firemuse

Is it me, or do a large number of people using this site either not read profiles, or read them and pay no attention to what they say?

From my profile...

"Before you contact me:  please take the few minutes to read my profile, since I've taken quite a bit of time putting it together for you"

"If your email is along the lines of "how are you today" or "care to chat", I probably won't respond"

"(I) ask that you be respectful in your email.  If you have no profile, I may not reply."

"Not interested in sub males, poly, or in being "out"."

"I am 99% sub and not interested in sub partners at this time."

"If you come off like a horny teenager with a hardon, we're probably not going to go far."

"(Men) I gel with best have their shit together, are intelligent, reasonably attractive, somewhere near my age, outwardly vanilla and successful in life in general."

"I date close to my own age, roughly 35-45.  I'm not looking for more chat buddies and am looking for something local"

"Please don't expect me to be submissive with you before I've gotten a feel for who you are, and certainly not before you share a photo."

"Also, I'm definitely no 'player'.  If you have a lot of partners, or can't focus on getting to know me cuz you're hitting on so many other women, good luck with them but you'll probably lose my interest."

"I sleep with one person at a time (ie MONOGAMY)."

"Since apparently saying it once isn't effective, not interested in poly, "lifestyle", older or attached men.  Please don't reply and spring it on me later, once the 'foot is in the door'.  It'll be out."

Yet my inbox is constantly filling with messages from men 20ish years younger who, when I tell them I date my own age, reassure me that it's OK - they like "older women" (???)...

...and messages from men 20ish years older who feel that I don't know what I want because they are what I really want...

...and messages from married men who say silly things when I ask if they're attached, like "yes, does it really matter?"...

...and messages from sub men which can be outright ridiculous, and which seem suspiciously like form mails sent to everyone with a vagina on CM (that's not desperate at all!  Sheesh)...

...and messages from people who are not a match but say they "just want to chat" (which usually really means, they think they can convince you with a little time that even though they don't match what you're seeking, that you actually want them)...they rarely want "just to chat"...

...and messages from men who are open about the fact that they are looking for sluts to bang, and not interested in a relationship, anything other than sex, or monogamy...

Some of these people get a curt reply that may seem harsh, if they don't know that they're the 300th person who is so outside of what I'm looking for this month...others will get an attempt at a tactful/delicate reply thanking them for the message but letting them know we're not a match.

And then, more often than not, even if it was the polite version - they will shoot off a nasty, mean message back calling me anything from a wannabe to not real to a bitch to the old standard trifecta (old/fat/ugly)...or some attempt to insult me, a common one "no wonder you can't get a dom".

I've had this profile for years, but am on and off the site.  If I'm seeing someone, I'm not on here much.  Or if I'm just busy or have other things on the go.  My having a profile doesn't prove I can't get a date...I do just fine meeting men (compatability can be a chore, but that's a given).  I have no picture up so saying I'm fat/ugly is kind of silly.  That and saying I'm old are silly also because if you're trying to say I'm way below your standards...up until you found out your interest wasn't shared, I wasn't...

Sixty-something year old men - are you interested in 80something women?  If no, then please don't be so incredulous that I'm not interested in dating 20 years older either.  For crying out loud if you're messaging me at 20 years younger you're probably not in a position to judge me for dating my own age.

The whole point of a profile is to give an idea of who I am, what I have to offer, and what I'm looking for.  It just doesn't seem to make sense to read a profile, see that you're not a match, and then message the person.  Esp if they know what they want and are clear about it.

Go figure, as I wrote this entry, another male slave sends a chat request
SMFH.

For all the emails a girl here gets that think that "dominance" means rudeness, and arrogance,

For all the men she has to deal with that aren't "dominant", just antisocial/sociopathic,

For all the games she has to pretend she doesn't know full well are being played, by people who think they're smarter than she is but who aren't,

For all the emails from people who are just not compatible in any way, who would've known this if they took a few minutes to read the profile,

For all those who are up front that they have better things to do than read a profile, and don't see anything lame in expecting me to type all that same stuff out again for them in an email.

