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Those who dance are thought insane by those who don't hear the music... - Unknown
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So i do revisit this account from time to time. Mainly this time was to add a gf as a friend. i am afraid i have moved over to somewhat. Really part of me says i should close all my lifestyle accounts and profiles, i will never be who i once was. Valentines Day is hard for me. i think about my past love, my past life. i miss it more then words can say. i never realized how much of my world revolved around Him 24/7 ds and vanilla. Even as i write this my chest feels tight, my eyes tear up. i am not over Him, i don't know that i ever will be over Him. i wish He would send me some guidence, i know He is watching me and has some input on why i am so far off the path i should be on. He taught me what it really was to be a submissive, to be a good girl. i was His girl and i was a very lucky girl. i re-read the personal journal that is a document of our journey. i want to see what it was, why it was that brought me to the level of submission i was in..i have no ds life now. i can't even recall when i played last. i belong to a leather family and there are plenty of Doms who will beat me whenever i wanted. but it is not even that. it's more. there's more. i so long to be that special good girl again to the right person for me.. |
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"When a defining moment comes along, you can do one of two things. Define the moment, or let the moment define you." |
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I am beginning to think I am simply destined to be single and alone.. |
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The Butterfly
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.
Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If we had to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!
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There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will..
So, don't worry about people from your past,there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future..
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The perfect heart
One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming
that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley.
A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect.
There was not a mark or a flaw in it.
Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen.
The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.
Suddenly an old man in front of the crowd and said "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine."
The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but
they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges.
In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.
The people stared - how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought?
The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."
"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the
empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.
Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me.
These are the empty gouges- giving love is taking a chance.
Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting.
So now do you see what true beauty is?"
The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his
heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart.
It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.
The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into
his. They embraced and walked away side by side.
Author Unknown |
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Since tomorrow i will be 42, i have spent some time today looking back at this last year of my life and trying to decide how i feel about it all. i can say this last year has been one full of changes, both in my personal and in D/S life. Some changes have been good, some not so good and some life changing. i tend never to regret anything because it all makes me the person i am today. Not that i could not use some tweaking, but i think i am growing and learning and starting to come out of my "cave" so to speak. Just looking back in retrospect is always interesting. my time will come, when i am ready and willing, and when the right person crosses my path. That's all i can hope for anyhow.. |
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"The open mind never acts: when we have done our utmost to arrive at a reasonable conclusion, we still. . . must close our minds for the moment with a snap, and act dogmatically on our conclusions. "
-- George Bernard Shaw |
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i've been treading water in a deep abyss. Tired, so tired, but unwilling to give up. It is partly my fault that i am where i'm at, for i did not try hard enough to swim closer to the shore. i let myself drift further out due to exhaustion, but committed, and convinced, that as soon as i got my second wind, i'd be able to swim back to shore.
i swam hard, but it wasn't enough. i swam harder. It still wasn't enough. i had to rest because i was so tired, after swimming for so long, but as i gathered my energy to swim again, i drifted further out. i had a surge of energy, and swam a great distance back to shore, but then the winds came, and the tide, and it pulled me out further.
i swam hard, yet drifted far. i swam even harder, yet somehow drifted further. But i refused to give up. i continued to tread, while gathering my energy and resources to swim the remainder of the distance back to dry land.
swam forward in a burst of stamina and willpower, and came very close. So very close, but yet the tide still took me back. The shore was in sight, clear sight. i could do it, i had the will, i had the means...i could do it. But still i was worn out to a point past exhaustion. i treaded water, with my sights on the shore. i can do this, know that i can!
Then the sharks began circling. It was inevitable. i promised them that as soon as i made it back to shore, i would get the meat out of my refrigerator, and throw it off the pier to them. The sharks agreed to give me more time to swim back to dry land.
God, i am so tired. i'm trying to swim, i am trying so hard. But the tide keeps pulling me back. Two strokes forward, three strokes back. Four strokes forward, six strokes back. But the dry land is close. So close in fact, that i can feel it brushing under my feet as i swim. No, that wasn't the sea bottom, that was a shark swimming underneath that i felt.
i'm making my way closer to shore, but so too are the sharks swimming closer to me, circling round and round, getting closer, and closer. i promise them again: give me time to get back to dry land and i will throw you so much meat from the pier that you will be pleased that you gave me mercy.
