FallsbitchN

A new year as my Owner's slave and property. Of course one of the things that i am working on as a new years resolution is to accept myself as Her property with all the conditions that goes with it. 

Because the bottom line for me is Her happiness. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2014 be AMAZING!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Today, i look forward to  a place that only my Owner can provide. Yes, I am still a work in progress as a slave. It's hard to give p decades of life and it's reflexes because it is not how one spent his childhood.  It is difficult for me to surrender all that I am to my Owner, but  I still feel it is the right thing to do. 

And yes, i have weak moments that concern me, not just because of the demanding  life change that  I am morphing into, but also because of the douts I still have even in servitude that I am not good enough to serve Her as completely that She expects.

My personal desire to submit and serve a Dominant Big Beautiful Woman is what drives me, but sometimes I worry that I do not have enough energy to fulfill it and I will revert back the being the selfish  human being only thinking about myself.   

On the other hand, my desire to be a slave could only happen  by becoming a slave . Something I have never learned how to be  as I grew up. Fantasies yes, but they are just that  fantisies . Manifestations of my deep desires of Big Beautiful Women  that I secretly  desired in puberty. One top of that, I never did  figure out why my fantasies became chained  with  BDSM and now even further as a Owner/slave  lifestyle.

Yet, it  is a quandary for me because it is  hard work. But my Owner, my Slave Owner has always been there because She says that I am doing well and She will be there every step of the way  into my final conversion as slave.

One other thought here, in one of my earlier fantasies, I had broken away from such servitude. But I returned to Her, Kneeling before Her, groveling  and begging to  come back as Her slave.  

She knew i would.

Becoming property isn't just another version of BDSM. It is a lifestyle choice for me and for my Owner because of O/our desire to own and to be owned. I do not ever want this to be a reflection for anyone else. Personal choice is personal choice. So please think long and hard about the real life implications about it because there are so many variations to alternative lifestyles that I would feel amiss to at least point it out to you.

This property is now a part of my Owner's stable. The days of choice for me are in the past with only this blog. And only that is because She granted this to me. Obviously,  as Her property the blog belongs to Her too which of course I happily accept as much as a place in Her stable. Its just the way things are now. 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! 

Have a great day with family, friends and loved ones in every manner of life, alternative and vanilla. 

And to my Owner, thank You my Lady! my Queen!

Submit. To yield to the authority of my Superior and accept only Her will as Her property.

This is the place I traded for the freedom that i now have.  At the moment, i just wait because Her time and attention is elsewhere right now. So i wait like a dog for Her attention. Panting and salivating for Her beauty, intelligence, and wisdom. 

She knows that i already love and respect Her. She knows that i admire Her. And now She knows that i worship and obey Her.  Yes, I do things in the meantime while I wait because She already has commanded me to do so. Yet I still want to do more for Her. 

That is why i gave myself completely over to Her.

The collar around my neck, and the leash that is attached to it is Her Will as i wait as Her bitch.

Discipline. The noun. Training, teaching, instructing, directing, ordering, authority, ruling, and strictness.

Disipline. The verb. To train to obey, behave, punish, penalize, rebuke, reprimand, and chastise.

As one of the mostly widely used terms in the BDSM world with many variations and connotations. Discipline is also one of the of terms that is a governing aspect of my life both self imposed and imposed by my Owner. And since this is about my station as a slave, as property. Discipline will only be used as a context between Her and myself. Again its a subject that will not be opinions about anyone else. As readers that is for you to determine for yourself about you and your personal relationships. i am only reflecting O/ours as Owner and slave.

Obviously my Owner is all that i listed and more. She is the Disipline and my Displinarian. For a Woman who accepts and enjoys this part of is to be both cherished and honored as the Supreme Female Authority that She is.  

Why?

Because She truly loves it. Not just because She Owns another human being, but also to mold, and shape Her property as She fit. It has to be a lot of work but also a desire to do this too. Shea only accepts people - and yes, i said people - that She deems worthy of such Disipline; of Her Disipline. i am not her first slave, nor her last slave. She as other properties; obiediant properties that already love, care, and obey Her.

