GloamingGirl

Male Submissive, 36, Sand Springs, Oklahoma

Female Submissive, 22

Male Switch, 65

I give up. I don't believe there is a man like I want or need. A fierce dragon, a stalker, a romantic, passionate, obsessed. Maybe I want the end result but not the "journey" needed to find it. I can't stomach drinks at a bar or stupid coffee meet ups. I am offended by guys who want to get a room and beat me without knowing me. In the real world no man is going to fall in love at first site with a 42 year old woman even if she wants him to carve his initials in her back and posses her soul and mind. I don't know how to do this. I give up. At least for today.

I give up. I don't believe there is a man like I want or need. A fierce dragon, a stalker, a romantic, passionate, obsessed. Maybe I want the end result but not the "journey" needed to find it. I can't stomach drinks at a bar or stupid coffee meet ups. I am offended by guys who want to get a room and beat me without knowing me. In the real world no man is going to fall in love at first site with a 42 year old woman even if she wants him to carve his initials in her back and posses her soul and mind. I don't know how to do this. I give up. At least for today.

If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days. ~Sylvia Plath

A long pedestrian day. I wish I could lay wrapped in the chains of someone I adored, adores me as well. I am grateful for sleep. It eases the wanting.

You kiss me sweetly on the head as we stand on a hotel balcony. Your hand tightens around my wrist and you whisper, "I could throw you over this balcony so easily. Look at where you would land..." Your other hand pushes me forward until I am on my tip toes looking down at the filthy, gravely roof of the adjoining hotel. There is no anger only love and possession. You could kill me and you own my life. Thank you for reminding me that I am still alive and that you love me. .... And then I woke up. Do you exist?

Sitting at work as the day winds down. I have felt the kind of twisted, obsessed love that I want. So as I sit here I feel the void not having it creates. I have tried all day but I can't seem to smile today. My co-workers think I am the friendliest, sweetest person they know. Today seem such a flip from that. They keeping asking me if I am ok and I say that I am great. I am not. I am 42. I feel my age today. The little girl in me has been missing for a long time now. No coloring. No giggling. No stories. No innocence. Just bleakness. Bleak like the bottom of the ocean: nothing for miles but the crushing weight of the cold, black water. I'll be fine tomorrow once I can push reality away and pretend that I happy.

Two exes and two disasters later. Are you there? Do you even exist? An honest, devoted, stable man who might want a totally silly, strange little girl... Just one capable of wrapping himself up in passion and devotion. One good, strong man.

O and 2 so far on this site. Bachelor #1 wasn't a bachelor. Bachelor #2 deleted his account and his yahoo and disappeared. Everyone tells me to stop looking. Find yourself. Figure out who you are. I know who I am. I am happy with myself but I am happier with someone. I think this site murders hope.

I have learned that my body has very few limits. If you want to break something, it will heal. If you want to cut something, it will scar but I will live. However, I need attention, a lot of it. I feel very lost and alone very easily. I am good at expressing it respectfully. But, it can be too hard on an Dominant who covets his alone time and I know that. I can't help it. It is the six year old in me. So, ignoring me has to be a limit. That's why I know I would not survive in a poly relationship and that has to be a limit as well. I suppose if I you own me, you can push or break those limits. However, I would be broken. As your property, you would have to be responsible for repairing me, something that might not be possible.

Finger-paint on my flesh's pale white canvas with the scarlet blood I willingly shed for you and it will anoint us both in a new religion where you alone are my god.

I saw a dominant's profile today that read he believed he had found his girl. It was so simple and sweet. It made me smile.

Once again I should be sleeping but I can't. I got so used to sleeping with a chain around my ankle. Without it I feel like I am floating away. It shouldn't be such a pain just to sleep. Naps are easy enough. It is just this time of night when the lights are off and reality catches up with a groggy mind. Every stress from the day comes back and my mind whirs like an overwound clock.

I wrote this for my last Owner. He loved it. He was a wonderful man. I accept the fact that you are superior. I am just a girl and while I may have uses in this world, my purpose is no more than a series of holes. I am just a cunt, a weak woman and you have dominion over me, Master.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am just a submissive simple because I want monogamy and marriage someday. Could those two simple facts really change that I am willing to mindlessly obey the right man? I won't become a pedophile either, even if my owner tells me to. Does that mean I can't call myself a slave because I have that limit? A slave means owned... Owned. That's it. I have known slaves that were not submissive at all.

So many men on here are poly. It is hard for me to hold on to the dream that there is a true love out there for me. I have gotten the lecture that poly isn't a rejection of true love. It is embracing the fact that you have enough love to give more than one person. I do understand that. I want my own prince charming though.

A Difference of Opinion (name removed out of respect): There is a difference from being a submissive and being a slave. A slave obeys his Master no matter what. A submissive can have limits. You are not a slave...you are a submissive! Change your profile. Thank you! I wish you well on your journey... GloamingGirl: Right now I am free and I have the right to choose well when it comes to a Master. When I find one or he finds me, I will be his unquestioning slave. Up until that point I have every right in the world to be picky. You don't have the right to say who or what I am. I appreciate your input.

It's 4 am and I can't sleep or won't. I can't tell the difference. The spot beside me is empty and so am I. I check my phone ever few minutes for messages on crappy dating sites. I should read news feeds or look for clothes ideas on pinterest. Anything but this. Every moment feels like a gong in my head bellowing how I am alone in this dark room. Even Lizzy is asleep in my head so I cant color or sew. I am caught in the light of my phone. Mesmerized and clinging to irrational hopes. Maybe that is why Lizzy has eluded me tonight. She is the not-so-jaded side of me and Laura is absolutely wallowing in it. Oh, who is Laura? Another side of the rubix cube I call a brain. She hates me. Or rather, I hate me. Not always of course. I am rather fond of my self on occasion, but lets not talk about any princess tonight. When I do feel hopeless, angry, and self deprecating it is Laura who takes over with her viper tongue and grinds us all into dust. Aptly named for a hateful cousin of mine who forced me to sit in our grandmother's dog house for hours. Nothing like the safety of family.

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