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Good morning to Aall. Well another hot sunny day has shown itself. waiting on dr appointment to come up so decided to check around on some profiles and what people have to say about themselves and what they seek. Some, I am sorry to say are just to funny. To put such demands out there as people do then wonder why it all falls apart. What happened to just telling the basics about who ones is and there needs and then letting nature take its course. I am n ot shocked at this point that many fail.. I remember when time was what was important to start a long strong relationship. Getting to know each other and trust coming into it. Because as a submissive myself I would never trust any right off the bat. That would be suicidal as well as could be harmful for either and turn out badly. Most seem to rushed into getting there so called Master or slave they dont take the time to truely learn them to make a long lasting bond to be together and compete. This site has really changed some but I guess with each new generation and each person needing different things. life is about change but not always for the better unfortunately. I have posted a little info about myself but not everything. Just getting tired of getting mail that has no hi or anything asking what i like or what are my limits.. I am not big on anything about my mouth or restricts my face or air flow. My cancer was in my sinuses and throat and I have a issue with these areas.. Hope all have a great day |
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Well I honestly did not expect to be writing in this again so soon. I have been having a few issues with my iron i think but after a conversation with my clinic finally (been trying to contact them for a return call for weeks) i am now concerned again over what this week will bring. I just dont understand so much anymore on all this. How can they say one is in remission and make them feel they have a chance at a normal life and to live on t hen stick a portacath in you and say we need to use this for ct and pet scans.. to me that seems they are just saying this is for future treatment when it returns.. Well i know my iron is low i am unsure of other electrolites. I guess fear is once again apart of my life. I grow weary of it all honestly. I do have so much inside of me and dont know where to dump it all anymore. Sometimes typing it helps or writing it down.. but when no answers come then what.?? I dont wish to disappear anymore. I just dont want to hurt and be sick. I want to live and have fun, have love have all God meant for all of Uus as Men and Women to have.. Each other.. be complete. whole. Well a new trip to the drs tomorrow then one later in the week.. yippeeee.....Not.. well Hope all have a wonderful week. No telling what it will bring but just keep a happy face and spread a smile.. be thankful the sun came up . Thank God for a new day and if with someone, than You have each other.. xoxo to any who want or need them .. |
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Wow has it really been so long since I last posted. I guess so. I know there is much to say and not sure I will have the courage to speak it all in open for others to read. I am finally in remission again and doing pretty good. Anemia is making things a bit tough right now. Tap a arm and large purple knot bruises are showing up.. can make for interesting conversation though I guess. Specially when others see so many and probable thinking I am abused..lol But no police have talked to me over such nor has anyone else mentioned it. I know many are asking me what I seek on here and that is pretty easy.. I seek friends.. always friends first.. I dont predict the furture or what is to come or even try to pretend I can. I just keep moving on day after day thanking God in heaven that I am still ok and here with my child. To continue watching them grow and being the one to help them. I have been in many situation from full slave to slave only behind closed doors.. to just being a submissive. Each relationship was meant to help me grow as well as the Dominant and each one was filling in their own way. Communication on any level is the key. Anyway. I dont like when people come into my box asking about what I am into and such or what have I done. I openly admit.. I am a slut..but I am not Your slut.. dont put any demands on me.. I dont know You from adam and wont respond to pushy people. I have relinquished no rights of myself to You so dont assume (which our owners teach us that but some dont follow it) You can demand anything of me. I was not born yesturday nor just entered the lifestyle. I have been around it a long long time. Just because You have posted You are a Dominant does not mean I will do what You want or take anything You say seriously.. after all this is the net and I DONT k now You.. but I do still try to respect all as long as the respect is also given at this point. I am slowly working my way back up and my submissive side is getting more and more restless to be full filled but that is something that only time and myself can handle right now and when I am ready and the right person does come along (no online relationships) My heart will know and they will listen and k now all that is going on with me and help me grow once again and when that happens believe You me It will be posted.. xoxo All have a wonderful day and Happy Fathers day to those it applies to as well as to single moms.. |
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Well time for another entry i guess. i hope all are doing well. It has beena little time since i have been on.. more situation to deal with but am back once again. Well i did do something about some stuff and what a few friends of mine had on the table for discussion.. Can a sub/slaves journal be held against them and they be punished for their thoughts and feelings.??? Should they made to feel bad about what they put or how th ey are feeling..?? Any who wish to add a comment go for it.. hugs |
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Yep same ole crap.. You dont have to know if i am real of any dang thing, but what the heck is wrong with giving me a chance and talking to me when i speak to you..whatever.. guess is time to move on from some rooms. Those that have done then You are not worth my time or effort to care anymore. |
