you can find me on face book........... deborah mcdonald abita springs LA

i rarely check this site............... it seems to attract men who more than likely need professional help......trust me on this.... or create an account as a female and see what pops up.     

i think i have retired from the life of relationships and missed the boat for a good one at some point.

i am now at the age when just having someone beside you to weather life's storms, enjoy  a smile, laugh at it all really  would be nice.

there are no yes sir's left...no need to please.............what i did..i did well .

my number one priority at this time is to help my oldest daughter with pregnancy and  then being an awesome mother/ grand mother ...because men in my life come and go... but my daughters have been a constant for over 26 years !

living in abita springs, la dipping fruit life is good..ya right

moving to Abita Springs because life goes that way at times

He walked right up to her and stood there. She hadn’t seen this coming. What she had done was to get dressed up to attend a Mardi Gras parade in his city with the faint hope that he would be there and see her and of course want her. He had not been there. After the parade she was at a bar with friends and had given up all hope of seeing him so she agreed to go to the Quarter dancing with a man she just met.

He stood there looking into her eyes. How easy she still was. She had gasped and whispered something, the music was far too loud to hear it. Had it been quieter he would have heard her utter, "Oh of all the men on this planet, why You?" Her head swirled, her heart sunk and stopped, she could not breathe and she melted into the ground. He walked away and left her to her date. He went to the other bar and watched her. She was no longer dancing for her date, she was dancing for him and putting much more effort into it.

He watched and waited, enjoying the show.

One more move he thought. He returned to her and introduced himself to her date. She looked down at him and asked why he didn’t join them. He informed her that he had not been invited. She invited him. He joined them.

They were in a place called The Dungeon. They were seated in a cage that held two people on benches with a small amount of floor space between the two seats. She occupied the space on the floor. She faced him and her date ceased to exist. She continued to dance.

If this story was about her we would now enter her mind. We would feel the intensity of her emotions. We would know her thoughts and we would know where they were coming from. We would know her motivation and that just a few months back he had sent her the lyrics of the song "I want You Bad." That the words said you are just too nice. We would know that with this in mind she was about to prove just how bad she could be…..for Him. There was no one else in her head but Him.

He watched her. Listened to her. She told Him she hated hating Him as much as she once loved loving Him. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her into him, kissed her once again sucking the remainder of her soul out of her, and asked," Who owns you"? She answered and did not hesitate, she did not have to think about it at all, "You do."

Eventually, her date commented that there must be a history there and asked if she was ready to leave. She was not. He left her.

The evening continued on to be a display of just how far she was willing to go to prove she could be bad. She would finally have an opportunity to show Him all. She was not an ordinary woman.

He was enjoying it. A man in a jester mask asked to join them and he was invited up into the cage. He was told that the only thing he could not do to her was fuck her, he was after all a masked stranger. While the guest manipulated her from behind , he continued giving her both pleasure and pain. The area had been secured by the staff and they were told that anything could go.

Eventually, the masked man ejaculated on her ass and then left. She was helped down out of the cage by security and He smiled and said, "That was Fun!" She replied, "That wasn’t about fun." She was giving to Him everything she could give, leaving herself behind , her inhibitions, her privacy, but not her dignity because this act of complete giving actually strengthens one’s sense of dignity to the One who owns her. She is defined by Him, His wants and needs.

They left for his hotel room as the sun was about to rise. She had not been prepared for an overnight. She did have a bag just incase, but that was left in the date’s vehicle and she would never see it or him again. She removed her contact lenses and place each one in a cup. At some point one vanished. He gave her permission to rub his feet and give him a bit of man pleasure and then they fell asleep.