For all the married guys who are clueless about the fact that they have nothing to offer a single submissive girl with her shit together,

For all the guys 15 years younger who think that "I date my own age" means I want to be "pumped" by someone not much older than my friends' kids

For all the men 20 years older who ignore that same statement and criticize my preference for men my own age, when they won't even consider women their age - they want someone 20 years younger!

For all the men who think it shouldn't matter what they look like - all that matters is they have Master or Lord in their name, so I should be grateful they're willing to tie me up and do whatever they want with me,

For all the men who think that I will "apply" for a "position" as their partner, or do a sex audition to see if I'm acceptable enough to fuck,

For all those who resort to insults (usually the same 3, those people are so predictable) when told sorry but we're not a match -

For those who see every cynical and realist comment I've made and see a bitter person, but who don't see the same passion in my entries praising the heavens for the real thing...

Those few hours that take place, maybe every few months on a good day, maybe a year or more in-between another time...where you get the absolute privilege and pleasure of sharing words with a true blue, honourable, intelligent, witty, gentlemanly, appreciative, engaging, interesting and captivating AND dominant man -

make it all worthwhile.

Thank you D.  :)

As per my profile;

"I believe we can be sexual without being classless and that there's a time and place for things like smack talk and sharing "what we're into".  First emails are not it.  If you come off like a horny teenager with a hardon, we're probably not going to go far. Vanilla sex behavior painfully bores me."

If you need to go through a sexual checklist as one of the first topics of conversation, we're probably not a match.  I'm not a prude.  Far from it.  But if we're not a match outside the bedroom we aren't going to be messing around.  So first things first.  Are we on the same page, are we compatible socially; emotionally; intellectually.  Are we looking for the same thing.  If not, it doesn't matter what I'll do in the bedroom.  

Secondly, it's irrelevant.  See below, from a journal entry I wrote.

"Of course I have my own favourite activities.  I'm very appreciative of a partner who wants to know what those are.  I guess I just feel that they're somewhat irrelevent.  As alpha as I may be in other areas, I'm deeply submissive with someone I'm seeing, and my biggest pleasure is his pleasure.  The bottom line is, nothing gets me off like him getting off.  Nothing for me is hotter than knowing that you've been able to provide him with a safe place to be what he really is...do whatever things he wants to do...take whatever he wants to take...say whatever is in his head...to be who he really is.  Yes, I feel freedom in subjugation.  But for me the holy grail, the prize of prizes, is when I know my partner feels absolute freedom.  No judgment, no holding back.  If in that moment, what he wants, is to blank my blank, then that's "what I'm into".  If what he wants is for me to shut up and take xyz, then that's "what I'm into".  If what he wants is to torment me, or fill my ears with whatever is in his primal head, or rough me up and have me either surrender to it or fight back...that is "what I'm into".  Nothing makes me feel sexier than having him hunger raw and hard for me, and feed.  Be the nasty motherfucker he wants to, safely with me.  Asking me what I'm into is that complicated, because what I'm into is feeding my partner's wants and needs...within the realm of my capability, as twisted or nasty as they may be."

But you know what, the kind of guy I'm drawn to isn't the guy who wants to know if I do anal, what my panty size is, or whether I'm shaven.  That's very vanilla sex behaviour that men with limited maturity and little self-control engage in.  So it's repelling.  What gets me is the man who can make me come to him.  He doesn't shove his horniness in my face; in fact he doesn't give me the privilege of being in his head and knowing what he wants to do to me until and unless I deserve it.  One of the hottest guys I ever dated, I knew from his online profile was a complete animal.  Yet days went by, we discussed photography; lenses; idiots on dating sites; places we'd travelled.  All kinds of things.  The first day, I was thinking what a nice relief!  A guy who can actually hold a conversation that doesn't include his dick. A few days in I was fucking curious.  Why didn't he bring up anything sexual?  After about 4 or 5 days of frequent emails, I was dying to know what was going on in his head.  What he wanted to do to me, what he wanted me to do to him.  My idea of a truly alpha male has that unbelievable level of self-control...I'm not stupid, I knew he knew exactly what he was doing.  He sat back and slowly, patiently, wove his web.  He drew me in...he hooked me...he had the extraordinary self-control to be able to go as long as he needed denying me that glimpse into his sexual side, until finally he got ME to the point I behaved out of character and tried to bring sexual topics into our conversations.