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Hi Everyone who might ready this. I hope you are doing well. I have finally gotten a updated photo on here, whew took me long enough, It is still not all that but better than nothing.. It is late and though I have a couple of topics to write about, tonight is not the night. I have not been about because I forgot my password and changed computers..but hey I am here now. Well take care and will type out more later.. hugs for those who want and need them |
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Hi Everyone i do hope everyone on here and their families are doing well. It is hard to believe that spring is right around the corner.. Seems I have been in the hospiral or in bed so much I have once again lost some of my life. But i guess I still have one so I can be thankful for that. I sometimes hate to not be on for a bit and seem to be the outsider in rooms again and have to start all over on here. Is it really worth it. I am thinking not. I go through enough stress each day without being ignored and made to feel unwelcome. Well I do hope everyone on here finds that special someone they seek and pray the future will continue to be filled with happiness, health and most importantly dont take each precious second with someone for granted. life can be taken so quickly , without notice. Grab the happiness while you can. Take care all. God bless for those that believe in Him |
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Hi Everyone. I hope the holidays and the New year has started out awesomely for everyone. To tthose whose have not I send a big warm hug. Well I am back on again. did my next round of chemo. I did not think I would do so bad on it but honestly did not know. I really need to update my picture. I have been asked exactly how small is 124 for my height. I know looks are a important part of attraction between people but since I am only seeking friends on here I did not think it to important but lets see if can explain how men might understand it. I wear a size 4 in jeans lol still not sure that helped. Well as I was saying done with this treatment and dont do another for 5 months so plenty of time to recoop..I do sometimes yearn to be complete again with someone special but wonder if it truely fair to et anyone envolved into my life with all I am going through. It has been hard and I honestly did not think I was so strong, sometimes I do feel like I am falling apart and have absolutely no control over anything going on, but sometimes I do. Well can only continue to do what I have been doing, Take one day at a time, one hour at a time, one sec at a time and just keep moving forward and having faith. Great big hugs for everyone |
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Hi Everyone. well I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday so far. This one will be short due to the hour of the night. A couple of things that are bothering me right now. One is the word whore. ok I can handle, even purr plus some over being called alot of things by my Man, Daddy, Master..but a whore.. grrrrr.. that word has not changed in all these years..it is still a nasty vile word that I would soon drop a Man in His nuts if He ever called me that.... and the other is.. I made a profile for a reason. if You do not read the whole thing exp. looking for f riends only and come into my box asking what I am looking for then my answer will be closing out the pm.. I believe a friendship has to come first and am not looking for any man to want to leap and jump and meet me and move in..etc.. Duh I was not born yesturday nor am I deperate for someone to own me. Life is a bit rough at my end right now and friends mean alot to me. I dont mind having a few Dominants including women talk with me since I have a lack of it in my life at this time.. But they must also know their boundaries and that means dont take liberities that have not been given to them. I talk w ith most anyone but in no way or form am I looking for a permanent Dominant in my life at this time. But if some special spark happens only time will tell..otherwise feel free to ask me in open channel for a pm and we can talk for awhile if You want.. this invite is to any sub/slaves also if Your Owner does not mind.... I hope I have not offeneded any with this. but it is my thoughts and I like everyone else am intitled to my opinions.. hugs be well all |
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ok here goes some fun, it is time for me to find a new name.. any who have talked to me or read about me, please send Your names You might think would work for me.. thanks.. take care |
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Hi Everyone. Well it has been some time since I have written in this or even been online.. I really needed the break to try to get through the rough patch of th is, well I am finally glad my weight is back down and then some. It is neat but sorta scary since I am still not up to eating right yet..just hope it is not to much for i loss. I will have to change my info. also a new picture to come. Seems a few on here have made comments about my picture, that my eyes show alot of sadness..well yeah I guess they might, must have been a down day or something. I have been through alot in the last couple of years and finally am on the right path but emotionally and physically. I am clear of any further treatments til the end of Feb thank Goodness. I have been going out every sat night by myself but hanging out w ith some old friends as well as the lady that owns the sports bar, she has the same cancer I have and that has helped me alot in all this. Anyway a smirnoff and a couple of games of pool (I try lol) the farther I get into drinking th at drink the better I think I am.. well I am back on here for some time now. I hope everyone is doing well and had a happy t hanksgiving as well as they have a safe happy blessed Christmas and new years.. God Bless All and thank You to those who have continued to write and show concern about me. big warm hugs for all  |
