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I've tried several times to fill in the "what about me" stuff but I'm just terrible with it. I'm not so sure how much of me I want to put on display for others to judge, making myself vulnerable to that extent isn't always easy; well vulnerable on any level really, ( though in some twisted way I crave anything that makes me vulnerable and helpless) and then to put it on display for so much scrutiny and judgment from others makes it all that much more unnerving and besides I'm really terrible at talking about myself.
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I am without question or hesitation a submissive woman, am I a slave? can I really let go .. that .. much? I really don't know. I hate to say that for the risk of sounding doltish but I honestly don't know. Perhaps in the right setting with the right person all things are possible.
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I'd love to find something that lasts and stands the test of time. (yes I am a hopeless romantic with a kinky side) I'm not sure I'd consider myself a "pain slut" though right there on that edge is a wicked place to play. I love humiliation and there is nothing is better than a delicious spanking!
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Ultimately, I crave this dreamy fantasy life of being tied up and serving that one awesome person that can reduce me to utter defeat with a single look, a motion of hand, a touch, something so small that no one else would even notice.. The man that would make me desperately need to crawl to him and beg for anything ... and ... everything. I have this overwhelming desire to surrender, to find that place to complete what it is that I'm suppose to be and I'll never know what that is until I find that man that allows me that path and journey with him.
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I want to love and be loved. I want to be controlled and possessed, to be owned, I want that combination of sweet and sinful, of loving romance and brutal dominance.
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I ache for a man who is.. open and honest, strong and yet can show his own side of vulnerabilities. A man that truly can make me weak and quiver in desire. To feel that desperation in a needy touch. One that can make me laugh and cry. Who can temper my anxieties.. One that can reassure my insecurities and help move past them. A man that is willing to give just as much as he gets. One that can hold that line somewhere between being treated like nothing more than a whore of desire to a man, to please his every whim to being his lover and treated completely feminine and lady like..
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I have this deeply seeded craving to be dominated to be raped and my vulnerabilities exposed reaching new limits and yet at the same time that same hunger to be held and cared for, candles and wine.. romance, to be made love to and held. -[i]dreamy sighs[i]- I want that "blend" of D/s and vanilla, the combination of both aspects of life and I do think it's possible. I don't see that there are any set rules to this life style, each couple makes their own as times goes on so I do believe that it's entirely possible to have a mixture of both. While I want to be dominated I don't want to be exactly micromanaged.
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My wants are truly that of night and day, that mixed sensation of wants and needs, that driven desire for a mans exploration of my body and mind, my soul and my heart, all to be given over wholly without reservation to the right man of course, I ache to be pushed into that helpless state of complete vulnerability, I crave the strength of a man, that undeniable hunger to hopelessly intoxicate me by sensuality, by dominance, by pure raw uninhibited sexual desire. My mind seduced into a yielding state of submission that I can never return from.
I guess when it comes right down to it what I really want is a life partner. The right man I can share all of life with, not just bdsm or kinks, someone to genuinely share my life with, a best friend, lover, soul mate, that complete variety of people melded into one person.
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I just love the fools that demand within the first email "call me sir" respect is earned, not given. |
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For the love of my sanity, please don't email me if all you can do is speak to me in third person. "The girl doesn't like to talk to idiots like you" |
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