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EmeraldSlave2 - photo 1
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Bi poly slave top, BA in philosophy, 7 years active experience in wiitwd, love discussions and debates.

I am a busy chica. I have a boyfriend currently long distance, two other solid partners, and various other people I date/court. I am the co-organizer of the NOVA Firefly Meetup Grou p and Chair of the local Baltimore bdsm group, BESS.

General traits of people I am involved with include: overly smart and educated, high drive to succeed, musical talents, science/computer geek, spirituality and energy interests.

Kinks: mind fucks, mind control, hypnosis, wax, fear, knives, blood, breath, humiliation, objectification, age play, puppy play, bondage, rapes

Dark Pleasures: Buffy, milkshakes, reading, movies, chatting online, cross stitch, spoiling my nephews.

Dislikes: People who equate dominance to rudeness, elaborate cock sucking fantasies- it's still just a blow job, the word "subbie," underestimation

Service and control oriented...

"The burning of humiliation can be far more fulfilling than the throbbing of an orgasm"

Also see LuckyAlbatross
Another new pic.  I know it won't be as loved as the other but wanted to show off for awhile.
New pic again, this from a series taken last weekend with a friend.
Put up new pic from last Saturday's party with a "Back to School" theme.  Hope you like.

My journal continues on LJ, the name is emeraldliz.

So I drove down to the Owner’s last Friday, stopping at Wal-Mart for some necessities like soda and snacks, and then just chilling out.  J was expected to come sometime that evening but no real time.  However, when he had not called by 7 I was getting a bit concerned.  Luckily he called before I was too worried (in the middle of a 2 minute call I had with the Owner of course) and said he would be packing and coming down soon.  I started watching Phantom Menace, but when J had still not arrived by 9:30 I began to get quite concerned and left another voice message (one day he will be killed for not having a cell phone).  He called a bit later from a payphone saying he was lost and upset.  I’m sure it was because my directions sucked and luckily he was only two minutes away so I drove to him so he could follow me back.  
He was definitely not happy with me when we got in so I just gave him some TLC and we went down and started watching a Fish Called Wanda which I’d never seen, gave him a foot massage, a bit of a back massage and then spooned on the floor.  The movie was funny but not anything special and then we headed up to bed.

And then we had awesome sex.

And then we went to sleep.  We awoke sometime mid-morning and got into another romp together, went back to sleep for awhile and then I got up to do kitty stuff.  J woke not too long after that and felt he should get going soon because he had a few errands to run.  I was sad for him to have to go so shortly after arriving and not to see him the next day, but I understood that he has his own life now and said goodbye.

I got showered myself and then headed up to my sister’s to hang out with them and my mom for her birthday.  I had gotten her a memory foam pillow as part of her Christmas present and she loved it so I’d gotten her the memory foam mattress topper for her birthday, which she also said was great.  The nephews were bouncy and ready for fun so we headed to the local pool and hung out.  It was the funniest thing in the world to see my mom and sister waterfight.  Unfortunately, my period decided to start at that point and my purse was back at the house.  As well, my teeth were annoying me so I kinda just sat around in the shade the rest of the afternoon.  The good news being of course that my period would NOT be occurring during Leather Retreat which would just have totally sucked.

I said goodbyes and went back to the Owners, shortly followed by DCS arriving.  He sat on the floor while I did some email and then Sexy K finally returned my messages and said she was going out to the Crucible with a date and would love for us to go with her.  Well even though I wasn’t much in the mood, I couldn’t pass up an invitation like that.  So, DCS and I had a rushed dinner at Applebees, which was quite enjoyable not only from the company but from the food, then returned to get ready.

Sexy K and her date were a bit late of course (though dressed amazingly in their matching fishnet and matrix-type coats) but we made it to the Crucible fairly early, just as play was getting into swing.  DCS and I hung out mostly, letting him sit next to me and rub my feet some (he loves the feet, I love the attention).  Sexy K had an annoying encounter with an ex-top who apparently is very bitter over their relationship ending but moved on to have a great scene with her date.  We watched some and then…as I turn to look around, I see a figure in shiny blackness walk through the anteroom into the dungeon floor.  Why is it that J always seems to move in slow motion the first few seconds I see him walk in?  I saw J, was stunned for a few seconds that it was actually him and then rushed over and gave him a huge hug and professed how happy I was to see him.  He was of course surprised to see me as well and we headed over to the cage/couch area.

There he met up with some of the other DC/TNG peeps, which was slightly awkward for me.  He obviously had a good bond with all of them, and he had a good bond with me, but I’d barely met any of these people before.  J was lost in his attention fest from the lovely ladies (and they WERE all lovely ladies) and I couldn’t abandon DCS who was attentive at my feet, though also unsure how to handle the situation.  

But eventually the circle broke and we got in, casually, finished introductions and greetings and then went on to other play.  I spontaneously delighted in having DCS crawl after me to get to my feet and wish I had more room/time to do that, eventually making my way back to J and talking a bit.

We relaxed some, watching Sexy K a bit, and then one of the lovely ladies (who I recognized from the LF&P not only for her great smile, but she was wearing the same yellow kilt outfit as she had before) came over and asked to help co-top with J as she had never topped before.  I of course agreed, made sure DCS was snug in his cage and went over.  I quickly sensed that J wanted me there to help but would benefit more from playing directly with the Lady in Yellow, and realized that if I simply let things take their course and was a reassuring presence for the Lady in Yellow, that I could bow out soon enough and let them enjoy on their own.  And that’s pretty much what happened.

Returned to the cage where Sexy K and her date were still having fun (her date really is a fun and nice top) but winding down.  We got stuff together, headed out and went home.  DCS stayed over for once and we snuggled and talked a good long while.  For some reason I feel very cozy and relaxed with him very quickly.

Went to sleep and woke up late morning Sunday.  Got around to getting dressed and then headed to Target to pick up supplies for the grilling later.  The big surprise is that DCS had totally cleaned up and cleaned out my car while I was asleep!  I was in bliss!  We went to Target, got some lunch, which DCS could immediately see me perking up (food and caffeine makes Liz happy).  Got our supplies and headed home.

I ordered DCS back to bed as he had gotten very little sleep and then hung out and tried to finish Phantom Menace when NV arrived!  We snuggled next to eachother in the living room and DCS awoke and sat on the floor next to me.  However, I could immediately sense that something was wrong and my very sensitive boyfriend left us alone so we could talk.  DCS was just having a bit of “morning after syndrome” from his scene so I comforted him briefly for what I could and basically just set the tone of normalcy and making him feel part of the group.

While waiting for our other guests, who were terribly late, we played a game of Munchkin, which DCS was actually doing very well with.  Our guests arrived finally and we started up the grill and talked.  I had NV man the grill and got DCS to get the supplies together.  We talked and chilled on the back deck, ate very good food, and then got into a rowsing game of Risk 2210 which I’d never played before (and ended up winning thanks to NVs advice which I took even better than he’d expected and beat him too).  Unfortunately my mouth was still being annoying, my male guests were NOT getting the point that constantly making references to taking my top off was actually HINDERING the likelihood of that possibility, and I was beginning to worry about all the mess to clean up the next day.

But eventually it was late and time for everyone to go, specially sad for DCS and NV.  But they left, I did a bit of spot cleaning and went to bed.  
Got up Monday morning and went to work.  I then got a call from the Owner mid-morning to hear that they would shortly be home- about 12 hours earlier than they had told me before.

Enter me in panic mode, realizing how messy things had been when I left.  The Owner said not to worry but I was quite upset.  I called the NV up to go to lunch and hopefully calm me down but during lunch the Owner called VERY angry about an ashtray apparently broken and a birds nest in the house being disturbed.  I was pretty much in constant tears at this point, leaving the restaurant to talk to Boston though he couldn’t really do much.  

Went back to work and was still terribly upset and talked to my southern friend H who was able to get some calming through when the Owner called again and apologized for being so angry and that made me feel a gazillion times more relieved.  Got through the rest of the day, went down to pick up my stuff, where I was hugged and given marshmallows, made profuse apologies and then went to the NVs to crash a bit.

Tuesday the NV and I headed to Six Flags again and rode a few more awesome coasters.  We did Superman from the very first car twice which was pretty amazing since you have absolutely no wind resistance ahead of you.  He also did the Spacecoaster thing which totally freaked me out and had me very relieved when he touched the ground again.  We saw the very cheesy Batman show and got a free meal with our tickets in the Western section.  I also couldn’t resist buying a pic of us in the front car of the Superman.  I actually have dry spots on my hands from holding onto the bars so tightly.

Wednesday I was going to go home to clean up stuff before the weekend but not only was Bostons father having health problems and causing complications in their plans, but NVs father was having health problems and had to be taken into the hospital briefly as well.  Perfect storm conditions.  I went to the NVs and took him to Arundel Mills to cheer him up where I bought a white lace parasol which will fit perfectly with my outfit on Saturday.  We came home and chilled out and I got to IM with Boston some and make sure he was ok.

Drove home, showered and then cleaned up my room so I could easily find all the things for packing the next day.  Talked with DCS some and processed more from the weekend.  He’s getting more out in the scene as well and I hope I can help him raise his intuition and judgement well enough to not get into too much trouble.
Now I have butterflies in my stomach, in anticipation and anxiety for Leather Retreat which begins tomorrow for me.  My first ever!  I have a few outfits planned (I’m going as a bunny to the Vampire Ball, I wonder how many will get it), have to get some snackage and supplies today, pack up and then we’re off tomorrow!  I have no serious play plans but hope to have lots of fun, pool time, make new friends and have lots of sex.

So we attempted to hit Six Flags again. While I was pretty wiped by the time I got to NVs, he was ready to go and so convinced me to get going. So me, NV and his brother went out. We grabbed Chik-Fil-A on the way and got into the park with no problem. By the time we finished getting our season passes processed it has unfortunately started raining and they made an announcement that due to lightning they were closing rides and would try to open as soon as possible. We figured since we were already there we’d walk around and get acquainted with the park. Well, 10 minutes later, the storm passed and the rides were back up! So the NV and I were able to hit 4 screaming roller coasters in less than an hour since there were no lines at any of the rides. NV ordered me to keep my eyes open on the last coaster and that was terribly intense, but I got to see an Oriole flying around as we got pulled down. While his brother didn’t ride anything, we had a good time and then headed home.
Friday was pretty hectic, in preparation for a hopeful promotion in the next few months, I’m taking on the duties of the job while STILL working as an assistant to my consultants. Better than deadly bored, but very harried, specially with my lovely last minute panicked forgot something consultant.
My night turned around, NV arrived exactly behind me, I shoved him into my car (since his AC doesn't work very well) and went to the cheap pizza buffet thing, which he also enjoyed. Then we headed to a comics store close by and I talked to Boston for awhile, good convo for a change. Then we went to the local mall, shopped around, saw Mr and Mrs Smith- perfect couples movie, a bit too action flickish at the end, funny and OMG a dominatrix scene early on with Anjelina....whew. Basically the movie is an excuse to have the two sexiest people look as sexy as they can in every way possible WITH eachother. And fun.
Then we came to my place, after I had another bout of insecurity, my housemates friends W&A were over in the middle of stuff conspicuous only in that my actual housemates were missing. For some reason this has become their playground lately, and usually I'm not here so it doesn't matter.
But NV and I come up and he gets me off manually, then a quick rough pounce of great sex. Another annoying thing was right after we finished, W started yelling up the stairs at us, we tried to not respond but she kept yelling asking if we wanted anything form the porn store they were going to. We said no and they left. Took a quick shower to rinse (more for his benefit than mine) watched telly for awhile downstairs and he left. I kept watching (recent version of Man in the Iron Mask, (costumes mmmm), then A&W come back in. They are generally polite enough not to stand in front of the TV.
They go downstairs, W comes up in a bit to ask if I want to join them. I say thanks but Im too tired. No word from the Owner yet.
Saturday I woke up when I FELT like it, which turned out to be a bit after 11. Got up lazily, showered and all. By noon the Owner had not called so I called NV and said I'd be at his place, woke him up! The Owner called about 10 minutes later asking if I wanted to come over, I told him what was going on. He had forgotten about the birthday party at Sexy K's later and was irritated about me not being available. I said I'd be happy to skip NV and come see him, but he just said to come tomorrow.
This irritated me because I make it a point to let him know what my schedule is, he TELLS me to get a life and be busy, he can't just call at the very last minute AND maintain solid relationships, and annoyed at myself because he got irritated which I don't like.
But anyway, I go to NV and his latex/rubber stuff DID arrive and he wanted to try it out. I wanted to put it on him but that stuff is annoying! So eventually I just had HIM put all the pieces on- socks, gloves, hood. He was definitely excited. I tied him down to the bed, did a bit of breath restriction, hitting some. His room is just not suited for much play. Then I got him hard and had sex with him which he liked a lot. Got him cleaned up after that and relaxed on the couch till his parents got home. We watched this Christian Bale movie called the Machinist which I REGRET watching because it touches on one of my big fears- driving. Argh.
Then it was time for NV to get to work and me to get ready for the party. I wore my black skirt, pink jacquard corset top, black leather rose necklace, French braided hair with the spike black leather rose heels. Heels were the wrong choice but match the outfit perfectly. Also put on a fake sparkly black rose tattoo on my arm which looks very real.
In thinking back it was stupid of me to drive the 40 minutes to Sexy Ks since we were going to downtown Baltimore which I live 15 minutes from, but I had it in my head that we were going to "go as a group" so I didn't think about it until later.
That being said we get there and it takes over an hour of course for them to get done, Sexy K did a mini spree at Hot Topic and wore this red satin corset top and black mini skirt. I met some of her other friends who are actually very cool people as well. Then we headed out. At the ATM I then realized I had pretty much NO spending money from then until I get paid. Argh stupid graduations, always something isn't it?
Dinner at Ram's Head sucked due to awful service, but good company. One of her friends took lots of digital pics so I hope to have those soon.
Then we got a multi-pass (think Fifth Element) for the clubs (this was my first time at any of these places) and went to the Have a Nice Day Café which is 80s. I don't really like 80s but they played a good mix, unfortunately it was almost ALL girls, tons of bachelorette parties. I had fun but after an hour my legs gave out and I pretty much spend the rest of the time sitting, I was still having fun though.
After that we hit this veranda bar and got some air and talked a bit with everyone. Then we hit the Baja which was a slightly older crowd with decent music (I really do prefer techno/industrial for clubs) and spent the rest of the evening there. As the DD I drove them home, then crashed at my place.
Anyway, got up yesterday and the Owner had not called by about 2 so I called him and he said to come up. I did and they were eating lunch, then took a nap. I went back to cutting up more brush, then random chores around the house. The Owner was putting all his music equipment together and setting up as a recording studio type thing. At 6 I made mention of leaving early due to them eating so late but he said they were going to eat a bit earlier that night and to stay, so I did. Got to watch a lot of the Bravo thing on "20 hottest villains, heroes and vixens" which was fun.
Dinner was at 8:20, which IS early for them. Hot dogs and hamburgers. I love my steaks as rare as possible but I like well done hamburgers. We talked and relaxed, B had taken me around the lawn to give me the rundown for house sitting. After dinner I left and went home, talked to DCS on the way up, talked to Boston when I got home and that was good, started some LR planning. Need to talk to J tonight, apparently he had an awesome scene with a chick on Saturday who came over again late Sunday.
Oh, and since the Owner had me over Sunday, I didn't go to the gaming/hot tub day, which also meant that J and NV didn't go either. Sigh. I won't see the Owner again until the 4th of July weekend probably but he's invited me to go do stuff with him and L and B, so yay.
Monday arrived without much distress, motivated in the morning, not motivated after lunch. I hung out with the NV again for awhile, but I was headachy and cranky and tried to make calls on the way home, but no one was around!
Tuesday I had the NV over to see me and I made the mistake of putting on Armageddon to watch which made him want to watch that instead of have sex with me. I managed to get him hard and have sex with him, but basically it was just me on top until there was an uninteresting scene and he got into it and got off. No more movies!
Then he went home and I found out that my housemates have invited A to stay in the basement for a few months. I hit the couch to chill out with some telly (gotta watch House) and a bit later A&W come in and camp out on the living room floor to do a pedicure thing and it was quite amusing watching them trying to wax their leg and pubic hair for the first time. They weren’t too loud so my watching wasn’t interrupted. After House I went up to my room and packed for the week house sitting for the Owner. Turns out I packed pretty badly because half the stuff I THOUGHT I had, I ended up not having. Oh well.
Also got talk to really talk with J, who is absolutely twitter-pated over this new chick. I reassured him that it was fine and good for him to be feeling as he was, that he would deal fine as long as he didn’t allow his feelings to control his behaviors. He was assured with that, and I was assured by being able to assure him.
Wednesday was hectic as well of course, left work a bit early to rush down to the Owners to do kitty stuff. The Owner and B had said they were leaving that morning, but they were just getting in the car when I arrived. This was good though since it meant I had little to do. So I rushed out of that and went to DCS, having a great conversation with Boston on the way. Arrived at DCS for a yummy dinner (he’s slowly learning my picky preferences) and we snuggled on the couch awhile and then headed out to the Joss Stone concert.
He got us amazing tickets! 4th row orchestra on the right. Wow. The first artist was John Legend who I knew a little of and was actually nice. The best way to describe him is the American Soul cousin to Craig David, but if you don’t know Craig David (which you should) then that doesn’t make sense. He played a LONG set and Joss Stone eventually came on, with a look I MUST steal. If anyone has any gauzy shawls with rhinestones on them, please send them my way! She only played 6 songs however and it was hard to tell if she was actually stoned or not, at one point she threw purple flowers out to the audience.
Bummed about it being short but had to head back, after saying goodbye to DCS, I slowly drove to the Owners, and got to bed at about 1. Didn’t sleep well and at first just decided to go in a bit late. I was actually driving into work at 10 am when I hit an amazingly slow bit of traffic jam and just said to forget it and took a mental health day which was well needed. I headed over to the NVs at work and hung out a bit. Managed to get a yummy sex session after work and then us and his brother again headed out to Six Flags. They did the go-karts right off which looked really boring to me, then we went on Jokers Jinx which is not my favorite ride. We managed to drag his brother onto one of the water tube rides and after that he was pretty much done for the day. This annoyed me since I’d wanted to be there all day and would have been fine with him just hanging around or going off on his own if he wanted, instead of sulking. The brief rain shower ended and NV and I headed to the water area and hit the Tornado which was pretty awesome, then a few other tube rides. We hit the wave pool for awhile but NV got a nosebleed so we got out of that. Then we hit the original 4 tube slides for awhile and were pretty much spent at that point.
Managed to run into his brother, got our souvenir cups cheaper with our coupons, refills only $1, yay! Got Dippin Dots which were fun and neither of the boys had had them before. Then we got our season parking pass so we don’t have to keep paying 10 bucks everytime we go, and finally headed back to NVs. Hung out for awhile there, tired, then came back to the Owners.
Did the kitty stuff, took out the trash, brought in the mail, took a much-needed shower. Then relaxed online a bit. The house is so yucky alone at night, there’s all sorts of creaks and thumps. But I managed to get to bed well and felt actually rested when I got up this morning.
I have a date with J tonight, which is great because I miss him!!! Tomorrow is the mother’s birthday so I’m likely doing something with that, then perhaps the Crucible Sat night since I have a few friends pressuring me into that. Sunday I’m trying to get a small BBQ/picnic thing for people to come over, but if all else fails, NV and I will have fun.
I am definitely sleep and kink deprived. Final planning stages are in for LR and buying stuff and packing will commence next week. Sigh, take me away to your leather straps!

Last Thursday, NV and I were intending to get to Six Flags to activate and begin using our season passes.  The weather was gray but steady so we headed out.  It wasn’t a smooth transfer, I needed food first and traffic was annoying.  But we reach there to find that parking is now TEN dollars and that the park is closing at 6.  It was 5:57.  Argh.  I blame myself for not specifically checking the park times but we decide to head over to Bowie Town Center to hang out awhile.  This of course is where my favorite Debs shop is with great sales and ended up with a white formal gown with silver glittery vines all around it.  Then we wandered around to the other stores but didn’t find anything much special.  We check out Borders for a quick moment and while I needed one of their truffle brownies, I really only could eat a bite of it.  We head to NVs home and hang out awhile, watching Food Network and then it’s time for me to head home.

Friday was mostly normal but I was very anxious about the dinner and party that night a lot like NV had the week before.  But I got everything together and we headed out.  Unfortunately, we took NVs car since I had not had an opportunity to clean my own out which was a mess (still is) and his wipers broke down on the way.  He knows how to fix them but it cost us time and we were definitely late.

Good news being that everyone ended up being able to come, J, DCS, the Owner, NV and I.  Yay!  We all get together and climb into the car to go to this Belgian restaurant the Owner said was great.  It was pretty awesome foodwise, but I think pricier than any of us had anticipated.  We did a lot of talking and it was nice to have people there.  DCS was so quiet most of the time, but we did well in including him in the conversation.

Then off to the Crucible again, where I changed and we hung out.  Unlike most private parties which tend to have more and more raucous play, this one was majority socializing since we had to wait for ChrisM and then wait for his presents and then wait for cake.  So we’re hanging out, they play some pool, I hang out and watch.  The Owner pulls my breasts out of my dress to have them out and cane them with this huge thing he got from Loews.  We’re waiting for ChrisM at the bar and some other guy notices so the Owner drags me over to him and invites him to play with them.  Well, of course he’s a breast man and pretty much starts treating them like balls of dough- kneading them, twisting them in his fingers, just feeling them all over.  Needless to say not only is it not turning me on, it hurts.  The Owner fully says that I’m not a masochist and don’t like pain, but this guy keeps teasing me about it.

That continues for a few minutes, then the Owner takes me over to cane me again.

DCS didn’t enjoy seeing me not enjoy it, but didn’t really know what to do so he just hung out, NV held me down unfortunately I smashed his already hurt toe in the process and J was socializing elsewhere.

Then ChrisM finally arrives so we hang out to talk and say hi.  Then we head up to the social area and wait for presents and stuff.  Unfortunately after this, the Owner says goodbye.  It was sudden for me and I didn’t take it very well, not sure why.  To make matters worse, he told me I had to get marks from two other people that night.  This overwhelmed me because I had my three guys there who I had planned to do stuff with and was totally not in a headspace to try and find new people (this is where my exhibitionist self conflicts with my true inner shyness).  So that pretty much put me in a bad place.  But I recovered somewhat, calmed down, NV helped a lot.  ChrisM did presents and loved my duck tape rose bouquet, passed it around so everyone could see.

Then, I got involved in a scene with the guy from the bar earlier and well, I didn’t enjoy it.  I made the grave mistake of NOT signaling to one of my boys to be near me so I could connect and be secure with them, I wasn’t in a great headspace and the guy was yet another top who not only at first didn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t a masochist, but then transformed into the “I’m going to show you better and be the first top to help you experience the bliss of pleasure and pain.”  Right.  The guy truly was annoying, though he had not at all meant to be, and in my headspace it was worse.  Also because of that scene, I had missed two hot chicks getting waxed.

You’d think I’d get used to people not understand how a person can hate pain and yet be willing to endure it.  It’s a very simple concept to me.  But again and again people don’t get it, they don’t believe me, they don’t believe I could know myself well enough for that.  Or they are just confused.

After that I was just fried.  I cried some on NV and then began to get going, unfortunately meeting up with the top again at the bar.  The top tried to go for my breasts AGAIN (they were really sore the next day) and NV put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me back.  I was grateful for him being there, but would have preferred a bit more subtlety. 

But then I say goodbye, very regretful and guilty and upset with myself as I had intended on playing with them that night, but just not able to go there.  I went back with NV, left him sleeping in the morning and got to my place to clean up.  I was still feeling off but not so much off as before.

Got showered and dressed, was going to a Strawberry Festival with scene friends who have a closed poly family and who host our gaming weekends.  Get there and we head out.  It was even more mediocre than expected, but the strawberry shortcake was pretty awesome.  We ended up only staying an hour or so.  I COULD have gone home or seen NV then, but I made the choice to stay with them and do some more connecting.  We decided to take their boat out onto the harbor.  This was pretty cool.  I tried to have some great fantasies about being a princess kidnapped by pirates, but they kept trying to talk to me.  Also, their lack of planning drove me nuts as they decided to try to go to this restaurant but then found there was no place to park the boat there.  And the boat stalled twice and we were very unsure whether we could get it going again.  OK, so I enjoyed some parts of the trip but was otherwise frustrated.

We do eventually get home and they take me to this awesome place for an all you can eat buffet that’s less than 7 bucks including drinks.  It was a really great place too!  We continued to talk and then got home and into the hot tub.  But then it was time to go home.  I got myself up early enough to be at NVs just before he got home from work and we hung out at his place for a few hours.  Then it was time to head over to the Owners.  I did NOT shovel dirt this time.  Instead I took a huge pile of brush and branches and cut them down to small pieces to get into bags.  It was close, but I managed to get the whole pile done. We ate a bit of lunch and watched a few minutes of Episode 1 (the only Star Wars I can watch over and over again BTW, the others I just find tedious at this point, yes, now he fights Darth, now he kisses the girl, yawn).  Then finished up work in a few hours.

The Owner wanted to do stuff on the computer, so I showered then went up to his room, closed the door because he was playing his music very loud and laid on the bed to talk to NV. After I talk to NV I come back down and tell the Owner I should probably go about 9.  He’s talking online now and eventually gets around to me getting him off. Earlier I had brought up the idea of some sort of commitment symbol for NV and I for when he moved away, like promise rings or something.  The Owner wasn’t too receptive to it and said stuff about how we could get a piercing, but I DID write him an email about it later, telling him I hoped it didn’t irritate him, how I felt it was really important for NV and I, and hopefully that will make a difference.  If not, then it’s not the end of the world.

I talked to Boston on the way home which was good to get frustrations out on him, as it really WAS just a time I needed to vent and let him listen. Also talked to Jsome, who really hadn’t seen much of what happened Friday since he was socializing with his friends, so I explained it to him and he was very understanding and not upset about us not playing.  Then I tried to go to bed but it was rather warm and I had some insomnia.  But eventually got somewhat decent sleep.