So to say that She needs me as Her property too just isn't the case. She choose me as Her property because She wanted to Own me. Yes, i did ask, but no, i did not decide at all. She did. She laid out my future with Her because She wanted to be clear what i will become and what  Her expectations will be going forward including what i get in return.  

So Disipline is not just a noun, but also a verb that for me will be embodied by Her for me as Her property, Her slave. So it isn't about just Her joy of Owning me, but also Her joy of disciplining me because She Loves it.

As my Owner said to me before, " I do not accept just anyone slave."

Anticipation. In case of; ready for. 

In my case, anticipation as Her property is not about my expectations from my Owner. It's about the Her ongoing work on Her property to Her complete satisfaction. At the moment, there is no timetable about this because She decides these things not me. 

There is a continued discussion about this, but not in one particular way. That is because i am not the only priority in Her life after all. There are obligations, opportunities, and other responsibilities that W/we all share. And many of those obligations, opportunities, and responsibilities are time consuming. With that said, Her property is just one of a list of many in Her Life. 

But as Her property, i am now one on Her List to a focus, to change, to improve upon. But at Her pace, Her imagination, not mine. Yes, i have some input as a consideration, but not as a point of view, idea, or a right. Those are Hers now. 

i gave them up for the freedom i enjoy now as Her slave, Her property.:-) The freedom to be property, to be a slave without any judgement from others and the outside world. To no longer have to hold back, keep in check, and hide from others or even listen to opinions  that do not matter anymore. She accepts me as i am and She does not waiver in Her belief in me. So whatever i am into, my desires, my fetishes, et al. That is fine by my Owner because She knows that i need such freedom of expression to not only exist, but also to be happy. 

However, i do so within Her world and it is a process for Her. She is a Female Surpremist and not only believes that i am weaker,  and inferior to Her. That is a dynamic which drives Her to acquire property. Property to tear down to the foundation, establish Her the rules and boundaries of Her property and rebuild from a new foundation and up what Her property will become based on the parameters of Her world. This will take time, but She remarked that it is exactly who and what She really is. Therefore, i am in a state of anticipation everyday not from anyone else, just from my Owner.

So whether You agree or not, that is ok either way. The writings here are the reflections of me and my thoughts as property. It's not a judgement nor do i judge others about this. There too many ways to live these alternative lifestyles, this is just one way. Thank You!

Sustenance. The maintaining of someone in life or existence.

The meaning above for sustenance has been taken out of its original context and will be used to describe my personal sustenance as property that my Owner now provides. In this case, my own personal, wants, needs, and desires that i personally had as a human being via the usual choices and decisions will now be governed and provided by my Owner. As Her property, She decides what wants, needs and desires that will even be necessary for the maintenace and sustenance of Her property right down to eating, drinking and sleeping wIll be decided by my Owner.

Even the emotional, psychological, and medical aspects aspects will be overseen by Her though regular communications and reports by me to keep Her informed. In fact, my medical reports are required now weekly. My Owner describes all my communications to Her as a necessity. All of my experiences are now related to Her even pain and suffering that is not under Her direct control will now be associated with serving Her as i will be taught "all that it means to be true property."

Permission. That which can only be granted by another. 

In my case, permission can only be granted by my Owner because i have no rights to fall back on.  She own's my rights as a human being in exchange for the freedom of expression i receive  becaoming Her property and slave. Threrefore, i am granted Her Permission instead. 

it is a steep price to pay, but it was my choice to do so. In addition, it also became the very last time i had the right to grant Her permission to become my Owner and i as Her slave. i didn't consider this at the time of O/our power exchange, but now in reflection, i do.  

Even before my property status, i loved the idea of kneeling before a goddess like BBW and knowing that my place in Her world would always be beneath Her.  Even in the beginning i toldmy Owner that i was subservient to

Women and asked Her if i may defer to Her because of my belief in Female Superiority? In the real world, i would have been considered nuts, but my future Owner was pleased with my request and granted me Her Permission to do so.  Yes, i wanted Her Dominance over me, but as something as treasured as a Dominant BBW acceptance of me and my desire for second class status to Her was amazing to me and very generous of Her to do so. She could have blown me off, but She didn't. She granted me Her Permission.