Once again, if this was about her we would go deep into her mind. She was once again so very happy and so terrified. She woke filled with panic. She knew He would never keep her. He had mentioned that he would be changing rooms. She assumed he told her that so she would not lurk around getting in the way. She had promised the man she was living with, her friend, that she would not have anything to do with the man she had just spent the night with. Her friend didn’t want her hurt and there was a long history of hurt in this. She had known that this was her only rule with him and she broke it. She would break it again. It was not something she could promise. But she had not gone after Him. He found her. In any event, she woke and voiced all her panic. Later she wished she had done it all differently. She should have moved herself lower, given Him "man pleasure" and smiled at Him and thanked Him for a night with Him. That would have been the thing to do. It was too late. She called her oldest daughter, told her who she was with and needed a ride back home. Her daughter didn’t waste a second and arrived very quickly.

ill pay you to tie me up pull my pants down and put a cig out on me. .....yup i get some interesting emails..this one does have some appeal...as in get paid !!!!!

i cannot imagine being "her" ever again. Too much has happened or not enough has happened. too much neglect, too great the rejection. She seems so very gone. She was divine. Perhaps this is how it goes with aging. Perhaps one accepts it with a sly, knowing smile and thinks how fortunate the younger ones are, how very lucky for them that it is their time to shine with all their errotic, seductiveness. How does one graciously retire from something they were so very good at and yet never was really given the opportunity to have it for very long? If i could be reincarnated i would like to come back as me and do it all over again and enjoy it all the more. Perhaps that wish had been granted and perhaps this is why i cherish the memories so dearly and miss those moments more than words can express.

it is almost always flattering to get the many emails i am sent on here....some of you will not actually take the time to read my journals, but, lord help me...i am a teacher at the core...so here it goes....PLEASE take the time to spell out what you are writing and do try to spell correctly

on to the really important stuff.....i have had a relationship with a man who loved me dearly and sadly loved yet another and he ended his life with gun to mouth....this happened decades ago..but stuck with me as something like that tends to do....my oldest daughter did a great number with an overdose but she lived.....i am not sure if i am interested in continuing on  with this so called life as it seems to be going.... i am close to completing all of my art projects and it is fine with me to leave it behind....what i cannot endure much longer is the empty bed...empty life thing....there comes a point when to continue on is simply weakness...i am trying to face this and deal with it.

i would very much like to have what i thought i would have if the fates allowed, however, this seems to not be in my cards. if you think you want to meet me, and you are well educated, extremely interesting and NOT facing bankruptcy..a new american epidemic... i highly suggest to come see me NOW !

i am at the moment enduring a relationship that totally SUCKS with a 77 year old man and this is simply HORRID......it is a very long shitty story...all of my stories are just that ...SHITTY...my mother keeps telling me how storng i am....like that REALLY helps, but i love her....she is my mother !!!!!

Baggage///i have a shitload of that...i once carried it well...now i had believed the Mayan's would be correct and i would not be typing !!! But they couldn't get it right..they just got sick of writing down dates !!! i understand !

it is almost always flattering to get the many emails i am sent on here....some of you will not actually take the time to read my journals, but, lord help me...i am a teacher at the core...so here it goes....PLEASE take the time to spell out what you are writing and do try to spell correctly

on to the really important stuff.....i have had a relationship with a man who loved me dearly and sadly loved yet another and he ended his life with gun to mouth....this happened decades ago..but stuck with me as something like that tends to do....my oldest daughter did a great number with an overdose but she lived.....i am not sure if i am interested in continuing on  with this so called life as it seems to be going.... i am close to completing all of my art porjects and it is fine with me to leave it behind....what i cannot endure much longer is the empty bed...empty life thing....there comes a point when to continue on is simply weakness...i am trying to face this and deal with it.

i would verty much like to have what i thought i would have if the fates allowed, however, this seems to not be in my cards. if you think you want to meet me, and you are well educated, extremely interesting and NOT facing bankruptcy..a new american epidemic... i highly suggest to come see me NOW !

i am at the moment enduring a relationship that totally SUCKS with a 77 year old man and this is simply HORRID......it is a very long shitty story...all of my stories are just that ...SHITTY...my mother keeps telling me how storng i am....like that REALLY helps, but i love her....she is my mother !!!!!