Monday I ended up going to NVs after work and he made dinner for the family.  We headed out for errands, got him a reasonable butt plug to start having fun with, where I also fell in love with these pink satin calf-boots that they had.  We got stuff at the store and ice cream, then raced home ahead of the storm.  We actually got into a nice scene where I topped him, however I was still feeling “off” and annoyed that I feel so dependent on toys.  For me a good top can cause a moan with just a look and when I feel I need certain toys to do what I want it makes me feel insufficient.  But it was a good time overall and I headed home in between storms.

Tuesday I had NV come to ME which I hadn’t realized it had been quite awhile, we hung out on the couch awhile and then got into another round of wrestling and force play.  This time instead of progressing naked, he gets ice from his cup and starts using that on me.  COLD!!!!!!  He told me he’s collecting cold compresses to use on me at LR, ARGH!

We hang out some more and he says he has to get home, even earlier than I had expected.  This made me sad, but we said goodbye.  I managed to do a good clean-up of my room and headed to the shower.  Here unfortunately I became very emotional, very obsessive and insecure over things in my life.  I left the Owner a teary voice mail and was comforted some by friends online, and then crashed.

The Owner called me back early Wed morning!  We talked for just a few and I was somewhat calmer and reasonable again.  He gave me some reassurances and encouragement and invited me to come over Saturday.  Happiness is.

Of course, the one night I HAVE to leave on time is the one day my consultant shows up at 15 minutes before the end of the day saying I need to make 300 kits to send out by the end of the day.  HA.  I got copying started, handed her the supplies and told her I was leaving.  Went over to my sisters who had a very bad day hot at the zoo with the boys and managed to deal with her driving down to pick up our grandfather and heading over to the arena for my cousin’s high school graduation.  I had a mix up in my schedule with DCS (which I totally blame him for) who had tickets to the Killers/Keane concert at Merriweather, but I hooked him up with J who went instead.

I thought at NVs graduation that they seemed young but ready.  I thought at this graduation that they seemed VERY young and absolutely unprepared for what lay ahead of them in the coming years.  Here’s to hoping.  We were all excited to see her on the stage with all her regalia and it was quite amusing when the principal obviously recycled her graduation speech from last year as she read “Class of 2004” in the middle of it.  

Afterwards we took her out to dinner and then headed back home- VERY late.  

Tonight NV and I will try valiantly once again to get to Six Flags, past the parking gate!  No real plans for tomorrow but Saturday I’m likely going to be at the Owners, followed by hanging out with NV for a work thing he’s got followed by going out with Sexy K to celebrate her birthday.  Sunday is our gaming day finally with hot tub later.  Not sure who is going to that, but should be fun!

An overall very emotional week for me, I need more sleep and LR begins to loom ever closer.

Wednesday, I went to my place and packed quickly for the next few days.  Like I said before, if the weather had been nice I would have worn something bright and springy, unfortunately it was dreary so I just settled for dark and conservative.  I went over to NVs and unfortunately set him off since he was in high stress mode, target:  lack of clean pants and shirt.  I had teased on the way up about forgetting the dates and times of the events and not being able to make it.  Unfortunately he didn’t realize I was teasing and it got him upset.  Me forget the dates and times of events?  Yeah, that will happen the same time I become monogamous.  I ironed clothes for him while he dressed and we went to the Honors Ceremony. His parents didn’t come which slightly irritated me, but I was more focused on NV.
The ceremony was normal- speeches, mostly inane, and a gift with the medal.  It was a big class altogether and NV did great.  We grabbed a bite afterwards but it got too crowded for comfort and we headed out, getting KFC for dinner.  At home we exchanged gifts, his brother was very happy with his season pass and NV got a big chunk of money from his parents.
We crashed, unfortunately without sex since NV wanted to get up early and wasn’t comfortable with his parents.  I didn’t sleep well at all for some reason but dragged myself up to get to the Phi Beta Kappa induction.  His parents didn’t go to this EITHER which definitely upset me.  NV worked so hard and while I know his parents love and support him, being there for him would have meant a lot to him.  But nothing I could really do other than go with him.  He was stressed again but not majorly so.  This event was far less organized despite being almost identical to the one the night before.  But pretty much the same speeches and all. 
Went back to his place and got ready for the graduation.  Pictures were awful because NV apparently hates them and was getting antsy.  I swear his whole family is passive aggressive as it became a “thing” as to who was going where with who, we eventually all pile into the car and head up.  We said our goodbyes to NV and got fairly good seats.  After the excitement of watching them walk in, we settled for some fairly decent speeches, nothing mind blowing, except the valedictorian.  Turns out I had not been hallucinating as the students with 4.0 averages had red cords to wear.  I felt bad for NV who had only one B his entire career. 
Then it was time to call up the students, so I settled into reading my magazine.  Got good pics of him walking across the stage, and then finished the magazine.  I did actually cry when they turned their tassels, but it didn't last too long.  Then it was time to get going and we ate a late lunch at a restaurant nearby.  At one point I was leaning against NV who was stroking my breast under his arm.  His dad happened to look up and see JUST at that moment which was very funny.  I hadn’t even noticed he was doing it at that point because it’s so casual with us.  We all laughed and moved on.
However, by the time we returned I was VERY horny and basically got him in bed and had hot quick sex.  His parents left before us for the restaurant at dinner and even though we weren’t far behind, we got EVERY red light and EVERY slow person in front of us and were a few minutes late.
Had dinner at an awesome sushi restaurant, Sushi Sono, I had the seafood tempura.  Afterwards we went to Walmart and got pics printed and then I had to go home for work.  Friday at work was pretty pointless but I was here and did a few things.  Got out at 2:30.
Went to hang out with NV again who was tired and headachy.  I told him to go lay down upstairs and I put a cool cloth on his head and scratched his back.  When we came down to say goodbye, he told his dad that science may say that the medicine helped, but he knows that it was me that made his headache go away.  But I did have to go so I left his place to pick up J (who is SOOOO hot and sexy) and then to DCS (who purposefully put a copy of Entertainment Weekly on the couch displayed so it would be the first thing I saw) to go to a birthday party for a Firefly guy.
We were the first ones to arrive and it was actually 45 minutes after the official start time that anyone else showed up at all.  We got to eating- boston market, and then watched Firefly stuff.  I was kinda headachy I think from sleep deprivation and no caffeine.  I also kept working on my duck tape roses which are looking very cool.  Then we played Star Wars Trivial Pursuit DVD, which I was pretty bad at, but our team won rather quickly.
Time to get going as I was pretty much crashing.  Said goodbye to J which was too bad since he REALLY had me going, fell asleep in the car and pretty much crashed as soon as we got home (was about 1 am).
Slept in very nicely and after I checked email I dragged DCS into bed with me and got myself off while he played with me some.  His problem is that he hits a good note and just stays there, he doesn’t branch out or try different pressures and things.  Will work on that.
Then got ready to go and had lunch at On the Border which was yummy and had good conversations about our family which I surprised him by giving him some of what I felt about them, because it was so accurate.  Then we walked about this mall nearby which is a fairly upscale mall and not someplace I’d go to hang out for a day.  But they did have a Claire’s which had a bracelet that was all small handcuffs linked together and a black band that had handcuffs glued to it.  I bought the link one for me and the black one for NV. 
Then had to say goodbye to DCS who came on his own to sit on the floor next to me while I checked email before I left.  Then I drove BACK to NV and we watched the second Resident Evil movie which was cool.  They were all happy to have PSPs now which I have to say are pretty nifty and would be great for long trips.  I also checked up on the Camp Crucible site which was posting daily pictures of their events.  Sigh, missing that and Shibaricon makes me remember what a convention junkie I am and how much I miss that intensity, that group feeling.  Leather Retreat will be a few weeks from now, but it has high expectations to meet from me, otherwise I will happily start going to Camp Crucible.
NV and I went to the fun local carnival for a typical couples thing and we got nauseous on the second ride.  We’re old!  We did a few other rides but knew we couldn’t handle more.  Also had funnel cake of course.  Then we got sno-cones and headed back home.
I was definitely wanting sex again but NV wasn’t sure.  We watched the first Lady Heather CSI episode which he had recorded for me, since I’d never actually seen it.  Then I got him off while he was on the couch and we headed upstairs.  I got on top then and unfortunately couldn’t get myself off at that point.  NV didn’t think he could stay hard and get off again but he surprised himself and definitely got off again.
Got up the next day and talked to the Owner who wanted me to come over and help.  I was feeling very conflicted now.  The Owner had said I could come over whenever, but I felt he would want me over sooner rather than later.  However, I really did want to spend some relaxing fun time with NV.  I ended up hanging out with NV for just a little while and going to the mall before getting to the Owner's, but I felt somewhat guilty the whole time.  The Owner  wasn’t upset or anything when I got there, he was just happy to see me.  Sigh I worry too much.
The Owner  was taking a break when I got there so he got me to get him off, then put me to work shoveling and moving barrelfuls of dirt around the yard.  That’s pretty much what I did all afternoon.  Then I got dinner, Chinese, and we watched Star Wars IV which was cool after watching Star Wars III. 
Got up the next morning when he got another call , got showered, packed, ate, then began shoveling dirt around again.  Luckily he didn’t have me doing this for too long since I had said I wanted to be able to see my mom and he wanted me to drop him off to pick up a car they had in for repairs.  SO I drop him off and we had a nice talk, he’s checking some email again and is very happy with me.  The night before he had said I did a good job for him and he was glad I was so patient and consistent with him. 
I called my mom but she was going to take a nap and my aunt hadn’t had a shower yet so I couldn’t visit! I couldn’t believe it.  But was happy since it freed my afternoon to go be with NV again, which is what I did. 
He was very happy since he had rested and we hung out for a few before his parents came home.  They were happy too and we were all in a good mood until his dad told him to put in this new DVD game Scene It (there's a bdsm reference just waiting to be born) that they had bought so we could play, but then his mom said that she wanted to keep watching what was on and not play so somehow everyone felt frosty and disconnected again.  I swear the entire attitude of the family changed in less than 10 minutes.  I don’t get it.
But I was tired and wanted to get a nap, so NV and I went to his room.  I actually did get to sleep but was woken up by NV jerking off to a story.  I told him to get himself off but he felt somewhat awkward about it and I wasn’t getting back to sleep so I went down on him and got him off.
Then I went downstairs to hang out a bit and then it was dinner time.  Steaks, which were very nice, but they put a lot of pepper and seasoning on it which I don’t like much.  OH well.  Hung out and watched Stargate (boring) and just snuggled with NV.  We had a bit of a tiff over the fact that I wanted him to wear his regalia to the party on Friday and he doesn’t want to.  Not a big deal but I want to show him off and am stubborn sometimes.  We made up in the end and I went home to chat a bit and sleep in my own bed!
I want alone time tonight actually so will likely just stay home and chill out.
I cancelled the Leather Pride Night road trip since the Owner, NV, AND J couldn't come.  Figured I will save the money for the other gazillion things that I need/want (ie NEED new tires, WANT to go to the Master/slave conference despite it's proliferous use of the term "slave heart" which makes me want to vomit, NEED graduation gift for cousin, WANT a new dress).
Not like there aren't 4 other things on the calendar I can fill the hole with already. 
I actually DID spend Tuesday alone at home, which was good because I needed to chill but bad because both NV and I were not happy at being seprated.  I know, sickening, a full DAY apart.  Managed to catch up on talking to friends, too.
Last night I figured enough was enough and got the NV to have dinner with me at Bertuccis, their Mozzarella Fritta is to DIE for.  So is their tira misu and limoncello but we didn't get dessert.  I also had the scallops a capella, which was my first dish you get in those baking bowls, but the scallops were absolutely tasteless lumps.  Oh well.  Then we did some shopping and I bought the NV some sandals for the summer.  Unfortunately his tired/stress level was getting high at that point and the rest of the perusing wasn't as fun.  But we said a sweet goodbye and I headed home to finish up my present for Chris M.
Tonight NV, his brother and I wanted to go to Six Flags to break out our season passes but the weather might not be cooperating.  Unless it's really raining, I'm going to suggest we go in to at least get the passes and check out the new stuff.  Both of them apparently have an aversion to the water park which is actually the main thing I want to do.  We'll work something out.  Good news is that I've gotten my schedule changed to get out at 4:30 every night again, woohoo!
Tomorrow is the party, which a huge chunk of my entourage will be going to, even the Owner!  I have no idea yet what to wear (no wonder I kept buying new stuff) whether I will go for the formal blue/black gown, or the gold mandarin dress, my white spring dress with gloves, my chain mail chemise...AUGH!
Then on Saturday is the Firefly munch which I have no idea if I will be going to or not.  We'll see what happens after that.

Since the madness is going to begin tomorrow and I likely won’t have much access to things after work today (OK that’s a lie, I ALWAYS find access, I just won’t have as much time) I figured I would do my update a day early.
Friday I went to the NVs whose house was mercifully empty and we had very yummy sex followed by a hot shower together.  We decided to go to Marley Station (which is still an awesome mall and even better IMO since all the crowds go to Arundel Mills now) and possibly see Revenge of the Sith.  NV doesn’t like crowds, as in they really get to him and upset him (because, who LIKES crowds except people trying to disappear in them?) so I gave him veto power on this.  I think we got there early enough in the evening that the crowds really weren’t that bad, so we got in, got seats and got to see the whole pre-show stuff too.  The theater was full, but not at all sold-out.  

Good news was that we got to see the Lion, Witch and Wardrobe preview and it looks AWESOME.  Having read through the series and seen other versions of the tale, this absolutely looks to be the most vivid and full-blown one.  Unfortunately, still no Serenity trailer.  But I did get some drooling done over Christian Bale who will FINALLY be getting his overdue American adoration in Batman Begins soon.

So the movie itself was very cool.  I totally don’t care about spoilers, this journal is about ME, not anyone who will be reading (though I love you all!).  I was not at all convinced by Anakin’s turn to the dark side.  Yes he was confused, yes he’d compromised his Jedi ideals by marrying Padme, yes he had insecurity issues and always felt like he had to prove himself.  But all that put together just didn’t come out the other dark side to me.  It was far too much like a Charmed episode, neat quick turnaround but still not quite right.  Oh well, it was still a way cool movie and it’s sad for the series to end.

On our way out the theater there was a large crowd by the curb.  At first I was concerned and wondered if someone had gotten hit or something.  Then as we get closer I see a bunch of young black guys and white guys yelling at eachother from across the road.  Something flared inside me that got me very angry at these young punks yelling about absolutely nothing and being ridiculous.  So I walked out to the car, crossing immediately in the middle of them and yelled that they all needed to go home, get off and go to bed.  They had started walking down but the white guys were still yelling crap on the way to their car so I yelled at them again.  They said something smart and I just yelled back at them.  We got in and drove home but my actions surprised the NV greatly.  They were somewhat disturbing to me since I wasn’t sure exactly where it had come from, and if anything had happened to the NV I’d never forgive myself.  Call it a fatal flaw, but I won’t let young punks with no class interfere with my happiness.

We got home and watched some Iron Chef then crashed.  Got up and I had to leave shortly to get home and showered and make my way down to J who unfortunately was having car issues.  On my way down I talked with a bunch of people.  I talked to my friend Sexy K who said that she was going to shop in the afternoon but would be at the party later.  I was not planning to do the party but said I would see.  She also said she was up for Orpheus this Sunday for the Garden if they were having it and definitely wanted to do the Verakai thing.  We'll see how things work out.

I arrive at J's who is all ready to go with his big bag o'toys.  I had told him I wasn't planning on the party but was open to changing my mind and he of course was welcome to try and get a ride home at the demo.  First, we drove down to his car and got that, and he drove it to his friends to keep for awhile.  He had no problems driving it there and is somewhat questioning what to do.  The Owner also called on the way to say hi and invite me over the next night for dinner and play.  He also said to give CM a blow job or he would beat me. 

We have a bit of extra time so we go to Baskin Robbins for ice cream.  I made the stupid choice of trying a new flavor- lemon custard for a milkshake and it was not yummy.  Oh well.  We sat in the sun awhile and then headed to his place where he changed and we headed to the Crucible.  Traffic was slow and we got there about 15 minutes late, but as per usual, they hadn't started yet.  I saw CM and other friends I hadn't seen in awhile- it's such a cool feeling to recognize people now.

They got started and it was just very cool to see 4 experienced fire play people all doing the same thing and yet all doing it totally different from eachother.  Eventually they let people do stuff, but only a handful of people wanted to bottom (J practically leapt onto a table).  I hung out at CM's table and he likes doing things with his hands.  I would have wanted to fully bottom but I had just started my period and didn't have panties on and well, I DO have things I'm self-conscious about.  We tried some stuff out and after J got his loveliness, he came over and we topped someone.  CM was actually impressed with our naturalness with the fire play and said we were the star pupils.  He did get me on the table to do my breasts and I have to say that it was a cool play, but even in the beginning it just got TOO close to being hot and burning, I definitely ouched at one point.  I don't know if it's because my skin is sensitive or what.  I will want to try it again though. 

I told CM about the blow job and he was happy with that though said he's not generally into them (HA a challenge!) unfortunately I had decided not to stay for the party and we had to get going.  Another time.  I felt bad for J since I knew he REALLY wanted to stay for the party, but I just knew it was the right thing and none of the TNG friends had been at the demo for him to get a ride from.

So I drop J off and we say goodnight, then I get to NVs and we hang out some.  We play Silent Hill 3 which was creepy as ever and then some Iron Chef.  He was getting tired so I left about midnight.  Got home, chilled online and then went to bed myself.  I got up about 10 and forced myself to go back to sleep because I knew I'd be up late Sunday.  The Owner called at noon to tell me to head out then instead of later, so I get up and head out. 

I get there and there's lots of dirt to get moved and so we do some yard work but not for very long.  The Owner then gives me some tasks to complete and the three of them got ready to go to a work party thing.  They head out and I get stuff done, talk with DCS a bit (who left lots of mix CDs he made for me on the door at my place), I'm getting out of the shower when they return.  Apparently B’s car had started smoking and so they had to come back.  The Owner’s Boston sub  went to go retrieve the Owner and B started doing work and lots of stuff rather than lying down as she was told.  I was dressing in my vinyl dress but figured it wouldn't look good to sit around while she did that so I changed back and followed after her doing stuff and reminding her that she needed to lie down. 

They eventually get back and the Owner of course totally rearranged the patio from how I had arranged it and eventually the three of them lay down for awhile.  I wanted to be able to get myself off before stuff happened but didn't get the chance. L and the Owner came into the living room where I was watching TV and he caned her feet and my breasts (not sure if I can wear low cut tops for awhile now).  Just 4 stripes over both.

Then we started getting ready and getting dinner together and our Admiral and his new domme chick arrived.  She was somewhat familiar but unable to really place and we just talked awhile.  Now, the Owner is a great cook but takes FOREVER, they eat about 9 in the evenings.  So several hours now just sitting and talking, I got sent to the drug store in my vinyl dress and boots and the admiral got changed into a leather corset and my white petticoat.

Eventually dinner is ready, rack of lamb with asparagus.  After dinner is clear we get ready to play.  The admiral, his domme and B pretty much play solely together and the Owner, L and I play together back and forth.  I stayed out for the most part, but did get caned again whipped and clamped- but I got about a 10th of what he gave to L.  She got majorly caned, she had specifically asked for a butt plug with icy hot on it up her ass (first for her) and she got some worse clamps too.

Eventually they were tired and I said goodbye.  I had talked to the Owner just a bit about Boston and stuff and he said he would try and get time to have a good conversation with me this week so we will see what happens.

I let myself sleep in some on Monday which turned out to be a good thing and that evening I went to the BESS board meeting.  If people act like they do at the board meetings like they act at their actual workplaces I don’t know how they manage to survive.  I understand politics and pettiness is part and parcel of being in a bdsm group board, but sheesh.  Overall however we actually did get down to some real business and progress.  I got to bed to finally get rid of my headache and in a rare event slept straight through the night.

Yesterday the NV took me out to lunch at Noodles Corner which was nice but I tried something he said was great and it was not so great to me.  Oh well.  We went to WalMart where I finally picked up supplies to start a new craft project- duck tape roses.  Then we said goodbye and discussed later how he NEEDED to study for his last final exam, and I NEEDED to do laundry so it just wouldn’t work seeing eachother that night.  Once graduation is over, I can tell that anxieties will be building for our eventual separation.  I did get home, DID do lots of laundry, DID make 2 roses, DID watch American Idol (I love Bo but I don’t think he will win), DID watch House (thought bringing the ex-wife as a regular character is a mistake and that injecting the needle was a bit over the top), and DID get to bed late.

Tonight the graduation madness begins with the NVs Honors College Medallion Ceremony, which if the weather were NICE I’d be wearing my white sundress with the white satin gloves, but since it’s not I will go for something dark and fitting instead.  Tomorrow is the actual graduation where I KNOW I will cry.  Friday I have a birthday party for a Firefly person and will be staying over with DCS.  Otherwise, I don’t really have plans though I should definitely go see my mother for awhile.  Orpheus is not doing their Garden thing on Sunday this week but perhaps next week.  


Last weekend was not as great as I had hoped, in large part because I never really felt fully “well” the whole weekend and was often just out of it.

I got out of work nicely, after not doing any work for a few hours in the morning.  I immediately went over to NV at UMBC.  I felt half-dead and just laid on his lap for a half hour waiting for the picnic to start.  He got me up and I was very grouchy to him and just feeling like I did NOT want to do this.  But things slowly got going and I went out to the picnic area. 

Well, none of the organizers had thought about things like tables and chairs and paper and spoons and there was no meat or such for quite awhile. NV went and helped bring stuff in.  I admired his desire to help out and do what needs to get done, but felt pretty lonely with all these new people and still feeling yucky.  The weather was chilly and gray too.

But he came back after a second trip and I told him he couldn't go anymore and by that time we had a chunk of supplies.  Tons of soda, tons of desserts- no real food.  We got the coals going and waited.  Eventually they showed up with tons of burgers and dogs and chicken breasts.  I don't know why they thought the chicken breasts would be a good idea, they were frozen solid.

So they started getting the grill going but the guy who was at the grill obviously didn't know what the heck to do and since I'd been grill master for SEVERAL group events before, and to give myself something to focus on and not have to mingle *shudder* I somewhat just grabbed a pair of tongs and rooted myself next to him. NV eventually worked over to me and together we prepared all the food for the event.  It was nice working together like that and everyone really appreciated it.  One of the guys there was trying very hard to be nice to me and grateful for the work and I had to let him take over at some point. 

I was doing much better at this point, if smelling like grease and charcoal and by the time it ended was happy.  I was very proud of NV who, at one point saw a bunch of the guys wandering back and shouted that they should help out and take some stuff back with them.  A bit after that it was time for me to run off and get to my cousins in preparation for her senior prom.

My mom was there which was a nice surprise and we hung out for awhile before A got dressed.  Her hair and make up was gorgeous and the jewelry I had bought for her was perfect for the dress and her style.  Her brother  wasn't feeling well unfortunately and their dad was not much help and actually left without a hug or kiss or anything to A before she left so he could get to the bank.  But we got lots of pics and stuff and wished her well.

Then I decided to go over to NVs for awhile before picking up Boston at the airport.  I showered to get the smell off of me and my hair at least and we hung out for awhile.  His dad came home late and his parents had a bit of a tiff over food but nothing serious.  I had to leave to get to the airport so we said goodbye.

Bostons flight was right on time.  I was pretty stuffed up at this point and so we decided to head home.  We snuggled on the bed and watched Unbreakable with a slice of key lime pie and then just went to sleep.  The next morning we woke up and while Boston tried to turn me on and use his hands on me, I was pretty much still feeling yucky and so not in the mood to give him a lesson.  So I pretty much cut that short and got him to have sex with him on top.  In fact my snoring the night before had driven him to sleep in the basement, to show how yucky I was.

But we got up and dressed and ready to go and drove down to the metro.  The Owner called and pretty much cancelled the Sunday stuff which wasn't a surprise to me.  Then we headed into DC to the Spy Museum which was pretty nifty all around, specially the special exhibit called the Enemy Within about spying and terrorism from Americans on Americans.  Pretty interesting.

I made and received LOTS of phone calls that day coordinating plans with everyone and we headed into the metro and managed to miss the worst of a thunderstorm.  Went up to home and had dinner at Don Pablos and then went to the house to get ready for the party.  K, Sexy K and DCS all went with us.

I wore the black and blue formal gown which everyone agreed was lovely, as well as a blue bindi.  Everyone just LOVES those and I will have to buy some cooler ones as they are very cheap online.  We all headed out to the Playhouse and found that it was a very small crowd that night with only about 15-20 people. 

WIth K feeling bad I wasn't sure how the evening would go but I wanted to hook her up with Boston and that turned out well since they ended up having a good scene. 

ANyway while they did that, I did a caning on DCS.  Just a rythmic nice build up thing with a few very hard swats.  I think he enjoyed it thoroughly.  Afterwards we hung out some and as Kelley was getting into her second scene, I put Boston on a bench and began to play.

I started going and was doing ok though I had two singletailers around me that I had to watch for (one of which moved into the area AFTER I started my scene from another station they had played at which annoyed me but oh well).  I guess I have some timing and heavy issues I guess, partly because I don't have the real toys I want to play with, and Boston told me a few times to slow down, and I would every time.  I got out his singletail and start a few hits, no real pressure, just the momentum, but he said it was too hard and to hit slower.  I start to do this but he goes on with ANOTHER comment that was really snarky and condescending and that just totally broke the mood for me.  I wanted to just end it there but I got another toy, went on him with that for a bit and then wrapped up.  I think this surprised him and we talked a bit after the scene.  It's not the first or second time we've tried to play and it doesn't really mesh because we can't connect to the other persons level.

But we moved on and he dressed in his Purry Rascal costume and got lots of attention from Glenda.  Sexy K was coming down from her scene and so I sent both the boys to give her attention which she adored and that turned into their scene.  I decide to go downstairs in the social area and hang out with Harry the real kitten who just loves being pet and adored too.  Another guy came down and we chatted a bit.  He handed me his singletail to try a few swings on and we talk about it a bit.  Then they head up and I play with the kitty some more and then I head back up too.  I interrupted a conversation which essentially was him saying how I was gorgeous and another guy saying that he would have to show me how to singletail.  I certainly wouldn't mind personal isntruction!