But, the sharks are getting hungrier. They want their meat now. They are tired of waiting.
i'm almost to dry land, it is closer. i can do this. i know that i can. Just a little bit more time is all that i need.
This morning the first shark closed in and took a bite. He did more than that, he bit off my legs. Now i can't even swim to shore to get them their meat.
The water is so deep, and so cold, and all i can do is tread. But even that is near impossible now, without some stroke of unbelievable luck. But if it weren't for bad luck, i'd have no luck at all.
The shine is dimming. The darkness is closing in. |
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A confused sub came before a wise Master who adored her. She felt
that to submit to him would mean she would open her heart to unbearable pain should he ever leave her. She hungered for him and needed him, but was ready to walk away in panic.
The gentle Master knelt her before him and started a tale of love and
devotion. As she looked up at him his arms began to widen and open like a large tree stretches its branches to the sky. At that moment the Master appeared rooted to the floor and his impressive size towered above her like a giant tree. Then he began to speak...
The Olive Tree
I'm here for you...now and always no matter how far time and space takes us....
Whether you walk away from me today or you stay and serve me I will not turn from you. I am as patient as time itself; I will take not from you unless you give freely and completely of yourself but I give onto you regardless-- for my love is unconditional....
Like the olive tree that can both feed you and shade you I am there
seemingly eternal to your short life on this earth. If you need my fruit to feed your hunger I will give you all the fruit you need...
If your skin grows dry and loses its luster, the oil from my fruit will restore it and make it glisten,
When you need comfort my leaves will gently caress your face with the slightest breeze,
When you need discipline my branches will correct you when the wind blows strong,
If you just need my shade to protect you from the sun, my branches will shade and protect you.
If you need warmth at night my fallen branches will fuel the fire to
keep you warm and safe;
if you need a refreshing breeze my leaves will
fan you and cool you. You are my gardener.
When you submit to me; you tend that which keeps me vibrant and full of life.
When you kneel under me an till the soil you give breath to my roots,
When you water me, my sap flows strong through me and raise my limping
branches,
When you soil yourself collecting fertilizer with your bare hands you
strengthen me, and humble me with your devotion.
Although my life will go on, life would not be the same without you.
Your dedication and unconditional care for me keeps me vibrant and
nurtures my very core. The sustenance and protection I give you seems
little reward for your servitude. Still the gardener serves the tree
from her heart and the tree gives to her heart all that he can!
I am planted firmly on the ground and cannot follow you if you walk away from me.... But be assure I will survive.
One hundred years later and two of your lifetimes; I will still be there waiting for you in the same spot to offer you all that I do now.
Stay with me and be my gardener. You cannot get lost in me for we are
complementary to each other. I am your devotion, and you give meaning
to my existence. Apart we live life and survive; together we bloom
eternally! .... As the Master finished his last words the sub cried herself to sleep at his feet. That night, he stood planted there like the Olive tree offering her his unconditional love and protection as she would tend to him with her devotion the next day....and everyday thereafter |
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i have always felt a Master is not only the owner, but a great motivator, guidance counselor, father, mentor, gardner, protector and much much more.
i have felt that a true owner guides in the best interest of the girl in question, not always in His best interest but what is best for her to follow. That He is devoted to her, earns His keep with His interest, dedication, communication, care and firm hand as well a gentle ear to all her troubles for she will never face anything alone.
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1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years.
2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.
3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.
4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. She is at ease in that place.
5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.
6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.
7. The healthy submissive is playful.
8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty.
9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.
10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent "wrongness" about those needs.
11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.
12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself "as is" is tolerant of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be.
13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her difficulties as well as her strengths.
14. The healthy submissive hunger is to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs her service. |
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Submission is not about sex. Submission is not something one can learn. It is not sex. It is not dirty. Submission is beauty. It is a beauty that comes from the very soul of a submissive woman. It is a breaking down of the walls built up in her lifetime, allowing the beautiful, sensual woman to come through.
Submission is not about sex, it is about sensuality. It is about trust, communication, vulnerability, caring, and honesty. It is about being the graceful, sensual, beautiful woman that resides within.
