks discover that a woman’s vagina contains no defending dragon harpies. Ha ha, that’s one of those double ironic jokes, because anyone who took high school biology knows that they actually DO.
Distinguishing Characteristics: This geek is always carrying a backpack, at least one more type of case for emergency miniature statues, and a thick layer of atrophied blubber to drip feed them nutrients.

4. Everquest Public Humiliation: 70.1%

Since this game is played over the computer, most people would never know you played it unless you told them. However, if you’ve ever known anyone that’s played Everquest, you know that the part of their brain that allows them to keep the details of their quest for level 8 Vorpal chaps to themselves has long since been destroyed.
Damage to Sex Life: 99.8%
While other geek hobbies act as intercourse repellent, this game is so addicting to its users that it will actually destroy any sex life they might have, through some kind of groin miracle. And with all the male players pretending to be girls to get magical gifts, no one’s inter-gender social skills are going to be finely tuned when or if they ever pull themselves away from imaginary adventuring.
Distinguishing Characteristics: If someone looks like they and their gut have spent the last three days together in the same clothes, and they’re secreting Mountain Dew out of their pores, that’s a good sign of Everquest. The other is the wistful look in their eyes that yearn to gaze upon lizard warriors killing hobbits.

3. Star Trek Public Humiliation: 86.2%

These geeks used to be called Trekkies, but now insist on the less derogatory term Trekkers, which is the image control equivalent of adding a koala bear to the Nazi flag. They tend to be unobtrusive, but for every hundred Trekkers polite enough to obsess in their own homes, there’s some bastard singing at the karaoke bar in Klingon and a computer repairman demanding that his coworkers address him by his Starfleet rank. Before you laugh, though, there’s almost assuredly a third one building something that can vaporize your non-Star Trek ass from orbit.
Damage to Sex Life: 93.4%
While it’s true that ladies crave fat men with pointy ears and a strong armpit odor, those green aliens that Kirk used to bone created a standard of beauty for Trekkies that no Earth woman can live up to.
Distinguishing Characteristics: If someone approaching you is more machine than man and threatening to assimilate you, it’s either a Star Trek enthusiast or an android lost in time. Either way, it’s your duty as a human to smash it.

2. Furries/Plushies Public Humiliation: 99.95%

Furries are people who dress like animals to have sex with each other, usually without regard for gender of their mate or the species of their costume. If that’s tough to wrap your head around, picture McGruff the Crime Dog coming to your school and humping your mascot’s leg. Plushies have a similar hobby, but instead of having sex with nerds dressed as animals, they consummate their relationships with their stuffed animals. I’m sure you’ve heard of these people; they’re the main reason the Care Bears declared war against us.
Damage to Sex Life: -9.2%
For a plushie out on the prowl, the good news is that barnyard puppets just can’t say no. And as for the furries, they don’t seem to be picky about who they mount. Maybe because they’re ecstatic to find other people with the same debilitating social handicap as themselves, but most likely because everyone looks hot as a six-foot chicken. I mean, who’s with me, how do you not [Censor’s note: you really didn’t want to read this part we cut] all the way into its chicken hole!?
Distinguishing Characteristics: You’ll know furries and plushies because they’ll either be wearing a crotchless panda suit or just a screaming teddy bear firmly against their crotch, respectively.

1. Live Action Role Playing Public Humiliation: 100%

Live action role playing, or LARP, is a nerd’s parent’s worst fears come true: Dungeons and Dragons has finally made their child go crazy. These people dress up like fantasy characters and go on adventures where other nerds play the parts of enemy monsters, which would be fine if the participants were in the second grade. When adults do it, it’s like a renaissance faire and backyard wrestling met, had demonic babies, and gave them weapons.