It was about time to go at that point (meaning we were the last ones there and it was after 2 thus the party was over).  Interestingly enough, both of the other BESS board members (long standing) who had been at the party left shortly after we arrived.  I thought this was odd that they wouldn't leave someone behind to just be a presence, but perhaps they thought I could handle it.

So we leave and get home.  In the morning we wake up slowly, I had awful dreams, including calling out which is something that never happens.  But we're ok. Boston  again tries to get me into something but my dreams had me in a bad place.  Then I start making more rounds of calls and ended up that Boston, DCS, J, Sexy K and I would be going to lunch at Olive Garden together.

It was a great time with everyone and Sexy K managed to make me blush by saying that she hadn't realized Purry was Boston for a long time and when Boston had pointed me out as his "mistress" she thought I had gotten another pet or something.  


Sexy K went to her place after that and the rest of us went to DCS's to hang out.  J had his poi and showed that off, Boston got the hang of it but DCS refused to try.  He's so like NV was in the beginning!

THen I suggested we watch Mighty Wind because I was the only one who had seen it and we needed a light flick.  Was very funny of course.  Shortly after that it was time to head down to see Bostons's other domme friend who lived in the area and so we headed to Fridays to have dinner with her and her partners.

THat was enjoyable just talking and eating and relaxing, she likes to talk a lot about the scene and she complimented me a lot on what I wore Wednesday night.  Then we headed up home and had sex again, me on top.  We watched some TV and had strawberries and whipped cream and headed to bed.  Boston asked if I was less interested in giving oral since I hadn't seemed as excited to do it the past few times and I pointed out that I had actually given him a great blow job the last time he was here and that this time my nose was so stuffy that kissing and going down was just not enjoyable.  

We went to bed and I managed no bad dreams until early in the morning.  We got up and headed to the airport. He was rushing to get there at a good time so I felt pretty useless, but I wanted to say goodbye properly.  

Then I headed to work and had a normal day.  Went to the NVs after work and just hung out for awhile, my phone is giving me real issues lately and I don’t like that.

Tuesday I went on a 5th Grade Class Trip to DC with my cousin B.  I was very much enjoying having time with him but the teachers had not planned anything out very well.  We first went to Arlington Cemetary which was nice as I hadn’t been there before, we saw the changing of the guard and a presenting of a wreath.  Then headed back.  We were supposed to have a “mystery stop” but rumor was that it was cancelled and so we just did a bus tour of the Tidal Basin, yay.  Eventually we get to lunch at Phillips, but not to get too excited here, but our main dishes were pasta, fried chicken and popcorn shrimp.  But the kids got fed and we headed to the National Museum of the American Indian which was way cool.  There is an awesome 15 minute movie to watch first thing and then you wander around.  Unfortunately the kids were definitely tired and stimulated out and we quickly found ourselves in their favorite place- the gift shop.  I wanted a tshirt but wasn’t going to spend 20 for it.  I got B a few things of course and then back on the bus to head home.  I decided to see the NV again and watched a truly awesome episode of House.  

Wednesday I was just feeling very stressed coming back to work and there was TONS to do (still is but it’s manageable now).  With other life stuff and missing the Owner, I was just not in a happy place yesterday afternoon.  But I went to play with the nephews and they had fun then went to the BESS meeting on Takedowns (a long time kink fave of mine) and had some interesting stuff there.  I was frustrated that the NV couldn’t come as he had said all week he had plenty of time and then turned out he DIDN’T have plenty of time, but it was just one more irritation of the day.  I also managed to have some good phone calls with everyone since I needed some distraction and friendly voices and then just relaxed until bedtime.

The NV wants me to come over again tonight to watch CSI and hang out, which would be nice and it’s something I feel up to but blech, I’m still not 100%.  I don’t have any plans (and in fact turned down a few offers) to relax this weekend except for the Fire play demo at the Crucible.  The Owner said that his Boston sub might be coming down this weekend and he would want me to come over to do yardwork and maybe other stuff.  But things with him are always tentative so we will see how that goes.  

Let me start by saying this past weekend was absolutely the best one I have had in a very long time.  I’m not sure if it was a mix of lack of timing issues, no social events necessary to attend or just great chemistry and company, but it was truly an all-over awesome weekend.

It didn’t begin well.  I was very tired and depressed at work on Friday, not really able to get any productive work done, not really caring.  What’s more I’d left my debit card out accidentally at work and so didn’t have cash (which I didn’t find out until I was trying to get gas later).  It also was that many things were pushing down on me and I was becoming overwhelmed with them- feeling tired, feeling like I was pulling in too many directions and not paying enough attention to any one of them, feeling like I was doing all the work and no one was helping me, feeling insecure and upset about my job despite a recent glowing review.

NV asked me to come over before he did his lab work so we talked and ate some food and that was a better start to things.  I quickly packed my bag for the weekend and headed down to DCS.  At first I was still annoyed, I had written an aggravated email to DCS about his directions and such earlier but I called and let him know I was on my way and doing better.  Traffic was non-existent and I made fabulous time to his place.

He has a really great apartment which was absolutely organized.  He also had a great DVD collection and I loved checking everything out.  He was nervous but happy to have me around.  I was hungry some so we ordered Chinese, which was very nice of him.  We sit to eat and watch an episode of Firefly together, I snuggled with him which he enjoyed a lot.

After Firefly we start to talk about some things.  But this is when the Owner calls so he and I talk some.  The Owner wanted me to come over and help do yardwork.  I let him know my Saturday plans but said that if he wanted of course I would come be with him and that I wasn’t sure about Sunday since ChrisM had not gotten back to me.  So we left that for the next day.

DCS and I resumed talking.  He was a bit anxious about how serious the relationship was getting.  I let him know that I would give him rules and expectations, but was not at all dominant and I had no expectation that he would submit to me, only respond respectfully if he didn’t want something or felt awkward.  He was relieved for this and we talked some more and decided it was late enough for bed.

I got a shower and we talked more there, I put him in the collar and cuffs and made him finish making the bed like that.  In bed I had him read Hitchhiker’s to me and then we snuggled down.  I could tell he wanted to do more, but wasn’t going to push it and I was relaxed as we were.

I slept long and hard.  I know DCS got up a few times, he has insomnia.  But I know I slept hard and woke up leisurely.  DCS attended to me immediately getting me things, I woke up slowly, checking email, reading paper, fun stuff.  Then I decided to get a quick clean up shower and get dressed.  The phone continued to ring.  Boston called just to chat some, then I noticed I had somehow missed the Owners call and called him back.  He wanted me on Saturday but I said that since ChrisM had not called about Sunday that I now had that full day open so we went with that.  I was happy since it left my Saturday plans intact.  I would have been fine going to the Owners as well but it would have been disappointing too. 

Then a half hour later ChrisM DID call and I let him know I already had other plans.  He said he knew he should have called earlier (he only had all week) and we rescheduled for Wed.   

Finished getting dressed and DCS surprised me by wearing a shirt that had my Firefly group logo on it!  We then watched another episode of Firefly and DCS produced strawberries and powdered sugar which we fed to eachother.

Finished getting ready and then headed out the door to grab J and get to the Hitchhikers movie.  We get there no problem and a group of us watch the movie.  It was fun and made me laugh, but I didn’t really have much feelings for any of the characters and too much was going on at any one point to really get settled in.  Afterwards we all head to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner.  I enjoy having both of them with me to snuggle with.  Most people don’t react but we get a few looks and I know some people are curious.  Will be nice to see what happens next month when I drag NV out.  I wouldn’t do it if any of them felt uncomfortable, but I love actually living and BEING who I am.

Then it was time to say goodbye to DCS, which I truly was reluctant to do but it was time.  It might seem odd giving a hot kiss to a man and saying goodbye and then immediately turning to another man and saying hello, but it was just right for us.

J and I decided that since we had to be out later that we should commence with the playing and intimacy early on.  And we did.  While I started by somewhat topping, the energy wasn’t kicking and so we switched around and just got into it- and the sex was pretty intense.

After that he showed me a new toy he has called poi spinners.  I had heard of them before and thought they were a little geeky, but they were actually way cool and I had to try!  Once I mastered one of the trickier elements, I stopped happily.  I think one night we will have to go to Orpheus with them and before people start dancing just play around with them in the black light. 

Then we watched the Dark Crystal which I had never seen and J said I had seen too many Jim Henson movies because I predicted all of the plot moves.  It was dark after that and J turned on his black light and did more cool spinning while I took pictures. 

Then it was time to get ready to go out so I broke out my black velvet corset which I hadn’t worn since New Years and figured was time.  He wore black leather pants and a black leather vest and was totally hot.  We arrived just ten minutes late and got in line.  Lots of people there, lots of chicks VERY sexy dressed.

We got in and seated for Rocky Horror, J’s friends were late which unfortunately stressed him out, despite me telling him to let them worry about it, but they eventually arrived and sat down.  The beginning stuff was kinda dorky, but once the actual show started, we had tons of fun.  There was so much to laugh at.  I’m still not a huge fan, but I’m glad I can say that I have been to one now.

We went back home.  I thought for sure I would crash since it was 3 and I was falling asleep in the car on the way.  But we first engaged in “girl in velvet corset joining boy dressed in leather pants in bed” which turned into “naked boy joining girl dressed in sheet on bed” and engaged in an even more intense and delicious round of sex.  It really was amazing.

Crashed until I was awoken about noon by the Owner who told me to get my lazy ass up and up to him.  I couldn’t tell if he was teasing or really annoyed, but I didn’t let myself get too worried.  I showered and said goodbye to Jand drove to the Owners.


Of course I had to stop at walmart since I had not packed any casual or work clothes (something I need to start doing) and the Owner told me to stop at Safeway to get them some things, and it was horrendous there!  I finally arrive and we get to work, just moving dirt and brush and serious yard work.  I can tell some soreness is there now. 

So we say goodbye then and I head to NV.  We chill awhile and then hang out on his bed.  

I head home and am talking with Boston when my friend with an absentee dom calls and needs to talk. 

Then internet FINALLY got fixed, apparently my roommate just needed to reset the router thing.  So I stayed online a bit and caught up, then I finally had an orgasm, which I hadn’t had since Thursday.  It was very great and a bit overwhelming and afterwards I cried some and just thought how great it was to have so many men who love me and make it part of their lives to make me happy.

The week started nicely as all of my consultants would be away until Thursday at a convention which made things fairly relaxed.  Monday night I went over to the NVs which was nice to see him and he did another interesting forceplay which included electrical tape, but he was also stressed about work and other stuff so I will be more disciplined about coming over until the semester ends.

Tuesday I actually DID just stay home and did a lot of talking on the phone, including with DCS who said he had forgotten his keys in the morning and thus had to break his own window to get in.  Sheesh.  I also talked to my Atlanta friend which was good since we hadn’t talked in awhile.  

Wednesday my allergies were back in full force so I felt kinda yucky, but I pulled through.  I went to babysit the nephews as usual and ChrisM and I confirmed our date and decided to go down to the Crucible for their mid-week thing.  It was actually pretty hot in the place and it seems like the temperature can never be well moderated there.  However, he and I did get some good talking and play time in and it was a pretty good first date overall.  I think he liked being able to see people he hadn’t in awhile as well.

Tonight I have to clean and prepare for Bostons arrival tomorrow, I also have NVs picnic at school, my cousins prom, and my other cousins field trip to deal with over the next week but all will be fine I am sure.

Last Friday I decided to go to the NVs to hang out.  We got Chinese yay!  I had a low-grade headache which turned into a low-grade migraine by the end of the night.  But the Owner called and we talked for awhile which was nice and I got to see a cool movie called Code 46.  I would like to see it all the way through with no interruptions.  NV wasn’t feeling great either so we crashed early.  Unfortunately my migraine broke a little after midnight which meant my body was happy and awake when I still was very tired and ended up with insomnia until about 3.  Finally crashed and woke up the next morning.  NV and I enjoyed some sex which we tried to keep quiet (as usual at his place) but apparently could still be heard outside the room.  Oh well.

We hung out for awhile, I got McDs for breakfast (bad idea when it’s a half hour to go…it’s like a shark frenzy!)  Then we had a shower together, got dressed, watched Joan of Arcadia and then said our goodbyes.  

I went home to clean up my room some which it badly needed and get ready for the evening.  I was going with DCS to the sympathy Heaven and Hell party and originally was going in my blue formal gown.  My roommate just looked at me blankly when I showed it to him- as if you can’t do kinky stuff unless you wear kinky outfits.  I assured him that the dress came off and that I would be playing.  In the end however, I went with my original costume idea with black feather wings, black halo, and PJ bottoms with hot pink flames on them.  A pretty simple costume for me, but apparently if it’s not leather or latex and not black, people are really impressed.  

DCS arrived not too late (which was good as if he had been late again for this date, it would have been a serious annoyance for me) and we went to Eggspectations for dinner.  The poached eggs were not quite as yummy this time around, but I still think it’s a cool place to go for something interesting.  We talked a lot.  One of the interesting things he said was that he doesn’t think he could watch me being hurt badly.  I found this surprising as most people are intrigued when they watch me being hurt.  He found THAT surprising and hasn’t quite reconciled the idea of being able to love someone AND want to really hurt them.  I look forward to being able to show him what it’s like in person.

After dinner we headed to the party which was fairly well attended, got to see some friends, including Sexy K who I had hoped I would run into.  As usual I wanted to play early. 

I got him set up and got into a generic flogging scene, which was good to test his boundaries and reactions.  He is so nervous and not willing to let himself go, which will probably take a lot of gagging and time to work through.  But we got through a good scene together and that left us the rest of the evening to enjoy each others company and those of the people around us.  

Which is pretty much what we did.  Talked, hung out, saw the scenes.  Later in the evening I put him in the cage.  I'd check on him occasionally but was getting tired (lol at only midnight).  At one point I go over to him and tickle him some and then he starts asking me to scratch his side for him.  I put my hands on his side and he directs me where to scratch, since I wanted him to feel some helpless and being only able to tell me where he wanted scratched.  I did that and he looks at me and says "There, that wasn't so hard was it?"
I was kinda stunned.  I wasn't upset, I just couldn't believe he'd said THAT to me.  I walked away to let him stew and me think it over.  I got back and he immediately started apologizing.  I walked away from him and started making my goodbyes to people on my own saying we were going.  DCS said he was convinced I was leaving him even though he was the driver (important to note:  I had NOT locked the cage, I had left the clasps free to be opened if he felt he really needed to).  This was good since I was hoping to get him somewhat twisted up.  But I went over and opened the door and told him to get our things and get the car.  We left and he was definitely some upset.  I told him I wasn't upset but I wanted him to think about a lot of things, what he wanted, what he wanted from me, where he thought that came from, where his head was and just generally what was going on from his perspective. 

 I made him go home then but kissed him goodnight and then went to bed.  Woke up the next day with a low grade headache again which lasted through the whole day.  Got dressed and went to NVs for his Phi Kappa Phi induction.  We drove down with his dad and sat through an hour and a half long boring ceremony of speeches and he got his medal- more graduation bling. 

Went home, got dinner which was WAY too much food, then watched TV the rest of the night.  He had a bit of a headache as well.  I also promised to try and stay away until Thursday if possible.  Talked to DCS on the way home and he had written a LONG thing on his feelings and perspectives and we discussed that some.  He felt better and I was glad about that.

Monday actually was relaxing, in terms of being able to lay down most of the evening.  But it was also wearing in that I spent almost the whole night on the phone with one person or the other.  Chris M and I made tentative plans for a date but we will see how that comes out.  It’s also annoying that our internet has been down at home for a week now.  

Tuesday was actually the same in terms of being able to relax and rest and talk on the phone. And Wednesday I continued to babysit the nephews.  I went to the BESS meeting on duct tape which totally rocked.  I got some fabulous ideas from it on discipline and making things and met some cool new people.

I skipped the munch and just went home to relax.  Thursday I had lunch with the NV and then went to see him after work.  We got dinner at DoubleT and then I took him home and did a good pain session with him.  It was enjoyable but I felt I wasn’t focused enough and definitely have to work on another good session with him soon.  Neither of us got a very restful sleep but we woke up with eachother and had a nice quickie before heading out for the day.

A restful weekend?  NEVER!  I’m spending the night with DCS tonight, Hitchhikers and Firefly munch tomorrow, spending Sat night with Joel and going to the Rocky Horror performance with him (a first for me), and then its mothers day on Sunday (unless Chris M confirms our date).  

Thursday, and while I’m not half as tired as I’ve been most Thursdays past, I’m definitely on the downslope.

Last Friday I was absolutely exhausted, why?  Because my period started 3 days early!  Hate when that happens.  Friday I had my date with D from KY, who's on the Woodhull board which were having their bi-annual business meetings. We’d had a date back in the fall with my first suspension scene, that totally rocked.  Unfortunately the timing was bad this weekend and we’d have to stay in. I had decided there wasn't quite enough time for a nap before going down but he ended up calling me over an hour after he had told me when he likely would and I still had to drive all the way to DC, this annoyed me.

As it was, I managed to get to DC and find the hotel with no problem at all...but figuring out how to get into the hotel and get the car parked was a mess since there was construction of course.  I finally get up and he's there.  We chat a bit to relax and then he does some rope play, but just a chest harness and hog tie.  He puts me in somewhat loose and asks if I can get a drink for him, so I manage to do it pretty much on my own.  I don't know if he expected it to be humiliating or not.  I also don't know if he just thought we weren't going into a good headspace or if he was just horny because that was all the bondage he did. 

While I wasn’t really able to get into a deep headspace or sexually turned on, he let me get him off and after some more talking and such finally crashed.  He left the rope harness on which was cool but a bit too tight so uncomfortable through the night.

Then he wakes me up a half hour before the alarm goes off to give him another blow job.  A few minutes into it he asks if there's anything I want him to do.  My mind was saying "I wish you'd fucking let me sleep" but I didn't think that was appropriate so I just gave the default answer of "Just enjoy yourself" and went on and finished.  D had said I could stay in the hotel in the morning until he had to grab his bags but I figured this was a good opportunity to get going so I took it.

I drove back up home, not really getting lost as all (one wrong turn at the start), and called the NV.  His dad had invited us to the movies and lunch with some friends and we were undecided.  NV was stressed about his work so we decided not to go.  I got home, took a shower and intended to go see NV at the campus for a bit and crash on the couches there.  But then I laid down and realized I needed to crash there. 
Slept for a few hours then got up to help my cousin with his science project.  I had my cousin sit with me and go through all the steps while I typed it out nice and pretty.  Unfortunately they had no working printer.  Luckily they live 10 minutes from campus so I sent it over to NV, went and picked up the prints. NV was happy at this point since he'd had a breakthrough in his formulas, so I was happy too.  I said that the Owner wanted to go to Crucible later but we could have dinner first and NV was happy with that.

So I dropped off the prints at my cousins, gave him some ideas on how to put it together and then said goodbye.  I'd have come over the next day to help but they were going to the shooting range.  Woohoo
Then back home, grabbed some Taco Bell and NV and I just relaxed on the couch and watched TV together.  He doesn't feel comfy having sex when I'm on my period but said it was too bad because he just wanted to feel that closeness with me.  Awwwww.

He left and I got dressed.  The Owner had NOT mentioned staying over and I hadn't asked, so I didn't pack anything.  This turned out to suck.  Luckily, I just wore the formal chinese dress and not anything terribly kinky looking.

Got to the Owners and he was cooking dinner (they eat late).  I was worried about how he would think on the progress of my face as I am a bad picker.  Well, best part of the weekend was him walking into the kitchen, looking at me, smiling and saying "Oh, you've been such a good girl!" and then saying how pretty I looked in my dress.  YAY!  We relaxed and had a good time, he was still feeling tired from the virus he has had and the meds he's on for it now so after dinner we went up for sex and then he crashed, of course.  I was grateful for it actually.  I would have loved going out with him and even getting a beating since I'd gotten myself into a good headspace for it, but you know how tired I was at that point.

Since we'd crashed early, we were up early on Sunday.  I got showered as best I could and put the dress back on.  Then the Owner told me we were going to Loews to get dirt and sand for the yard...yay.  So out we go, get some stuff and then haul it home.  I called NV and asked if he was surprised to hear me so chipper so early on a Sunday morning and he said "Frankly, yes." HA.

Getting back, we snuggled more afterwards. Unfortunately I had to get going shortly after to get to J's.  The good part about wearing the dress was I knew J would love it, which he did and we somehow immediately sparked a good energy and I decided to do a scene with him there.  It was just a flogging and he keeps saying I hit too high on his neck.  I think he's a bit too paranoid but will be even more careful in the future.  At any rate, he loved the scene overall.  Afterwards he wanted to get sexual, but I wasn't feeling that vibe at all and gently stopped that.  We were hungry but the place across from where he lives had a long line.  We were feeling adventurous so we decided to see if we could find the Don Pablos I'd passed getting lost around there once before, and we did!  So we had a yummy lovely lunch together there.

Then I had to say goodbye to him, race to get a gift for NV' mom's birthday, wrap it, get home to change, then drive to his place.  In between the driving I talked with Boston to catch up on his weekend and spend some good phone time together since we'd had hardly any last week. 

Get to NV' who is cooking dinner, his mom enjoyed the gifts a lot, NV was happy since he'd gotten a good draft of his presentation poster completed and even his brother came out for a good half hour to eat dinner with us.  Then it was just chilling.  I was feeling a bit clingy and needy to NV, probably just the thought of the impending week and stayed a bit too late.  Oh well, got home.

Unfortunately I had stayed too late and woke UP with a bad headache.  I was on a good caffeine and drug high by mid-morning which helped but I knew I’d hit my limit.  The BESS Board meeting was that night and I attended and became their official new Secretary, yay!  A position I’m well suited for and looking forward to. 

Tuesday I was a bit more rested and went over to the NV’s to help with his presentation on intense relativity and quantum physics stuff which I half didn’t understand.  He was quite stressed but I did what I could to help and then went home.  

Wednesday I went and spent time with him to see his presentation which was awesome and then babysat the nephews for a bit and then decided to go and see the NV AGAIN.  Yes, I am that sickly in love.  Things were tense since his dad is sick and his mom is dealing with final papers and stuff, but we were able to relax together and even managed to entice a quick forced sex interchange with my hands bound with a leather belt.

This weekend has been insane.  First it was going to be Heaven and Hell, then that got cancelled.  Then it was going to be staying with the Owner, but the weathers bad.  Then there’s a replacement for the Heaven and Hell party but I don’t know for sure who can go.  But I’ve decided not to worry about it, people will be where they want and one messed up weekend isn’t the end of the world.  This is what happens sometimes when you let an owned slave be the social planner for everyone.