Submission is about knowing who you are, and what you want. A submissive is NOT a weak person, but just the opposite. She is strong. She is strong in herself, and in the knowledge of who she is. She NEVER submits out of weakness or desperation. She submits out of strength, love, and trust.
Submission is freedom. It is a letting go of one's self, knowing that the dominant is there to catch you if you falter. It is about pushing to be the very best one can be, not only as a submissive, but as a woman, a person, a human being. It is about learning, growing, and giving.
Please don't get me wrong. Submission is not about donning rose colored glasses, and the world is fine. Nothing worthwhile will ever come that easy.
Submission is also about pain. There is no growth without pain, lest it be a temporary growth. There is no freedom without the inner struggle to let go. There is no sensuality without breaking down the barriers that took years to put into place.
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i am a submissive. i am also a mom, a grandma, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a pet owner. i do have room in my life to be a woman, a submissive, and devote myself as long as the Dom understands that although i am not able to be with Him 100% of the time, it makes me no less His.
i a real, honest to a fault at times, and i let my mouth over run my thoughts far to much, this is something i am working on. i also know i say before i think alot and i am also working to change that.
i need someone who can accept me as me and for me. And someone who is willing to help me strive to be a better submissive...
Anything or anyone worth having is worth working for...
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Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile. |
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i am learning and i am not perfect. And i am submissive.
i now realize – that for absolutely no logical/intelligent reason – i felt comfortable and safe beyond measure with Him. At that moment i belonged to Him – whether i liked it or not – whether it was logical or not – whether i understood it or not – it didn’t matter. i’d never felt so safe and protected in my life as i did at that very moment of ‘take off’. i knew i didn’t want to be without this Man. This Man that seemed to know me so well that He could fulfill my deepest desire and make my fantasy a reality, and He did it by simply being Himself.
Thank You! What we had may have ended, but what He taught me will never be forgotten.
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The Winnie the Pooh quote is true…”You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”…and while i was not looking for Him, He left His corner of the Forest and found me. |
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The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do.
- Anonymous |
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When the music's over.... Turn out the lights... |
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Insomnia sucks..
i can't figure out why i can't sleep well alone. Just having some snuggle time is a requirement to keep me functional.
sometimes i can feel safe as can be in someones arms and sleep like a baby.
Recently sleep as been something that is rare.
Right now my life is in a state of flux
"The ancient philosopher, Heraclitus, maintained that everything is in a state of flux. Nothing escapes change of some sort (it is impossible to step into the same river). On the other hand, Parmenides argued that everything is what it is, so that it cannot become what is not (change is impossible because a substance would have to transition through nothing to become something else, which is a logical contradiction). Thus, change is incompatible with being so that only the permanent aspects of the Universe could be considered real."
So what is real and not real? In my day to day life, i am so independent, able to lead and not follow, yet- am so going in circles. The best thing about this lifestyle is it has a sense of order to it.
i like knowing what to do, how to act, i strive to please..
i know how to take care of a man. i want to take care of a man yet at the same time, i want to be cherished, or at the very least acknowledged for what i have to offer..
Is it asking too much? Are my standards set too high? i respect myself, and i respect those who earn my respect. i want to be treated like a women as well as a submissive.
Maybe i should go back to just not expecting anything and therefore i would be disappointed.
Just as fast as the walls came down, they go back up, every time a bit higher and stronger then before. |
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The Top 10 Most Commonly Found Doms Online: sad to read and realize how many i have met who fit in one of these 10 things...
1. The 'I Am Dom Hear Me Roar' Dom:All shiny new leather wear, with a belt full of toys (just bought at Jack's Whip-O-Rama) . Of *course* he knows what to do! He read SM101...and even watched Exit To Eden three whole times!
2. The 'I Just Wanna Get Laid' Dom:Roams the halls of AOL sending IMs to the ladies in the Chateaux telling them "On your knees! I am a Dom and U R my slave!". When he gets irate IMs back from the Domme he just sent to by mistake (what, read a profile? you *must* be kidding, right?), he quickly changes his tune to "R U a FDom? I am your slave! May I lick your boots?".
3. The 'Dungeon Slut' Dom:Has a new 'lady love' each day (sometimes 2 or 3 a day). He swears each time that *this* one is his 'eternal true love'....at least for the next two hours.
