Faerykins

I LOVE it when you read someones profile, and take the time to respond, mentioning just having a normal conversation.

now after waiting oh.. what a few hours 3 or 4 something like that, you log back into CM and find that said person is still online, and has read your mail. no biggy right? well not if on said persons journal they are ranting about people being "rude" and not responding to said persons mail. so i respond and say something along the lines of well if you didn't want to talk maybe you should have said something. said person comes back with something about it having only been a little while and needed time to respond. now in this mail, there was no question, there was no specific topic. just ramblings of trying to start a conversation. so i told this person this as well. i got in return that i was rude and they were busy and all sorts of excuses. oh and blocked. im so crushed.

if you have on your profile that you wish to be responded to even if its to say no thanks or im busy.. shouldn't you do the same in return? Dom or not? it does help and go along way if you say im sorry im busy right now, or im only on for a bit, sure im logged onto the site but, im not really talking, im busy with real life stuff.

all im saying is if you rant about something others are doing or NOT doing.. be sure you aren't doing it yourself. being a "Dom" does not make you exempt or the "exception to the rule" because you THINK you are a "Dom".

Alright for those of you whom think you are going to be my "knight in shinning armor"... I have a NEWS FLASH for you.

1. You WILL NOT be anything unless I WANT you to be. I spent 9 months in love with this guy and thats not changing for a long time.
2. Just because you think you can make me "forget him" by trying to get me to have phone sex or meet you.. you are sadly mistaken.
3. You WILL NOT make me forget anyone.
4. My heart is TAKEN. Reguardless if its unhealth or I cry everyday about it or not. Just the same, my heart is taken for the time being and he knows it.
5. I do not want you. So don't try.
6. If you willingly try to speak to me thinking you have a chance, you have been warned. If you think you want to be with me or get to know me, be ready to hear me crying about some other guy who I love. You are in for a long haul if you think talking to me 2 or 3 times will get me to see "the light" and be with you over this guy.

Any questions? No... Good... now go away.

Nothing new to say about my life. I'm still "single" if thats what you call spending all of my waking and most of my sleeping hours talking to someone who lives in Chicago. It's weird. he doesn't like other guys talking to me but yet won't say we are together because of the distance. Sometimes I really do love him alot, and the rest of time I want to tell him to get away from me because I can't stand him. I guess thats the life of love and relationships.

I have a new addiction. well ok not "new" but yea lets call it new. World of Warcraft. One of my favorite games because its very much thinking on the go and strategy based. And besides where else can you pretend to be an ancient night elf with purple hair that kills all in her wake?

i got a new computer... a dell dimension b310 100 gigs 1gb of ram 17' flat panel. its AWESOME. i wanted to share that with everyone.

alot has happened in the last few weeks. i am now single. it hurts.. alot. i gave my heart to someone who i believed was meant to have it. im still hurting. its only been a few days, so its understandable, i suppose. it was never supposed to go like this. i was never supposed to fall in love with him, he wasn't supposed to be wonderful. i wasn't supposed to give my heart to him. he wasn't supposed to be my soul. he wasn't supposed to be my reason for breathing. we weren't supposed to end like this. we weren't supposed to NOT be together. i knew from the beginning that this would be hard, if i got too involved. our arrangement was for this to only be online til he or i found someone real life, closer. then it evolved into a relationship, a real relationship.  i like to think, he was in love with me. that he really loved me. will i ever truly know? maybe... if he tells me. i believe he really loved me, was in love with me. i knew if he and i ended, how it would go. how i would feel. its gone so far... exactly how i thought it would. i knew that since we started out so explosively, it would end that way. it did. i knew that if we did break up, end.. go our seperate ways... the likelyhood of us ever being friends, or really talking again would be hard.  and it is. do i think he will ever talk to me again? i do think so. in time.  i also know that we will never be fully out of each others lives. we will always have some sort of contact. i think we will try to be friends, try to be civil, try to forget our feelings for each other, but we will never forget. we will pretend they aren't there, and everything is ok. i hope one day my heart will grow back, i hope one day to have my soul back. i hope one day to feel a love like this again. a love that will last a lifetime.

if you are reading this... and want to talk to me, be warned.. i am hurting. im not healed from my last relationship. thats something i will have to deal with. ultimately, alone. i will recover, i will move on, and love again. just because my world came crashing down around me, the earth didn't stop turning. there will be a tomorrow... and there will be another, new, greater love. i hope he is out there, waiting for me. searching for me. if you get lost... stop and ask for directions, its alot simpler that way. 

lastly.. to my... to the man who taught me how to love again... if you are reading this, which im sure at some point you will be, or will have, thank you. you will always hold a special place in my heart. you will always have a friend in me. where ever our lives take each of us... i will always be here for you.