Last Thursday was Ocean's 12 which turned out to be a funny quirky movie with some cool twists and great lines, with a cameo by Eddie Izzard!  I thought some of the plot twists slightly too contrived and opportune, but overall a fun blast.  I rushed to the Owners that night to start my house sitting and crashed. 
Drove to work and then back to the Owners for a full evening of relaxing and having total control over the large TV.  Except for the kitties taking turns begging for attention, I was alone and chilling.  Saturday I awoke lazily, first time in forever, got showered and dressed and awaited for DC-S, our first official date one-on-one together.  He arrived a bit late with flowers and chocolate, VERY cool. 
We drove down to DC, I was in the front seat as the Navigatrix which was a good thing because DC-S is a fairly passive driver and certainly needed a more firm hand.  Due to that and city traffic we arrived at the Buffy meeting about an hour late.  I was slightly annoyed that he hadn't checked the site for any particulars on the event beforehand, but by the time we found our way and I'd gotten some food in my system, all was happy.
We'd missed the first showing of the original pilot but sat around and introduced ourselves, some of the Firefly members were there also.  There was a much older guy who had a HUGE thing for Sarah Michelle Gellar.  We watched the first episodes of Buffy together and for those of us who had missed it, watched the pilot episode again which, while retaining the spirit of the Buffy show was slightly different in tone and manner. I'm almost sure I've seen it before but can't think of when.
Then we headed out of the city which was another adventure and decided to get some real food for dinner.  Went to DuClaws for the third time and was once again simply not impressed with their food.  Other than the short wait time at dinner, this place does not have anything going for it as far as I am concerned.  Oh well, was still fun teasing DC-S and being taken out to dinner.  We were having lots of fun.
Headed back to the Owners to away Sexy K's arrival to go to the Crucible for fun.  Tonight would be the night!  She got a bit lost unfortunately but not terribly bad and then we dressed to go.  DC-S decided to go with us and so we headed down.  It was a packed night and as Sexy K had a waxing planned a bit later, I got right into my scene with her.  Lots of sensation, nail, flogging, cold cans of soda...I was truly enjoying the top space and I think she enjoyed a new type of scene.  I'm hoping we get more opportunities to have more intense fun.
After our scene and cool down, she went to get waxed while I stayed and teased Dc-S, made him my footstool, blindfolded him and made him kneel next to our stuff while I walked around, was great.  Then I stood him up and led him around blindfolded.  I took off my shoes since they were annoying me by then, handed them to him, put him next to a column out of everyone's way and then left him.  I actually was never more than a few feet away, but he had no idea.
I went over to him every now and then to surprise him and tease him, then when Sexy K was done she came over and I had him start to massage her foot through her shoes.  What surprised me at this point was a few other people coming up and asking about him, whether it was the shoe or the foot, about his experience.  I was very pleased to be able to answer their questions and even offered for him to massage a few others for awhile, though I made sure to ask DC-S if it was ok before each one. 
While he was busy with one of those, I made my way to a dom I recognized from the hot tub party awhile back and made my introductions.  I must have caught his eye because he began to tickle and tease me and I could feel him getting hard through his leather pants as I squirmed against him.  I think he was the only one there who didn't know me who wasn't convinced I was totally dominant.  We're hoping to plan a date together.
Returned to DC-S who was finishing up, finally took off his blindfold and told him how awesome he'd been.  I think he was a bit overwhelmed at this point, not sure what fairy godmother he'd gotten to bring him to such a princess and fairytale land.  But enjoying it.
At this point I made the mistake of deciding to play with some young bottom chick who'd come alone and was looking to play.  I thought it would be fun and nice and give me some practice.  Unfortunately she turned out to be a total do-me controller and I wrapped things up as quickly and politely as I could.  She continued to hang around and became one of those people who open up WAY too much personal info for the time you've known them.  Turns out she needed a ride home, but I was absolutely NOT opening that door, specially with DC-S and Sexy K to take home too.
Sexy K, by the way, was just finishing up her big scene and so we headed home, worn out.  DC-S decided not to sleep on the floor beside me and went home.  While Sexy K is not bi, and we were both too tired to do anything that night, I feel a buzz knowing I slept with such a hot chick that night.
I woke up the next morning and puttered around a bit before she woke up.  Then we just spent time chatting about our lives and normal stuff, then took showers and got ready.  She left for her place and I spent time online, wondering how could I have wasted so much energy in those chat rooms.  Eventually I headed to the Non-Virgins to catch up and have dinner with the family.
Ended up doing a big more than that as the Non-Virgin had decided to flex his muscles and we had an absolute amazing sexual time together.  I was sure I wasn't going to want to masturbate a week after that (as it turns out it was more like a few hours...but that's me). 
Monday was the last day of house sitting for the Owner so I did final clean up stuff and the aunt called on a surprise one day trip down and asked if I wanted dinner together.  I said sure so we went to my fave mexican place in the area to catch up.  The food and service was highly disappointing from what I've come to expect, but we talked a good long while and it was nice to catch up.
Went and saw the Non-Virgin for a bit before coming home, packing and crashing.  Last time with long commute back to work.
Tuesday was a gorgeous day and I had lunch with the Non-Virgin on campus.  It's a VERY Good thing I don't have to go to college now because on the warm days, the skimp clothes come out and some of those girls are just HOT.  No wonder guys don't get their work done.  That night I took my cousin to get her prom dress fitted and on the way of course I had to get her some sparkly accessories (which actually cost more than her prom dress since I was the one who found and bought it for her on a great sale) and a purse which she was very frustrated over finding.  Then I took her to dinner and we talked a lot about stuff that was going on.  It's very hard hearing how their father treats them and I hope I can be around more.  I took her home and asked the younger cousin if he wanted me to come over this weekend to help on his science project, so I'm doing that Sat afternoon.
Went HOME at last and was very good to be there.  Got to bed and then up for work the next day.  I had promised my sister to babysit the nephews which was very nice except their father was late in coming home so I had to rush to get to the BESS meeting, on foot and food play.  It was a fun meeting and DC-S had shown up AND gave me the Rob Thomas CD as a gift.  Bowled over doesn't come close!  We had fun together and went to the munch afterwards.  Then of course home where I listened to the CD right off- I really liked it overall, some weak spots of course but some truly beautiful songs as well.
Thursday I was tired (of course), but had the Non-Virgin come over to relax.  He's stressed about research and end of semester/college stuff, but I forced some food into him, after hearing he hadn't eaten all day, and we relaxed on the couch together.  The Owner called, yay, and we made tentative plans for the weekend!  Afterwards we got into some forceplay...
Now I'm not big on scene reports but this was just delicious.  It started with wrestling on the floor and him holding me down and tickling me.  We fought and struggled a good long while before he gave up for awhile and took a break.  I of course wasn't trusting to get too close but I took off my robe and put it on the floor while we eyed eachother.  After a bit, he sat up, took the robe in his hand and then stood up.  Quickly he whipped around, tackled me and started using the tie from the robe to bind my hands together.  We struggled for awhile but he managed to tie a loop into it and caught my hands in the slipknot.  After that he shoved me onto my stomach and forced himself into me.  That one sublime moment, knowing he's there, in you, that he's won, that you're an open hole and you can't prevent anyone from being there. 
Some more struggling and shifting eventually having me on top with him pinching around my nipples telling me to start stroking him- feeling so deliciously USED.  Then the release of the tie and forced onto my back for him to finish.  I was definitely half flying by that point.
We went up to take a shower where I washed his hair and body, then braided his hair and we relaxed watching flash animations.  Then he had to go home which was sad for me and had me a bit depressed but luckily my down south friend was online and she cheered me up. 
Then I had to do a three-way call with J and his primary.  It was a first for us and while I had thought it would be a casual, short, introductory call, it turned into a long intense relationship discussion.  There were good points brought up all around and I think we laid some good groundwork for communication and connections.  While I'm no poly or relationship expert, I do have a few years of experience, some painful, and I know some things are just doomed to fail if you try certain techniques.  Hopefully this can blossom.
Now the weekend promise of rest, but much promise of sex and play.

Hmm Thursday again already.  Well last Thursday was with the Owner and things were kinda hectic with stuff going on so I actually went to the non-virgins to play more creepy video games and then went back later.  Friday was normal except that I was really really turned on.  I had some extra time before going to J’s for the night, so I stopped by the non-virgins again and had a hot and quick session and then left for VA. 

J was looking luscious as usual and it was great to have just a night with him to myself and not rushing around.  We ordered Chinese and watched the Triplets of Belleville (weird but cool) and then a Queer as Folk episode (not the funniest one, but cool too).  We played a creepy video game (same one I’d just finished with the non-virgin) which freaked me out and then got into some MORE delicious intense sex.  We also did some energy work before bed which was delicious fun.

I slept over at J’s request and we woke up and, surprise, were into doing some more sex which was awesome.  Then we finished the creep game, yay!  I headed back home, not feeling that great actually.  Got some food which made me feel better and just acted like a zombie myself for the rest of the afternoon.  I’d had a date and make-up scene with Sexy K planned for that night and we decided to go to karaoke with the BESS group.  I was secretly relieved that she, too, was not up for playing afterwards, because I wasn’t going to back out unless I was dead!  We went to karaoke and had fun chatting and hanging out, got home quite late and I definitely wasn’t feeling well.

Sunday was gaming again.  Not much real to say there other than we played a long game again, which I was not having much luck with and since I wasn’t feeling well it wasn’t great for me.  I also enjoyed the hot tub but since the non-virgin had to leave early to get work done, I didn’t enjoy that as much as I would at other times.

Got home and crashed, Monday pretty much continued to feel bad (cold-like) and did nothing.

Tuesday still felt bad but went to the non-virgins for a nice steak dinner with his family.  Comfy TV watching but no exciting stuff.

Wednesday I again just stayed home and zoned out on TV and computer.  I was hacking a lot at this point but not much to do about it.  Talked with the Owner about house sitting for the next few days while he would be at a music festival with his primary (happy birthday Master!).  Got to sleep and woke up hacking out a lung but feeling overall better.

I’m hardly hacking at all now, and I actually feel pretty chipper.  Had lunch with the non-virgin and will see Oceans 12 with him tonight, and he gave me a piece of chocolate fudge JUST to give me something sweet for dessert. 

I have a date with DC-S planned for Saturday and possibly will go to the Crucible if I feel up for it, specially since Sexy K invited me with her.  Otherwise will be house sitting, continuing to recuperate, and preparing for the big Heaven and Hell event at the end of April. 

Thursday night turned out to be a bittersweet thing.  I went into DC for a dinner date and unfortunately got lost both coming in and out of the city, which made me late and since dinner was at a very swank Italian place it lasted almost two hours.  Suffice to say I was lacking sleep the next day at work.

But I muddled through, the office closed early due to the party and I did manage a half hour nap after getting all the last minute things together.  The non-virgin showed and we enjoyed awesome sex before getting cleaned up and headed out.  I wore my new black and gold Chinese dress and he wore his black slacks and top with the rose boutonniere I’d gotten for him.  I was a bit stressed but otherwise happy.

We made it to the hotel, stressed at being in Baltimore downtown traffic on a Friday night.  As much as people compliment me on my social skills, I HATE mingling, it’s torturous for me.  So we went up to the cocktail hour and claimed a table to sit and chat.  When it was time to head down to the dinner, we went right off.

Now, this was awkward at first because, for a long time, we were the only ones at our table.  Not that all the other tables were full but ours, but it was a bit odd.  Interestingly enough, our table ended up being filled by the national and regional big sales guys, which I was amused at our luck.  They talked to themselves mostly, but we were part of the table and it was quite amusing when they started talking about a Chicago dinner in which one of the guys started talking to a “pro pro”- impossible to keep a straight face.

Dinner was divine with lobster ravioli and vanilla Haagen-Dazs with raspberry puree.  There was dancing afterwards but the DJ was pretty hit and miss so after a bit we headed out.  We considered going to Howl at the Moon, which I’ve never been to, but decided we were just a bit too tired to go out again and planned for another night.

Watched Battlestar at home (I’m ruined!) then crashed.  Got up the next day to get to the Firefly munch, of course it was raining which means people lose the ability to drive and there were two accidents on the way down, so I was late getting to J’s and to the Firefly munch, but it was pleasant nonetheless, specially seeing DC-S again.  I was a bit anxious though because I was going to see the Owner after the munch so after I passed out the cake (tiramisu…yum) and everyone ate, we headed out.

Went to the Owners, but he was still out grocery shopping, so I took a nap.  He came back and we mostly just chilled out for the evening, steaks on the grill on the covered patio in the pouring rain.  I suggested going out to see Sin City and he agreed so we went out (as he noted, first time in a very long time a date has paid for me, is this saying something about my generosity or my dates?  Admittedly, it was pleasant to be taken care of, but I truly do enjoy providing when I can).  Sin City was just phenomenal, intense, gory, awesome.

Got home, slept together, then got up the next day for labor.  I’d invited J to come over and help but the Owner was out getting stuff when he came so we grabbed a quick lunch and chilled out together until they showed.  Then we “helped” the Owner’s primary move stuff, which was awkward, but got back in time for J to meet the Owner’s Boston sub before J had to run home.

Everyone pretty much dispersed and the Owner and I took a nap together.  We were woken up by a very handsome Admiral, who apparently is a long time regular partner of the Owners primary.  The bunch of us sat around and talked, I got naked and played with myself for the Admiral’s pleasure, we had a great dinner of hamburgers and hot dogs and such and then finished the evening with a great scene with the three females present dominating the Admiral.  Lots of CBT and sensation.

Rushed home, late again, got up for work.  Was absolutely wasted by Monday evening…looking back I can see why.  Tuesday I spent time with the non-virgin again, played more Silent Hill, did more preparing for his inevitable move to TX. 

Last night I was with the Owner again (AND tonight woohoo!) and since the Owner was really happy about stuff, we celebrated by doing something I had never done before.  It was way cool and something I’ve always been fascinated with but too afraid of the consequences and not associated enough to actually do before.  Let’s say I liked it a lot better than the buzz I got from alcohol and it didn’t make me feel like I was trapped in my body.

We did some intense play, degradation, canes.  If anyone at work knew what a cane mark looked like, they’d see a very clear one on my arm.  Then crashed late.  My alarm didn’t go off this morning AND there was an accident on the road so I got to work way late.  Argh.  But I’ve been busy, which is a nice change.  Had lunch with the non-virgin and won’t see him again until Sunday.

Tonight, more time with the Owner.  Tomorrow I have date plans with J, Saturday I have date plans with K to FINALLY make up our missed scene, and Sunday is gaming day with hot tub, yes! 

Unfortunately the Boston trip got postponed until May so I won’t see him for another month.  But Spring has finally arrived, I’m registered for Leather Retreat, non-virgin is graduating soon and things feel good (if still tired).

Weekend started as normal, watching sci-fi and video games with the non-Virgin (busy? Me?) but I did go home and get a very restful sleep for Sat.  Had lunch with a sub-friend I hadn’t seen in too long and we talked and caught up and went to Target to buy stuff and I got stuff for the party that night.  It was Easter which meant I could wear my bunny costume again! 

Then home, relax and prepare.  The Non-Virgin and I enjoyed yummy time together (HA, we DID have sex over the weekend!) then got ready to go.  I also had another new sub friend I was hosting out to show her a good time and she came over in a lovely black lace corset top.  Headed over to the Playhouse, socialized a bit, was good to see some people again and a good energy crowd overall.  I wanted to start early with the non-Virgin so I took him up and started on him, using the new knife I’d just bought for him!  We eventually got going pretty hard and while he could have taken a lot more (masochist!) we’d taken the space for a long time already and I didn’t want to push too hard.  Calmed him down, then just hung out for a bit.  My sub friend was ready to go so we left early.  Non-Virgin put the idea of heading to Howl in my bunny costume which made me VERY upset that we couldn’t!  Crashed at home, everyone left and I slept in.

Headed to the mothers for a Sunday dinner.  Mostly just sat and watched TV with them for a few hours, including Kill Bill Vol2.  Nice Easter flick, yeah?  Dinner was pot roast which was delicious, but 6 hours sitting and watching TV in cigarette smoke is about my limit so I said goodnight, headed to the Non-Virgins for a few hours and then got ready for another week at work. 
Theres a big office semi-formal party on Friday I’m going to with the Non-Virgin and the Firefly munch on Sat with the non-Virgin, J AND DC-S which will be nice.  The Owner has made tentative plans to have me come over Sat night so I’m very anxious about that.  Beginning to make next visit plans with Boston but otherwise, I just wish Spring would arrive already!

Weekend got off to a fairly calm start.  Had not intended to stay over the Non-Virgins, but was too late by the time we’d had enough of eachother so I just crashed.  Sat I went back home to chill and dress before dinner with Special K.  We went to a fabulous Japanese place nearby, and I’m finding I really love that kind of stuff, the freshness of it and the many different courses is very appealing.  Unfortunately, it took FOREVER and I ended up calling J several times in apology and delay.  We got back to my place, changed and headed down.  Picked up the non-Virgin, picked up J and then went to the Crucible, considerably later than usual, but it was very busy!  That was nice to see.

I got started with J on a scene right off, using his two new floggers.  I ADORE his lighter mink/leather one, and it was the one thing I really WANTED to buy at the LF&P before he snatched it up.  Maybe one day I will have one…but I did the next best thing and played hard with him.  It was a truly excellent scene, not in terms of doing something outrageous or very new, but in the depth of connection and confidence I felt in myself as a top and in where I was taking Joel. 

After we’d calmed down from that, I was feisty and wanted non-Virgin to do some stuff with me so we went to a corner and did a little nasty stuff (nasty being painful).  Then it was nearing end of the evening but I wanted to do some fun stuff with my DC-S so we headed up and put him on the bondage table and did some tickle touch stuff.  Nothing serious as it was too late, but we did have fun.

Then, I sent everyone home one by one, was exhausted by the time I got to bed.  Then the next day I woke up and was craving to see Non-Virgin again and so we went to Bertucci’s for lunch where they have this AMAZING fried cheese with plum-tomato sauce which just melted in your mouth and I want again very badly.  Then we hung out at the mall some and bought more zombie video games.  I wasn’t supposed to get INTO the zombie video games, but apparently I’m a big survival-horror game fan.  Go figure…

Again I spent the night and got up early the next morning to…PACK FOR VACATION!!!!  I ran home, packed, got my oil changed, grabbed lunch and picked up the non-Virgin and we were off for 3 days of relaxation!  We were staying at a gorgeous bed and breakfast in the mountains of northern Maryland and it was amazing.  A room with a bed, tv, fireplace, Jacuzzi tub, a sun room with a daybed and fridge.  Our hosts were as sweet as could be with amazing breakfasts and a white cat.  They also had an outside hot tub which I had COMPLETELY forgotten about so once the Non-Virgin and I were settled and had “christened” the room, we went to buy suits (damn no nudity) and stock supplies for the room.

We spent the afternoon walking about the store and driving around the towns, checking out the hobby shop with cool railroad stuff.  I took him to Golden Corral for dinner which he’d never actually eaten in before.  Not the swankiest, but it’s got a lot of sentimental attachment for me and the food is always great.  So we stuffed ourselves there, headed back to the B&B, hit the hot tub which was fabulous and then played video games for the rest of the evening.  We were the only guests there for the entire time so it was very luxurious.

The next day after breakfast we headed to the spa and both got massages and salt rubs and mud wraps and it was divine.  If I ever have a place big enough, I want a room JUST for pampering and massaging in.  After that we grabbed a quick lunch and then decided to spend the day in Frederick.  Unfortunately Frederick doesn’t have much going on in the middle of the week before tourist season but we wandered around, grabbed truffles for family, found a park, and just enjoyed eachothers company while trying to make time before dinner.

Finally picked a place and had fried plantains, which was an odd texture mix between bread and potatoes but very tasty.  Then we drove back and discovered there were NO alcohol stores open after 8 in the town and did hot tubbing again, watched Mallrats and played more zombie games.

The next day was wet, cold and misty, very creepy after playing a game like that.  We dejectedly packed up and went back home, back into the land of cell-phone reception, and relaxed for a bit.  Then headed to the mall and I bought a gorgeous silk dress and bought the non-Virgin a double tipped knife to enjoy.  Dinner at the DoubleT, and unfortunately I had to head home to work again the next day.

Begin last Friday. Got out of work, dashed home to do final cleaning stuff, car and room, enough to lay down for a good hour nap before having to get to the airport. Of course my roommate had to wake me up because I'd gotten a piece of mail even though the lights were out in my room and I wasn't making any noise. Sigh, oh well. Got dressed to go out, at first I couldn't find the skirt I'd wanted to wear and considered going in my pink schoolgirl skirt, but I really wanted to put on a "dominant appearance" so I searched some more and found it.

Went to the airport, waited a bit and there he was! It was very good to see Boston again and I whisked him away to the restaurant Eggspectations (can you believe it's based in Canada and there are only 2 in the US? One being in Columbia MD). It was busy but no wait which is nice on a Friday night. I got the eggs benedict and he got crab crepes. The poached eggs were sublime. We did lots of relationship talk stuff and reconnected and then I took him back to my place.

I got right to business and took him on a nice little flogging/whacking scene which I think he greatly enjoyed. I let him sleep in the cuffs, which was awkward since there's an attached collar piece which I hadn't put on him, but oh well. We awoke lazily the next day to remember I had not gotten any breakfast stuffs as I never eat breakfast.

I sent Boston downstairs to scrounge while I checked email and then joined him. He was able to find some stuff to eat and then we still had a long time before we had to get going. I wasn't really feeling up enough to do more play so we watched Legally Blonde which Boston had never seen but found very amusing. Unfortunately the sequel was not quite as fun and witty.

Then it was time to get ready so we showered and were on our way, a little late unfortunately. I got held up with stuff and he tends to putter around- rule from now on, be clear about being ready to walk out the door at X time or else! I was also cranky with hunger at this point. We hit Chipotles which Boston hadn't been to either and had some delicious food.

Time to drive down to pick up J who was cuter than ever in his shiny flame shirt. (Note: more shiny punk shirts for J as presents) Then we hit the Leather Fleamarket & Play (LF&P) to find Non-Virgin and a bunch of other friends around. I'd originally gone to buy but I always get so self-conscious at those things and just kinda look around. I do most of my buying online. Met with my friend S who I hadn't seen in months wearing a to die for corset and she had my red corset dress and pullover which I'd left at her place almost a year ago! Happy to be reunited, we just wandered around and looked at stuff until she left. They also managed to get me into the vac bed. It was an interesting experience, but I just prefer hard bondage. The experience of the pressure LEAVING the body was pretty cool though.

Continued to wander, my ex's and their sub were there but things were met with mostly nothing to note. Boston decided he wanted his kitty to play so he changed and started wandering around. When he went up to be cuddled, J and I snuggled on the couch a bit. Then the Non-Virgin came to tell me the Owner had finally arrived so I dashed to be with him and walk around. He unfortunately was quite sick and only stayed for a half hour or so but it was nice that he came and specifically didn't want to disappoint me.

I returned to the fiesta inside and realized it was about my dinner time. Few more friends had shown up but I wasn't going to try and corral everyone just to go out (I know I eat earlier than most people). So I grabbed the Non-Virgin and Boston to go out and kissed J goodbye who was going off on his own to the TNG party.

At first we were going to one of my fave places, Longhorns but the wait was already almost an hour before 6 pm. So we crossed the street and headed to DuClaw, which had not impressed me last time but figured I'd give it a shot and had only a 5 minute wait. Boston and Non-Virgin shared a beer sampler and enjoyed some of them, unfortunately the one they both wanted was out of course. Non-Virgin picked my entrie which was a good choice, but overcooked. We enjoyed a relaxing dinner and then headed to my place to change.

I showered and dressed while the boys napped. I woke them up and we headed BACK down for fun. There were a fair number of people there already and we started talking and having a good time.

As it was a rather crowded time I tried to make moves for us to start grabbing a station but they kept talking for awhile. Eventually we were ready to go but Boston had me go get the bags, which was also annoying since there were a LOT of them and I didn't know where he'd put them. At this point, we're ready to play and I'm all flustered and annoyed.

But we go up to play. Non-Virgin put me in his fave chest harness and they go for it. I won't bore you with specifics since it was a generic scene pretty much. Of course, we also ended up playing in the room next to where the auction was (I never understand why they don't start those sooner) and next to a scene with a bunch of dykes who were ALL being very loud. I could screen most of it out but occasionally would be annoying. By the end of our scene though they had worked me over well enough and I let myself go enough to be a bit out of it.

We went to the couches and hung out there, me coming back down. Then they started tickling me and that let me go down NICE and deep. At this point another friend just couldn't keep his hands off and held me down some while they tickled.

Then we wander about some, one good suspension going on but otherwise nothing tremendously interesting. As we were watching, the three of them started touching me agian and pushed me down happily again, I just went with the flow. I wasn't really THAT out of it, but happy to just relax. I get carried over to the couches and we sit and start talking about subspace.

This is what I realized from that talk: I actually can go into subspace fairly frequently, just not from or during pain. It takes a real connection and sense of security to get me there, it can't just be the play. And, it takes a bit of effort on the other persons part, it's not terribly easy. I also don't go very deep very often.
But this was new since my impression was that I didn't go into it very often at all. The reality is, it just depends on who I play with and what's going on.

I also realized that Boston is essentially submissive and I need to stop expecting a top side from him really. It's possible we will form a different bond and Im certainly not going to discourage it, but Im going to just go where the energy feels right, and for me that feels top.

Then it's late and we decide to go home, Non-Virgin leaving to go on his way. We go home and pretty much crash. When we wake up, I take over and we have sex with him on the bottom, he enjoyed it a lot. I liked feeling him.

We get ready to go to gaming and unfortunately get slightly lost on the way but not so bad. It's another hour after we get there before any gaming really occurs. We get the game set up and I actually end up doing pretty well, coming in 3rd of 6. Boston won! After the game, we stripped and got naked in the hot tub, yay! It was cool just hanging out with everyone and talking.

I was ready to go after an hour or so, but Boston was happy there so we just hung out. Eventually we did get out, get some food, hang out talking and played a quick card game. Then it was after 10 and I pretty much got us out the door. Lots of fun that day though and made me feel cozy again with Boston. Got home, Boston packed, in bed by 11:30 to wake up at 5 for the airport.

We awoke, I drove him and said goodbye, managed an hour in bed before I had to get to work. This week has been blessedly quiet, going to the Non-Virgins after work every night, making plans with Sexy K for a scene to make up for missing it last weekend, and getting ready for my vacation next week!!!
Tonight we see Incredibles and sleep hopefully. It's St. Patrick's day and I've worn green every day of the week, and today I'm wearing my dark green velvet dress with a white silk scarf with clovers on it. Hope everyone else is enjoying being green today.

So off to see “Saw”again.  I’d seen it before but was taking people for a BESS thing, unfortunately I had a headache which turned into a VERY bad migraine by the time I collapsed into bed shortly after ten.  But before that, I headed over to UMBC to hang with the non-Virgin for awhile with a smoothie.  It was bitter cold so I jumped between buildings for the movie.

Friday was very quiet for me actually, just hung out online at night, stayed up late.  Chatrooms never change at all.  Saturday I went to J’s and we went to the Firefly munch again.  It was fun as usual, but the food wasn’t as awesome as I had hoped and I’m SICK of talking about the Hitchhiker’s movie.  Then we wandered the mall again a bit and went back to his place.  J had bought a delicious heavy flogger at Dark Odyssey and I really wanted to try it out so I had him turn around and gave him a few minutes with it.  That got us in the mood and we found ourselves very nicely on the bed together.  Afterwards we watched some episodes of Queer as Folk.  And I went home and again chilled, watched White Chicks which had a few funny points but overall was pretty lame.

Sunday I had lunch plans with two other sub friends of mine and my first experience at DuClaw.  While the onion ring appetizer was superb, the food itself left much to be desired.  Also, the lemon cake was way too cold as the frosting was near frozen solid.

After that I went to pick up the non-Virgin at the airport who had enjoyed a very good time in Austin.  I hung out at his place and talked with the Owner on the phone. 

Monday I was feeling pretty tired so I actually just hung at my place and crashed at 10.  This was very nice as I felt very refreshed on Tuesday.  Cleaning up my room and car for Boston’s arrival on Friday and just getting things going.  Today the non-Virgin treated me out to lunch which was a special thing and later we’re going to see National Treasure.

This weekend is the LF&P.  I went to the first one they had and have been to a few since then so it’s something I really enjoy.  I’m going with Boston, J, Non-Virgin and hopefully the Owner will show up.  And I’m meeting the aunt, her husband (my ex-owners) and their sub, as well as hopefully a few other friends.  I have a good budget to spend and hope to get one or two very nice toys.  Afterwards will be the party at which the non-Virgin and Boston are going to co-top me, yay!  Who knows what other fun we can get ourselves into.

Let me think, I KNOW I’ve done stuff over the past week or so…I met some nice new people at the BESS swap last night who apparently actually READ about my life, how nifty is that?  But that gave me a kick in the ass to get back to some updating.

But really, it was a quiet week.  We had snow which cut out movie plans, I’m cutting down time with the Non-Virgin during the week so he can concentrate on his school stuff (ok ATTEMPTING to cut down).  But no grand adventures out.

The Non-Virgin had left his computer cable at my place on Thur so I went to his place after work on Fri and hung out, grabbing some KCF for the family.  It was actually just a calm night at home watching TV.  Saturday pretty much just sucked with upsetting the Owner, tantrum throwing nephews and the like.  All of that seems to have blown over and back to normal but it wasn’t a fun day.

Sunday I went back to the Non-Virgins for Oscar fun, which somehow turned into going to the grocery store and buying stuff.  But we did watch the Oscars together and just chill out.  Everyone was calling for Big Snow that night so I was hopeful that when I awoke the next morning there would be a blanket on the ground with lots of stuff still falling for some reasonable excuse to sleep in, but no such luck.  Not a single flake.