Do you get the difference?  The guys who want to know your tit size, if you do anal, if you swallow, etc etc are a dime a dozen.  The man who weaves that web and actually controls the behaviour of another person is my idea of a true blue genuine alpha.  I stepped right into the web and he had me, and he waited and made me wait before he pounced.  And when he did it was absolutely awesome.  :)

I'm not saying it ends if you bring up sexual topics early on.  I'm just saying that I'm a smart girl, sub or not, and I also work in the field of behaviour.  I probably know what you're doing if you're up to something...probably.  It'll likely still work.  I also know that if a man needs to know bra size or whether I do xyz first chat, he's probably not that guy that'll end up making me weak in the knees.  Maybe it doesn't matter to you...there's also plenty on here that don't give a fuck about their partner, only getting their dick off.  That's OK, there are all kinds of girls on here...including ones that are dying to introduce themselves by telling you all about their tits and how they love anal knowing nothing about you.  If that's the girl you want to be sleeping with...go you.

Physical attraction isn't the most important part of a relationship between two people - whether it's a friendship, boyfriend/girlfriend, casual dating, or just a tryst - but it's AN important part.

Because someone identifies as dominant, and I identify as submissive - please do not mistake that to mean I have some duty to sleep with you, and be honoured that you will do me the favour of doing whatever nasty things you have in your head to me.  That is the mindset of someone with no respect for others or himself.  I am selective in who I date, sleep with, or get involved with.  If that's not a good thing for you - think about what that says about you.

As previous journal entries have alluded to, I will not show a photo to anyone who will not show theirs.  I do not give out my email or MSN to get a pic.  Frankly I'm surprised at how many men think that people are that stupid, to fall for that.  Pretty sure that's why CM made the attach photo feature...to protect people's privacy/safety.  You can send your photos right here.  If that's not an option for whatever reason, there is picpaste.com.  I've been told "I don't want my photos online".  So?  Upload them there, set it to only be visible for half an hour.  In 30 minutes, it's gone forever.  No link to any other website like CM.  Safer actually than having a backstage pic at Lavalife.  Please don't ask for my email to send a pic too.  I'm not stupid.

I do not give out my MSN for chatting til a level of rapport has been reached.  That will probably mean a little emailing back and forth.  It has happened quicker, I go by my gut.  MSN means an email address.  I'm a smart girl, but still, with an email address, personal information can be found on someone, if the creeper is smart or tech savvy enough.  I was told "then change your MSN and use a new one that you only use for MSN".  Well, I've had the same email address and MSN for 10 years now.  I have friends and family on there.  The idea is to dump my established way of communication to accommodate shady strangers, instead of just not give MSN to people I don't know?  It's not even a minor accommodation, it's giving up a major online communication vessel for my circle of friends/family.  So that untrustworthy strangers can have my contact info?  Makes no sense to me.

I love chivalry.  LOVE it.  I am fiercely independent, and usually the one taking charge in dangerous situations and protecting others.  It's not easy for me to be on the protectee side of things but I love a man who takes those gender roles to heart and looks out for me.  But ultimately my safety is my responsibility.  For sure when I'm single.  If you're seriously that clueless about how many shady and possibly outright dangerous men there are on here, and how stupid a woman would have to be to blindly trust strangers who email her on CM, we're not on the same page.  I am using my amygdala with every email, and it's red flags more often than not.  Regardless...even if you're harmless.  I have a career and a life I happen to like, and please don't ask for photos if you're not willing to show yours; please don't ask for my email address to show them; and please don't ask for my MSN or email address to get to know each other.  The fact that I'm smart and take care of myself should be a good thing for you.

Always nice to find good snippet on profiles of others.  I saw this on a profile recently and got permission from tormast to share. 

a)  To give up control to another means you must first have control over yourself. The more control a sub/slave has over her own life, the more precious the gift becomes. If not, what are you giving up?
 
b)  The Dominant has the responsibility to ensure that the sub/slave is capable (not just willing) of handling the physical and psychological impact of a play session.
 
c)  Being respectful and being Dominant are not mutually exclusive.