Baggage///i have a shitload of that...i once carried it well...now i had believed the Mayan's would be correct and i would not be typing !!! But they couldn't get it right..they just got sick of writing down dates !!! i understand !

deborah  mcdonald is on facebook

figured out how to click on the blank screen and actually see the video greeting... it could be greatly improved but why ?

i get comments on my video greeting as though some of you can see me  in it... there is no picture as far as i can see...but what the hell do i know??? very little AND LESS EACH DAY!!!....I will suggest that you all try making one...horrid experience really.

as for those of you who write sharing how you also once had  something like i had with my terry..... i send you a hug....to love so deeply...a blessing? a curse??? the glass half full or half empty? to want and remember and to sleep so very alone...........because life will simply not provide you with that someone who also wants to be with you, who will battle for you and put you above all others because ...........you are worth that. Never in all my days had i thought i would actually just go to waste and yet here is reality just as ugly as it can be.

nothing worth having comes easily............. if you think you can have your cake and eat it too there is a very good chance you are feasting on a cow pie... enjoy it !!!!

i left a very good employment situatuion in wisconsin because i cannot tolerate cold climates and i have a love for beaches and palm trees, tropical storms and heat with humidity.......... hopefully this will cut down the massive amounts of contacts and i have no desire for bdsm friendships as i have plenty of those and have grown tired of discussing the subject since it looks like i shall never again live it.

i am getting requests for the rest of this story...as to why it did not go on forever and ever and then some i simply cannot figure that out myself.... it isn't like after 12 years or more HE actually found someone better...go figure...... however, if you send your email address i did once upon a time write about this relationship in a story i called "HIM".

i cannot write this story, it is a treasure i just cannot share.

story continues.....read previous posts....

I danced for Him often but not long enough. He sent me a video clip and asked if i could learn to do this. I would certainly try. Here i was over the age of 40 with so much to learn.

The next night i arrived and i was ready to give this a shot. I tilted my head back and told myself i could and i relaxed and felt the Big Dipper hit the back of my throat. i gagged and tears rolled from my eyes and i continued, driven by my desire to please Him. When He was quite done i was rewarded with that smile, that grin and he said, " I love those tears." and i smiled. i am smiling now.

it wasn't all sex. i so enjoyed being under his desk while he paid the bills and i was given the junk mail by mouth to place in the trash and i licked the envelopes closed and His dog curled up with me and licked me. it was a beautiful dance it just didn't last long enough.

the story continues.....read previous post......

     During the week days He and i talked online. Every word He wrote i smiled at, He watched my cam. I came up with things to entertain Him because He liked that. There were times when i would read, "Slut why aren't you here sucking my cock?" It was about a twenty minute drive. I got there in about fifteen minutes, smile still coming from deep within, heart beating wildly and the desire to see His smile in person, to hear the sound of taking Him to a special place and doing it well.

   I was given the keys to His very nice house so i could let myself in just in case he has fallen asleep. He has a very important job with the government and technology. At that time He took Xanax just before bedtime. I did not just join Him in bed. I earned my way up there. I would go to His bedside and latch on to what i named THE BIG DIPPER...i had to suck and not miss a beat as i worked my way up into the bed and over Him to my side and that wasn't enough because it took sucking and the fondling of His right nipple to bring Him to ejaculation and that was my goal because He had a difficult time with this and to achieve this was so very rewarding to me.

     He called me "slut" with a smile and a smirk on HIS face. We drove back from a trip to the grocery store and he sang to the other driver's on the street," I have a slut!" I knew that He knew that He brought this out in me and it is not that easy to bring forth.

   One night early on He fastened my pretty red leash to my thick leather collar and held the leash as He fell asleep. Around midnight my bladder needed to be emptied. I so did not want to wake Him as I knew he needed His sleep. Then, i also battled within the knowing i should ask. The battle intensified.....my pride became my enemy. I would sigh and as the hours passed the sighs became louder as my inner torment increased. I told myself that i was so far from the perfect slave as i could not do this simple thing and ask permission to leave the bed. Finally, He asked, "What is the matter?" I failed to answer. More sighs. I could feel His displeasure. Then i finally told Him i had to pee. Now i HEARD HIS sigh.... it cut through me, it hurt. He unhooked me from the leash, rolled over and muttered that He certainly did not want to sleep in a wet bed.

     If given the chance today, over a decade later I would ask immediately. If given the chance to do things over today there is so very much i would have done better, so many mistakes i would not have made. Sometimes you only get one chance to do it right.

i am going to attempt something.....each day a new segment....i am going to travel back in time to what i must call a perfect bdsm relationship and by that i will mean by my standards, my definition. This journey back will have me smiling at times, it will wrench at my heart and bring me close to tears. My vanilla friends all want me to write a book based on my life, but that i cannot do. it has been a life so full of so very much and so many. so, where to begin?