So I get to work and the snow starts coming in just hard enough to make it annoying driving home.  Otherwise, again boring nights.  Last night was the BESS swap where I tried to unload clothes and stuff that I don’t wear or doesn’t fit now, but there were a lot more sellers than I’d been led to think there would be and far fewer buyers.  The amusing part was when one of the women started to give me advice on how to dress to get attention.  Her big piece of advice? "Wear white."  Now, I'm always up for getting new tips and creative ideas...but one of the areas I think I'm pretty set on is knowing how to dress to get the right sort of attention that I want.  Oh well, I got to meet people I hadn’t seen in awhile and catch up.  Plans for the LF&P are shaping up nicely.

My Fredericks stuff came too, woohoo!  After all the mess I had with the website, they had a 40% off all their sale stuff so I got a valentines bustier, a crystal anklet and two monogrammed panties for 40 dollars.  All of it rocks!  Instead of me napping and the Non-Virgin working before the Swap we somehow ended up having very yummy play and sex (ok so it had nothing to do with me looking at him seductively and purring how I was feeling really horny and submissive while spreading myself across his lap).

Then we realized he had somehow gotten black tar stuff all up one of his pants legs.  We grabbed a shower and tried to get it off and finally I just thought we should go to Target and get him new pants, which is what we did. 

After the Swap, I convinced him to spend the night with me (save time driving home) so he worked while I chatted online and talked with Boston (less than two weeks!).  This weekend looks pretty low-key for me really.  Non-Virgin is going to a grad-school possibility for the weekend, Boston will be at a LARP con, and I will be doing the Firefly munch. 

Next weekend however…

Friday night the Non-Virgin and I went to the Bound By Love event. I had struggled between pink and red, knowing either would be appropriate, knowing I wanted to be “in theme” and yet unique.  EVERYONE would be wearing red, but likely a lot of pink.  And since I happen to own a lot of both color…what to do?  I went with WHITE and red!  And yes, it definitely stood out.

We arrived shortly after opening.  I have found that if you arrive at an event at the start, and stay almost to the end, you actually feel like you got your money’s worth at these costly things.  Also, we were both hungry for dinner.  We received welcome packets with programs and handcuff keychains!  Unfortunately, dinner wasn’t ready to go for an hour after opening.  But we made up the time by chatting and walking about, not much really going on.  Once we finally got food, we were much happier and it was rather tasty.  We ate with a few other friends as well and it felt very good to finally realize I KNOW people when I go to events now, it’s not just a sea of faces. 

Now, I had been very stressed before this (as my prior journal will attest) and happiness of happiness, the Owner called shortly after dinner and we had a very nice long talk on the phone and got some good advice and was just able to let tension out and feel more put together.  Once we said goodbye, I was ready to rock!

Unfortunately, they weren’t.  I have yet to figure out why a slave auction never goes smoothly, no one has figured out that you need to start an auction at least a half hour before people will be ready to play and to read through the auction slips BEFORE you start announcing them.  Oh well.  But, we had some time to wait before that.  I had the Non-Virgin on the couch with me and was scratching his back (I’m with him because I can check email whenever I want on his laptop and he’s with me because he knows I will scratch his back a lot).  In between I would get up and chat with other people.  For some reason I found it hard to focus and didn’t want to look like a wallflower.

I also put myself up for auction.  Later I realized I should have been specific in asking to bottom, but I didn’t think someone would seriously buy me up as a top!  Silly me!  By the time they got to me, a cute bottom masochist bought me (after a lot of debacle over the raffle).  We had a nice scene, but she wasn’t very communicative or active so it was very hard to get a feel for her and let go into the scene.  With a brand new person you don’t have much to go on.  But it did give me a chance to practice my singletail aim.

After this I figured it was time for the scene I had planned with the Non-Virgin.  I recruited my friend Sexy K (as she will be referred to) and we began to mummify him.  First was a layer around his torso, each arm and each leg.  Then we bound an entire layer over everything together.  Then, I asked if he was comfortable with his face and he said it would be ok with everything above the nose so we wrapped that.  Then we did an entire layer of duct tape.  We laid him on the couch and let him stew for a couple of minutes before I started cutting back to through all the layers with a knife.  He definitely enjoyed it and I look forward to doing that again.

After that things were winding down and we went home.  We chilled some and went to spend one of my birthday gift cards at Kohl’s, buying a green skirt and yet another chemise, sea foam green.  Because, you know, 10 chemises is never enough.

Then I headed home and decided I would be up to going to the Crucible AGAIN, this time with J.  I dressed in just a cute valentines satin chemise and drove down to get him.  We eventually made it to the club and they were doing a “sensuous” evening with belly dancing and supposedly aphrodisiac foods.  Eventually I ended up cuffing J to the chair, blindfolding him and then feeding him the different foods, making him guess which one was next.  It was very fun and relaxing, enjoying time together without having to go through beating him.  We chilled out after that and headed home.

Sunday I had my nephews 4th birthday at McDs which was noisy but fun except for a bad scare at the end of it which had me going back to the Non-Virgins and basically staying with him the whole day for comfort.  I went home exhausted and work the next day.

The rest of the week was just hectic, schedules forming and then reforming and that always makes me hectic and stressed.  In the end I spent Wed night with the Non-Virgin and he flexed some yummy top muscles.  Thur I went to see Ladder 49 as a BESS function. 

Friday, the Owner’s Boston sub L had come down for work and was staying a few days.  I went down to spend the night with them that night.  I was again stressed and out of sorts, unsure of the situation and everything still to come over the weekend.  But we ended up having a fun dinner at a Japanese restaurant.  We had planned to go to the Crucible that night, but they crashed after dinner while I went to clean up the kitties stuff.  I tried to wake them up at 9 and was shoo’d away, and then again at 9:30 and was chastised for being an unwanted alarm clock and then told to get into bed with them.  They got up about 11 but it was too late to go anywhere at that point.  Annoyingly they both apologized for not going out the next day, which is nice for the sentiment, but don’t chastise me for trying to get you out when you want to go out! Oh well.

The Owner took L to the airport to go home and I headed to the Non-Virgin who was unfortunately sick to his stomach (which wasn’t bad enough to stop me from getting some sex fun) and we just played a zombie video game for the afternoon.  I went to get him crackers and ginger ale for his tummy later.  I had to leave to go to dinner with a new sub friend I had recently met online.  Mexican food, yay! 

We had a great dinner at Arundel Mills and I bought a pink sash that says “Princess” on it and a white wrist cuff (cuz they are so trendy) that says “I (heart) Geeks” on it.  Awesome.  My tummy wasn’t feeling great at the time either, but it wasn’t making me unable to do anything, so we just walked through the mall some and then said goodnight.

Now, originally I had TRIED to get all of us to go to Orpheus Sat night for their Renaissance themed night.  Well, in the end, only Sexy K and I went.  But we had an awesome time.  She was in shiny black vinyl pants and lavender bustier covered in black lace.  There were many times throughout the evening that I was just about panting over her.  I wore my chainmail chemise with a black skirt.  We danced a heck of a lot, talked to some people, and flirted some, got flirted with and had an overall great time.  When we got home she decided to crash at my place.

I dragged myself out of bed at 11 to make sure she was up like she wanted.  Then we were watching TV and saw a commercial for Fridays and thought it sounded perfect.  So she called up the guy she is dating, I called up the Non-Virgin, and the couple I live with all decided to go to Fridays for lunch together.  I mostly wanted to go back to bed, but figured I couldn’t miss this opportunity and so we all went out and had a fantastic time together.

Afterwards, the Non-Virgin and I wanted to see Constantine but figured by the time we got out he wouldn’t get home until 6, so we went to Columbia Mall instead and walked around there.  We had a lot of fun and ended up not getting back until about 6 anyway.  Originally we were going into my bed to snuggle for a bit before he had to go and ended up having a truly raunchy forced sex scene, a first for me being from start to finish.  Very hot and sweaty and awesome.  Then of course we had to take showers and then he had to check email and cool down some.  It was about 7:30 when he got home.

I grabbed a snack, checked all of my email and then talked with Boston who WILL be here on the 12th for the Fleamarket, yay!  Then I watched  Firefly episode, got sore muscles from using my massager on my shoulders (more tonight!) and crashed.  I also had yet another intense dream about saving the lives of fish.  No idea why I have those dreams.

 Friday with non-Virgin was fun at his friends birthday party.  I found a new card game I want called Once Upon a Time and it was funny playing "25 words or less" when Non-Virgin was slightly drunk.  He gets very sloppy and outgoing, more aggressive.   But he knows his limit and his inebriation only lasted about a half hour. Then we played a game called Curses in which I ended up being a rock star vampire who sounded like scooby doo.  It was fun but tiring and after over an hour of the game, I took myself out.  
We had yummy sex the next morning, I'm so glad I feel totally comfortable with him about getting myself off.  It's not so much with other people that I feel ashamed or bad about it, it's just awkward.  Then we got showered, had some lunch and I headed down to J's.
We went to the Firefly munch which was actually a lot of fun this time around.  The attitudes of the people were very much more relaxed and fun.  And while it might be a lot of talking about one show, we also talk about other "scifi/fantasy/fiction" stuff as well as a lot of movie/tv/book translation stuff.   J and I did some malling which was fun except neither of us could buy stuff (In the kids section of Claires they have sashes that say "Princess" on them which I MUST buy!) and we tired ourself out there.  Went back to J’s place, had pizza, watched movie and MST3K then had hot fun sex.
On the way home I really began to realize the difference between J and the Non-Virgin in terms of initiative and perspectives I need to take in terms of training and approaches in dealing with normal relationship issues.  They are very alike in personality and interests, but SO different in terms of management.

I surprised Non-Virgin yesterday by coming over, not to DO anything, just to sit around and watch telly while he did his homework.  He was very frustrated and slow going, but I managed to cheer him up some, specially by letting him tie me up and play a bit during a study break. I did leave at about 7 to go home and chill, along with a very long intense conversion with J.  
Tuesday I turned 25, yay!  The day itself was rather boring with work and normal stuff, but I had dinner with the Owner as well as some cane strokes to “celebrate.”  The bruises are still there.  We had a lovely dessert of vanilla ice cream with raspberry swirled in it, covered in a white chocolate shell.  Mom sent me flowers.

Wednesday was the family dinner with the grandma, sister, nephews and mom.  We had a good time chatting, though the food wasn’t as yummy as the night before.  I got nice gift cards as well.

Thursday the Non-Virgin came over and we ate dinner and watched Charmed and wrestled on the floor (yum) then headed to Target to get supplies for our planned scene on Friday- a full body mummification.  Unfortunately the Non-Virgin was stressed from school stuff and Boston was stressed over life stuff and I was stressed over work stuff, so Friday resulted in me feeling somewhat overwhelmed.

from them.

This week begins to drag.  I am beginning a new diet and exercise plan, to be ongoing really.  I’m not up for it with everything that’s been going on, but no reason it shouldn’t start now.  I did receive a dozen roses from Boston for Valentine’s Day and that’s a first for me. 


Upon returning from Arisia, I figured I needed to relax and chill out for awhile.  Of course, that only goes so far.  I actually pretty much did manage to relax most evenings, however I planned a very busy weekend.  It was a special one with lots of time with me and the Non-Virgin since we’d been apart for two weekends and he would be going back to school afterwards.

First on Friday we met with Batgirl at Ascension to just meet and let her know we were normal and not psycho (generally) to let us do a waxplay at the Garden on Monday.  The club was ok, my heels need to be refreshed.  I wore my leather corset which never gets enough use and got my picture taken a lot which was fun. 

Saturday we actually split up so the Non-Virgin could finally get a reliable set of wheels and I did some window shopping.  The Non-Virgin came over later that evening and we enjoyed Taco Bell, British comedy and snuggling before preparing for the party.  I decided to wear a new skirt, hot pink and black plaid schoolgirl skirt and pigtails.  It’s rare I actually get into age play, as much as I like it.  This evening I wouldn’t really be doing any age play, but it felt nice to at least dress the part.  Some day my daddy will come…

 It was snowing and we got there early on.  We met up with J and another friend there.  J was under the impression that I was mostly there to be with Non-Virgin, which was true.  However, Non-Virgin and I had already talked and we knew it was likely we’d be playing with J too.  It was the Non-Virgins first public scene topping me and he did a rather good job of it, despite me being very cold.  He’s definitely a sadist and will make a damn fine dominant.

After we recouped from that, we got J into a nice flogging/spanking scene and had him REALLY high.  Non-Virgin was slightly jealous of it, but understands the benefits of topping.  We got home and crashed.  We awoke the next day and I convinced him to have sex and was able to orgasm while being on top, woohoo!

Sunday we probably should have rested, but we went around Laurel and did some looking around and shopping and such.  I was still getting over my Arisia cold and giving it to the Non-Virgin.  But eventually he had to go and I was left alone to finally watch Gladiator all the way through.  I didn’t really pay attention to the last 20 minutes, but I HAVE finally seen it through.

Monday we had planned to go to the Garden in DC and do a wax scene.  Unfortunately, the Non-Virgin was sick and I was tired but we had promised J an interesting scene (I’d mind fucked him into a very difficult headspace at this point) and I wanted to go considering all the crap I’d had to go through just to be allowed to do it.  So we drudge ourselves there and chilled.  We actually had a very good scene with J, and there was a nice crowd there.  I realized I still have anger issues over A and his crap.  We will see what’s to come of that.  However, by the time we got home, James was grumpy and I was tired and drained, of energy and enthusiasm.  I realized that I was burning myself down and no one was getting as much as they could.

I talked with the Owner about it and he suggested cutting back on doing things on Sunday, to just rest that day.  I thought this made sense and plan on getting that in place.  My car is having service done on it, which leaves me fairly broke for awhile, but at least it will be done.

Of course this weekend I’m relaxing right?  Well on Friday I have a birthday party for one of the Non-Virgin’s friends, Sat I am going to the Firefly munch and spending the night with J.  No plans yet Sunday- and looking to stay that way.

I’m tired, stressed, not sure of where things are headed, but I know I have to keep secure and let myself recoup.

I know I know, I'm very behind on my journal.  Winter sucks.
I picked up lunch for the Non-Virgin and I on Fri afternoon and headed to his place.  There really wasn't much time for anything but we just ate together and watched some star trek spinoff and Buffy.  Then he dropped me off at the airport and I waited for the Owner.   Things were going well, we checked in, got some food for him, and were having some good conversations.  We headed to the gate 20 minutes before the plan was supposed to take off and were the last ones to board!  This was slightly annoying since we had no overhead stuff and despite the fact that I STARTED with only my one pink purse, I now had the Owners extra food and water and one of his bags to contend with.  
The flight was nice, he did some work and I did some reading.  I was glad when we arrived that I knew exactly what gate we were at and L picked us up.  Then we twisted our way to the hotel, it was quite cold.  We got our stuff up to the room eventually and what was the first thing I did at my very first sci-fi convention?   I unpacked and ironed!!  
After that, L and the Owner decided to go out to eat and leave Boston and I together.  Boston had hooked up with some of his pals and we all decided to go this mongolian place for shabu shabu.  I'd never had it before, but was up for adventure and the group was a lot of fun.   It was cold to walk there and colder to walk back, and we had to wait a little too long for a table, but it was cool food and I really enjoyed the experience.
We got back, separating.  The Owner was in the room on the bed alone.  I stripped and got into bed with him to spend some time snuggling.  A few minutes later L came in.  Then Boston came in and he snuggled in next to me and somehow it turned into a big mindfuck/pain scene for me, I think since I was the only one naked and everyone else was dressed.   It was pretty intense and I got to orgasm at the end.  Never fails to amaze me how easy and natural it is for the Owner to fuck with me when its so hard for anyone else.
Now, at this point I'd have been happy to just go to bed, satisfied.  But there was a big party so I got up and ready in my pink dress.  The Owner had been joking with me and then made it official- ten new sex partners by the end of the weekend.   He wrote on my chest "Just Ask" to get things started and then told me to go down to the front desk as I was to ask for coffee.  This unfortunately was my one real missed chance to talk with Boymeat as he was walking into his room at the time with TONS of stuff and asked if I could help.   Sigh. Unfortunately I had to tell him I was on my way to get coffee but would be back shortly.  I go down to get the coffee, enjoying the looks, go back up and ask if he needs anything, which of course by that point he did not.
Such is life.  I decide to go to the private party thrown by the couple I'd played with the weekend before.  It was a small party and I pray to god that if I ever do collect enough scene friends who want to attend a birthday party of mine that they know me well enough NOT to buy kitschy, novelty sex kinky stuff that's just going to sit around and collect dust.   With the dress and "Just Ask" on my chest, and with my difficult goal ahead, I unfortunately began to attract a lot of attention from people there.  This was unfortunate for two reasons- one being that I was not the birthday boy laying strapped to the bed, and the other being that the females in the room were definitely sending off bad vibes about it.   Apparently the women run things in Boston (no wonder I get so much attention there).  So I enjoyed what I could and then tried to get out as quickly as politeness would allow.  
So we enter the real full party and it's pretty busy.  I spent a lot of my time that I was at the party just wandering from room to room, mostly as I didn't really know anyone, mostly to get more attention and somewhat because I never really saw or felt any scenes that were very captivating.   But by being forward I did somehow manage to get into a big sex pile and gained three new partners, also allowing S to enjoy it which I know he loved.  After that I wandered, changed into a chemise, and met up with Spam, the guy I met at the private party a few weeks before.   We talked and talked for awhile and were one of the last to leave.  We made plans to enjoy eachother the next evening and then I crawled into bed.
Now, WHAT on earth told me that getting up at 9:30 was good and that I'd gotten enough sleep is beyond me.  But there I was, up and getting ready and getting everyone else up.  By the time 11 hit, I realized my mistake.  But we were able to enjoy some of the convention itself, the game room, the auction room, the art, and we went to the only session I went to which was doing a reading about an AI building a body for herself.  
I had suggested we go out for lunch together afterwards and we did, to Legal Seafood and it was nice chatting and hanging out together there.  Then L and the Owner went to take a walk and buy some gloves and hat that they had forgotten and Boston and I returned, me to look and see if I wanted to buy clothes and him to go to the sessions he liked.   We all met up again at the Poly Issues panel.  It was a decent panel, but not well organized and could have had a bit more direction.  Mostly it was nice seeing how many people showed!
The Owner wanted to get a nice shirt for the events later that night and we wandered up and down the rows, eventually tiring ourselves out for nothing.  We went back to the room and the Owner and I dozed about 20 minutes before L&Boston came in.   I was hungry at this point, despite lots of snow, and though L and the Owner both said they weren't, I knew well enough that they would be happy if provided with food.   Not unlike in a scene where a dom says he's open to most stuff but you know very well what you can really provide him.   So I got dressed again and we ate a quicky meal at Bennigans and brought food back- which was not surprisingly scarfed down.
We had wanted to go to the Masquerade, which turned out to be a bunch of badly done skits involving some sci-fi/fantasy theme, so we skipped that. The Owner and L said they weren't up to going out to the party so we got dressed.  At the party most people knew about my goal at that point and were asking how I was doing.   One person had the awesome idea of making boxes on my chest to check off.  After that, things were planned and I ended up in a sex pile again and got all the way up to 8 checks, with 2 more confirmed for later.  After the big revelry, I tried to find S again without success.   It was very hot and very crowded in all the party rooms so I had to go for awhile.  Essentially, the Owner and I were both too high strung and tired out at that point.   And instead of getting my random surprise fuck from a guy and enjoying a nice session with Spam, I just slept the rest of the night alone with the Owner.   That was awesome.
The next morning we awake and things get stressful for us- our flight was cancelled.  They hadn't opened the food area yet and I needed caffeine.  The Owner bought tickets online for a train to leave at 1.  We had enough time to get some food and for Boston and I to have a hot romp before I had to pack and leave.   On the way out we actually had Boymeat and Lolita in the elevator with us.  As we walked out Boymeat said he was sorry we didn't have a chance to talk and that a friend said hi.  I told him not to worry, there's always another chance and that my friend and I   would talk later this week.
The first train was cancelled.  The Owner bought us tickets to the acela class (which he can't pronounce to save his life) and that got delayed an hour and a half.  We were finally in a train and on the way at 3:30 and arrived with the Non-Virgin to pick us up near midnight.   The train ride was pretty awesome actually, in between him working, the Owner and I got lots of quality time to talk.  We offered to help the Owner clean off his car and he finally accepted which turned out to be a good thing since his battery was dead and we had to give him a jump. Non-Virgin was amazing in that he had cleaned out my messy car some, had coke for me and great coffee for the Owner AND had set them up in the cupholders for us when we got in.

Last Friday was hectic.  First Non-Virgin couldn’t drive me to the airport, and then he could, but then he heard the time wrong, sheesh.  Then, upon arriving at Logan, I realized Boston was NOT coming into the airport to get me and we did a bit of a wild good chase to find eachother in the freezing pick-up area- oh and of course I had forgotten to charge my phone and it was dead.  But once I was warmly in the car and calmed down, things were good. 
First we went to a café for a Poly munch.  I was a bit nervous with so many new people, but got settled in fast with a yummy ranch chicken wrap AND Boston allowed me to have a chocolate layer cake with a kiss on top.

We had some fun conversations and then we were off home.  We pried ourselves off of eachother to get into the hot tub, and then latched onto eachother again.  Back upstairs, we took things slow, but delicious. 
We awoke lazily in the morning with me offering to fix Boston breakfast in bed.  Unfortunately I had not planned much out and couldn’t make any cool stuff like you see on the Food Network, but toast, eggs and fruit seemed to do the trick.  I had my normal breakfast- a can of coke.

We showered together which was awkward but fun, and intimate of course.  Once we had updated our email, it was time to do some really weird stuff- CLEAN!  Now, Boston had said that he wanted to CLEAN OUT the toy closets.  I took this to mean thoroughly go through things, get rid of stuff you don’t want or use anymore and re-organize.

What he really meant apparently was to shift stuff from big messy piles into smaller organized piles.  I showed amazing restraint when he would continuously take something out, dust it off, and then place it right back into some empty space.  It was also really cold being in the garage in Boston in January and all.

Once that finished, I took a hot shower to warm up again and then we prepared for our night out.  The first layer was a green rope kadora (yay! Green rope for me!) which Boston thoroughly enjoyed putting me into.  Next was a silver pleated skirt and a black blouse, which was loose so as not to show the entire rope harness underneath, but the knot at the throat was quite prominent.  And, of course, my lovely black boots.

I convinced Boston to wear his leather pants out, and he looked totally sexy.  We left to go have dinner with a recent ex-sub of his and her new beau at a nicely authentic Mexican place.  I was a bit nervous about all that interacting energy, but the beau was absolutely endearing and a part of me enjoyed lust at first sight.  I could tell he was nervous and would enjoy getting to know him in a quieter, more relaxed setting.  The ex-sub was very fun and I was glad to be able to watch Bostons interaction with her and vice versa- they definitely shared something important together.  Unfortunately we could not continue the dinner forever and had to depart.

We arrived at the party an hour after the official start time but were still the first to arrive.  They had Vienna fingers so bonus points right off.  Once people started coming in and mixing, I stripped down to the kadora and enjoyed many compliments from it.  I also met a fem dom that Boston has played with and her date for the night and we were flirting and talking of playing almost right off.  Play started slowly as well, I was all ready to rock and roll but Boston was still talking to one of his infatuations.

Eventually we did get into some nice play.  Unfortunately neither of us was really connecting much that night and while he was able to get some good singletail practice in, it was more just an interesting experience.  Not all scenes can be rockets blasting.  After that scene I changed again into my leather bustier and had one of the male subs totally drooling and writhing on the floor around me (literally).  Then Boston’s fem dom’s date pulled me off and started a scene with me.  He said I could either scream like I was hurting badly on the first hit or he would hit me until I did scream that badly.  I obviously wasn’t going to fake a scream and open myself up to embarrassment, and I could tell he really wanted to hurt me, so I took that track.  We continued for a long time, apparently broke a cane on me twice.  I do not know if it was the strength of the swings or the previous scene with Boston, but their hits were not anywhere near as bad as the Owners.  Eventually they did have me crying and a bit overwhelmed at the end when he finally subsided.

Again, unfortunately, the fem dom got very upset at this point, which later I found out was because the date had gone more intensly than he said he would.  This made me angry at her inability to control herself until I was back together, at her dragging someone into their issues and simply not being responsible.  I was very upset about it, but by the time we got home and in the hot tub, I realized that it wasn’t my issue and I should simply take the good that I could from the evening.  They are likely to want to play again.  The Owner’s advice was to not bring it up and not feel pressured.  I would want to be open to playing again, but I would need some assurances that it would not be opening myself up to that again.  Not sure how to accomplish that.

We were exhausted by the time we arrived home and out of the hot tub and crashed.  We woke up the next day with some delicious fem on top action (god I love cock piercings) and then I showered and packed my stuff up.  We did some more garage work and then headed out to see Lemony Snicket.  I’d already seen it but it’s a funny silly movie and enjoyable.  It was snowing a bit on the way back and I was worried about my flight but not tremendously so.

Then it was time to go to the airport.  If anyone is going to Logan, if you’re flight is on C or D level, be prepared for a VERY long walk!!  The flight actually was on time in terms of getting seated, but then we waited for de-icer and such before we left.  We left the ground an hour after schedule, yet somehow made it only a half hour late to Baltimore.  Go figure.  Non-Virgin picked me up and I realized I had a headlight out in my car- yay.  We grabbed some food and snuggled a bit before I went home and crashed. 

Monday night instead of getting rested up from the weekend, I went out with the Non-Virgin to the grand opening of a new fetish night in DC.  Mostly because they were demoing a vac bed and the Non-Virgin loves that stuff.  The crowd was definitely younger and they only had one table to play on.  I had not brought my toys and in the end I was glad.  We did meet a few people, including the guy with the floggers from Orpheus who showed up with not only more floggers on his belt, but a whole case of toys too!  There was a boy with two singletails around his neck as a fashion statement.  And we met a couple named A & M.  They were a very interesting couple, he had quirky energy and she purred and chirped more than talked.  But they were fun and we got into some stuff together.  Unfortunately it being a work night I could not stay very late and as I was with the Non-Virgin they were just going to have to wait for another night.