Some things are better without a bunch of comments.  I just think there are some very important principles involved here, although those with the "kneel, bitch" approach probably won't get it at all.  Kind of the point.  ;)

Happy New Year everyone!  :)

Just a FYI that Im having tech issues ATM - both laptop and smartphone - so my net access right now is pretty sketchy - apologies for delays in responding to messages.

"Your perspective of a dominant man maintaining discipline and control is exactly why I eschew the sex talk.  I mean, I really don't care if you give up all your holes or drink cum.  Once I capture your mind and get you to stop thinking, you'll feel at ease in your comfort zone and trust me when I push your boundaries, at which point, I'll take what I want.  This mental connection really renders all questions concerning sexual limits and the like a moot point.  Because, really, once you're in subspace, your mind has been shut off and you'll do anything to be the good girl who pleases me.  On top of that, the intelligent conversations fuck my mind nice as well."

I was really impressed with the above which I read today, written by someone I've been conversing with.  In light of the huge number of men on here who feel it's appropriate (or overly relevent) "what I'm into", perhaps this can enlighten some.  I've done a poor job of trying to articulate this in the past.  So many want to know what specific sexual activities I've done, want to do, fantasize about.  What are my "limits".  One reason I largely reject the BDSM "community" and culture.  I've tended to answer that I can't really answer as it changes with my partner.  Yes, including limits and my own desires.  The best I've articulated this previously is to say my wants and needs meld to those of my partner.  I dated a man who was extremely strict and demanding, a micromanager of me and a control freak, but actually fairly restrained and gentle sexually.  We were very cerebral together; he got off on force without force and the mental aspects of total control.  I recently dated someone who sexually, was extremely aggressive and rough; but he really wasn't very 'dominant' at all in any other way.  Without getting into all the details of my personal sex history (which I don't think is necessary off the bat; being submissive or Dominant does not have to be synonymous with an absence of class)...the tone of the sex between myself and men I've dated has varied greatly.  Of course I have my own favourite activities.  I'm very appreciative of a partner who wants to know what those are.  I guess I just feel that they're somewhat irrelevent.  As alpha as I may be in other areas, I'm deeply submissive with someone I'm seeing, and my biggest pleasure is his pleasure.  The bottom line is, nothing gets me off like him getting off.  Nothing for me is hotter than knowing that you've been able to provide him with a safe place to be what he really is...do whatever things he wants to do...take whatever he wants to take...say whatever is in his head...to be who he really is.  Yes, I feel freedom in subjugation.  But for me the holy grail, the prize of prizes, is when I know my partner feels absolute freedom.  No judgment, no holding back.  If in that moment, what he wants, is to blank my blank, then that's "what I'm into".  If what he wants is for me to shut up and take xyz, then that's "what I'm into".  If what he wants is to torment me, or fill my ears with whatever is in his primal head, or rough me up and have me either surrender to it or fight back...that is "what I'm into".  Nothing makes me feel sexier than having him hunger raw and hard for me, and feed.  Be the nasty motherfucker he wants to, safely with me.  Asking me what I'm into is that complicated, because what I'm into is feeding my partner's wants and needs...within the realm of my capability, as twisted or nasty as they may be.

Also, the author captured accurately...for a real, primal, authentic, genuine sub, at that moment the last thing going through my mind is my own desires.  My desires have become his.  My mind is empty.  I experienced subspace before I ever heard of it.  The sensation is like being really high.  I like it because of the adrenaline element (always been a sucker for danger), and because it's the only time I ever experience quiet in my head.  The biggest part of freedom for me, is becoming vulnerable.  I'm never really vulnerable in any other venue; this is just for him.  It's a huge leap of faith and show of trust, as well as affection.  This is what I mean about winning over the mind - the body will follow.  If you can get in my head, I'm pretty much your fucktoy that's going to do whatever I'm told when we play and the electricity starts flying.  And (basically), like it.