This is an old story I wrote for a class. There is a mistake or two in there but I will post it anyway

     Karie slowly moved up the bus steps trying not to limp. Her head hung low as she quickly moved to her normal sitting place on the bus, ignoring the smaller children poking and prodding each other. She winced in pain as she sat down on the vinyl seat, wondering how long it was going to take for the wounds on her back and legs to heal this time around. Her father’s temper really flared up around this time of the year. It was around this time just a few years ago that her mother was placed into a mental institution for an eating disorder, and then diagnosed with something much worse. Her mother and father divorced, and her father happily remarried later on. Lately, however, he didn’t seem to be happy about anything lately. Irene stayed out of the house at her “work” most of the time and her father seemed to think that it was because of Karie. Last night, the beating was over the fact Karie had cleaned her own room. Karie knew that he only did it because he was mad at her, so she thought it was some form of punishment.
    She felt the bus slow down to let another load of children on the bus. Her hands quickly flew to the hood of her sweater to help cover up her face so her best friend, Chris, would not see the bruises on her face that she wore from the night before. He made his way back to her, occasionally tickling a small child or giving the middle school student a high five. It brought a rare smile to her face to see someone acting so sweet to smaller kids when he really did not have to be. He plopped down in the seat behind her and let out a small sigh. “Man, when I turn sixteen next month, I think I am gonna ride the bus just because I would miss all the kids so much if I drove to school,” he said leaning his back against the window. “So what’s going on with you? You weren’t online when I got home from the store last night.”
    “I had a lot of homework to do,” she muttered staring at her knees hoping that he would take that as truth.
    “Liar,” he said moving so he was leaning over the seat looking at her. “I happen to know for a fact that you finished your homework in Study Hall yesterday, including the extra credit that isn’t due till next week. What is really wrong?” Karie shook her head.
    “Nothing, I just wanted to get a little bit ahead in my history study guide for the next test so I do not have to worry about it later on. I am an over achiever unlike you Mr. Procrastinator,” she said teasingly. Chris let out a small laugh.
    “Just because I wait till the night before to do my five page paper doesn’t mean I am a procrastinator,” Chris replied as he quickly pulled down the hood of Karie’s sweater exposing the bruises on her face to him. Karie saw his eyes widen as she quickly tried to pull the hood back up. She felt her legs being moved as Chris moved from his seat into hers. “What the hell was that?”
    “Nothing,” she protested as he pulled the hood back again to get a closer look at the bruises on her face. He started to probe gently as she let out an exasperated sigh. “Look, Dad just got a little bit mad last night is all. It happens around this time of year, you know that.”
    “That is no excuse Karie,” he ground out. His teeth were grinding against each other as he tried to move her sleeves up to get a better look at her arms, but Karie moved them away from him and glared.
    “I am fine Chris,” she snapped crossing her arms across her chest. “I don’t need you to play doctor. We stopped doing that when we were three, remember?”
    “Smart ass,” he replied with a smirk and went back into his seat. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “You are still my best friend no matter how bad you treat me. I love you no matter what.”
    “Yea yea yea,” she said pulling her hood back up over her head, hiding the bruises from anyone else.
   
     Chris leaned back against his own seat with a grimace on his face. This wasn’t the first time that Karie had covered for her father. It was always the “He just loses his temper” excuse that was fed to him over and over again. The first time it happened, it took everything in him to not take his brand new knife and jam it down her father’s throat. Karie meant more to him than anything and it was eating away inside of him to see her father using her as a punching bag. He braced himself as the bus made the final stop so everyone could get off the bus, and the high school kids could transfer to a different bus. His body tensed as he watched Karie move in slow pain with the wounds that were without a doubt hidden beneath her clothes. He followed behind her making sure no kids hit her fresh wounds. Karie smiled and acted like there was nothing wrong with her, but he knew different.
    “You did do the homework for French, didn’t you?” Karie chided as she took the steps slowly off the bus. Chris winced with her knowing that each step was causing her some sort of pain.
    “I did it yesterday in Study Hall while you were back in the stacks looking for the books you needed for extra credit,” he said with a smile. He stepped beside her and they walked to the other bus. “That and I copied it off you with minor mistakes of my own so it wouldn’t look like I cheated.”
    “That is what I thought,” she said. “It wouldn’t be a day without you using me to copy something.” Chris stood behind her as she got on the other bus, catching a glimpse of a bruised wrist reaching for the handle on the bus.

