Surprised myself and actually beat the apathy enough to edit the profile... don't all get excited though!

Guess the apathy set back in, lol... don't say i didn't warn you :D

hmm, guess my profile is long overdue an edit or two... if only i could be bothered, ah well!

damn, didn't think i'd been gone that long, but most of my previous messages and journals been deleted :/  sorry everybody!

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, And you just need to take it out on someone, Don't take it out on someone you know, Take it out on someone you don't know, But you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered A phone call I'd forgotten to make.  I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris.  Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' And the phone was slammed down on me. 
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.  After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' And hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, When I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!' And hang up!  It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' Calling would have to stop.  So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.  I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'  He yelled 'NO!' And slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' And hung up.

One day I was at the store, Getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.  Some guy in a black BMW Cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, But the idiot ignored me. 
I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, So I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, Right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' 
He said, 'Yes, it is.' 
I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' 
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax.  It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front.' 

I asked, 'What's your name?' 

He said, 'My name is Don Hansen,'

I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?' 

He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.' 

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?' 

He said, 'Yes?' 

I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up, And added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.
I called asshole #1.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah!'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me!'
I said, 'Make me!'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, A yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.. And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole!' and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, asshole!'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass!'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance.  I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel so much better.

*coughs* apparantly, despite me being english, somebody thought this was a true story about myself... so, edited to clarify that no, it just made me laugh (not as much as the killer squirrel tho), so i thought i'd share x

joke from my best friend :)

the police knocked at some guys door.. showed him a pic of a woman and said.. Is this your wife?  the guy said... yes it is.... policeman said.. im sorry sir but it looks like shes been hit with a bus.. guy said... i know! but she takes it up the arse and shes great with the kids :P

i really don't mean to be rude fellas, but if you hit me with a random chat request i can't just drop whoever i'm talking with, so i'm going to refuse at that time.  please, just mail first and ask?

why is there no 'Straight Dominant Male' option in the 'actively seeking' section? 

i'm sorry, but if you're bi, sub, switch or female, you're just not right for me, please save your fingers some work... and in case you're confused, that goes for couples too, just not interested.

*edit to add comment from one charming old fella, and clarification*

"All you have to do is select 'Male' then 'Dom' and then 'Straight'. Nice and esy in the search options. Perhaps adding dim to you name may be an option."

hm, yes, indeed... i was referring to the options when editing my own profile though, i do know how to use search correctly, duh :)

i need coffee, slow down the random chat requests fellas