Though the last sentence isn't completely related, I chose to leave it in, because it ties in.  I think I'm a girl with whom if you don't stimulate and attract me - you'd never get to first base with.  I can have better sex in my head than with someone who doesn't arouse me.  If you do...I'm a total whore.  You want to know how to get in the panties of a smart, together girl?  Get in her head.  Don't push a relationship, the process, or sex - if anything, make me wait.  Pushing makes me pull back, denying me makes me curious and want more.  That's human nature.  Be honest, honourable, respectable, and treat me well.  Be that rare guy who wows me with his brain.  Listen to me.  I'm not a stupid girl, I know when someone is figuring me out to spin their web, lay their trap, then wait til the right moment to pounce.  As deeply submissive as I am, it's human nature to resist...but of course, the moth is ultimately drawn to the flame.  The smarter he is, the more "real" he is, the more I know I'm being ensnared...it becomes a death spiral (imperfect analogy - not the death of anything good - the end of my not being under someone's control).  Put simply - these intelligent exchanges are extremely intoxicating; they are what keeps me fluttering closer and closer. 

There are a lot of people on here who are into D/s for the kinky sex.  Hey, to each his own - I don't judge - live and let live.  But I'm not for you.  I'm not for a lot of people, and a lot are not for me.  Frankly - I have access to sex if I want just that; even the good stuff.  I'm smart, funny, my shit is together and I clean up OK.  I want more...I want it all.

Dear person who asked this question regarding their vanilla spouse then blocked me:

"???She knows I do this...why didn't you bother to ask?"

Because I don't care.  You read my profile, and it's pretty clear that I do not date attached men.  You didn't think this was something to mention til several emails.  I'm sorry if this sounds arrogant but you have nothing to offer me.  I'm not stupid - if this is all you have for number one, don't think I don't know I'd get less.  I'm submissive, not stupid.  I can and do do much better than cheating married guys who are too wimpy to just call a bad relationship dead in the water and move on, or to be a man and take care of the woman & relationship you already have.  Yup, there's "dominant" right there.

I don't know how to be any clearer that I don't date attached men and am not into "poly".  Or that I'm a together woman who knows what I have to offer, not a low self-esteem doormat just hoping that some strange man will come offer to fuck my ass.  I even asked in the first sentence to please read the profile.  So why the attitude with each of the many guys who keeps trying the same lame thing, see if they can get the attention of the girl who is real clear about no attached men?  Not think something like oh, a wife is relevent to someone they're hitting on?  Seriously, I don't give a shit if she knows, or even if it's an open relationship - or if "she knows I do this" means you've been caught or she just doesn't respect or trust you.  I don't care that she knows, it doesn't change a thing.  Seriously - get over yourself.

I realize I may sound bitter and resentful with some recent entries, but in fact I'm a very happy and balanced person.  I am passionate.  If you care to look further, you'll see I'm as full of adoration for the real thing and respectable alpha males, as I have zero use for the weenies.  It's just that there are way more weenies.

As a serially thinking woman, I'm constantly observing, analyzing, interpreting, theorizing the environment and the individuals around me.  Not by intent; in fact, it's often a burden, this inability to turn my brain off and just be.  I'm not going to engage in fake modesty and deny I'm smart...it's not a brag - in some venues, it's as much a curse as a blessing.  Like dating.  I really need someone who can stimulate my mind.  The double-edged sword exists here...I'm very grateful for my sound mind and intellect, but it's not often I find someone who can wow me with their brain.  When I do though, it is so delicious - for me, any guy can dominate a woman physically; hold her down, tie her up, fill her ears with lovely filth, and rough her up.  As yummy as that may be, without the cerebral domination - without my partner having figured out the combination for the safe into my head, it can be empty.  Anyone can fuck, not many are able to bring it to the next level and intoxicate a strong woman into completely surrendering all - not just the body, but the mind.  I absolutely go crazy for those rare men who can pull it off.  Get into my head, rearrange things.  I'm too smart for this to be an easy chore.  They have to be smarter.  The mindfuck, the mental overpowering...rough sex is great, but for me, it can be empty.  Some of the hottest - and I mean unbearably hot - sex I've had, there has not even been physical contact.  With some very special, amazing, beautiful men...I've been put into space over the phone.  This is what I know exists...yes, it's rare; but I have no problem being a lone lioness for as long as I need to, to wait for this rare and special man.  When I'm with one...suffice to say, I show my absolute appreciation with loyalty, devotion, and adoration that he often has never experienced prior.