4. The 'Psycho-Stalker' Dom:Wants to know *exactly* what you do...every minute of the day and night. Insists on BCCs of all sent mail, and Forwards of all read mail, plus access to your account to check up on you. Do you get the feeling that someone is watching you? With this one, you're probably right.
5. The 'I Just Wanna Be Your *Friend*' Dom:Offers to guide you and protect you....you innocent sweet thing you. Oh, those other 10 subs? Just friends. Really.
6. The 'Of Course Im Dom...Uh Oh My Wife Is Home Gotta Run' Dom:Warning signs: Picks 'no response' on marital status in profile. "No honey you can't call me at home...call my voice mail instead". Often disappears in the middle of a hot n heavy cyber session...uses an excuse like 'my power went out' when asked about it. "Of *course* Im not married!"
7. The 'Im Not *That* Type Of Dom' Dom:Squeaky-clean image. The type of Dom that everyone *knows* is a good guy. He would never do something less than up-front and honorable. Uh-huh.
8. The 'Tom Cruise' Dom: He's young, rich, handsome and perfect....until you meet him in person. Then you find out that the 'Tom Cruise look-alike' you've been subbing to is 5'4", 400 lbs, bald, 48 years old, and living with his elderly mother. (Oh yeah... and he works as a clerk at 7-11...not as a CEO of a 'major corp').
9. The 'Alex I'd Like to Buy a Clue For $200' Dom:Ok, now you've got a sub....now what?
10. The 'I Don't Have A Sub Bone In My Body' Dom:Really a bottom at heart, just refuses to admit it...even to himself. |
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The line between being a Dom and being a jerk- does anyone know there is one? i know most Doms do, it is the wanna be Doms who do not.
Everything that happens, and the people i have encountered in the recent past have only continued to make me know more of what i am NOT looking for.
Respect is earned, not demanded..
i have recently been reminded that respect is vital in ANY relationship.
Submission is a gift one that is given, and cannot be TAKEN, not without my consent. |
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Some of lifes most precious treasures are the ones that you have to search deeper to find.
When you find that one true treasure, don't go straight for the jewels; take the time to admire the intricate beauty of the chest, dust it off and work the lock until it springs open easily. The gem is on the inside. True freedom through total submission.... i am a submissive woman, strong and proud. i am a woman who loves the freedom of restraint, the strength of submission, and the pleasure in pain. The Pandora's Box is opened, never to be closed again. |
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Everyone knows that patience is a virtue. That is a required in daily life just to make things manageable. We live in a society of instant gratification. We want what we want, and we WILL get it...come hell or high water. i have not yet prove this, but i am a firm believer that those who wait, those who let what may happen, well...happen, are the ones who receive the true rewards. Those that can weather out the tough times, the idle times, the lonely time, the stressful times, the overwhelming times are those that WILL be rewarded in the end. Their struggle will pay off. But patience is not pestering and nagging and whining that you need something NOW...patience is not actively seeking out that which you need either. Patience is waiting for what comes, to come. Patience, as defined by Webster is " bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint (without complaint!! that's the kicker there!!!) 2 : manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain 3 : not hasty or impetuous 4 : steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity 5 a : able or willing to bear" WOW...patience is not only a virtue it is graceful and fulfilling. i seriously need to work on my patience. i need to back off some things and take back into my own hands the control that i have lost. i need to refocus my energy on doing what needs to be done to make my life run smoothly. And as for all the cravings and yearnings and needs that i have, i will just have to be patient. It will not be easy for me. It will NOT be fun. But it is needed. i need to take my mind off such things and be productive in my own life right now. and when the opportunity presents itself, it will be because i was patient and waited for the right moment. and hopefully the moment will find me ready and willing and able. |
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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin |
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Introspection is a breeze. Honest introspection is an entirely different matter. Honest means stripping away all the facades, digging through all the garbage and rubble of living and then taking a hard look at the real you. |
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-:Anias Nin:-
i, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. |
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Life is just full of moments that can alter you forever..
For the first time, in a long time, i feel alive again. The butterfly has emerged once again.
Once you begin to spread your wings it is simple to fly.. |
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I'm in a period of growth and expansion. I'm taking long, hard looks at the world and what's happening in it, analyzing and thinking. I'm trying to become acquainted with the universe -- with the part of it I occupy -- and trying to settle, for myself, what my relationship with it is.