Tuesday I forced myself to stay home and go to bed early.

Wednesday we had snow.  Instead of the Fleamarket/Swap I had been planning on going to, I made a date with A from Monday night.  We arrived at his apartment and did a lot of talking.  It was obvious he wanted to get intimate but wasn’t confident enough to just get into it much.  I decided I was up for fun so I took some moves and we eventually found ourselves naked in bed.  At this point we talk and I mention that my limits for new people were no unprotected sex, no permanent marks or damage and no blood.  He agreed so that and we were grinding against eachother.  Then, he pushes himself into me purposefully without a condom, pulls out and then puts one on.  I was fairly stunned at this and not quite sure what to do so I let things continue.  We discussed afterward.  He tried to justify it by saying he just needed to take that, but it soon became apparent that he had actually simply stolen from me and violated me with no justification.  I’m still working out what to do with him, other than make sure he suffers mentally from this as much as possible.

Tonight my dinner plans were cancelled which means I can be with the Non-Virgin and give him some much deserved love and affection (which I could enjoy myself).  Tomorrow I fly up to Boston with the Owner for the Arisia convention and big play party which will no doubt contain many adventures on its own.

This weekend, wow.  I THOUGHT I had been keeping things calm, not going out after work, relaxing, catching up on rest.  Of course?I need to realize that having a ?break? doesn?t mean you have to go at ?break neck speed.?  This weekend I actually pushed things right up to the edge of good fun.

I went home to eat and pack before going to the Non-Virgins on Friday.  His family usually does take-out or extra-carby stuff for dinner, which normally I love, but being on the south beach again doesn?t work for that.  I also got a few minutes to chill on my own- the only moments for the weekend it turns out.

The evening with the Non-Virgin was much fun as we continued to work on different positions and experiences for him.  We also discovered that while it?s possible for him to have an orgasm watching the Fairly Oddparents, it?s not possible for me to have an orgasm watching Full House.  After a final burst of fun, we went to bed.

And of course we had to wake up far too early.  I wanted to hit WalMart before we went to get J because they had white red and black matching sets of bras and panties with cute little chains on them.  $8 fetish undie sets!  Unfortunately of course, they do not carry 38D as a rule and ended up just getting a matching thong for a bra.  Then we drove down to J?s and watched a bit of Firefly before it was time to hit the Metro.  Here I had a mini-anxiety moment when multiple ATM machines had trouble reading my card.  However, at the mall everything was fine so I figure it was just them being stupid.

The Firefly munch was definitely fun, better than last time too!  A small enough crowd to not get lost in and everyone could see and talk to everyone else.  The food was overpriced but enough of it.  Everyone had a good time, but we were ready to leave before anyone else was. 

We drove back up to my place and the three of us watched a movie on the bed together.  This was quite delicious having the two of them squished against me.  I decided to skip the last part and shower and stuff for the club so we wouldn?t have to rush later.  Of course, instead of using that extra time to get ready?I ended up being pounced!  I can?t recall ever having such delicious attention from two lovely men at the same time.  As great as it was, it was also slightly self-conscious and I WANTED to give them some attention and let things go further.  I jokingly tried to get them naked, sigh, sadly they were too shy and unsure.  Perhaps one day!  In the end, since I knew I wasn?t going to orgasm, we let things simmer down and got dressed.  I wore my cute pink gingham, J wore black leather pants and cuffs and Non-Virgin wore his standard black dress shirt, slacks and shiny shoes.  We got to Orpheus at perfect timing with a few people there.  Once the energy got going, we all had a really good time.  J was absolutely into the music and we had a few hot dances including hair pulls.  Now that I have the lay of the land, we?ll have to see what I can do with him next time.  It was definitely a goth dance club, no play at all.  One of the guys had two floggers on his belt.  Anyone who wants to be taken as a serious player does NOT wear his floggers on his belt.  The Non-Virgin and I had some fun too but his stomach wasn?t feeling too well.  I spent most of the second half of the evening going between the two of them to chill and touch and have fun.  We definitely we return.

We left at about 1 and I was totally ready for more fun.  So I remembered we were close to the Double T and we headed there.  Yes, I totally splurged on some carbs, who can resist the smell of pancakes?  We had a great time chilling at the diner, eating weird foods at 1 am and talking about psychic phenomena (a nice change from J and Non-Virgins affinity for techie stuff and physics, which I can only follow to a certain level).  I love that they have such common ground, and one of the reason I wanted to bring them together was so they could form a friendship with eachother, but most of the time I just let them go on while I zone out on my own.  While we were at the Double T and a guy walked in with a floor length leather jacket with gorgeous buckles all the way down the front and detailing.  My jaw dropped.  I wanted to go over and admire it, but my shyness won out.

So we went home and crashed, J with me, Non-Virgin in the bed in the basement (isn?t he so wonderful for volunteering? He?s a natural for poly).  When I awoke the next morning (11, which was still too early) with J beside me, I was immediately turned on.  I woke him up (mostly) and got him ready too.  We definitely enjoyed some fun there.  We snuggled a bit and then I went down to wake up Non-Virgin.  Then we enjoyed more fun together.  There?s definitely a great part of me that loved being with two separate people not in a threesome so soon together.  I snuggled back in with J and then we all got showered, checked email (a necessity) and then headed out to gaming.  First was a stop to the grocery store for snackage and lunch.  They both got sushi- ew.

We arrived at gaming only a half hour late, WOOHOO!  We started a game that involved creating settlements and gathering resources.  I unfortunately was left to do not much but make a road or two, but the Non Virgin totally cleaned up!  This took a few hours but we decided to go ahead and do a round of Beer Money (the adult version of Lunch Money) afterwards.  We were getting to the end of our energy (specially poor J who had to sit next to a very energetic and slightly overbearing player and J has not learned how to block himself out well yet).  J and I really wanted to hot tub (recreation of our first date), but Non Virgin was a bit shy and so we headed home.  First to the Non Virgins to give J a DVD and then to Js. 

Finally me at home, with some time to chill.  A few days to relax and then it?s fly up to Boston to see my sweetie there.

I have a lot to digest from this weekend.  The mistakes and overlooks that were made, the successes and happiness, the way to manage and how to get things going ahead.  It?s not easy plotting the lives of so many people!  I?m sure I can handle it though.


Another update?  Before we went out, the Owner and I made dinner, a baked brie with raspberry jam, almonds covered in a pastry, and oyster stew.  New Years Eve was pretty awesome, I looked awesome, the crowd was awesome.  For the casino night, the Owner earned money above the table and I earned money under the table (and anywhere else I could crawl and beg from).  New Years watching on a 4 inch mini-tv was surreal (someone didn't think to get the hotel to set up a tv). 

Play- was intense.  I had just started my period and I think that affected things.  I did real needle play for the first time, and still have some marks from the evening.  But it was more of a mental pushing scene than physical.  The Owner said he enjoyed it. 

Woke up late the next morning and got showered and headed up to my place to pack for the rest of the day.  I had wanted to hit the hotel by 2 so as not to miss all the good vending and fun, but I could NOT find my satin gloves anyway (still MIA too) and had to spend a half hour pinning my dress together right.  So by the time I got the Non-Virgin and got there, it was almost 4. 

This turned out not to be a bad thing as the vending consisted only of clothes vendors (and I rarely buy fetish stuff off the rack, not enough variety and prices are way too high).  The movie marathon was empty, as was the public sex room.  So we made ourselves comfy there.  Damn my period!  The Non-Virgin and I were getting comfy as another couple came in.  We enjoyed what we could, a lot of snuggling and he got me off with his hands, which was nice.  Then we left them alone to grab a snack.  We returned to change, me in black and rhinestones, including a traditional wedding bindi which everyone loved but couldn't quite understand that it was just a stick-on thing.

Dinner was very ummmmm disappointing.  The food tasted well enough, but for 25 you expect a nice appetizer dinner and dessert.  We had to pay for drinks and dessert was only strawberry shortcake.  It was nice eating not only with the Owner and his Boston sub, but new friends as well.

Afterwards, the music was annoying and the Non-Virgin wasn't feeling well so we went to the play area to chill.  I tied him down to a bed and started to play with him.  I got him going pretty good with a paddle and flogger.  When I started on the singletail, the Owner came over.  I handed the singletail to him since I figured the Non-Virgin deserved some nice swats instead of my hesitant practice shots.  It turned into the Owner and the Boston sub working the Non-Virgin over VERY WELL!  I had thought I had worked him over well, but apparently it was just a warm up.  The Non Virgin loved it and really didn't want it to stop (so you know we did it right).

Afterwards there was the introduction of everyone, which was nice to watch, but terribly badly timed and really messed up the dancing.  The DJ was hot and cold, I danced some, including once with the Owner.  Then the Non-Virgin wasn't feeling well so we went home early.

The next day J was dropping his family off at the airport so I went and got him.  The three of us went out to lunch at Don Pablos YUM.  Then we went to see Darkness, my first regretful move of 2005.  Then we went to Home Depot and had fun checking stuff out.  I took us back to the Non-Virgins to play some DDR and we watched tv until it was time to take J home. 

When I got there he asked me to stay with him and just hang out awhile.  I was surprised but then realized it was his first time home alone in over a week.  Of course I said yes and we watched some Firefly and then got a little intimate.  I made him feel some better and then said goodnight.

On the day home I talked to Boston and we arranged that I would come and see him NEXT weekend all alone AND see him the next weekend for Arisia.  YAY! 

Since then, mostly blahness.  I think its drop from the intense scene I had with the Owner.  Started south beach again and its been about as expected.  I turned down going to the Black Rose meeting and skipped the BESS meeting this week.  Ive got a fun-filled weekend planned at least- if I can get my head out of darkness.  Maybe it was the movie?


A response to the question: What do you do about jealousy in relationships (poly specific)?

It depends on how much experience everyone has, what the situation is, and what your options are.  Have you read the Ethical Slut?  That can be an immense help atp utting a lot of ideas together in workable ways.

Obviously starting out, TALK TALK TALK.  There is NO TOLERANCE for hiding things, pushing things away, and lying.  If it doesn't catch up to you today, it WILL catch up to you in a month. 

Normally in Ds poly you have two sides- the established relationship and the newcomer.  The newcomer is happy, but worried.  She has a lot of history and establishment she's coming into.  She wants to feel welcomed, but doesn't want to get lost or ganged up on.

The established relationship wants to try a new mix, wants to be happy with new people, but is going to have to relearn how to work while maintaining the solidarity that you had before.  This isn't just adding a side of fries to your meal, it's adding a new person to your life.  There might also be pressure from other "friends" that this new person is obviously just trying to break you up.

This boils down to being totally honest.  What type of poly do you want, a family? friend? lover? will you both be able to have independent relationships?  What will you do when someone goes out of town? what about sex? What needs to be kept "special"?

Some of these answers you should have a fairly good grasp of before you go out looking and others will simply come in time and experience.  Your answers might also change over time.

What does this have to do with jealousy?  70-80% of all jealousy comes from not knowing and not being secure in the relationship you have.  This is eliminated by clear communication, clear intent and clear expectations.

Next- EXPECT jealousy.  EXPECT that your strong world will sometimes fall apart and you will feel lonely, rejected and as if something else is taking it away from you.  Once you realize that it's GOING to happen, you can stop wasting time geeling guilty about experiencing it.  Communicate it of course, but remember that (given that everyone is being a mature adult) everyone is working towards a fulfilling relationship for everyone. 

Sort out priorities.  Poly relationships are ALL about deciding what is priority, when and how.  The better your sort them out, the more you can understand how everyone else has to sort them out, but the better you can deal with an immediate situation.  Take the time to figure out your jealousy at the moment, and then figure how it fits into the long term picture- tomorrow? next week?  a year?  Sometimes it's best to just let it go.  Sometimes its best to talk it out (you talk a LOT in the beginning and then you keep talking a LOT throughout).

Remember that everyone in their own way is dealing with the same issues you are- trying to work together.  We all have lives, we all have our sensitivies, our losses, our responses, our illusions, our condemnation, our celebrations and more.  Fitting them together into a whole is never smooth.  But, if it is truly how everyone will feel fulfilled, and if it is a good balance between everyone, it can work, and work very happily.

Goodness, it being the end of the year and all I guess I should make some sort of posting.
Christmas was very nice.  Turns out my special gift was what I get every year- PJs on Christmas eve.  When my mom told me she had NOT gotten the velvet chemise and robe I had requested as it was ?too trashy? I was somewhat concerned.  But she did great in getting me a long red satin robe instead! 

Family was very nice as well, it was an extended weekend of family time really, including with the Virgin?s family.  All went very well with AMAZINGLY tons of food, including lamb, venison, ham, turkey, mashed potatoes, potato pancakes, potatoes with green beans, au gratin potatoes, rice and beans, cheese and crackers, crab dip, asparagus, cheesy veggies, rum yule log cake with chocolate ganache, pumpkin pie, apple pie, blueberry pie, and MORE.

My cousin adored her dress and it fit perfectly thank goodness and I got a ton of Borders gift cards which all went to the rest of the Anita Blake vampire hunter novels.

Oh, and the Virgin is now the Non-Virgin.  Merry Christmas.

Work was very dull all week and I was in a slump early on.  Then of course the Owner and I had some yucky issues.  Nothing serious but it?s always sucky when there?s misunderstandings and anger.  More importantly, I wanted things to get patched up before our New Years event!  It?s the first time we?ve been out to an event just him and I in a VERY long time.  But, we did, and had a great time going to two strip clubs in the middle of the week.

Tonight is the big casino/play party with just the Owner and I.  He plans a harsh scene which I am both very scared of and deeply anticipating.  Tomorrow his Boston sub comes down and there?s a full day of fun followed by a catered dinner and formal dance and play party with all of us together.  I am still debating wearing the green formal gown I bought especially for this event, but did not have the extra to get tailored like it needs.  It will depend on how easily and nicely I can take it in with pins on the side myself.

Oh goodness, new year.  Some people are thrilled, some people are depressed.  I?m fairly neutral about it becoming 2005.  I?m happy.


With my weekend update interrupted, it's hard to remember what to share here.  I purposefully took more time to chill for myself this week, after just TOO many weeks and weekends with no alone time.  This turning into a social butterfly thing definitely has it's downside.
Wednesday was the BESS holiday social.  I was naked in my room when the Virgin came over to get me.  I don't think he quite gets how comfy I really am in that way.  But hey, MOST people aren't as comfy as I am, and he's very new in general.  Virgin and I kicked ass on the word puzzles.  We didn't get a great seat for meeting new people, but it was cozy.  The food was not yummy, but atmosphere was fun.
Friday was the holiday party at work.  Despite drama up to the very end, it went off fabulously.  The decorations were beautiful and more people brought gifts than had dared to hope for.  I still don't get people who DONT get a gift for the office holiday party.  You'd think professional etiquette alone would get them involved.  Oh well.  The real travesty was only about 4 people eating a chocolate mousse that we had ordered for 60.  So I ended up taking that, with 2 bottles of sparkling cider, over to the Virgins family.
We were going to go out to a club that night, but my feet were very tired after wearing my spike-heel boots all day and his friends had all cancelled, so we chilled instead.  I had noticed BR was having their Crucible party this week and had convinced J to come out for his first time with me and was taking the Virgin too.  It would not only be a lot of fun but give the Virgin more experience (and myself) in dealing with situations like that.
I had lunch with the grandmother, sister and nephews Sat afternoon.  Her present to me this year was Victoria's Secret lotion- a HUGE step up from the seal nightshirt and plush toy from 3 years ago.  I ended up having the afternoon with nothing to do so went to Laurel Mall and was able to get some very good shopping done for presents.
Then I went down to J's and snuggled with him.  Got him to lace me into the corset- it really is just a cheap fashion one with plastic boning.  I've been wearing it too much lately and it's stretching out again so not quite as attractive.  But it always shows my breasts off nicely, it's green and it would be festive with my red satin purse.  Once we were dressed I took us to Longhorn for some yummy food.  I had called ahead and there was NO wait on a Sat night before Christmas, beat that!  J said that the chicken tenders were the tenderest he's ever had and he agreed with me that the brandied apples were delish.  Unfortunately he left his leftovers in my car.
Then we were off to pick up the Virgin who was not feeling well at all, getting overly anxious and just worried.  But he seemed ok and warm and we drove to the Crucible singing the soundtrack from Chicago. 
The club had a fairly good crowd to it, unfortunately not many youngsters or people I knew.  I hate mingling and the BR crowd tends to knot itself into its own groups.  So we just hung out by ourselves.  We then got into some very very intense play which started at the stools, went down to the cross beam, then back up to the couches.  I won't go into details as they are very personal and not really things you can write down and be comprehensible anyway.  But we did have a great time.
I drove J home and then drove the Virgin home.  I had lunch planned with Mom the next day and then saw Lemony Snicket with the Virgin.  It was snowing hard when we got out of the theater so we drove to his place, had a quick dinner and then I drove home.
This week?  Very calm so far.  Get out of here in 2 hours.  Tomorrow off.  Christmas with family is Sat.  It will be an interesting one without Susan this year.  There will be some surprises and, despite my not needing anything except money, I would like to get one very special gift.  I don't know what it is, but it would be nice. 
So to everyone, I hope you somehow managed to get yourself into some nice spirits for the end of the year festivities. 

So last weekend ended up being everything it promised plus more.  Fabulous connections at Friday party, naked hot-tubbing, public sex. Mmmm.
I am increasingly fascinated with the way bdsmers treat sexual activity.  Youd think they were all vanilla people when it comes to sex, they just go flogging instead of mountain biking.  I find it amusing, bemusing, sometimes irritating, but mostly just enjoy the thrill I get of walking over that invisible line, absolutely grinning and saying come in! the water’s fine! and watching their surprised, sometimes envious and sometimes uncomfortable looks.  Plus hey, it feels good when it’s with a great partner.  Partly I am sure it is because I am an exhibitionist and partly because I LOVE sex.  For bdsmers who aren’t either of those, I can see why public sex and bdsm together isn’t that big of a deal or desire.  For me however, it’s the ultimate mixing.  It’s how I feed, it’s how I develop, it’s how I connect in an intense way in a short period.  The more of if I can do, the better.

Beyond that, spending time with the Virgin was a delight as he gave me a romantic date in
Annapolis.  And of course Sunday was fun with the Owner, very very hot new things.  However, the best part was finding this out of the way, greasy spoon seafood place at 9 pm
on Sunday to get dinner.  ‘His kind of place’ as I would call it.

I had *thought* this week would be easy and calm.  On Monday, I quickly realized how wrong I was.  I had promised my sister to babysit the nephews that night (who were tons of fun and enjoyed putting their new vibrating toothbrushes ALL over eachother).  The little one asking to have it put on his butt was priceless.  Then Tuesday I had dinner with someone new just to talk and get to know eachother as friends and some business.  Also saw Bridget Jones Edge of Reason, which was VERY funny.  Wednesday I had planned a date with the Virgin.  Thursday was originally going to be the HIPS fundraiser with the Owner, but HIS week had been truly yucky and he called it off (which would have been cool except I’d already bought the tickets) so ended up spending it with the Virgin again.  Friday began another full weekend.

Some interesting insights as well.  The Virgin has been quite stressed lately with end of semester, grad school applications and the like.  With my own hectic schedule, I was finding it difficult to maintain my own sense of balance and be able to help him.  In trying to work things through, I happened upon some good intuitions.  I realized that he probably just needed some structure and focus to help make him feel accomplished as well as to reassure him that I was going to be a stable force in his life and help him.  It was a difficult balance for me, deciding how to be stern and forceful, without reinforcing his ideas of abandonment.  In the end I was cool and distant to set the tone.  On the way to see me, he called and I knew that he had already been working on his attitude and was making good progress.  This was very lucky for him as his evening would have been MUCH more difficult if I had not seen that.  I put him through his paces while alternately cuddling, talking and just relaxing with him.  I think everything was well accomplished and we both ended up feeling more secure and progressed in the relationship.

This past weekend?  A birthday dinner and present for a friend (I was the present, yet I took something away from her).  Saturday was A Christmas Carol with the family, which was fun if not the best version I’ve seen done.  My sister also managed to irritate me as usual.  Then a free concert with the Virgin at Nations.  I’d only heard Crossfade a little but I liked them, and it was free tickets.  I wore my green corset with my red satin purse.  It was much fun, especially when, during the interlude between bands, one of the radio guys came up to the mic and pointed me out on the second level to everyone there and said he would come up to put his cup between my breasts (which he later did!)  Exhibitionist bliss!!  The Virgin and I heavily made out and attracted a drunken 30something female who decided I was the best thing to happen to her all year.  She kissed me, licked my nipples, went up between my skirt.  I personally don’t find drunkenness attractive and was grateful to at least wear pantyhose (winter!) to keep her fingers from going further.  She did everything with a very challenging look on her face and I just smiled sweetly and pretty much let her go- she wasn’t doing anything all that great.  The Virgin was somewhat shocked and I had to do some quick reassurance to him.  In the end, a fabulous night together.  Sunday I was originally going to gaming again, but the Owner had changed plans to have me there the whole day.  The Virgin went on his own, which I was very proud of, though missed it myself.  Next month- gaming AND hot tub!  The Owner and I had a good time, but pretty lazy.  Other than the initial debauchery, we sat around reading, and he took me to a fabulous Japanese steakhouse.  He’s also gotten me hooked onto his book on tape about the Illuminati taking over the
Vatican.  I’m going to have to take it and listen to it.

And here we are.  The office holiday party is shaping up very very well and I anticipate it to be a grand success all around, catering, linens, glassware and decorations are all bought and ready.  I do NOT have any weekend plans and DO plan for it to stay as such.  Social butterflies need cocooning!  Next week I will do my shopping, insane to do it at last minute, but it just worked out that way.  I also plan on taking some good quality time to spend with Boston as we definitely need it.  GAHH too long till Arisia!

OK I figured I should write a new update in here not
only because I've been too stressed and depressed and
busy to write, but I certainly won't have time to rest
and write one over the weekend like I usually do.

So yeah, life.  I'm not so stressed about life stuff
like bills and car and all, but I am more stressed
about work and planning parties and christmas.  It's
the first christmas without Susan and she always was
our "center piece" for the holidays.  Thank god the
Owner will be around to be close to.

Lost power Wednesday due to the winds.  Luckily the
Virgin and I went to the BESS meeting on waxing.  He
is so much more comfortable with PDA's and close
touching in public than I am.  Plus, I don't want to
give a perception of "hands-off" to new people.  But I
admit I find it adoring and very enjoyable when he
touches me.  We both found it amusing when Joansie
said that waxing was the best scene for a first time,
as that was the first public scene I had given to
Virgin (somewhat for that reason).  Later that evening
I snapped at the Virgin for annoying me.  God I felt
so bad losing my temper with him and he went
immediately from happy/teasing to stonecold/inward
drawing.  Times like that I think I just don't have
the temperament to be more than a service top.  I did
apologize for yelling and things are fine of course,
but it gives you food for thought.  It takes a LOT of
patience to be a good dom.

Have been worried about Boston.  The distance is
tough, and I struggle to make time to talk to him.  
I know he understands life happens, but I can't help
worrying that my new relationship is causing undue
stress on him and somehow taking away from what we
have.  Not true, but feelings aren't always rational.
Monday, BEFORE the horrible migraine and vomiting, I
had Virgin nice and tied up and was jerking him off
while I talked on the phone with Boston.  I liked the
kink of it, but I feel like I'm not focused as I
should be with Boston.  I will have to see where this
goes and work on scheduling time better.  Things will
also be different next semester when Virgins schedule
becomes very very hectic.

Thursday was a mix of stuff (as they always are with
planning things with the Owner).  I had planned a date
with someone else from collarme, but he waited till
the last minute to get me info and the Owner had
already claimed the night.  I think he was partly
relieved due to his own schedule.  Actually, I was
pretty annoyed and depressed and stressed on Thur and
considered asking to stay home instead of seeing the
Owner (Horrors!).  But once I showered and ate and
calmed down some, I was much better.  It was still
hard at times being at the house, I wish so much to be
a part of his daily life.  The little things mean so
much and there's a fullness that you can't get just in
the dates in between.  I worry that this is how our
relationship will always be, that I'll never be "on
the inside."  And yet, since he is my primary, I'll
never have someone on MY inside.  So where does that
leave me?

Sigh, nonetheless, I was proud of myself for
controlling my emotions to be able to have a pretty
good evening.  I've been invited to housesit for them
the whole week while the Owner and his primary are off
on travels.  I've SO been wanting the opportunity.

Now?  Once I scoot out of work, I visit some with the
Virgin (not as much as he wants unfortunately).  Then
I drive down to pick up T, the male half of a couple I
met at BR, to go to a private all-night party.  Sat I
have plans to go to the Firefly munch with my missed
collarme date and will probably get to know a male sub
who's been trying to charm me for awhile.  Sat night
will be catch-up time with the Virgin and chill time
for me.  Sunday- the Owner has very special plans for
me.  Let's just say..."woof!"

Oh, and maybe I should try to eat and sleep somewhere in there.

Hmm Thanksgiving was nice.  I want to spend the Holidays in another country some year, just to get a breath from the American rules and really feel how others do it.  We take for granted that Thanksgiving is what it is, and yet it is a uniquely "American" day.

To all the people who have written me and I have not responded to- sorry for the delinquency, I'd probably be interested in writing, but so few of you seem to realize I'm owned.

Languishing in having a fabulous kinky wardrobe and going nuts with the stuff I've procrastinated on and feeling pressure of financial responsibility.  Ah being 24...

One pair of black heels with gorgeous rhinestones at the toe
One pair of white pvc heels with two straps around the ankles
One pair of knee high leather boots with leather straps crisscrossing the front
and one red satin purse with ribbon crisscrossing the front of it

Under $70 total!!!

Plus I wont the gown I bid for on ebay!
OK so after the Spongebob/mall issue with my sister, I was able to crash in bed.  I'd stayed up late with the Virgin at his family's place on Friday and had not gotten much sleep.  I also started my period which explained feeling yucky and tired.  Well that, and one of my consultants at work dumping tons on me before she left to go on her vacation.

But I did get some rest and felt better before the Virgin came over with yummy junk food.  I showered and dressed for the party that night, a simple burgundy velvet chemise with the black satin gloves.  The Owner had not been feeling well with a tooth but definitely wanted to come so we drove to get him and then drove to Baltimore.   I hadn't been to the club in 5 years, but it was even better than last I'd seen it.

