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out of here mainly
I am having severe difficulties with this kind of approach to submission and thus mainly out of this platform.I will keep updating my journal from time to time, though
Photo out due to too many pm
To find THAT man I can sub to, to find the man I can give all to, without loosing my personality, to find that one that can make me complete..
Ok, this is no speed-dating for me. I can perfectly live on my own. I am not desperately searching for just someone to sub to.
I am looking for that perfect blend, a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship, where personalities and interests match, cause I think that only if the base is there, it will be functional in the long run.
Someone, who can relate to the following quotes:
"One of the pleasant things about owning a slave is the opportunity to converse with her, to listen to her, to hear her express herself, her feelings and ideas One can learn much from a slave. Many slaves, like yourself, are highly intelligent They can express themselves, articulately, clearly, trenchantly, and lyrically. It is a great pleasure to talk with them. Then when one wishes, one puts them agaiin on their knees.
You are owned, you are female You will be forced to be a woman.... The Gorean man will accept no compromise on your femininity, not from a slave. She will be what he wishes, and that is a woman, fully, and his. If necessary, you will be whipped or starved. You may fight your Master He will, if he wishes, permit this, to prolong the sport of your conquest, but in the end, it is you who are the slave, it is you who will lose."
No, I am not the roll-over-and-be-happy sub, I really need to know that the man who owns me is superior, able to control me. If he can do so, the sky is the limit.
I am no pain slut, so if you are searching for a highly masochistic girl, I am not the one for you. I will follow my owner as far as I can, but - as I stated above - I believe basic interests should match.
Whereas I usually rule nothing out, as I fall for a mind - I definitely look for someone older and taller, I need that to feel that full submission, the man being not only dominant, but well.. tops in almost every way.
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was I waisting everyones time, including mine?
Anyway, just two things for now:
a) funny, how the need to message me drops when my photo is gone. Yes, visuals are important, but to me, within a D/s relationship, the mind set is much more important.
and
b) I cant keep up with this. Yes, perhaps with the one and other, there might have been found a base. But I seem to have frozen in the starters block, not moving forward. Frankly, I dont know how to proceed from here. Perhaps I cant imagine anything starting right here.
I will withdraw to the shadows again for now, thanking all those who took the time to really try to establish a contact. Personally, I need to figure out if this eally is the path I want take. It seems so - well - business-like.
I know I need to write to some of you personally still, I will, once I cleared my brain
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well, read my text, sounded pretty respectless. But well, that is just me, short fuse at times, chose my name for a reason, faucon meaning falcon, after all, that is also how I feel about submission. Predator by nature, made to follow, but always to be handled with care, so I would fly for my Master.
Anyway, I dont just write back, I take my time. I dont come and chat just like that, and i wont even write back to one liners, IF I do, there must be something in your profile that shows me something.
I guess the picture will go out, it is desciptible anyway. Dont know why that is like that with ppl, you see one good picture, you think that is me all the time? Looking for that perfect goddess, a flawless model type? Well, I am not.
And the man I am looking for will, as I do, find outward appearance secondary, will search for that mind, cause THAT is what will have to be mastered.
Without that, my body stays mine. "fuck with my brain" before you put me through whatever.
And NO, I dont dream of any sadistic Master. I am no masochist, no pain slut. I dont need humiliation, I dont even need submission. There are no dreams of kinks in me. Whereever I go is where my Master will take me, it will just happen as his wants and needs become mine. NOT because he says so, and i am too dumb to have my own and just say yes and amen, subbing regardless, but because at some point our relationship will become like that, me a mirror of his desires. Again, not because I want to please him and do all even against myself, but because it becomes my own need, I might not even notice.
The quotes I gave are Gorean, and that is what gets me. No, I dont think males should ultimately dom females, cause frankly, I dont know many males of the Gorean style on our planet who are able to do so. Had they that quality, yes, but like life is.. I need a man who is able to deal with a full woman, not with someone who just needs to be taken care of.
I want my submission to be real and no game. But for that, in my mind, that takes a lot. It is not just an order that is uttered, it is a process. it is not just one week of training, it is a slow process, a dom enjoying to see the struggles and guiding the sub along, knowing each step, each resistance even before she takes it.
Someone who likes the the voyage, not just a woman on a cross or wherever.
My ultimate dreams of a partnership do not consist of crazy rp-games or running around in Latex, bound up like a chicken, or with various objects in me, but that subtle look of my Master that makes me want to kneel. That quiet voice that just utters one word and inflicts respect, perhaps even fear, instantly. That arm around me, holding me, letting me know i am safe. To know he rules my world, that he can stop me, take away everything that is dear to me, but wont do it, knowing what i am and that a falcon who is under too much pressure will just break or wither, or simply fly away
And he will reach that with his brain, not his brawn or instruments.
Call me dreamer. But, well, as I said, I CAN live alone. And very likely I will, how big is the chance to find someone who enjoys the same.
To be frank, my life is pretty settled. Yes, I would give up all I guess, but that would be one hell of a man, and frankly, i doubt the man I search for would tell me to give up all. Knowing he could would be enough for him, and a lot would not have to be given up, as he shares a lot of what makes me
Rambling along here.
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great, I wonder if this really is the place to be. First, I guess I should take my photo out, cause yes, looks are nice, but ultimately, I need someone where the mind matches, and not someone who looks for a doll.
Second, my online time is limited, how will I ever keep up with the flood. I dont want just say blabla
Third.... here I go and try to be explicit, and then recieve one liners. But how am I going to see who fits or not, it is impossible to chat with all offering, and the way I want to reply, it is going to take me ages, time I dont have.
Still, I linger, perhaps there is that someone out there
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ok, just a few days on, and i start wondering. At the beginning, was very willing to answer all, after all, I want my search respected, how much more should I respect theirs. But then, I wonder if they even read what I write, and if, do they understand? Do they understand that for me, it is more about the psychology of being owned, that my viewpoint is more Gorean but BDSM? That it is more the need to be mastered by that stronger personality, than kinks, humiliation, pain, whatever?
And I also wonder about other women, do they just go like: Great, a Master who wants me and just run for it?
No, to put this clearly, I need my mind captivated before i hand over my body.
If there are women who are just happy to serve whoever wants them to, I am truly glad for you. But I am afraid I am not to submissive enough to give up my life for a few lines. And frankly, I would personally think whoever does that is perhaps mentally a bit off the hook, but then, that is just my humble opinion
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| Age: 45 |
| Boston,
Massachusetts |
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