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i am beginning to think that this is NOT the place to meet someone. Perhaps i have unrealistic expectations. i simply want to find someone who likes me for me. Someone who understands that real people are not perfect. Someone who wants someone to be special to them. Is that asking too much?? |
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i, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman
-:Anias Nin:- |
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Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
-:Hellen Keller:-
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i am learning, at a slow rate to trust again, to open myself up to the possiblity that perhaps there is someone out there who understands the needs of a girl. Someone who is not insincere and someone who understands that this is not just about sex, or the kink, that the need to serve comes from within one's core..
I expected that I would have to weed thru the fakes, liars and wannabe's.. I never expected to be so discouraged as I have been.. |
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"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."
Marilyn Monroe |
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"We evaluate ourselves by intention. When in reality we need to look at perception to find reality" |
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The Top 10 Most Commonly Found Doms Online:
1. The 'I Am Dom Hear Me Roar' Dom:
All shiny new leather wear, with a belt full of toys (just bought at Jack's Whip-O-Rama) . Of *course* he knows what to do! He read SM101...and even watched Exit To Eden three whole times!
2. The 'I Just Wanna Get Laid' Dom:
Roams the halls of AOL sending IMs to the ladies in the Chateaux telling them "On your knees! I am a Dom and U R my slave!". When he gets irate IMs back from the Domme he just sent to by mistake (what, read a profile? you *must* be kidding, right?), he quickly changes his tune to "R U a FDom? I am your slave! May I lick your boots?".
3. The 'Dungeon Slut' Dom:
Has a new 'lady love' each day (sometimes 2 or 3 a day). He swears each time that *this* one is his 'eternal true love'....at least for the next two hours.
4. The 'Psycho-Stalker' Dom:
Wants to know *exactly* what you do...every minute of the day and night. Insists on BCCs of all sent mail, and Forwards of all read mail, plus access to your account to check up on you. Do you get the feeling that someone is watching you? With this one, you're probably right.
5. The 'I Just Wanna Be Your *Friend*' Dom:
Offers to guide you and protect you....you innocent sweet thing you. Oh, those other 10 subs? Just friends. Really.
6. The 'Of Course Im Dom...Uh Oh My Wife Is Home Gotta Run' Dom:
Warning signs: Picks 'no response' on marital status in profile. "No honey you can't call me at home...call my voice mail instead". Often disappears in the middle of a hot n heavy cyber session...uses an excuse like 'my power went out' when asked about it. "Of *course* Im not married!"
7. The 'Im Not *That* Type Of Dom' Dom:
Squeaky-clean image. The type of Dom that everyone *knows* is a good guy. He would never do something less than up-front and honorable. Uh-huh.
8. The 'Tom Cruise' Dom:
He's young, rich, handsome and perfect....until you meet him in person. Then you find out that the 'Tom Cruise look-alike' you've been subbing to is 5'4", 400 lbs, bald, 48 years old, and living with his elderly mother. (Oh yeah... and he works as a clerk at 7-11...not as a CEO of a 'major corp').
9. The 'Alex I'd Like to Buy a Clue For $200' Dom:
Ok, now you've got a sub....now what?
10. The 'I Don't Have A Sub Bone In My Body' Dom:
Really a bottom at heart, just refuses to admit it...even to himself.
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Today's Quote
The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.
-Emily Dickinson
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Well, I am about to just delete my profile from this site, everytime I think I have found someone, they seem to vanish. It is frustrating to say the very least.Where are all the real people? |
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In memory of Jimmy 4/25/1950-6/8/2007
A thousand times i needed You
A thousand times i cried.
If love alone could have saved You,
You never would have died.
A heart of gold stopped beating.
Two twinkling eyes closed to rest.
God broke my heart to prove he only took the best.
Never a day goes by that Your not in my heart and my soul. |
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Life is not always easy. And that is a major reason why it is so precious.
Many of life's best rewards are possible only because you must work your way through difficult challenges to get to them. If everything in life were easy, there would be no opportunity for real fulfillment.
If the only things you experienced were pleasure and comfort, it would be impossible for you to fully appreciate them. A life of total ease and a complete lack of challenge would be unbearably tedious.