    Karie walked into the house and smelled something cooking. A smile graced her face knowing that Irene was home on time for once. She placed her book bag in the closet and her shoes before heading to the kitchen only to see her father cooking. Her breath caught in her throat with slight fear as she watched him cooking her favorite dish. He turned around and smiled.
    “Hey there princess,” he said walking over and giving her a gentle hug. Karie tensed up a bit out of pain as he stepped back and gave her a loving kiss on the forehead. “How’s my princess tonight?”
    “Umm, fine Dad thanks,” she said. He doesn’t even care. He is acting like there is nothing wrong or that nothing happened last night, she thought. Might as well play along. “I got an A on a test today.”
    “That is absolutely wonderful,” he said turning back and cooking. “Don’t you worry about a thing tonight, princess. I am going to cook and clean to make sure you are comfortable. I want you to relax and have a wonderful time tonight, ok?”
    “Ok,” she replied backing out of the kitchen. “I am just going to go do some homework before dinner. Tell Irene when she comes in that I am sorry she is working so much lately.” Karie retreated quickly and grabbed her bag out of the front line closet heading to her room. She quickly shut her door and locked it before starting to try breathing again. Her head was spinning, thoughts whirling around in her head. It was so hard for her to put a plain thought about her father in her head. He was up and down all the time and never had a straight day. She didn’t know what to do. She let out a sigh before setting her stuff on her bed and starting on her homework.

    Rick ground his teeth trying to keep his temper. He was fine till his daughter mentioned Irene. Irene was cheating on him. His sources confirmed that the late days at the office were really late meetings with a package boy. He continued to cook trying to resist the urge to fling the pot of mashed potatoes across the room and tear down the plants that Karie had planted in the hanging pots above the window. That stupid ungrateful little bitch never helped around the house unless she was made to by him. All she did was read her school books and talk on that damn internet all the time. He thought he did a better job than that at raising his daughter. Since his real wife had been permanently committed to the mental ward, he has watched his daughter closely to see how badly that damn woman had screwed her up. Rick quickly stamped down his anger as he took the potatoes off the heat and let them sit while he checked on the rolls in the oven. “All I have to do is make it through the night,” he said to himself. “After dinner, I will go to my room, go to sleep, and everything will be fine.” He took several deep breaths, and then calmly started to set the table for dinner, hoping that his temper would hold for the rest of the night.
   
    “Hey Dad,” Karie said walking into the kitchen and giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Dinner almost ready?”
    “Yea princess,” he replied giving her the salad bowl. “Will you set this on the table for me?”
    “Sure,” she said taking the bowl. She walked into the dining room and noticed that only two places were set on the table. “Hey Dad?”
    “Yea princess,” he shouted from the kitchen.
    “Why isn’t there a place setting for Irene?” she innocently asked setting the salad bowl on the table. She heard a crash in the kitchen and furrowed her eyes together. “You ok in there?”
    “Umm yea,” her father replied. She heard him picking up things off the floor as she shouted back to her. “Irene is going to be working late, so it is just you and I eating tonight.”
    “Oh,” she replied sitting down at her place at the table. Her eyes studied the intricate pattern of the place mats while thinking about her stepmother. Irene had been staying at the office a lot lately. Sometimes Irene did not return until late into the night. Karie traced the patterns with her fingers as her father set the other items on the table. When he finally sat down, they held hands, said grace, and started to serve themselves the food.
    After a few moments of eating in silence, Rick finally put down his silverware. “Ok, what are you thinking?” he asked her. Karie raises her eyes from her plate and puts another piece of broccoli in her mouth.
    “What are you talking about Dad?” she replied, placing her silverware back on her plate.
    “You are not talking to me about your day,” he said to her. “What is wrong?”
    “Nothing really,” she told him picking back up her fork and stabbing a piece of carrot with it. “I was just wondering where Irene was.” Karie watched her father as he drew is hands underneath the table. She placed her fork down and studied his reaction. His eyes closed as he started to breath hard and his body tensed up. She watched him tense and relax his body, calculating how long it would take her to get from her chair to her bedroom before he lost his temper.
    “Irene is working late at the office,” he replied with evenly stated words. Karie slowly pushed her chair back and started to rise.
    “Dad, may I be excused to go to my room? I have some homework I need to do,” she asked quietly. Her father’s head snapped up and she knew then that she was in trouble.