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Hi Everyone. hope all are doing well.. Well today seems to be starting rather hum drum but am sure it is only side effects doing their thing til the meds kick in.. well i have spent a few days really reading profiles and journals.. i am truely amazed their are people on here who actually want someone to relocate to be with a couple..but not really poly..but to advertise to help take care of them and help pay bills but only for training..no true commitment.. hellooooooooo.. why not just hire a nurse to come in and help and get another job or if someone is not working then..GET A JOB.. life cannot always be a bed or roses..Sometimes it does take two incomes to keep the Home going.. seems more like they just want someone in the Home to take their money so they can live the good life with no commitment in the process..Hell i can go to a local bar.. get laid, still keep my own money and not have a true commitment.. oh well i guess takes all types..but so many misunderstanding the lifestyle and usuing it to their own advantage and not taking all people and things into consideration.. well i am s ure there will be lots of opinions on this matter..and this one is only mine..i really try not to judge others..but feel that some really need to take caution in this..if i am to submit. relocate and then be under the guidance of someone to deepen and heighten my submission You can believe a true loving commitment would be their..not a well we need You money to help in the household and you to help take care of sick loved one and clean the house and train or teach you your submission..and any day You can be kicked out..NOT going to happen.. rolls eyes as they start to tear up from laughing so hard.. ok well off to treatment..all have a wonderful and blessed day- |
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Hi everyone, well i hope all are doing wonderfullly.. today is not a day to talk of what is going on personal with me. I am thinking that so much mail and pms coming and people asking what i am given up on.. I have mended and ready to move on. well after i am done dealing with the treatments.but am thinking it is time for a new name and i am more than happy to take request on a new one, so if You have one jump on in and send mail to me on your thoughts.. sending a warm hug to everyone.. :) |
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SirVince, Dan-HF, Master2U4, StrictlyD, OldRed and of course My rodeo star. Cowboy M who I have had the great priviledge and Honor to grow closer to recently, these are not full screen names I do not wish to invade their privacy but thank You for the encouraging mail.. It is really does help me alot. Large hugs for all.. There are many more and they will be posted as they come in. To all who have sent mail in the paste thank You huggles |
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pssssssstt..pssssssssssst.. here is a secret for all that are asking or are going to ask. If you have not ever spoken to me before dont ask for my yahoo addy to talk privately never know might be a serial killer who hates the Dominant factor of life..~winks~ |
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Ok lets go there today, since my mood is shot anyway, Just because Your name says real Master..or Master does not mean I will show respect for You or call You such. Being pushy and a jerk does not make You a Dominant.. if You seriously think it does then perhaps You need to research and find Yourself again.. I know there are men out there who just like to be abusive and I like man have learned the hard way about being careful. If not respectful You dont get respect. I am submissive but not stupid nor your submissive.. So move on please and dont waste either of our time any further.. thank You |
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Hi again. well I have read many letters and would love to post them all but unsure if any would like that..but one today I cant even reply to . Dan-HF thank You so much. I love the letter and the seat next to me is open if You care to send mail so I can reserve it for you..smiles.. |
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howdy everyone. well I hope all are doing well or as well as can be. Today is one of those days that it is raining and my mood is dreary with it. I sometimes wonder if I should just stop treatment. It is so hard and I am so tired. Well thank all once again for the mail. Please know that I am not truely seeking anything at this time. I have alot to go through and friendship is about all I am able to give. Not that I am shallow but I think the blimished skin and dryness the once again loss of hair and dramatic weight loss is not enough to turn everyone off..lol I am sure my disposition certainly wont be attractive. I have good days but they are seeming to come far and in between now. I have 9 days left. My Dr is trying to talk me into nine days to living life normal again, but is that really true. It is not about if the cancer will return but a matter of when. Perhaps I will get fotunate to find a attorney to go after a drug company or drs for the mess up on putting me on the med that was the start all this. It seems to me today that so many just dont want to waste their time doing it. I know it is a tough one to sue Dr. but my case seems pretty simple to me. Well I wish they all understand this is alot on me and I have a child to raise and well if I cant work then what? are they going to pay the bills and what my child needs to live and survive. No of course not. God forbid they have to spend one of their valued dimes to help. Anyway I guess I need to step away again and just have a good cry and let it all out then wake up tomorrow with a better smile I hope. Because today is just not working out. I do pray all are doing so well and happy and please dont take even the most little things for granted.. have You told the special people in your life you love them today. If not what are you waiting for. Cherish even the most smallest things. Life is truely precious and can be taken like that from You.. God Bless any and all who believe...babydoll |