    He contacted me online. i was part of a chatroom and this was more than a decade ago. the room had a dj and i liked to dance, the cam was new. i have  a background in theater that began in the 4th grade. For about two weeks i had the same message appear on my screen along with many others...it was a simple question..."when will you dance again?"

odd i thought and who really cares? the message came again and then again and i wondered who was sending it. Was it coming from someone who knew the man i was living with???? Eventually, i wrote back, "Who are you and why do you ask?"

   He said he was no one i knew and we began to chat. This part i have no memory of. i do know that within just a few weeks i moved out of the home of the man i had been involved with and into the home of someone who had become just a friend.

   We continued to talk online. And a meeting was arranged. I am going to have to give him a name eventually because pronouns become confusing. This will be so difficult to do. We cannot even use the first letter of his name because there will come along a man in this story whose name also begins with the same first letter. Oh hell, their names end with the same last letter as well!Got it, first and last initials. So HE will be TC...and i like that, made me smile!

     TC pulls up in his bright and beautiful red truck. I love that color. I see him get out and my heart beats so rapidly. i walk outside to greet him and the very first thing he said was,"You do not need to lose one pound." Well guys if you want to get laid....REALLY laid...that is the best thing to say even if it is not true because right there and then i wanted to fuck! I wanted to be in every imaginable postion.

    I got into his truck and smiled. I smiled so much. Around him i smiled all the damn time and it came from somewhere so deep within. We got to his home, a very nice home. This was so long ago and my memory can only pull up fragments but what it can remember is so clear i am right there even now.

    We spent a great deal of time in the bedroom. The bed was high, he liked it that way. The first encounter he stood beside the bed with me on the bed.... i got my blessed period !!! He got a towel and said ,"oh well, so what." He made me dinner and the time at the table, every time at the table was magical. He liked pepper, lots of it.

    Back to the bedroom. I can remember him on top and me under him and that moment, that moment when he took not just my body, but all of it, my heart, my soul, and my mind. i felt it leave my being and enter him. I knew it would never be returned. i knew immediately that i was HIS. Even if He did not know this, i did. i could not breathe.

    The next morning, which was the morning of the day i was to return home, i got the worst headache of my life. Everything tensed up, i did not want to go home, i did not want to leave his side, i could not imagine functioning without him near me. I had to take deep breathes, relax, relax i kept telling myself. i felt this thing, i felt i was at home, not in that house...but that HE was home.

   As he drove me back tears rolled out of my eyes. They were not really of sadness just this deep emotion. He asked what was wrong. i told him there was nothing wrong but i just couldn't explain. IT all frightened me to feel this way, to feel so much and to know i was literally at HIS mercy. i was a captive, a slave and that i was HIS.

well well well...............enough said on this subject. journal.....much like a diary .....more than likely same thing........... a place one SHARES  thoughts, experiences, questions, and allows for some insight into the daily life of the average or not so average joe.

sometimes it is simply a place to write.... i am still alive, not well but still alive. still wondering wtf most of the time and knowing there are no answers but only the same question....wtf covers it all nicely.

the name of this site is collarme.com it is not yankmychain.com or ineedamaid.com and it is not fantasy island.................like so many good ideas... it went bad.

i try to stay away from this site.....once it made me laugh....now it makes me want slap people.

i am so tired of being angry. so tired of people who just do not get it... do your homework... value other people's time and Do Not Waste It !!!!