    Rick felt his temper finally snap at his daughter’s words. He quickly rose from his seat sending the chair backward and his glass of wine spilling on to the table top. “Why do you want to leave me here?” he roared. He watched as his daughter cowered before him, backing into a wall. “Is it because your dear old Dad isn’t good enough for you to talk to anymore? Why do you want to go to your room? Is it because you are having cyber sex with your little friends on the internet? Are you a chat room slut? Did I turn out to have a whore for a daughter?”
    “No Dad,” she whimpered with her head bowed. Rick’s anger flared at the simpering response that she gave him.
    “No Dad,” he mimicked her as he grabbed a steak knife from the table. Her watch her eyes grow wider as he pointed the knife at her. “You are such a baby you know that? I thought that I raise someone who could take care of herself and stand up for what she knows is right. Are you scared of me?”
    “Dad, I need to go do some homework. Please let me go,” Karie said. He watched her inch closer and closer to the doorframe out of the dining room. He felt his rage swell with her movement.
    “Aw Karie,” he said grabbing a shoulder and touching the tip of her nose with the knife. He heard her whimper as she closed her eyes and took a hard swallow. “Is Daddy scaring you? Are you wanting to leave me too like your stepmother is going to do?”
    “Let me go,” she whispered suddenly breaking free and rushing to the door. Without thinking Rick lashed out with the knife and stabbed Karie in the shoulder. His anger turned into cold panic as his daughter let out a blood curling scream. She collapsed on the floor and started to sob holding her left shoulder. Rick quickly kneeled down next to her, watching the blood slowly seep from the wound on her back into her shirt. He pulled out the knife and cringed as he daughter let out another scream. He made hushing tones as he used the knife to cut open her shirt and look at the wound. His eyes grew wide as he saw the blood seeping from her wound. He grabbed the napkins off the table and placed them against her wound.
    “It’s ok princess. It’s just a scratch,” he insisted as he used one cloth after the other. He tried to keep the blood from hitting the floor. “We can use the butterfly stitches from the First Aid Kit and it will be ok, all right princess?” Karie nodded and Rick let out a sigh of relief. He helped his daughter up and into the bathroom, where they dressed the wound and threw out the shirt. The rest of the night, Rick helped his daughter in any way he could, and when Irene came home, he was already in bed asleep, thinking only of what his daughter was going to do tomorrow.
   
    Chris got on the bus and noticed right away that Karie was sitting funny. He immediately sat down next to her and tossed his bag in the seat behind him.
    “What the hell is wrong?” he asked her. Karie continued to stare out the window, not even giving him the “Annoyed the Hell Outta Me” look she gives him when he asks questions like that. He took her face in his hand and made her look at him. He looked and saw there were no new bruises there, so he knew that it had to be something else. “Ok, you either tell me what is wrong or I will tickle it out of you.”
    “Nothing is wrong with me,” she replied with a slight smile and turned her face back to the window. Chris sighed and shoved her a bit. He jumped back as she cried out and grabbed her shoulder. Chris immediately pulled her shirt aside and saw the stab wound. His wide eyes locked with her shocked ones as understanding came over him. The wound had broken open from the force of the shove a small bit and a trickle of blood started to move down her back. Chris swore and used his shirt sleeve to mop up some of the blood.
    “What is that?” he asked her. Karie turned her face toward the window and closed her eyes.
    “It was an accident. I cut myself on a piece of glass,” she replied.
    “Bull,” Chris said taking his hand away from her wound and started to dig through her bag for a something else to use. Karie covered herself back up and tried to huddle closer to the window.
    “It is nothing, Chris, really,” she whispered. Chris handed her the tissue and shook his head.   
    “This is the last straw Karie,” he told her before moving into the seat behind her. He folded his arms across his chest and sighed before whispering to himself, “This ends today.”

    Karie sat in the chair outside the principal’s office door trembling with anger. How could he? she thought to herself. How could he tell someone. He never told anyone about the incidents before. How could he tell the principal about it? She looked over at Chris sitting in the seat next to her and glared. He gave her a look of concern and leaned toward her a bit.
    “Karie, I had to say something,” he told her. Karie snapped her head forward and stared at the door, watching her father move behind the glass as he shouted at the principal. Chris sighed and moved in front of her, kneeling so he could look her in the eyes. “Karie, the knife could have been bigger and he could have hit something else. He could have killed you. I can’t keep something like this quiet.”
    “I trusted you,” she hissed shoving him backwards. Chris hit the ground as Karie stood. Her small frame towered over him as she began to shout. “You were the one person I trusted to keep this a secret. I can handle myself! I don’t need a social worker coming into the house again and tearing my father apart like the last time. I will not let that happen again!”
    “Karie, please listen to me,” Chris said struggling to get to his feet. “This situation is dangerous. Your father needs to get some help. I needed to tell someone. This isn’t something you can handle.” Karie growled and sat back down in the chair. Her leg bounced up with anger as she closed her eyes and started to breath hard. Chris moved in front of her and placed his hands on her knees. Karie shoved his hands off of her and her eyes snapped open.   
    “Don’t. Touch. Me,” she ground out. At that moment, her father opened the office door and walked out.
    “Karie, we are going home. Now,” he said shoving Chris to the side and grabbing her upper arm. Karie let out a small whimper of pain as she let herself be dragged out of the school office, hearing Chris protest till she was out of earshot.