As it should be.  The downside of being a chronic thinker is that my mind is always going.  It never stops.  I try to quiet it - I can't.  I'm only submissive with someone I'm dating...in other areas, professionally and personally, I'm required to be very much in control - and execute flawless, quick decision-making.  I need to be able to instantly assess situations that involve risk and safety.  I am very good at what I do.  But it's so loud in there, in my head.  Why would I not be grateful beyond words to someone who can get in there and turn down the volume.  I can stop thinking, stop analyzing, stop producing noise.  I can just BE.  It is a luxury I only experience with real deal alpha males.  I adore them for it.

The prelude was longer than intended, but this journal entry was going to be about how not to waste your time with me.  It does relate...trust me; stay with me.  The physical, and the mental.  It's not for me to judge what a "real Dom" or a "real sub" is; but recently, I was told that I'm not really submissive and the men I've been with are not really dominant.  Why?  Because I told someone that I wasn't sure if we were a match, because I'm monogamous when in a relationship and looking for same.  As politely packaged as it was, I'm not stupid - it was condescending and dismissive.  He claimed that no woman could keep up to his sex drive (really?  my last relationship involved sex 2-3 x daily, for the duration.  Pretty sure I could keep up.).  He also reiterated several times that in order to be monogamous, it would take time (thought that was a given), and that she sure as hell better prove herself before making a demand like that (not a demand, just information about myself, I'm not forcing anyone to date me...and just said I'm monogamous when in a relationship, not that I jump into relationships...quite the contrary, actually).

Oh yes, the point.  Here are ten reasons not to waste your time contacting me:

10 - your email is going to be followed by a notice that you've triggered CM's spam filters due to mass emails.  Is it me or are desperation and no standards kinda incompatable with dominance?  Really?  No, really?

9 -  you haven't read my profile.  This should be a no-brainer.  The hours I spent putting together a lot of information for you to know whether we're on the same page, I gave up willingly.  The 4 minutes it'd take to tell each person again that can't be bothered to read it, are 4 minutes I'm not willing to give.

8 - you have no information in your profile and a matching absence in your email.  Only fair given what you know about me.  I really don't love the "ask what you want to know" approach...you contacted me - throw me a bone.

7 1/2 - you're not reasonably near my age.  I'm best matched with someone my age.  I don't tend to date older, simply because I don't meet many men much older than me that I'm attracted to.  Definitely not interested in young men who "like older women".

7 - you aren't willing to show me a photo in a reasonable amount of time.  There are plenty of women on here who'll fuck anyone, don't care what he looks like.  Physical attraction isn't the only thing, but it's part of the equation.  Why ask that the awkward moment of finding out there isn't attraction take place after a huge investment instead of before then?

6 - you expect that I follow your rules and timeline regarding meeting, and don't respect mine.  Ultimately, I am responsible for my own safety, and until/unless we enter into a D/s dynamic, I take care of myself.

5 - you're going to tell me you're horny.  Lame, turn-off, and not my problem.  If I'm not your sub, it's inappropriate.  If I am...you will be well served and have plenty of sub to use.  :)

4 1/2 - your first questions revolve around "what I'm into" specifically, sexually.  Hey, the right sexual matchup is as important to me as it is to you.  But the FIRST thing I want to know is whether we're looking for the same thing, what kind of person you are, whether we want to get to know each other.  I guess I'm just old-fashioned...whether I do anal, facials, swallow etc is something I don't share with every guy that sends me an email.  FTR I'm pretty open, but have not had a problem (nor have partners) finding out about sexual compatability with more general discussion while we're getting acquainted; more depth as we get to know each other, and details when you start fucking me.  I dunno...it works for some of us.