Just because you might think you are a Jet Pilot does not mean i will board your plane!

relationships take effort..work....energy....bdsm...vanilla....hell this kind takes extreme effort !!!!!!!

it can be a magical dance...it really can be.....or a trip to hell.

it amazes me as to how many of you do not belong on here at all !

on tuesday august something i will be moved to Gulfport where i will attempt to begin a new life yet again or really continue this odd and strange so called "life" that is mine...we part as friends...the problem was me jusst not getting along with his sister and her husband..i generally get along so well with people , however, to do so in this situation would mean being someone i am not. There was also an affection issue and after several months and now a year.....that thing called LOVE should have happened..if not..you just wasting precious time.....if you do NOT try....there is never a chance at success..i have learned a great deal during this year and it has been more gain than loss really. This is ALWAYS a good thing.

i must point this out...if you address me as "slave" or "girl" it pretty well tells me that all you seek is some thrill or entertainment and that a relationship will never be sustained...which means a waste of time and that is one thing i do not wish to do. also if you are under 50....35....40....you really have no clue on the aging process.... my daughters live in new orleans and that is a major factor in where i will live. with the exception of Florida....i rather like that area as i am a shell gathering water loving fool ! and for those of you who comment that i talk too much, this is writing....i talk a great deal more and if i was the silent type why the fuck would i need a partner?????

up for grabs so it appears....i wish i had my old profile back.... but let's list needs affection as an important element...and a physical life...the no touching thing just doesn't work with me.

goddddddddddddddddddddddddd what crime did i commit and when when when will the punishment end???????

i finally see a dr.  Thursday  and hope to get back on my thyroid medication as it has been years......mine is under active and one of the problems about being me..i tend to take care of everyone but me.

i thank all who have sent such sweet letters lately and feel comfortable sharing their personal stories as to when they knew they were a little "different." 

very very tired............working on getting art work internet ready and my eyes are burning it seems endless as i want perfection. i do read every thing sent but just cannot reply as much as i ought to ...sorry. deb

homesick.....home is new orleans by the way..my adopted home 

i do try to respond to messages because that is polite. sometimes it is not easy to keep up with them. i take this lifestyle VERY seriously and i have known both the joy and the pain of when it works and when it doesn't. I have made some wonderful friendships over the years using the internet to connect with people who are quite different from the "norm" and i treasure these friendships. 

i do not respond to messages that seem to be coming from anyone who ought to just get out a credit card and pay to whack off...the porn industry pays the bills for many so if that is what you seek.....pay for it up front and do not expect to find it here.

thank you and have a lovely day!

i miss my daughters...years ago i was to live in new york and never did go there because suddenly the suggestion came up that my youngest daughter still living with me go spend time with my mother and i knew i would Not do that....same man years later..now children grown wanted me to come live in England..a private jet would bring me back to visit my children and yet.....it was too far and i knew it. I was to be able to see them once a month when i was in Georgia but that all went to hell in less than a hand basket. i really do not know how parents manage...i know my mother is still VERY unhappy that i live so far away and she is in her 70's. She also knows i cannot tolerate the cold brutal Wisconsin  weather and so she understands. It isn't that i need to see my daughters constantly and they do appreciate that i am the type of mother that gives them their space..but to be so far away and this will be the first Christmas without either one of them. All three of us just want to get to January so it is over. We ha the most magical Christmas's and i really did over do it because they are so very much missed. some how i will figure out a way to edit some of my christmas films and put them on you tube and share because they were that special...the singing..santa...decorating..the all the laughter from the guests. It is a very tough time right now inside my little head. 

as for the video greeting.....there was a comment that it ought to be more entertaining...really??? let's see yours!!! there was also a comment sent about how it reveals my shyness HA HA HA ohhhhh HA i am SO NOT SHY..but i am very uncomfortable being quiet..that is what the camera is catching. me in discomfort!!!! it will change now and then because i do so enjoy playing with video! 

new entry.......ho ho ho....happy holidays! 

gawdddddddddddddd i miss SEX !!!!!! getting laid...moaning..feeling .....passion..body heat..sweat.....and exhaustion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i really do!!!!! i am far too young to be living a life as an elderly person.

really not feeling well but waiting to collect my 4,000.00 fantasy money on facebook for slot o mania because i worked so hard to get to this point..then i am going to try to sleep off whatever the hell is making me feel so crappy!

i am going to suggest that when writing contact me emails, that the time is taken to give some type of introduction, this ought to include the good, the bad, and the ugly. As a former high school English teacher, this type of letter is one of persuasion. It's goal is to get me to respond, to think twice and to take my time to establish some type of start. This applies across the board  for all your home shopping contacts. 

the profile information is normally scarce and highly impersonal. A sentence begins with a capital letter, ya i know, beat me! I really dislike typing. I also dislike the shift key extra step and i actually have a tool that allows me to write on a tablet and it makes it all better! I do not use it.