    “Stupid whore!” her father yelled pushing her through the door. Karie slammed against the wall, the shoulder with the stab wound receiving most of the impact. “What did you tell your little boyfriend, huh? Did you tell him how your dear old dad thinks of you a punching bag? Is that what you think I think of you as?”
    “No sir,” she whimpered holding her shoulder and watching the blood start to spread on her shirt. Rick stormed past her and ignoring the whimpers of pain she was emitting.
    “Irene you stupid bitch get in here,” he shouted. Karie slowly started to make her way to her room, knowing that Irene was not in the house because her car was not in the drive-way. “Irene! I need to tell you what my slut of a daughter has been saying to her little friends. IRENE!” Karie made it to her room and quickly shut the door. Locking it, she calculated how long she had before her father would finally figure out Irene was not there and decide to break down the door. She grabbed her phone, and dialed 911.

    “911, how may I help you?” the operator said.
    “I need police,” he heard the young woman say. “My father is going insane.” The operator heard someone shouting in the background and a loud banging noise.
    “Ma’am where do you live?” he asked. He knew the address from the computer, but he wanted to keep her talking to make sure that she was still there.
    “I…I…I need to get out of here,” she sobbed. The operator quickly sent the message to the police stations and also to the ambulance service as he tried to think of a way to help her.
    “Ma’am, I need to you stay calm,” he said. “Now, is there a window in your room that you can crawl out of?”
    “No,” she whimpered. “The windows are all single pane.”
    “Ok,” he breathed hearing the beating noise grow louder. He began to grow frantic as he realized this girl was in serious danger. “I need to find something to defend your self with while the police are making their way there.”
    “I…I…I can’t” she sobbed. He closed his eyes and started to think harder.
    “Ok, is there anything you can break the window open with?” he asked thinking maybe there was a small chance of her being able to get out that way.
    “The window is too small,” she whimpered. “I can’t fit-“ she was interrupted by a crashing sound. The operator started to panic as he heard the man shout. He heard the phone drop and the girl scream as the smacking of flesh against flesh made its way through the phone. He started to scream into his headset causing all the other operators to turn and start.
    “Sir! Sir, please stop hitting her! The police are on their way,” he shouted. He started to tremble with anger and fear as he heard the girl stop screaming, but the sound of the beating still going on. Tears fell down his face as he screamed into the mouth piece. “You bastard! Stop hitting her! You stupid worthless piece of shit stop hitting her! She is not even awake anymore STOP HITTING HER!” His supervisor came over and unplugged his headset. She gave him a sad look before patting him on the shoulder and walking off. The operator collapsed in his chair sobbing, knowing that even though it was not his fault, if the girl died he would never forgive himself.

    Chris saw the light three blocks down the road. He ran to Karie’s house, praying that she was still alive. He tossed his bag in his yard as he ran past, startling the dog, but Chris did not care. He heard his mother shout after him, but he was only focused on Karie. He reached the house just as they were bringing out a stretcher. He ran past the police guard and straight to the stretcher, not even hearing the policeman shouting at him. Chris walked beside the stretcher looking down at Karie’s swollen facial features. “How is she?”
    “Who are you?” one of the paramedics asked.
“I might as well be her brother,” Chris replied taking one of Karie’s hands.
    “A few broken ribs, a few broken bones in her arms, and lots of internal bleeding,” the paramedic replied. Chris sighed and shook his head.
    “I told her not to go home with him,” Chris said. A policeman came up to him and started to gently pull him away.
    “Sir, I am going to have to ask you to stay behind the barrier,” the policeman asked.
    “She is my best friend,” Chris shouted as he watched them paramedics place Karie in the ambulance. “I want to go with her.” The policeman gave Chris a stern look.
    “Son, do you know what happened here?” he asked Chris pulling out a pad of paper. Chris looked at the officer and sighed.
    “How much do you want to know?”