We socialized some and then I got some tutelage in singletails.  I really suck at it right now.  I need to just get one and let myself work on it alone.  Then the Owner got both the Virgin and I into a scene.  I honestly can't recall much of it other than to say it was intense, painful, involved a lot of joyous emotional release and connection on my part, and the Virgin's physical high of endorphins in his first public scene.

The Owner was crashing unfortunately so we made our way out.  The Virgin and I went to my place and took a shower together, feeling very yummy and intimate on both ends.  It was good to end the night together.

We awoke in the morning and cuddled more and he decided to come with me to the gaming social.  We played games with the group all afternoon and night, which was very cool and I held my own against a group of guys playing war games.

Tomorrow unfortunately is return to hell at work.  But, no distractions anymore and soon to be over due to Thanksgiving, which I will be spending with the Virgin.
When will I learn the universals about going out with my sister (biological)?

1)  Everything will take twice as long as it reasonably does

2)  Everything is a ploy to get free babysitting

3)  It's always time for her to start asking for things from me when we've hit the "time to go home" point

4)  My cell phone is her cell phone, even if we're only 10 minutes from getting home and there's no specific reason she has to call anyone

Short email in response to a long mass email

Trust me, it's a better impression to write a short, sincere "show that you really read the persons info" email rather than a mass anonymous "your profile shows up poly slave in the search engine" thing.



PS- never use submission and gift in the same sentence

added tip: never put "if you're interested, email me back" because they won't

Instead, ask a sincere question about them, their interests, something you havei n common, etc.  Start a dialogue.
Black Rose

I half-awoke blearily in the morning to Virgin moving
around.  I said that he wasn?t allowed to leave unless
he had class and things to do.  Originally I wasn?t
going to allow him to spend the night Sunday, as I had
promised Boston we would have the whole day to
ourselves.  But then I realized it wasn?t fair to the
Virgin to make him leave early and he tends to wake up
early anyway (a useful tool for getting breakfast in
bed).  I woke up to him saying goodbye a little later,
gave him a big kiss and said farewell. 

Later I woke up with Boston, who tried to surprise me
with sex but I heard him rustling around and was
half-up.  We were both just too worn out for another
really intense session, so instead we just nicely
enjoyed eachother, and I got him off with my mouth. 

Unfortunately then we had to pack to leave.  I had
gotten the main stuff together the day before, but all
the little things had to come up.  Plus we had to
decide which snacks to take with us and which to leave
behind.  When it was time, I put stuff in the car and
checked us out.  As usual, I was beginning to feel
let-down but Boston compensated and wouldn?t let me be

I took him to my favorite Mexican chain place- Don
Pablo?s not only because I really like their food, but
it gets us very close to the airport.  We enjoyed a
delicious lunch together discussing different people
and ideas and Boston said he wanted to enjoy some time
in the park.  We were close to Centennial but I wasn?t
totally certain how to get there so I called mom and
she gave me directions.  We drove up and walked around
the lake a bit- it was very brisk and windy, but not
biting cold.  It was nice to be quiet and walk
together for awhile. 

Boston started getting antsy about his time though so
we got in the car and I drove us to the airport.  We
had some time so we hung out on the observation deck
while I gave him a nice neck massage until it was
finally time to say goodbye.  We kissed at the
security check, shortly after which the desk person
told me I had to stand back, though I had wanted to
watch Boston as long as possible.

Walking back to the car, Virgin called and we did some
catching up.  Due to his exams I wouldn?t be seeing
him again until the weekend.  I was pretty tired by
the time I got home, but I knew better than to let
myself sleep then.  I did my big email catch-up,
tossed everything on the bed, and then grabbed some
quick fast-food for dinner along with Mean Girls to
watch to entertain me and keep me from being

The Owner had said earlier he would call in the
evening, but hadn?t by the time the movie was over so
I went online and ?reminded him? and he called for a
few.  But he was online distracted AND decided to push
my emotional buttons.  I had managed not to cry all
day until then, which pissed me off since I HAD been
doing so well, and knowing he had done it to me
intentionally.  But that?s part of why I am with him
and I was fine by the time I finally crashed.  The
weekend had ended.

Black Rose

I awoke still horny and wanting to top, I got the rope
from the night before and did some good bondage on
Boston, who thoroughly enjoyed it.  Some scratching,
biting and more incredibly hot sex.  Virgin once again
got up and out before we were done.

Boston and I took our time getting ready, I grabbed
breakfast for us both to eat in the room.  I wanted to
get to the singletailing class to learn some stuff and
he was showering when I left.  I had to decide between
femcars class on gender and Lolita’s class on CBT, so
I went with CBT.  The singletailing class was
informative and I tried to focus on technique, but was
ultimately grateful not to have to show how
pathetically novice I am with the singletail. 

The CBT class was hysterical and gave me lots of yummy
ideas to try later (not that I will share them here).
The model was lots of fun and despite some of the
overbearing female doms in the room, I left in high

I decided to go back to the room to nap or hang out
for a bit and the Virgin was there, after enjoying his
bondage classes.  We both tried the singletail to
practice, he could crack it easily, but lacked aim.  I
eventually could crack it some (like an orgasm, you
have to do it before you can know how to do it) but
lost the knack.  The Owner arrived shortly after and
decided to show us REAL singletailing on me and I
ended up with a few nasty spots.

It was getting towards the evening and we decided to
hang out downstairs some to check out vending and
socialize.  It was VERY interesting being with all of
us together at once- I saw more than a few double
looks.  I got to say hi to Dr. Dan again and simply
enjoy having Boston on one arm, the Owner on the other
and hang out.  The Owner decided to have his shoes
shined and we chatted with the delightful bootblack
girl there and then went to dinner.

Dinner was wonderful mostly in that we were all
together, everyone was comfortable and happy.  In some
ways that was the best time of the whole weekend for
me, no stress, no worry, everyone just laughing and
being themselves.  The weekend wasn’t QUITE over yet
and we could just roll with the food.

Returning to the hotel, we changed for play.  I had a
chain mail chemise with crystal drops and some nice
bindi’s to wear, which I thought would be an
interesting mix but actually caused a much greater
positive reaction than anticipated. 

Amazingly we found the couple from the night before
RIGHT after the Owner left.  I told Virgin to run and
get him and we all ended up cuddled and talking for
awhile again, which I know made the Owner very
relieved to be able to tie up some loose ends.  I do
hope we all keep in contact.

First on the agenda was the scene with E. that Boston
and I had been trying to plan all weekend.  She was a
bit late so we set up Virgin by the door to tease him
some before she came.  Once she arrived we negotiated
and set up shop by the leather bondage table- my first
public scene as a top! 

It was pretty awesome, we teased her and stroked her,
stripped her, tied her down tightly to the bed and
then used clamps and more teasing.  She was a rather
good kisser and Boston loved being able to get her
off.  E specifically requested fisting and after a
scrabble for some lube, I got to enjoy my second
fisting experience and it was totally hot being on top
of the table with her and watching Boston tease her to

We hung out for awhile after that, but I could tell
Virgin was getting highly antsy for his long awaited
waxing so I took my leave of them and set him up on
the table.  He actually got totally naked which took
some courage, but only wanted his back waxed.  I oiled
him up nicely, got the candles lit and, after a bit of
sweet soft talking, began the application.

Of course, getting over the feeling that the other
waxing gurus weren’t looking at every move I made and
thinking what a rank amateur I was wasn’t terribly
easy, but I had been waxed and done waxing enough to
at least know how to do a good job at it.  I coated
Virgins back nicely, keeping drips under control and I
knew he thoroughly enjoyed it (HIS first public scene
as a bottom).  Afterwards I kept him close to me and
tried to keep him happy.  I’m not sure how his mood
was exactly.

Sitting around afterwards, Boston was increasingly
bottom feeling and so was rubbing my feet when we came
to the decision that he should change into his leather
shorts.  As soon as he left, W, a somewhat friend of
Bostons and someone I knew from private parties we had
both attended immediately came up with a paddle and
told me to stand up and bend over.  Now, anyone who
knows me, knows I am up for grabs (literally),
especially if you have hot chicks which might be able
to be with my Owner.  However, it so rarely actually
occurs that it’s a very curious experience when
someone takes the opportunity.

He smacked me with it medium hard and asked how that
was.  I told him I could probably do 5-10.  He whacked
me a few times, and I was feeling it pretty hard by
the end.  He stopped and said sorry, that was neither
5 nor 10 but 11 and would have to start over.  He hit
me more, I was definitely crying by the end, but
stopped after 5.  This was the point I was pissed
about- not that I couldn’t take it, not that I
wouldn’t have taken it, but his presumption to give
it.  Very interesting feelings to work out.

After that he fondled me, pinched me, bit me, some,
watching me.  I did my best to show gratitude and
pleasure while also being clear the pain it caused.
He said he looked forward to getting to know me more,
and I replied the same.  Then he wandered off.

I took a few breaths and took the Virgin over to the
couches.  I was talking with him and making sure he
was ok with me going to do another scene, he assured
me he was but I was not certain if he was brooding.  I
decided to seek out Dr. Dan who I had seen during the
waxing but after three turns of the dungeon, he was
not around.  At this point I run into D, a male sub I
had emailed with a bit before BR and had flirted
casually with all weekend.  He was up to play and
wanted to know if I would do stuff with him.  We
negotiated a scene and decided to meet back after
getting our stuff.

At THIS moment, Dr. Dan appears.  I apologize for the
bad timing but he seemed ok.  At this point Boston
returns looking very yummy in his leather pants, and I
explain my plans.  Virgin decides to go back to the
room, I worry over this but realize it’s best to just
kiss him and leave him on his way.

I start the scene with D.  He had said he would be up
for pain if built up, but every time I started to go
there he would cry off.  So I settled for bondage and
some general humiliation, as well as teasing and
getting Boston up there to thrust his crotch into D’s
mouth.  It was hot to watch and I wish there had not
been restrictions so we could do more, but alas.  As
well, I wasn’t sure I was really reaching D and
putting him where I wanted, so eventually I just
stopped and ended the scene normally.

Boston was ready to roll but I was on my way down.  We
snuggled a bit in the quiet area, and then decided to
wander.  He got caught up with a few people about to
do a scene, but I said I would just watch and went to
see what else was going on as they prepared.  The poly
couple was doing a tickle torture scene and they
invited me to join.  I couldn’t resist so I did some
nice tickling and torturing for a few minutes and then
moved on.  I returned to Boston, whose group was STILL
getting prepared.  I told him I thought it would be
best to just move on and he agreed.

We wandered around- he greatly enjoyed watching
femcars scene but was worried about pulling energy
from them.  I thought it was an unfounded worry, with
the type of scene and women involved, but we moved on.
After a few turns, we decided to head back.

I was incredibly horny at this point, but very wound
up.  It took a LONG time and a LOT of effort for me to
finally get off, and it was absolutely amazing when I
finally did.  I didn’t wear myself out, but I did wear
myself to the point of being able to sleep.
Black Rose 2004

In the morning Boston awoke to an intensly toppy mood
which led to some delicious fucking.  Virgin was a bit
uncomfortable and got himself going after we started.
I was a bit concerned, but it was his choice and I
wasn’t going to stop enjoying Boston.

I knew the Owner wasn’t expected until late morning so
I confirmed my morning schedule and went on.  Luckily
I happened upon the Virgin on my way to class and was
able to give him a bit of attention.  I knew he’d
enjoy his bondage classes.  It was early enough to get
to CVS to pick up a few things, cough drops for his
sore throat and nail clippers as I’d already torn two
of my nails, as well as get the rest of the goodies
out of my car for the weekend, since I hadn’t picked
up Boston at the airport as originally planned.

My first class was Humiliation for the Dominant Woman.
It was hysterical as Princess Kali made all the males
leave the class.  What was best was when the male doms
took their female subs with them!  Such insecure
men…It was a fabulous course overall with some good
technique and idea exchanges.  One woman was upset
about the idea of doing anything in public.  I
personally don’t see why people don’t understand the
difference between doing things in public and invading
people’s space.  Most people really don’t care.  Well
I won’t share my favorite idea of the class, just to
say that I employed it later in the weekend.

After that was a class on Coming Out to your kids.  I
liked seeing and hearing the various coming out
stories, but it turned into a very tiring common sense
parenting course on sex talk.  I know I didn’t really
feel enlightened about how to talk to kids or parents
about the process. 

I decided to take my afternoon break at that point
instead of the next class.  Perfect timing as it
turned out!  Boston popped in with lunch and we ate at
the social area.  D and G were there, I patently
ignored them.  It was such a nice feeling, so casual
with Boston, eating and talking about the day.  I
needed to get a few things and wanted to check in with
the Owner.  Slight disappointment there- he was only
just getting ready to go and would be going to lunch
with an ex-sub of his first.  Sigh.  Even more
troubling was news from Virgin- he had been feeling
very yucky and went to the doctor to get his throat
checked out.  Shortly after however, they saw it
wasn’t a big problem and he returned. 

Boston and I wandered through the vending, he
introduced me to all of his Boston buds who were
there.  When Virgin arrived, we all decided to go to
the BDSM social games class together since it sounded
interesting and Dr. Dan’s class was right next to it
afterwards and I was hoping to get in touch with him.
I had seen him briefly the night before in his tux
with red vest and tie and he looked HOT.
Unfortunately, he was late to his class and we got no
chance to talk.

That class was interesting, unfortunately I started to
drop right then- literally my head was dropping.  I
knew I needed to get some rest.  Of course, the Owner
showed up then and I HAD to hang out with him, so he
pulled me through vending again.  He bought a truly
vicious toy he was going to use on the guy he had a
play date with that evening.  One nice point was when
he showed it to me and asked if I was looking forward
to him using it on me.  I paused to think for a moment
and said quietly that I looked forward to pleasing
him.  I hadn’t thought anyone was around to hear it,
but then the lady at the booth turned around and said
“That was a very honest answer” which surprised me and
made me blush.

I told the Owner how exhausted I was and after a quick
run through we went to the room.  Of course, I had to
get him off so I could sleep well.  Virgin was with us
but sleeping in the other bed.  I managed a half hour
catnap before Boston came back.  I could have slept
another half hour but I didn’t want Boston to be
wandering about alone.  We all got up, and the Owner
decided he would hang in the social area while we went
for actual food.  We got the crappy Chinese across the
street and were able to relax.  The Virgin finally
opened up and started discussing with Boston- to the
point of me zoning out on all the physics talk.

When we arrived to the room it was time to start
getting ready for the meet and greet.  Also, I had
invited a couple into the room to discuss poly more
intimately and they would be expected soon.  Then they
did arrive.  We got into some normal discussions,
worries about jealousy, intimacy, distance.  And then
something happened- the Owner broke through to the
woman and she had an absolute breakthrough/breakdown
about who she was and her identity.

On the one hand I was horrified- I had expected a
normal interesting poly chat and this was turning into
a total therapy session.  On the other hand I was in
awe of the Owner who took it totally into his hands
and turned it into a couples therapy session right
there, so loving and understanding of her situation. 

Boston had changed into his kitty persona now and was
helpful.  Unfortunately, the Owner did have a playdate
to get to and we had to wrap things up, but with
contact info and more for the evening.

Thus our party departed.  Me in my pink little girl
costume, the Virgin in normal teen gear with a French
braid, the kitty and the Owner.  Everyone loved the
kitty and I had a few surprises for him, such as a
water bowl to drink and eat from.  I had the chance to
introduce everyone to D and G, which was good just to
get over with.  We went through the auction and just
spent some time chatting and seeing who was there.

Eventually it was time to play in the dungeon.  I had
made unfortunate plans with one couple at midnight.
Until then, there was much to enjoy.  Boston and I had
made plans to play with a very cute girl and prowled
around the dungeon (Boston literally prowled) for her.
However, she was nowhere to be found and we decided
to change before the rest of the fun- Boston into his
hot black leather and me into my green satin. 

The Owner was doing a very intense scene with an old
friend of his, and had said he would do a pain scene
with Virgin later on.  I watched with him and then
left the Virgin there- who was put to good use holding
down the frame.  Boston and I went off to find our own
place to play.  It was very loud and crowded at that
point but we managed to find a nice X frame, not very
well grounded.

It was a very intense scene, with singletails and
vibrators and other sensations.  I had been feeling so
many energies all at once, what with D&G and the
Virgin and being tired and EVERYTHING- and somehow
Boston managed to tap and conduit it all through into
our scene- I spaced hard at the end of the scene.  In
fact, I surprised and concerned Boston a bit who had
not seen me like that (as I don’t tend to go into deep
subspace very often).  I don’t remember much of that
time except that I was happy and wanted to stay there and be happy- walked around some, ended up on the quiet
mattress area, the Owner decided after his first scene
he was tired…Boston just led me up to the room.

I was pretty horny by then and we got into a deep hard
sex session.  The Virgin came up to the room and after
I was coming back down to earth we decided to get some
snacks and maybe do wax play on the Virgin.
Unfortunately, it was JUST after midnight at that
time, I was blowing off my playdate.  At that point of
course I didn’t really much care- I was happy-go-lucky
and still not altogether there.  Later on I did feel
bad about it, but not TOO bad.

Down at the snacks we ran into Dr. Dan who saved a
table for us.  It was a bit awkward for me going from
hot sex with Boston straight into flirting and
fondling Dr. Dan.  Not that I felt weird doing it in
front of Boston, more that I still felt the energy
connection with Boston and didn’t want to let that go.
But we just snacked a bit and promised to try and
hook up later.

Down in the wax area Waxman and Colin were taking up
two of the three tables consistently, and another
couple was at the third table.  I had met Colin 3
years before in the BR I was caged up in and he had
promised to wax me then but got busy, apparently his
fetish had not waned.  Eventually a table was freed
but there was confusion over who was going to use what
table and we finally just said forget it and went back
in the room.

I didn’t want to disappoint the Virgin though, who had
now been promised two scenes and both had fallen
through.  I was feeling buzzed from my scene earlier
so I did some nice bondage, used the whartenburg on
him a bunch, some ice as well as tested a bit of
spanking- which he responded VERY well too.  Figures I
hook up with a masochist.

I took a shower leaving him tied and left his wrist
ties on for the evening.  I would have been up to
playing with Boston again but he was tired and we went
to bed. 
Black Rose 2004


I had not had a good night?s sleep in a few days.
Compounded by worries of having to move suddenly and
the actual work of moving, followed by increasing
anxiety over Black Rose, coordinating the poly social-
well my body just didn?t think it was time to rest.  I
did manage a good 6 hours before I finally got up and
chatted with the Owner for a bit.  I started to feel
tired again, after I gave myself an orgasm I was able
to nod off for another hour or so and then gave up the
battle- I was up.

I showered and packed.  I didn?t have nearly as much
actual clothing and such to pack as I had thought.  In
the end, I was ready to head out the door at 11:30, a
full 3 hours early.  I stretched my time as much as I
could.  I went to Wal-Mart, bought film, slippers,
snacks, wandered.  Went to the other stores in the
strip mall, each step just a bit more anxiety filled.
I finally relented shortly after 1 pm.

All was well until 2 miles before my exit on 95- then
heavy slow traffic.  I was grateful for my early
timing then as it would only have gotten worse.  I did
make it to the hotel- already the smokers in leather
were heralding hello?s at the entrance.  Got my
parking space and tugged out my green suitcase to
check-in.  On the way I made my first greeting for the
weekend- D & G.  The first thing I noticed was
G?s hair was peroxide white and awful looking.
These were two people I had hoped would not be
appearing, but such is life. We made our pleasant
false hello?s and I actually invited them to the poly
social, knowing full well they would never attend. 

Inside, many people milling around.  I got my way
through the hotel quickly and to the room.  Quickly I
shoved my clothes and personal stuff for the weekend
and then had my first prick of the ?no cell phone?
usage policy when I noticed my Virgin boy had been
trying to call.  He was on his way down and checked to
make sure he had everything. 

First hurdle- get hospitality key.  This was not a bad
event and only took a few minutes.  Once we were in
and saw the space, we got the food and supplies.  This
took some time but not as long as I had expected.  On
the way getting stuff, V, one of the people I had
hoped to run into this weekend tried to contact me
(Damn cell phone rule!) and we found her making a
message on the door.  She followed us up and helped
set up the initial food.

Virgin was doing rather well, although he had refused
the collar I chose for him as it was ?too effeminate.?
It was silver leather with clear rhinestones?an
absolute ?me? collar.  I would consider effeminate to
be pink or some such, but I wasn?t going to add to his
considerable anxiety and let him go.  Looking back I
should have spent more time at this point settling him
down, tying him up or something and laying down
expectations.  At the time I was too frazzled to do

My Boston partner unfortunately was facing
difficulties as his flight was delayed.  It was the
time when I was supposed to head to the airport to
pick him up but his flight had not left yet.
Ordinarily this would be fine, however, I absolutely
had to attend my social and would not be able to pick
him up at that time.  Virgin and I went to the fast
food places to pick up the hot foods while I conversed
with Boston and the Owner through the phone on what to
do.  Virgin was tagged as the transportation, but he
was obviously NOT happy with it and I honestly wanted
him around to help at the social.  In the end we
decided Boston would just get a shuttle down to the
hotel.  Mini-crisis averted.

Arriving back- the suite key no longer worked.  I was
reaching high stress at this point and this is when
the Owner arrived.  I returned to the desk to get a
new key.  Someone asked about the food I carried and
made mention that it would be cold in a few hours when
the social started. 

Yes- how inconsiderate of me not to pay for hot

But things settled into a few moments of peace.  The
Owner said I was in a trance state, which would make
sense considering the lack of sleep, food, high
anxiety and focus I was maintaining at that point.
After a few bites to eat- people began to arrive.

And did they arrive!  I had thought the space would be
very adequate for the crowd we were expecting.  45
minutes into the social it was hot, packed to the
gills, we were running out of soda and the noise level
was tremendous.  On the one hand, it was amazing to
see all these poly people together and mixing.  On the
other, we needed drinks!  Virgin had kept to the
background when people arrived and ran off once things
got very crowded so I had no helper.  I was on my way
out when I ran into someone on the BR staff who
offered soda for me.  This definitely made things
tolerable and we actually managed to keep things

I wish I had more time to actually talk.  The most I
managed was a few questions and smiles to some people,
to sit at the Owners side keeping a hawk?s eye on
everyone else in between actual greetings and ice
getting.  The Owner managed to gather some elite
interesting people I would have been enthralled with
if I had not been running around like crazy.

Once the drink emergency was averted, I went to check
my cell phone.  All seemed to be good.  Boston had
left two messages, one saying he had arrived, and the
other saying he would be taking a cab down to me.  I
figured I had a few minutes and pulled myself into the
lap of a man who wanted to discuss things and possibly
playing with him and his sub later.

Then- Boston appeared at the door, looking for all the
world like a lost little puppy, luggage in tow.  I
leaped out of the man?s lap and threw myself into
Boston who was a bit teary-eyed and said I hadn?t been
answering my cell phone when he called.  I led him
down to the room immediately, talking to him softly
and letting him know how happy I was he was there, how
sorry I was that things had screwed up and that it was
all fine now.

Virgin was in the room when we went down and smartly
left us alone to snuggle and calm down a bit.  This
was the time when I was truly grateful for the snack I
bought because Boston needed some sugar in his system.
After some snuggling and kissing on the bed, he was a
bit more put together and I left him to change.

When I arrived to the social again, the majority of
people were departing unfortunately, but it was
nearing the end.  Virgin was there and we began to
clean up, as the Owner and that circle continued to
talk until the end.  Boston arrived looking much more
refreshed and highly sexy in his black attire.  I do
tire of bland polo?s and slacks.  The three of us
managed to get everything fairly cleaned up by the
time the TNG group got in.  At that point I was
literally throwing the stuff we wanted back into the
boxes and high-tailing it down to the room.

Unfortunately, at this point I had to get to my
volunteering for the midnight snack.  Instead of
spending time wandering with the three through the
auction area, I was stuck getting food and plates and
such with a mix of a very bitchy domme, two old time
volunteers and two fairly useless males.  It wasn?t a
truly awful time, but the timing itself was bad and
not organized- not to mention the hotel staff were
less than helpful.  But we managed to get all the food
out and I stuck it out till the end.  As timing would
have it, Boston arrived with someone he had planned a
scene with at the end of my shift, so I grabbed the
Virgin down to the dungeon to watch, figuring I?d run
into the Owner at some point.

Well, I had planned to watch the scene, but everyone
seemed to want to distract me.  A few people passed by
to say hello and whisper plans for other nights.  The
Virgin was calming down with some ministrations.
Perhaps at that point I should have pushed him harder,
but I was still on edge myself from everything and
thought I was doing well to have the panicked look out
of his eyes.  Boston?s scene was highly intense- I
ALMOST wished he hadn?t had the hood on so I could see
his face for it.  At any rate, the shivering of his
body gave me more than enough to feel. 

Near the end of his scene, the Owner came around and
decided to hurt me before he went home.  It was nice
to see him at least before he left.  After Boston?s
scene we walked around a bit.  It was beginning to get
late and most of the play stations were taken.  I
finally decided to take us all up to the room for some
more private play.

A threesome is usually enjoyable.  I will save the
moment by moment details, save that I enjoyed both men
thoroughly and made certain they enjoyed me.  Bondage
and bodies were all well used.

OK so final catch up before it all goes down.  Moved into new place- tiring but DONE.  No more drama! 

Then, dinner with Dr. Dan from Crucible.  Smart, humorous, nilla with frosting.  I half want to chastise myself for being so easy to impress, but he really is handsome and charming, and what's some harmless fun?  I think he enjoyed my charm as much as I did his.

Wed, wax day!!  Full brazilian and hair cut.  The brazilian DID hurt, but only for a second after they yank it.  I can't tell if the hair really got out by the roots or if it just broke off at the surface.  But hey, I didn't have to shave and now I can say I actually have done it!  Of course there's still a smidge of wax in my ass crack that just won't get off...and I couldn't masturbate last night which is part of why I had insomnia. 

The Owner wanted some time together Wed night too so we got to go over BR schedules and watch TV.  I got to do some foot worship, clean litter boxes and practice my oral sex skills. Sigh...