Many and all can make the claim to be a Master. It might be a great idea to include your experience, what a typical day and night is like in your world and specifics. Paint an accurate portrait because there is no point in making it better than it might actually be since it would take only a few days to realize something isn't quite right. What books have you read? What passages stood out. How and when did you know you were NOT vanilla. 

Just a suggestion here. 

just before the the first light of dawn, i felt the warmth of His body as He moved closer and i held my breath in anticipation of what might come next. For a few minutes i was held in that state and then i felt his hand grab the back of my neck and again i waited.  i do a great deal of waiting, notice? I felt a tug at my left nipple and moaned as He pulled on it so that the rest of my body would follow and it did. I did not intend to moan that simply happened. I opened my eyes and found that i was looking into His and He smiled and my day began happily and i waited for breakfast which was about to be served in bed!

in this rather sad and unfair world all one has to hold onto is a fantasy, how sad is that?

i once had so much to say....the only thing that seems to come to mind now is simply.."shit".

dear journal..............some who read this send messages that these entries are far too sad, i quite agree. it has just been a very long journey and i will never claim that i have the gift of understanding people, i really do not. i am not complaining because every experience no matter how bad or even how good all adds up to more and never less. Class never ends and even during recess there is learning. It is a matter of just understanding that every moment is a learning experience if you look at it that way. I do miss the water though, it has been far too long for a walk on the beach with my camera and a bag for treasures!

i exist, therefore, i am....................am what???? hello...i am well aware that few bother to read the profiles as most are here for lord only knows what, but i do have a few friends here that stop by from time to time to ask if i am REALLY ok or just faking it...ooo  AH ah ah............omfgoddddddd.......hard to tell sometimes isn't it? sometimes i do not even know!

having a quiet day, i have not been in the outside world now for several weeks, sometimes isolation is a good thing because too much contact with that world can be exhausting. a balance is important. i miss swimming as it really helps the physical aches that seems to have come with age. i think i might be part fish. i wonder what the rest of the world is up to? What do people look like? i use to enjoy going and watching them. i have even been known to talk to them. i think it is going to rain again. a very quiet day.

24 hours from now i ought to be in  deep sleep......i hope to be smiling and i do hope that the man beside me is happier than he ever dreamed he could be......the early bird gets the worm or in this case perhaps the prize!

i wrote something great and did not do the verification string because this is something new and how i hate for someone to just wipe out all i wrote without a damn pop up warning like HEY STUPID YOU MUST TYPE THOSE LETTERS!

so this is the short form.....if you are under 40.....age matters a great deal..30??? 28???? You could only bring me to my knees at gunpoint and i do not hang with that kind of guy! 

life can sometimes be just an endurance race...and oh i have endured..and although at 30 and 40 you might think you have but oh baby the best is yet to come..enjoy your youth..live it up..run...jump...watch those knees thought because they wear out! 

i am looking for a person who completes me..i do not need to be dominated, controlled....put under a bed...i do not need a daddy..but i sure would welcome a MAN...a provider...someone strong and strong enough to also be comforted.

i have cared for a man with cancer, took him through the stem cell replacement process and it was horrid so much so that much of it i have blocked out of my mind. i have given until there was nothing left and then found more to give. i was told by a man every morning i think that i was a gem...a precious gem...i smiled...yes i agree but a gem needs to be polished, a car driven, the oil changed, the bills paid and a future planned out the best anyone can at this time....a man must be secure and capable of holding onto the end of my string and wise enough to always know just how far to watch me fly and then wind it up slowly in his hand and plant a soft kiss on my lips at the end of it all.

now for those damn letters!

i am still in sardis, georgia like where else could i go??? no car...no job...plenty of shit!!! i am keeping Tracy's mother from totally losing her mind and with the little money i had i am keeping her and her sister fed because Tracy has not only shit on me but also on his own mother...he was to be paying for a car she took a loan on the house to acquire but they havent made payments and they wrecked it..it is her name on the title...her debt with a fixed income....all this is eating her alive...i can relate...charges have been filed for a stolen vehicle..horrid to have to do to your own son....this entire ordeal is a nightmare! One thing Tracy faailed to mention to me is that he and the lovely lee ann have been diagnosed with hep C............thankfully there was no intimacy over the short time he was within reach.......what he is thinking i sure do not know...how he could promise all that he did since April i cannot understand...he really was my best friend and i fear he has lost his mind. i am far more hurt than angry..that is how i am.