When the next challenge comes your way, when the next obstacle blocks your progress, find it in yourself to be thankful. For the difficulties provide you with truly magnificent opportunities to create value, to find meaning and fulfillment in living.
The challenges enable you to give of yourself and to make a real difference. And that's something you desire at the deepest level.
Life is not always easy. And because of that, you have the opportunity to make it truly great.
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June 8 will be one year since my husband passed away.
i have found myself wallowing in anger and emotions i have not dealt with yet.
Each day from now till then i recall everything i was doing, how my life was.
And in an instant it all changed.
i do not talk a lot about it, i prefer to stay in my own private hell, besides most people are tired of hearing about it anyhow.
No one knows how i feel, unless you have worn my shoes and walked 10 miles in them, there is no way to know what i feel inside. And i do not expect anyone to have any idea what i am going thru.
i will get thru this; i have no choice but to get thru it.
The funny thing about life is, it does go on, no matter what happens..
Trying to see the light at the end of a very dark tunnel, hoping it is not another train....
One moment can change your life forever.
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i am confident and quite able
to take care of myself day to day
but there is such a freedom in my submission and no greater joy
than to be at His feet, looking up
to Him and seeing the pleasure
in His eyes, hearing His words "good girl" |
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"The need to surrender is one of the
great paradoxes of love. Surrender
may seem like giving up.
Or giving in.
But in reality we are strengthened
when we actively choose to make
ourselves vulnerable.
We are empowered by sharing
our deepest self with another person,
offering him or her our heart, our soul, our life.
Surrender is an act of free will. A sacred trust."
- Ellen Sue Stern
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we all want to be happy
and to find inner peace but
i want to enjoy the journey..
to look back with no regrets
and to celebrate my life,
as everything that has gone
before has made me who i am today. |
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I wish there was someone real out there. Am I asking too much to just want someone who is real? |
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For me, distinguishing between my needs and my wants is pretty important when it comes to feeling under my Dominant's control. If i want something and He refuses to give it to me, i might think He is a cruddy dom (or even not a dominant at all) if i believe my want to be a strong submissive need. But actually, all He does when He refuses my want is to exercise His right as my Dominant to do whatever He pleases. If, however, something i really needed from Him were not to be provided, that would be a very different story: i'd have to conclude that He isn't a good Dominant or perhaps not the Dominant for me, or perhaps not even a Dominant at all. |
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alone vs. lonely..
i have always said i am never alone and i am never lonely.
Even tho i have a life filled with people in some ways, many ways actual i am finding more and more i am lonely.
I never considered myself someone who had to have a partner to feel in sync but more and more i am feeling what is missing in my life. And not having a partner make me feel isolated in many ways.
So am i lonely? Yes, i miss not having someone special in my life to share all of life's little secrets with. i miss not have someone to confide in about my deepest innermost thoughts and feelings.
Maybe i should think more and more about what i need and what i am searching for as well.
i know that i do not want to be alone the rest of my life. |
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i can be reached jen_floridagal@yahoo.com |
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Another year older, perhaps also a bit wiser? One can only hope... |
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Upcoming birthday. My birthday is 2/24/08 and I will be 41. No spanking for me this year. |
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Some of lifes most precious treasures are the ones that you have to search deeper to find.
When you find that one true treasure, don't go straight for the jewels; take the time to admire the intricate beauty of the chest, dust it off and work the lock until it springs open easily. The gem is on the inside. True freedom through total submission.... i am a submissive woman, strong and proud. i loved my Master, the one who is the completion of myself. i loved my Master who took pride in my strength and intelligence, and appreciates how it can be used to better serve him. i am a woman who loves the freedom of restraint, the strength of submission, and the pleasure in pain. The Pandora's Box is opened, never to be closed again. i am educated, attractive.. i am well liked by most, and emotionally stable. While i am content, i know that true happiness will only be found kneeling at the feet of the one i call Master. Where Pain is entwined with Pleasure, where Passion is intermingled with Rapture, where Fear rejoices with Triumph...the Edge is the ability to feel and strive to go higher. A strong dark voice whispering in the pink shell of an ear, large rough hands gently manipulating the body. The cutting edge of pleasures of the flesh.
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