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well Hello everyone, well it has definitely been sometime since Ihave been around. thought I have popped on and off.. i am having ahard time to believe that is has been that many months since a entry. Well alot has moved happened so I will start as close to where I was. I am not in radiation treatment and see why they wanted more weight on me. I have no taste at all. Which in one way is sorta neat but in another not so.. my child hands me a sour gummy worm and of course after I have chewed it some, she asked where my sour face is.. which there is non cause i just dont taste anything, though have noticed some stuff is tasting like used coffee grounds.. um gross.. I am not even much of a coffee drinker, I am halfway through it and hating everyminute of it.. But know that it has to be done.. It is a bit tough not really having anyone to share alot of stuff with and to help keep me up.. but I am weather it pretty good I think. Last thing I really wanted was anything like valuums but guess it was to come with the emotional roller coaster that is hitting me. I try to just sleep alot more so not to have to think about everything. I dont think anyone can imagine being able to smell food but not taste it. I know I went through that when the cancer was there.. and through chemo but at that time I could not smell it either and had done without food so long is was no big loss to me at that time. But having tasted and smelled food and then to all of a sudden cant taste..just really bites big time. Anyway on to better things. I do apologize to any who have sent mail and have not gotten a response.. I am up and down alot with sleep, I do try to make rounds on chats sites but sometimes dont manage to get to collar me.. I will make at least one drop into collar me a day but with so much mail sometimes it is hard to answer all. I will do my best but some I will have to answer mass message. aka journal. I do hope all are doing well and life is good for You and have to offer out so much heart love thanks for letters that pour in still offering so much encouragement and support. The biggest question that seems to be on alot of minds is.. am I ready to move on.. well move on to what? A new relationship, A new beginning. Well that will of course depend as any relationship. If a special someone comes along then that will not be a choice to make. it will just happen. There is someone out there for everyone and perhaps I have had my time with mine already. That is just something I cant answer. I am open to making friends and if something happens then it happens if not then I am not worse off.. but am even more blessed in this life to have had that special bond at least once and served a Loving awesome Master/Man and along my life path I have made some wonderful encouraging friends.. Well off to another treatment.. then two weeks to go.. I pray all have a safe, happy wonderful labor day weekend.. God Bless.... ~warm hugs~ |
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Hello all well i meant to write something sooner as in yesturday but seems the day sorta got away from me and my speratic sleeping pattern is wearing me down. Well today i woke up feeling like i started all over again in this. i guess there will be times when You regress but to be honest i was sure hoping it did not slam back down on me like this. i am sure it wont last long. just seems to be one of those days. no really feeling sorry for myself, just sorta bombarded with so much and my mind cannot settle things.. i hate to feel this way.. i have tried to write out all i feel on a piece of paper..but that just did not work the way i want it to. perhaps it is who spoke to me last night.. like all of a sudden i was remember and got some of there time. How odd to get a message out of no where, just when You think nothing left to be said.. well i will confess i did something a bit out of my pace..but it felt so good at the time almost like revenge..but i am slowly feeling a bit guilty over it.. a fight between right and wrong in my nature. oh well what is done is done i guess. i have many things going for me i guess.. but this dark mood sure is spoiling the sun shine.. i came into the auction room hoping it would help shake off how i am feeling. i think perhaps i just need to head out and sleep it off and try again tomorrow..thank You once again to Everyone for all the encouraging mail.i am trying to reply to each one. please those of You assuming are reading to much into things..i am pretty direct and have no problem saying what is on my mind.. Any new people coming into collar me there are so many wonderful people in here, but just be leery there are some not so, also.. be well all ..xoxoxo |
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i received some interesting mail today and just wanted to share with everyone.. the encouraging letters coming in have been so wonderful.. each one bringing me up more, making me really think there is a chance to resolve all this within myself.. but due to a recent contact * smiles* You know who You are.. i have really opened some in Oour talks and hope it to continue and grow into a wonderful friendship. But each letter has had its own impact on me. i have tried to answer each one best and they all have been such a great encouragement that once again i am back today. i dont feel the need to go into great depth of details on things at present, perhaps as health issues and such unfold and new things arise i would be happy to.. but to tell each person all of it would take me to long. but i really wants to post this mans letter to show other subsmissive what not to put up with.. i have endured being belittled and such and still am unsure where this man actually got the right to say such to me.. rolls eyes..oh forget some on here are not real.. and have no clue what they are doing and no life of their own so have to try to belittle others to make thereselves feel more manly.. rolls eyes gain.. oops..forgot my mom said if i do that to much they might stay that way... so no more wasting them on Him..
domxxx sent me mail saying this: u need to give up
i simply replied to it saying this: looks at Your picture..laughs slipping out shaking my head .. saying..yep on anything that looks and talks like You the whole submissive race would give up if You were what we thought of as Dom
his reply was : domxxx 40 yr old hag , just give up
my reply was this before blocking Him.. smiles : laughs.. oh oh that just hurt..NOT.. name calling is for children.. seems You need to be on here searching.. for who You really are...Dom.. looks around.. where? dont see one in this profile.