if someone had asked me if i had a real friend, one of the few would have been Tracy, the iron worker who had a terrible accident years ago...a real friend...hmmmm.. he moves me and everything i own here to Georgia and within a week drives to florida and is off somewhere with the woman he married who has cleaned him out and left him repeatedly. He told me he was finished with her or i would have never agreed to relocate here. So here i sit wondering when and if my life will ever get better because this REALLY sucks!!!!The should be ex- wife had gotten her happy ass incarcerated, assaulting a medical officer, oh yes she has a drug problem along with many other problems and while she was stuck in the house of correction she opened the door and began working him over with all that baby i love you stuff and we can make this marriage work and ps. why haven't i gotten any money yet? OH DEAR GOD!!!!!!

sleepy at the moment, then again it is going on 4 in the morning. i am rather sure i am moving soon....i will write more when i am totally sure and ought to be a paperback novel.....go figure. The man??? Well, years ago he would be the one who told me it was a nice dance, but i was dancing alone. Ours has been a long relationship, one primarily of friendship, since not only did he know the man who stole my heart without wanting to do so, but we all were out one fine evening, a night that ended in my tears as the man i loved so very much walked away from me taking my girlfriend with him and choosing not to include me. It is a long, long story and perhaps i will sit down and find all the words to this tale. PERHAPS, but i rather doubt i can do it well enough.

ha ha ha ,, the video greeting !!!!! i am actually quiet !!!! will try again later..might do new ones daily..might not...me getting dressed..yup..that will entertain the pervs!

it is difficult to keep up with me...i lose track of me all the time! I am wrapping things up here in New Orleans and by September my new life must find me...i have faith that it will but it is making it difficult to sleep..it seems i am not destined to remain in this area. I would like to point out  that there is a great deal to read on here and when asked what my hard limited are, if any...those are actually posted to the left on the profile...i add idiots and really stupid people...and if you are simply looking to be stimulated let me suggest paying for paltalk as there are some great video rooms as well as cams with women doing all sorts of things on them. i am working about 16 hours a day refining my artwork for a website that i cannot talk much about..i have given up everything for this and put my last dollar into it...so please...if you are simply bored or unstable..which is fine..nothing wrong with unstable, however, at this time i am really stressed! So skip me until i post..life is great..please drop in and i'll entertain your wildest thoughts and use that as a tax write off!

well....i am sitting here smiling.....for one thing it is wonderful to be remembered. I have gotten some letters while i was sleeping and to be remembered from when i was on Yahoo is very sweet..i guess i am a character of sorts! There are still many good people on this planet.. i hope it is not too late for all of us here..i am so very worried.

it has been some time since i wrote here.....i will be in santa monica feb 27th to March 7th my first time in California..something new..just returned from a trip to Disney in Florida and the a wonderful time in St. Pete..i forgot just how much i like the Gulf over there compared to the Mississippi side of the Gulf. i went to my first bdsm party for new years...i enjoyed that...so much to observe. my life at this point is lacking on every single  level! yet i keep my odd sense of humor and kind of hope the world finally just ends!!! i just liked the bike....i have only ridden on one three times. the picture was taken recently in the Tampa airport by my bridge..that is a man who takes you over a body of water away from one port to yet another..a transition.

i plain give up...but from time to time i drop in here because the emails fascinate me.

i was fed breakfast this morning and thought i would reply to so many messages but i thought wrong.....it is back to bed for me for now. sorry.....

i keep looking at all the females with their pictures under the messages in this area...are there really that many just waiting to be had?

There is nearly a full moon and that might explain some of the messages i ( that is a small i for a reason by the way...oh one who knows little me thinks) have been getting...but hey what about those Packers? I also do not own sweatpants and would rather die than be found in green and gold. i can howl at the moon as well...better than many.....did it once in Colorado and the wolves ran......and kept on going.