4 - you feel it's suitable to send me unsolicited photos of your cock or naked ass.  If I haven't asked (and I won't), it's because I know what a naked man looks like, and I'm more interested in your mind, character, personality.  Maybe it's me but self-control, denial, and restraint are hot - sticking your dick in my face before we've decided it should be there is not.

3 1/2 - You lie or misrepresent yourself (age, marital status, height etc).  Included is sharing photos that look different than what you look like now.  If you lie about basic facts, you can't be trusted about anything.  Lying doesn't work (and trust me, I usually figure it out on my own).

3 - you expect me to be submissive with you before we've reached a certain level of rapport and comfort.  In my world, you are appreciative enough of what my submission brings to give me the time and space I need to be sure you're someone I'd like to offer it to.  I'm not full of myself and am not too concerned if a stranger thinks I am.  In my world, control is surrendered, not taken; and respect is commanded, not demanded.  Trust me, when we take that step together, you will have no question that I'm yours completely and you run the show.  :)

2 - you expect sexual contact to be part of a first meeting.  Sorry, that's not me.  And yes, blow jobs, vibrators, and bondage all count as sexual contact. 

1 1/2 - you need a sex test drive with me to know whether you want to get to know or to date me.  Or, you are unable to have sex with only one woman at a time.  Hey, I don't force anyone to date me - I'm up front that I'm a one-man woman, not poly, not interested in being with a man who I can't satisfy sexually, and monogamous when in a relationship.  If you're looking for something else and contact me, please don't tell me that telling you perfectly politely that we're looking for different things is "topping" you.  I can't top someone who's not my Dom, and I'm not forcing anyone to date me and change who they are.  Just return that courtesy and accept it.  I don't judge you for not being like me; if I'm not like you, maybe stick to those who are instead of messaging me and being nasty because we're looking for different things.

1 - you''re attached.  Character, trust, and respect are the cornerstones of being able to completely put myself in someone else's hands.  If you're lying and cheating on the one you love the most, don't think I don't know that I'd get less.  It doesn't scream alpha to me, choosing to be in an unfulfilling relationship and sneaking around trying to get laid.  I'm of the belief that if it's bad enough for you to go find others, leave.  I know, I know - 'but it's not bad/we have a history/it's complicated/we have kids".  Then get the fuck off CM and make it work.  Inability to make a decision or to end something that's not working is not a respectable alpha trait.  Plus...I'm submissive, not inferior.  I do not have that low self-esteem to be happy with whatever leftover time you have after your number one, drive-by sex and secrecy.  I have a lot to offer and I'm emotionally and physically available.  If you aren't, you have nothing to offer me in return.

I don't put someone through a ringer or have them jump through hoops as we get to know each other.  I also don't "interview" for a "position"" as a sub.  In my belief system - if you're not my Dom, we're equal.  I don't sleep around and I don't sub around.  If/when we decide to take that step together - that's when you become the one at the helm.

I already know that many on here will read this and be infuriated that "a sub" would have a checklist of things not to do.  Meh.  Don't really care.  Those who feel that way are not on the same page so it's a non-issue.  I am not "a sub".  I'm a driven professional who is alpha and in control in every area of my life except for with someone I'm dating.  If that makes me not a real sub in your mind, that's fine.  I don't consider myself "a sub" either.  I'm a person and a woman.  I don't think of men I've dated as "Doms" either.  They are people, partners, friends first.  Between us, labels can't really capture the dynamic.  Whatever it could be called, it's bonding, exciting, beautiful, intoxicating, intense.  It is not selfish on either part - in fact, I believe these types of relationships are the most selfless and giving one can experience.  Both ways. 

I give all, just not to just anyone.  I am appreciative beyond words for what I'm given in return.  This will be completely foreign to some and that's OK.  The right one will understand completely, and that's what matters. 

It's so much more a mental process for me - without that element, it's just kinky sex.  Win over the mind, the body follows.  Nothing against people who just want the kinky sex, I can understand the draw for sure.  But when you truly deeply know your partner - when you've decided to be "this" to each other - when the minds are involved - it's all that kinky sex times a thousand.  When you are serving or being taken by someone you have this kind of connection with, well, there's no words.  It's a whole different plane and dimension.  If you've felt this, you get it.  If not, I hope that one day you do.