At this point i have blocked Him.. though i have gotten much nerve up. i am not fully ready to tackle put downs.. etc..
i find myself wondering just why any other person would just openly start downing and bashing at someone for no reason..i dont know this man nor have i ever spoken to him..yes he felt after ready my little story to just tell me to give up.. wow suck true words from a man calling Himself a Dom... NOT..would hate to see any girls who ever became his submissive or slave..poor things indeed..unless he is just one of those that kicks when one is down. appears that way to me.. but of course it is only my opinion so thought would share with others to see how Eeveryone else would think.If get time please feel free to drop me a email on it..i would love to hear from You and let me know if You mind it being posted about this situation. At this point He is now on iggy.. i am still not hat strong to endure to much from this Man so in saying that bettered my mind and day by hitting the block button
Well today so far has been a pleasant one. i will try to write more late..at present have a essay or answer to address on something so perhaps it might be posted later as well..about what i am searching for.. hopes and prays all are having a wonderful day. xoxoxo |
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*speaking gentle and softly* ok this will be different to put something where many can read it..but i am hoping it will settle some peoples minds about my name. Many factors have contributed to the name i picked, saddening as they are one must sometimes endure pain to reach the next level of lifes training.. i am seriously trying to put all this into that category. i chalked it up to a very well lesson learned the hard way. Yes it is a shame for someone to do such to one who was in a extremely vulnerable state i was in..but it happens a lot it seems.. my sympathy goes out to others it has happened to. i have a long road to travel both mental from what has happened but physically as well. i seek no sympathy though at time i do fall short on it for myself. i find myself sitting alone crying wondering why all this on me..i am my own worst critic and enemy in this.. i find myself questioning what i could have done better.. why did He not find me pleasing enough.. i stayed up ungodly hours after taking a dose of chemo cause He wanted me here.. i took His abusive words..i am not a submissive..i am not a slave.. just because i was not feeling well and He wished to role play things..i really took a lot.. not from love.. but from needing someone.. needing a direction in my life and guidance. They say God does not give us more than we can handle.. well i am trying with all i am to prove that is correct..for if fail in all this then it would appear God does give us more than we can burden, and i know in my heart that cant be so.. i have loved greatly and lost in my past. i have had one true Master, burn for me as i for Him. i lost Him after not being married long..but after much grieving, found within myself that the door has shut but a window has opened and what He taught me of love and the fulfillment of slavery in those few years together were enough to last me a life time of what i truly need and seek to be with one...i will know when He who shall own me again comes into my life.. my heart will know, my mind will know.. both will go to Him without reservation, as they did before. There will be no great big battle of right or wrong..it will just be so.. in saying all that.. do not come into my box assuming anything.. i am not Your submissive..i am not Your slave.. i am in my own rights my own person at this time..dealing with the deceit from a Dum-b butt on here and His lies and so many other things i am trying so hard to just deal with.. i don't need anyone leaping saying I AM THE MASTER! YOU WILL OBEY ME.. guess what it is not going to happen.. learn to Master Yourself and get over Your shallowness first. A real Master does not have to go about booming He is such.. it is a aura about Him.. it is apart of Him. it is natural.. and radiates when He speaks.. those that are loud in their demands on others only shows You have no idea what You are doing. Respect given respect gotten..One Man at this time has my submission.. GOD all mighty, my creator.. until i give it to You don't assume.. i am easy going, loving, caring and talk with any. but just please don't assume or get iggied.. end of story.. will try to write daily to answer many question that come in..i do trust little at this point, no You cant call me.. but yes some I will allow a PM in msn messenger of yahoo..but if step over the line. gone..I will always show respect to those who show it to me.. that is my nature.. I am not cruel or harsh..just tired of liars, cheaters and deceivers..so pardon me if I am a bit leery and skeptical of things.. but certainly please don't judge me to harshly over it. I will try to take baby steps in all this to wade through it..as I do.. I will try to answer any questions that come bout as well as my own journey back from within myself to shine and be carefree in who I am to be true to my heart, mind and soul again.. please all be patient.. I will write as often as I can. I wish all the best..given up |
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