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"There is nothing wrong with being afraid---but there is nothing more wrong than allowing that to be your master" - Bobby Darin.

Updated -02/27/2016

I have never been one for labels, but if I had to put one on me today, I would say I'm a switch. I had always considered myself a submissive over the years... but in the the past year or so I have discovered that at times, I struggle to give the control fully to another. At one point in my earlier days for the most part, this life was about the kinky sex and being controlled.. acting like a brat to achieve the desired spanking and attention I had craved so desperately. Over the past 14 years I have grown, learned and have discovered that I am always growing and fluctuating in my needs and desires. It is no longer about the BDSM, it is more about the mind... lets face it, anyone can fuck... I do not desire to just be fucked...I am seeking somebody who not only wishes to get in my panties, but in my mind...Somebody who is willing to take the time to get to know about all those little facets that make me who and what I am. So if you simply are looking for a parking lot blowjob, somebody to fuck and fly...I'm not for you, I will not play with you on a first meet. The one thing I have truly learned over the years and with dealing with places such is this ... Respect... for myself...I have it.. and if you don't, then don't waste your time or more importantly mine.

Updated Photos....
Two weeks ago I went back Blonde after being a bottled Redhead for way to long...I did this for a reason very close to my heart, My Father, who is declining in health and has not seen his baby girl with her natural color since the day he told me? " I don't care what color you do your hair... just done come home a redhead "? So this was for my father.

I've been away working on me, I've become a gym junkie in the process of finding? So me. You know the old saying if you can't love yourself... How can you love another? I am not seeking somebody who lives hundreds of miles away... Please don't think I'm being rude, I'm just being honest, long distance friends are wonderful ...but I'm not here to cam, phone play or just text naughty stuff to strangers. I need real life physical touch in my relationships. I am a baby girl seeking her daddy, somebody to love and who will love me and all the different facets that make me who I am in this lifestyle,somebody who can share all the vanilla things in my life as well as the darker things. I have recently cut my hair and and have gone back Blonde ( my natural color) after being a redhead for 37 years. ( I have put a photo up of my new hairstyle and color change )
I've been down for the past couple weeks dealing with my farther whose health is declining and in the process of dealing with that I ended up with pneumonia. This is the first time I have ever had this and I have to admit it's no joke, it kicked my ass majorly and left me in bed for 8 days. I'm still not 100% but I'm heading back to work today. I just can't afford to miss another day. It sucks sometimes not having anyone in your life to help get you through moments such as this. It's times like this that I am truly reminded of how just alone I really am.
Feeling a bit out of sorts tonight, I can't seem to sleep... Loneliness sucks sometimes
Up and out my door by 4:30AM, there was so much pollen on my car I could have wrote lewd words all over it... So at 5:30AM I was at the car wash giving my car a much need bath... Just got home... Now it's my turn before I head to work! #FeelingProductive
It's bit a bit since I've been on CS, once in a blue moon I will get a notice in my email, telling me I have a new message. I've discovered once I check just the one... Many more follow and then I'm answering a dozen or so more from others. I seem to bounce between here and Fetlife ... Some state "wow, you've been on this site a long time" yes, I have and I have met some great people and not so great people. Will I ever find what I'm seeking ? I don't know, and quite honestly it's not on the top of my list these days. Work, family and friends have kept me sane and busy... So if I happen to meet my Soul mate that's great... If I meet just a few good friends that great... My point is, if and when it's meant to be... It will happen. Until then I will continue to work on me... I've just gone back to being blond ( my natural color) after being red for 37 years
Soapbox time! People amaze me at times, I'm at a point in my life where I just don't have time for games and no longer allow myself to become upset if somebody decides to stop talking with me simply because I don't fit their ideal of what a submissive is or refuse to put out or drop to my knees on a first meet, or because I refuse to whore myself on cam or phone for you..It's your loss for not taking the time to get to know me on a deeper level and it also shows me that all you wanted was a piece of ass and nothing more...just an FYI I've much more respect for myself ... Just because I refuse to be your doormat it does not mean I'm not submissive ... It simply means I choose who to give myself too and when, I find myself each day just not wanting to answer the same old messages such as "so what's forbidden? "( bangs her head on a wall ) I'm so close to just saying hell with this and deleting my profile
Have to love men who think cheating on their wife is ok, I don't care what excuse you use... It will never be a valid excuse in my book... So if you are married and just looking for a total slut to please you however you desire and are not wanting to hear me tell you what a piece of shit you are... Then I strongly suggest you refrain from messaging me... Go talk to your wife instead
I've had an awesome week, I'm starting to feel so much better about me, my confidence grows more and more each day. Sometimes you just have to step back and work on yourself so that you can give fully to another.