Thank You!

As i posted in my last journal entry, i have been permitted to continue this new journal about my aspects of my new place and lifestyle as Her slave. Her slave? Yes, I am Her slave because that is what i had to do to obtain my personal freedom. A freedom that only  an intelligent Superior Dominant Big Beautiful Woman possessed and able to give to me in exchange. There are many aspects to this power exchange that will be unique to Her and myself that will be difficult to describe in one journal entry. I will be attempting to illustrate not only Her Ownership but also my freedom that She has generously granted to me to become Her property in exchange. This will be done in several journal entries the best that i can.  

Me:

I am a African American male who sought for years to be a submissive to a Dominant Big Beautiful Woman (BBW) that only occurred in my dreams and fantasies. I had plenty of vanilla relationships, but none that allowed me to express my submissive core. A core that manifested itself in my puberty in my prepubescent fantasies about my fascination with bigger, curvier women that possessed not only were very lovely faces, but also had very desirable breasts, asses, and shapely legs. Furthermore, I found that such women are very intelligent too which made fantazies about such Women...and they were Women in every sense of the word grow inside me. Or in my case, in my mind. 

Yet for years, I continued to be thwarted in meeting let alone submitting to such a person for many, many reasons I thought to myself. Yet, the cold truth was I was scared, period. I had finally discovered Collarme and began on and off looking for a BBW Woman that maybe interested in me and my desire to submit. My former handle, ABBWbitchslave, I had used for years until though Collarme, I had met my future Owner FalltoDarkness, who wanted to make a real time power exchange wIth me. She didn't do this on a whim, we talked first. And talked a lot. In fact we still talk but at first it was just getting to know each other. But then it be came more like negotiations as what i wanted had begun to mesh with what She wanted. Because She didn't just want a submissive, She wanted a slave. A person who will release all of his or her rights, thoughts, and ideas to Her for a new life as Her slave. A life of sevitude, humiliation, degradation and pain. In other words, She offered me my Freedom in exchange. A freedom of expression that only She can give and accept and appreciate from me with compassion and without ridicule. Well at least sometimes without ridicule. 

She is a smart, young, beautiful, and curvy Big Beautiful Woman who is comfortable who is comfortable with Her Female Superiority and my personal desire to be subservient to as Her property! Her slave. Slaves are property according to FalltoDarkness and therefore She gets to name it. Therefore i am property and i am now Her FallsBitchn.

Everthing else I will be blogging about extends from here. 

I forgot to add my Owner has told me to continue to write in my journal.

Its been awhile since my last entry so much has happened to me. First, I have been under the wear for awhile and even now it still persists. My Owner has made some changes and of course I am following them. She wants me to make regular medical visits that include weekly reports to Her as well. She demands that my health remains in tip top condition thus the reports. She will get them. 

Furthermore, my Owner has set up this acc for me to use but She is in control of it completely including the new purple background that you see right now. So in even the slightest ways, my Owner has begun to tear me down, mold and reshape me into Her "omega slave" - Her words. 

Also as Her slave, She has assured me that i will suffer for Her by Her command and for Her amusement. She knows already that i do not ever want an equal relationship with Her. That my place in Her Life is that of willingly being beneath Her in every manner including accepting my place as Her inferior in Her Life. Of course, I asked for this lifestyle as we had gotten to know each other and She accepted it. She will always be my Superior and will have the final say. I will strugglle but also I hope I will discover a new freedom in being defined by Her completely. 

Nevertheless, it will take time because W/we both have lives to be sure. But it will slowly become a reality for the both of U/us. She is a busy and vibrant Woman moving forward in Her life with many aspirations as well as i. But mine will no longer be about my me. My life will be as Her slave and living within the boundaries, confines, and rules that She will be ultimately satisfied with as Her property.