geborgenheit

this was my first collarspace profile.  Since then I'm more clear that I really want to be submissive, and also more clear that the chemistry that makes that happen is soooo elusive.  I have rewritten my profile to be more pragmatic and reflect these learnings, but here's the original ramble from Dec 6 or so, 2016:

Everything is refracting lately.  "Submissive" is probably the wrong word, because that has only happened recently and with one person, and I'm not sure it will ever happen again.  But I want it to.  "Switch" is probably better, because there are ways I like being clear and directing and enjoy a goddess space.  But my heart chews on the word "slave" lately more than anything, and I can find plenty of goddess space in there, too. Anyway, take the word "slave" with a grain of salt, because probably I'm like just a run-of-the-mill spankee and brat. (I've been a spankee my whole life, that part is certain.)

And I've also been a sapiosexual type that falls for sweet sensitive neurotic men who don't want to dominate a thing.  Clever funny hipster-ie feminist creative sciency men/people are my home base, and I've have the magic touch of falling for the vanilla ones.   Which is OK!  Who doesn't like love and funny, or making music or going to see a foreign film?

In the "submission" I imagine for myself, there is definitely a primacy of love.  A primacy of chemistry.  A primacy of companionship. 

But there also has to be room for a kink multifacetedness that I'm tired of trying to pin a name to.  Who knows what I'll be with you.  I would love to unfurl and go into Daddy / lg spaces.  Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  But maybe a different bird will land.

I will say that I don't like receiving pain aside from impact play.  I LOVE impact play. I'm very very sensitive.  I've come from energy stuff.  I often come from spanking. I can almost come from just feeling safe and then scared.  I'm very sex-centric in my kinks.  And I want a partner where we vanilla love each other's bodies.

My recent magical submission experience was a full package of emotional resonance, delicious attraction, delight, and compatibility.  It didn't work out. But it woke me up to the possibilities and beauties of such a thing.  And I'm welcoming the whole package again.  I want that bliss again.

That said, almost everything is in flux for me.  I'm not even sure if I wanna be poly or monogamous.  I'm in the middle of pondering relocation.  Maybe you can pin me down into something that makes sense.