    Karie woke up and immediately felt pain. She let out a groan and tried to sit up. A cry escaped her lips as she fell back to the bed. Looking around she noticed that she was in a hospital room. She blinked a couple of times to try and get a more focused picture. As the room came into focus, she noticed Chris sleeping in a chair beside her bed. A small smile graced her lips as she picked up the empty cup next to her bed, and gently tossed it at him. It hit him in the head, bouncing off of it and into the hallway. He woke with a start.
    “Whawastha?” he muttered looking around. He jumped up noticing Karie awake and stood by her bedside. He took a hand and leaned forward so he would not have to speak loud. “Brat.”
    “Proud of it,” she replied. “What’s going on?”
    “Your father took the liberty of using you to vent,” Chris replied. “That resulted in him going to jail and being used as a punching bag for someone else. Mom has temporary custody of you since no one else in your family is nearby enough to take care of you, and none of them said they wanted to.” Karie let out a laugh, and then a groan of pain.
    “Oh yea, big surprise there,” she gasped. She gave him a look and sighed. “You know this means you have to do your own homework.”
    “Don’t remind me,” he whispered kissing her forehead just as the nurse walked in the room with the cup.
    “You are awake,” the large black woman said walking over to the IV holder and monitors. “Your vitals are ok, but I am gonna call the doctor to make sure sweetheart. And you,” she said poking Chris, “are gonna have to leave for a while. She still needs rest.”
    “Why?” Karie asked gripping Chris’s hand. He let out a smile and gave he hand a small squeeze.
    “It’s ok,” Chris said. “Nothing else bad is going to happen to you.”   
    “Promise?” she asked as she let his hand slip from hers so he could walk out the door. He looked over his shoulder and gave her the famous grin.
    “Promise.”

I fucking HATE snow. Snow is one of the worst things in the world to someone like me who works in the field I am in. If I do not have someone to cover for me when my shift is over I cannot just leave I have to wait till the people get there. If there is snow on the ground, I may even have to stay all night. This is NOT a pretty thing lemme tell you. Sleeping places at my work are hard to come by if 4 of us have to stay overnight.

My life is okay right now. There is nothing special going on really. I work, I come home, I play my video games, try to get my level 80 to 85 without passing out after 30 minutes. I think I may have to take some time off at some point to recover and just have days where I take time for myself and do nothing but lay around and putter around the house.

I have been trying to get out more lately though on my days off. Problem is since I have said that I want just friends apparently to most males that means "just friends but if I try hard enough she may want to be more" which is becoming annoying. There are guys who are being sweet about it and understand, but then there is the asshats who just will not STOP. I don't know if it is because they are horny dogs or what.

7 days into the year and the no sex without relationship resolution is going strong. Yay me.

So I get a message from someone wanting to "train me for a bit". Now, that makes me think that he just wants to play. Right now I am not really looking for anything because I do not have the time to dedicate to what I really want, so I tell him I am really looking for serious relationships only.

Then I get a response message back from him telling me that being judgmental is not attractive in a sub. Excuse me, but do I or do I not have a right to say what I want to say? Is it not MY CHOICE of who I want to submit to and play with? When did it not become my personal life and someone else's to do with what they will?

I hate when men do this. They assume because I am submissive in the bedroom and that I am willing to let someone tie me up and beat me that I will fawn over someone with a strong overbearing personality. I am sorry to disappoint all of you but I am not going to be a fuck toy for someone to brag about to this buddies that he has someone he can use and not really care about.

It really pisses me the fuck off when people do this.

I am starting to believe that maybe I should try for something, something that I can cling to on days like this besides alcohol or the constant grinding in Warcraft. I look at the people at work who have children, human and dog and cat children, and I envy some of them. They have the life I want to have with someone, eventually. I mean, I don't really know if I want human children yet, but it would be nice to have a dog child to love and care for when my life slows down a bit. Maybe get some fish or something later on. I do not know what my life will bring me right now, but I think some fish might be nice.