Someone said it sounded like someone hurt me with my last journal entry.  Just to be clear - I am not unbalanced enough to be "hurt" by someone I've just shared some conversation with.  I'm pissed...more at myself for trusting just another anonymous zero hiding behind his keyboard.

Wow.  When you think you have seen as low as it gets, you realize it can always sink lower.  Men - understand that there are reasons that smart women on here are cautious.  While I've met a few absolutely amazing men off this site, it's been sifting through 1000 clowns for each gem.  I'm a smart girl, and I'm responsible for my own safety.  I also have professional and personal reasons NOT to be 'out' with my personal dating life.  Discretion is important to me.  Once again, I've learned the hard way that it's easy to find someone who talks the talk, but not so easy to find someone who walks the walk.  I went out on a limb for someone in good faith, after entering into an agreement, which they blatantly disregarded.  My end kept up - theirs not.  Unfortunately, the end result is one more anonymous untrustworthy weenie with no ethics behind a keyboard and a CM profile, having information about me that I ONLY agreed to share due to this agreement. 

So, when you start talking to someone and they seem to have a "guard" up, or cautious - bingo.  That's why.  I'm grateful to have been blessed with a keen intellect...don't get me wrong.  But at the same time, it's also a curse.  I saw through the game, the attempt to manipulate and to blame ME for his failure to do keep his word.  Am I being anal retentive?  You tell me.  If someone will lie, play games, and break his word over little trivial things early on, what can I expect when I'm naked and restrained?  To be safe?  Riiiiiiiiiight.  This is exactly the person I don't want to get involved with.

I'm a really easygoing person, I don't get upset often and it takes a lot.  I'm not even upset with person X.  He's nobody...one of probably thousands on this site who uses D'/s and BDSM as justification for their own weak moral character, poor decision-making skills, and antisocial behavior.  I'm upset with myself.  I have the best BS radar around...I don't get played.  I see things when they're coming, and I walk quickly away.  Yes, I had a little yellow flag early on, which apparently I should've paid closer attention to - I tell others, when you have a funny feeling in your gut, LISTEN.  But I didn't - instead, I went out on a limb and trusted that someone would keep their word.  In good faith.  I can't take back the information I shared, and stupidly, I did so without the same information on them (which was the agreement).  So, a completely anonymous stranger with weak character knows who I am, and I don't know who he is.

It would be easy to go with the sociopsychological phenomena of "what comes around goes around".  I'm a realist.  Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.  In the big picture, it might - but in this situation, I got taken because I was dumb enough to trust someone who had not given me reason to believe I could trust him beyond my own temporarily naive, trusting nature - and who ended up proving without a doubt that he was not worthy of the trust I gave.  Ironically, this same individual previously mentioned his observation that I seemed "guarded" (I don't know about guarded, but cautious?  Reserved?  Hell yeah!  Duh!).  And upon my reply that I'm a realist, not negative but just realistic about people and their motives, and I look at how they act, not what they say - he commented that I needed to be shown that I needed to be shown that people aren't going to betray you - yes, his word.  Ironically, it was I who showed him good faith that he hadn't earned - and it was he who reinforced why I'm what he called "guarded".  Assheads like that are the reason the good ones on here have to go so much further to prove themselves.  I'm not suspicious or distrustful, nor am I naive and silly.  I think I'm pretty balanced.  But I'm also smart enough to learn from my mistakes, and now anyone else I talk to through here will be affected by Mr Dishonest Ding Dong.  Because you bet I won't make a mistake like this again, and it will probably take longer before I'm comfortable enough to go out on a limb again that the next person might be worthy of.

Maybe what comes around goes around, but at least I retained my dignity.  Unfortunately, he won, I lost.  And he'll continue to contribute just one more asshead presence to the plethora of "Doms" on this site.

Happy Birthday to me!  LOL gotta love facebook - makes you feel so loved.  :P

Lone lioness at the moment.  :)

MARCH 2011 - My heart belongs to a very special Lion.  This Lioness has everything she could ever want and is no longer on the market.  :)