Thur, one more day! AUGH!  After a long day at work, the virgin and I went to grocery store to buy the rest of the stuff for the poly social, then made sandwiches.  Watched some Coupling and then I tied him up and did some tickle torture with him, he loved it!  He finds it amusing I call him the virgin boy, I think he half loves it and half is very uncomfortable about it.  He should enjoy it while he has the opportunity.

Tired now.  At least I will get much sleep before the big weekend.  Will pack in the morning, meet the virgin at the hotel, settle in, prepare for the social, get my Boston man from the airport and....let the fun begin.
Catch up time.  This is likely the last chance I will have to write before Black Rose next weekend.

Stuff? TOO MUCH!  Due to drama of the people I live with I've had to rush to find a new place, very annoying, worst possible timing, but overall good.  And the Owner says I've been doing a good job of dealing with it all, always a good thing.

And this weekend is Halloween weekend.  Normally, my most favoritist time, but with BR next weekend, I'm just breaking out the bunny costume.

Went to Crucible with my virgin boy last night.  He's got quite good natural instincts and I think with some good technical advice and stoking his fires, I could make a fine lover of him.  And I also think he's got some great dom potential as well once he gets himself centered and confident.

Was surprised at the lack of costuming- there were hot ones no doubt, some yummy harem girls and a sexy pvc nurse (much to my shock, no schoolgirls).  But nothing really spectacular.  I guess I forget few love to dress up *quite* as much as I do.

Met some nice new people, including someone who is an acquaintance of my Boston partners. 

And one amazing hot scene.  This petite redhead with C cup breasts, tattoos, totally naked, spread, bound to the table.  Violet wand, followed by breast bondage with rope and rubber bands, followed by needles in her nipples and labia, with a healthy mix of knives, breathplay, and her delicious moans, squeaks and gasps.  Worth it just for that.

And enjoyed more time with the virgin.  He was so much calmer and at east this time around.  I don't know why so many domme's complain about the lack of good male subs?  Same thing as so many subs complaining about the lack of good male doms.  There's plenty of good ones out there, just let it happen.  Maybe they just get jaded and have unrealistic expectations?

So, moving tomorrow.  Getting a hair trim and full brazilian wax Wed.  Pack and prepare for BR on Thursday and then....who knows?  Not much sleep that's for sure.
Been quite busy lately.  The Owner's primary was out of state visiting bio family so he wanted me around lots for, you know, all that hot stuff slaves get to do- litter boxes, dinner, dishes, etc.  :)  It was very nice though to be able to be so close for so long.

His Boston sub came up for a long weekend and we went to the Crucible on Friday, did an interesting scene all together with us tied down. She's SUCH a heavy masochist and I'm, well, not.  It was very intense and frightening to watch his face become so intent on HURTING her and then watching the strength he put into his strokes.  Sadists are scary.

On Sunday we did yard work, yay!  (insert sarcastic glyph here)  It was nice to be around eachother and I was praised for being so diligent.

This week more of the same.  Work continues to be sweet, a bit slow. 

Went to a Mardi Gras party last night.  I wore a white cotton dress, white heels, white satin kid gloves, white wrap, he wore black slacks, shoes, shirt, with a white satin tie and a black fedora.  I had made us elaborate black and white masks to wear.

Unfortunately we were the only ones who seemed to want to have a "Mardi Grad" party and no one else was there in masks or dressed up.  Such is life, it was fun to stand out a bit.  We danced some but the music degraded over the night- first a LONG set of hip-hop followed by lots of 80s Euro-pop.  So we decided to check out early and grab some food.

Talked, indulged in secrets.  He's a virgin.  I was just thinking the other day that my days of de-flowering males were likely ended.  I suppose not now.  I've been the "first" for so many men and women.  I'm very good at it, I ease them in, help them enjoy it, teach them.  The opportunity might come at Black Rose, but who knows.  The first rule of losing virginity is not to rush things. (Well, maybe condoms is the first rule, but that's a close second).

This weekend I spend with the bio family, hopefully going to the pumpkin patch with my mom and the nephews.  That reminds me to load up my camera. 

Halloween is approaching, I've got half a dozen possibilities.  But at least I am not worried about my costume- back to the bunny!  I'm not spending tons of money on an elaborate costume with Black Rose just around the corner.  And I look awesome as a bunny.
Goodness, what a busy few days!  Recovered from Boston to begin the first full week at my fabulous job.  It was appreciation week so there was tons of food (sorry SBD), contests, prizes.  It got to the point of embarassment when I continued to win prizes! 

But a relief, staying up later, sleeping in, less commut, NO METRO!

What's more, the Owner's primary is away for two weeks and he wanted me to come AND stay over every night.  This of course included cleaning out the kitty litter and feeding the kitties twice a day, as well as general housework, but that's part of what makes a full life together.  We had tons of quality time talking, eating, ummm personal kinky stuff.

The Boston sub is down for a few days, so they will be primarily together but perhaps some time with them for me too.  Otherwise, it shall be a quiet week for me- to recover from my skinned knee! (A slave's clumsiness in spike high heels, on asphalt, carrying loads when her Owners reaches under her skirt and pinches her leg painfully)
Good news then, ended sucky commuting job and started better commuting job, in a much better location near Baltimore.  Relief.

Just returned from another fabulous weekend in Boston.  Hot-tubs, chocolate, sex, play, Firefly, more sex...etc.  I spent most of the weekend topping actually, which was truly enthralling, if a bit heady and overwhelming as well.

Also did some very soul-searing perspective taking on my place in my poly-family (non-voluntarily).  To be loved and yet to be the outsider...hmm.  In some ways it makes perfect sense for who I am, and yet I'm utterly terrified to make the wrong move and be pushed aside.

Envy the 24 yo self aware bi poly slave/switch?

But really, not much has changed since 3 days ago.  I just know more now, a deeper view into the rabbit hole.
From another dom's journal:
So, we decided to do a cyber scene, the three of us.
Despite spending a week pointing out M's limits, she showed no concern for this.  I wanted to give her some "room", and interfere as little as possible . . . but I found myself having to step in again and again.  She maintained that she knew how to "push limits": I guess she didn't realize that one generally doesn't push limits with someone you don't know, only after an hour of online playing! 

After I was able to see straight from laughing so hard for someone thinking

a) cyber scenes will tell you anything about a person and how they play offline


b)that someone can push anything in cyberland

I started wondering how people draw the line between cyber and real.

I don't eschew online worlds.  After all I am HERE, I have made friends, met lovers, met all of my serious relationships initially online.  Of course you can get to know a person online.

But it's still just cyber.

Online the safeword is the off button.  No one can "do" anything to you online.  Isn't the whole point of doing things online is that you can delve into fantasies and go places that would never be possible in real life?  Why do people get upset at someone else's ideas of what they want to do? 

I can understand if someone else's scat scene doesn't turn you on, but that doesn't mean they are DOING anything wrong, and it certainly won't tell you a darn thing about how they actually play and operate offline.

My advice remains the same- if you are getting to know someone who you want to meet, you should make plans to meet within no more than 4 weeks.  There's no reason to delay longer than that and if neither of you self-sufficient adults can make plans to have a FIRST meeting within 4 weeks, what will that say about the rest of the relationship?

Also, have a meal with them out in public.  You learn SO much about a person, their attitudes, their carriage, their way in the world by sharing a meal in a restaurant with them.

But if you get upset over someone whipping your back into raw hamburger in an IM- take a reality check.
Back to calm

I made myself stay up yesterday.  The Renn Faire was awesome.  It's the one place I don't focus on going all out for costumes.  While of course I one day WILL have an amazing Renn costume, right now I focus on other things, and since it's impossible for me to really put something special together, I can relax and just watch all the other amazing ones.

Tip: Don't go to a really funny hysterical show the day after you've been beaten badly.

Finally gave up and went to sleep at about 10, and got myself to stay in bed and sleep for about 12 hours.  Had a very sci-fi dream involving invading frozen in time Germans, people in Renn costumes, dizzying views of the galazy, and seducing the head of the enemy group.  Very cool.  That's the worst part I find about not getting enough sleep- you don't get to have or luxuriate in dreams.

Now, finally back to low-key days.

Exhausted is not the word...

My Australian friend of six years Denise came to visit me this week and it has been amazing but tiring.  Wednesday we went to Cirque du Soleie "Verakai."  Thursday we went to have dinner with the Owner who had another of his subs down for a few days and his primary.  Denise got to have smores for the first time.

Friday we went to the Crucible.  Neither of us had had much sleep.  I had to work everyday and she came with me to spend the day touring DC on her own.  But we were buzzed to go.  I was also meeting a friend I had had a lunch date with.

The Owner arrived somewhat late, but it was not long until he had me up in cuffs.  I don't understate when I say it was the harshest beating I've had in a very long time.  At one point he told me to pick a breast.  I chose left.  While my whole body got some attention, that poor breast is just striped all over with at least 2 slashes over the nipple.

It was quite intense.  With his help and focus I was actually able to work through the fear and focus on enduring and making it through to the next blow.  That was pretty awesome.  I was still in adrenaline shock about 15 minutes after the scene ended.

Some people we met that night said I was so brave and wonderful and how awesome it was. 

My reply?  I'm up in cuffs and sobbing, what else am I going to do? 

Honestly, I wanted to start shrieking "no no stop" a few times.  And while technically in bdsm clubs the only thing that stops things is "red" the reality is that most people don't get harsh play and aren't comfortable.  I might one day get pushed to that point and screw the consequences, but until then I'm doing OK just sobbing and screaming insensibly.  Actually, the Owner said I did very little screaming which he was proud of.  I guess I did more crying and gasping then.  Like I'm thinking about it as streaking pain rains down on me?

Of course after this I have to drive us home...difficult but manageable.  We got home after 2 and had to be up by 7 to take Denise to get her plane.  Then I had to get to the bank and get stuff done.  THEN I had to get ready to go to the Renn Faire with my friend again.  Wisely, I chose NOT to wear the black leather corset I had planned before my beating.

We were late to meeting the group at the Dragon's Lair, so we just wandered around on our own.  It was a fantastic time, but I was very tired, very sore and it was difficult enough sitting and leaning against the car seat (putting on the bra was a very slow process).  Still, lots of fun, amazing costumes as always and I would love to go again.

Now I'm really really tired...intense pain and lack of sleep does that I guess.
Went to the Crucible last night.  I wore my cotton candy pink satin gown, I was so excited.  So many wear just black.  And while black is an excellent color (specially in leather) I just can't wear it everytime I go out.  So a baby pink sparkly dress kinda stood out. :)

Went with the Owner, he was in a very sadistic mood, which of course had me worried.  First we walked around, chilled.  Talked with Frazier and the IT guy for BR this year Tom.  While I couldn't discuss most of the programming stuff, I offered some tips from a clueless user perspective.  It was nice to chat and meet new people.

Then the auction occurred.  Unless there's a big crowd and hot people, it tends to be slow.  I always feel bad for the males since it's so much harder to sell them off.  But it was mostly fun and we were ready to play after that.

Unfortunately, as the Owner looked through his bag, he remembered he had separated his good toys (as opposed to a huge bag of excellent painful toys that cost a pretty penny) into another bag at a party he went to a few months ago and didn't have his singletail.  Which is what he wanted.

Now, just to clarify- the Owner is not a "flick your hair" singletailer.  He likes giving pain and he likes marks.  There was a part of me that was relieved to avoid it.

So he settled on just spanking and pinching me and squeezing my skin and breasts all over.  For some reason he loves the skin under my arms and around my breasts.  Nails digging into eachother, aching pressure sharpening every moment.

Painful, yeah.  But eventually I did get some endorphins going and he was tired so we left.  After the most amazing good night kiss (and it was closed mouth) I've ever had, we said goodnight.  I got myself off amazingly in bed later and slept long and hard.

Life is good.
Mmm suspension.  I've always been a bondage slut.   I would tie myself up regularly, ropes, satin ribbons, anything.  I'd push myself against trees and imagine someone forcing me against it.  Remember, I was about 8 at this point.  I had no idea what sex was or even knew that I didn't know about it.  I just knew it felt really nice to be tied up.

When I was 16 I went rappelling with a bunch of friends.  I was very overweight at this time and not at all athletic, but I would try anything (always a bit of a risk-taker) and it looked fun.  So I worked the rope harness around my hips, slowly edged over, got about two lengths down and FLIPPED OVER!  So here I am, dangling upside down by a rope, and without the body strength to heave myself back up.  It takes a good 10 minutes for them to work out how to haul me back in.  During this time, the other rappelllers start to watch, some even take pictures.  I'm fine while it happens, laughing at myself, waving, taking it in stride.

5 minutes after they haul me up, I scamper to a lone rock, the adrenaline hits me, I'm shaking, about to cry, scared witless.  I force it to pass, and they offer to have me rappell again, I say no thank you!

So here I am last night at the club, getting red hemp rope tied around my body in preparation to be suspended.  First, a rope around my chest, a few lengths above and below my breasts.  Next a hip harness.  Then, an ankle harness on one leg and a thigh harness on the other.  As he attaches the lengths to the caribiners, I start to feel the tension that will lift me off the floor.

I have a flashback to rappelling- now I'm scared.  I realize I have to trust my whole body weight to these ropes, that I will not have any control over where to move or be able to get myself down.  Then the ropes pull up, my legs go out from under me...

And I'm stretched out.  Totally on ropes.  I'm 4 feet off the ground but I might as well be 400.  the ropes hold tight, we make a few adjustments.  I see red rope, I see the world upside down.  He spins me, endlessly I turn and turn, feeling the air breeze over me.  I let my arms dangle loosely, touching nothing but air.  I am in my ropes, and they hold me safe.  I won't fall.
Eight Easy Steps
Alanis Morissette

How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solveable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you

How to keep people at arms length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships looks when tought by the best

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate god when you're a player and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships looks when tought by the best

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships looks when tought by the best

How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb a la holic to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships looks when tought by the best

This is a response to my "slaves and multiple relationships" journal entry.  I am responding to it and putting it here because I found it an interesting perspective to share and because the person blocked me from actually responding to them.

reading your profile and a journal entry or two...
I have to say, it really depends on each relationship. you can't generalize and say all slaves should be allowed to sleep with whoever they want, Dom whoever, have vanilla relationships with whoever..

I don't think I said that?  Can you tell me where you saw that?  In fact what I said was "A slave is property to their owner who has ultimate authority over everything in their life as possible" which says nothing about who the slave should have relationships with and who she shouldn't. 

would some say they are pretty  much say they are not a slave at all? but just a bottom that someone fucks around with and they are submissive to thier Dom when they feel like it?

Because the slave is always the owned property of the Owner, even if she's out at a nephew's birthday party, or with a vanilla lover, or being flogged by someone else.  Anything she does, she does because ultimately the Owner wants/allows it.

i mean, if they are so busy fucking and having other relationships with other people, can they really be there for thier Master?

When the Master wants them to be there, sure.  That's like suggesting a slave can't be a slave if she has children because the children will take time away.  Unless you are financially independent, no kids, no need to visit a doctor, no need to leave your owners side- the slave is going to be "taken away" from the Owner at some point.  Whether its for a job, shopping, family, friends, or other things.  Poly people learn how to have multiple sustaining relationships that don't interfere with the functioning of the others.

Sure, that might work for some people. however, its really not up to you to decide what a slave is, and what a slave isn't.

Well, I gave my definition- once again it's "A slave is property to their owner who has ultimate authority over everything in their life as possible."  Your response really doesn't say anything about this definition, it only talks about having relationships with people other than your owner.

personally. i wouldn't feel loved, needed, wanted or at all controlled if i could submit, dom, fuck, develop vanilla relationships with whatever person walks down the road that im interested in. but at the same time, I'd love to involve another submissive in our relationship , and even if one of us was away for a while, We could still continue the relationship with the submissive that we brought in..

Which is great for you guys.  One could just as easily ask if you could really be there for your master if you had to also form this relationship with the new sub?  Obviously the answer is yes.  Likewise in forming a new relationship with anyone.  Granted, we are humans, we have limitations of time and space and the Owner does take priority over all else.  That does NOT lead to the conclusion that a slave is unable to form independent relationships just because she is owned.  It just means all other relationships have to take that priority into consideration.
I do feel you can love more than one person at a time, and i do feel that you can have mulitiple people in a wonderful, loving relationship. but Whoever that person who fall in love with, and falls in love with you first is, really should have priority, even if in non bdsm type ways. 

Please remember, love is not part of all Master and slave relationships.  As well, love is not what makes a Master/slave relationship a Master/slave relationship.  My Owner is my ultimate priority in life.  I am one of many priorities in his.  I am not his primary, and in many things, she takes priority to him.  Again- having independent relationships with other people in life does NOT mean the Owner no longer takes priority.

and i do feel that unless it is agreed upon that a slave is allowed to do those things, then if she is a SLAVE , not just a bottom you play with, then no, he/she Doesn't have the right to go out and do whatever with whomever, whenever.

But this chica slave IS allowed and encouraged to do those things. :)  I would say a slave doesn't have a right to go out and do anything unless the Owner authorizes it, and then she can do whatever the heck her owner allows- and it's not a right, it's a privilege.

Its sorta like a married couple who swings together and then saying that it gives them both the right to develop meaningful outside relationships, or still sleep with wheover they want, since they swing together.
just my two cents.

Some couples decide exactly that, some don't.  Again, I never said "a slave is allowed to have as many relationships as she wants."  I said "there's no reason a slave cannot have as many relationships as she wants as long as it falls within the owners ultimate authority."

Thanks for the well thought out response.
So you think a slave is someone who, when bonded to their owner, suddenly becomes irrevocably monogamous towards him (aside from other specific partners the owner chooses for entertainment), with no desires or interests outside of what would directly please the owner and likely really wants to become a wife and mother?

You didn't?  Good.  That's not a slave.

A slave is property to their owner who has ultimate authority over everything in their life as possible. 

What does this mean?  It means a slave can top someone else.  It means a slave can submit to more than just their owner.  It means a slave can dominate someone else.  It means a slave can have a vanilla relationship with someone else too.

There's nothing INHERENT about being owned that prevents someone from having independent relationships from their owner, whether they are bdsm related or not.  I often wonder why poly owners put so much added stress on themselves by making themselves the ONLY outlet for their slaves energy and attention.  If their slaves are poly, they should be able to sustain independent relationships and everyone can share the load and love in a much more balanced way. 

Actually I know why most doms don't- because most doms are insecure and can't grasp the concept of someone also loving and giving attention to others without it meaning they don't love you as much.

People are complicated and messy and big.  A slave can be absolutely owned, and be allowed to have other relationships with other people (not just as bait for fresh fish). 

If you're considering poly, ask yourself whether the idea of your property being intimate and sexual with someone else would bother you.  If it does, figure out exactly why.  You might learn something about yourself.
First week at work in MD- hour and a half commute.  Not only does this suck but it cuts dramatically into my free time.  I hoarde my free time greatly.  Hopefully other arrangements will be made soon.

Black Rose is on still.  I asked the Owner over the summer if we could go.  He said yes as long as I paid for the whole thing.  However, I knew he wasn't happy about it (anyone who knows the inside issues of Black Rose will know what I mean).  Interestingly, my Boston love wants to come as well.  So we have worked it out essentially so Boston will come down and stay at the hotel with me while the Owner will come and go as he likes, thus upholding his promise to be there with me, letting me enjoy myself, without compromising his feelings or making me worry about him not having a good time.

So give a whistle if you're going to be at Black Rose this year.
Hmmm quite awhile since I posted a journal entry.  Good reason for it though- I moved from NJ to my home of MD.  Will be interesting getting a whole new set of emails from the people here.  I know I have promised an entry on training as a top and being a slave, I'm still working on it.

Black Rose is on, but who knows what that means yet.
It's dizzying how many profiles (doms and subs alike) profess to have "the definition of what a true sub/dom is."  How on earth is one to decide? 

Should I be docile or aggressive?  Should I be questioning or accepting?  Should I have desires and goals independent of my Owner or should my Owner be the only important thing in my life?

Good thing I don't depend on internet profiles to define who I am or should be... many discussions on so many lists-

public sex and mandatory barrier protection

public displays of dominance & submission

being a slave without being a submissive

shaving techniques

How do people spend so much time talking about this and not LIVING it as well?  So many on here allow their fears to stop them from "letting go."  They are so happy to find themselves and then immediately blockade what's "safe" what's "right" and what's "worthy" and so they end up with a primarily vanilla relationship with a bit of kinky sex. 

I'm working on a journal about topping and bottoming.  People don't seem to get that you can be a slave AND a top and it's not "topping from the bottom" or being a switch.  Enjoy.

This weekend- Boston.  But not for the DNC.

Got my geek on at the Science Museum!

Spandex body suit bondage, forced orgasms, more hot tub, sleeping in cuffs, and got to enjoy a human feline and some nice practice at topping.

Why can't every weekend be so full?

Sex is not an act, it's an attitude.
Hmmm...three days in a gorgeous house, hot tub, endless fridge, a dozen kinky people, a fabulously equipped dungeon, plush carpeting AND fabulous new clothes to show off.

Spending an evening watching a man in a Venus 2000, spending an evening in a hot tub with a hot chick massuese who is praising ME for my techniques on her, an afternoon getting electrified and then stuffed in a coffin box, an evening giving 40 birthday lashes and learning to use a singletail, spending a morning having sex with a man and two other women in bed, spending an afternoon seducing and being seduced by a man who has been in a chastity belt for over a year and a half.

And then having to drive home, wake up and go to work on Monday!!!
Figured You Out by Nickelback

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way that you say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favorite damn disease

And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can't say "No"
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose

And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out

Now I did, you wonder why
I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed
While you put me to the test

I like the white stains on your dress
I love the way you pass the check
And I love the good times that you wreck

And I love your lack of self respect
While you're passed out on the deck
I love my hands around your neck

And I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out

Now I did, you wonder why
Why not before, you never tried
Gone for good, and this is it

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favorite damn disease

And I hate the places that we go
And I hate the people that you know
And I hate the way you can't say "No"
Too many long lines in a row
I hate the powder on your nose

And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out

Now I did, you wonder why
Why not before, you never tried
Gone for good, and this is it
OMG if you have not yet- you MUST check out the pics on Lord2XTRM's profile.  They are absolutely fantastic!!! Thanks for sharing. :)

Tips from Liz!

On pleasing a woman between her thighs...

This is tender stuff!  Think of it as one step below the kidneys.  Yes, you can flog it and hurt it and penetrate it in all sorts of nasty ways.  But it's very sensitive, very soft.  Nails should be trim and short, slow and steady builds up to hard and forceful.

No one starts thrusting away right away into a pussy or ass- at least, unless they don't want bleeding and screaming and be able to use it again the next day.

Don't try and use the thumb on the clit.  You can't gauge the pressure well and direct pressure on top of and under the clit is generally not pleasureable.  Better to use tongue, or grab a dildo and use fingers.

Don't rub like a rack of ribs.  Legs spread means we do dry out, no matter how wet we get.  Rubbing with a flat palm up and down is just irritating and drying.  The hand should move no more than 3 inches in any direction- it's all right there.  

Be careful rubbing around the urethra.  A rare few women really get off on that- but mostly it just makes peeing burn afterwards.  Keep to the inside of the vagina.

The bottom third of the vagina is where the sensations and nerves are mostly located- the rest is just pressure.  Think pushing 80 fingers inside is hot and nice?  Maybe for you.  While more fingers and even fisting can be incredibly intense- don't push it.  Focus more on the overall pleasure, not "more is better."

Oral- teeth is bad, just like it is for you.  You're also not trying to suck it off.  Start slow (as always) and focus.  Don't stop and start- don't keep changing rhythms every 30 seconds.  Get in a comfy position and plant yourself.  If you can- 2 fingers inside is also good.  Again, steady rate and pressure.

Don't have "wandering fingers" into an asshole.  To go into an anus, it has to be prepared right with lube (it's not a vagina, and a finger into a pussy is NOT enough lube to make it a good idea).  As well, trust me, the chick KNOWS where you are headed and it only makes her tense up.  If you want anal- plan for it, tell her, lube her up and then ease in.

Anal can NOT be stressed enough to go slow and steady in the beginning.  I'm not saying this just to make it more pleasant for everyone, the anal tissue tears easily and bruises.  Lots of lube and going slow at first allows it to become accustomed to an unnatural action.  Trust me, banging it hard into the ass is awesome, but not at the first stroke.  Also, stroking the clit at the same time can work wonders.

As well, your first stroke should be paused- give the anus time to adjust, the intensity tends to rise in the ass and a few breaths should be taken first- there's no rush here, they are not going anywhere.  Take the time to grab/bite their neck, rub their clit, whisper in their ear...something sensual.

Don't go from anus to pussy/mouth. 

Finally, if you WANT her to cum, you have to LET her cum.  Forcing it, pressuring it, making her feel like she's letting you down or won't have as good a time leads to faking it and insecurity (trust happens).  I suggest making her masturbate first to her own orgasm so you can see how her breathing goes, what her "right" rhythm is, what pressure points work and how she really sounds/moves when she cums.

Go ahead and torture the genitals all you want- but respect it's tenderness too.

The measure of an owner is not in what he says no to, but what he feels secure in saying yes to.

I've been getting a lot of emails from doms lately who are big on the micro-managing "Secretary- only eat three peas" kinda thing.

First off, this smacks of noviceness.  Focusing on the kink, on the act, on the immediate tangible control.  It assumes that dominance is something you DO, something you ACT OUT.  While obviously dominance has its active and aggressive side- it is more what you exude, your personality and your stance towards life.  The new people aren't quite comfortable with this yet, so they go with "scripts" of "what a dom does" to get their kink.

Secondly, it puts the dom in the stereotypical "active" space and the sub in the stereotypical "passive" space.  The dom will do/say/order, the sub will sit around and just be moved around appropriately like a Barbie doll.  This is really more top/bottom stuff than Dom/sub.  It takes a lot of work and energy to micro manage!  Why not let the sub be active?  Let her smarts and abilities work FOR you and give her things to manage.  Use your place to manage and guide- use your sub to be FREER to do other things and be easier, not so you can spend your whole time worrying whether she's wearing the white bra or the red bra (side note: any woman C cup or over should wear a bra regularly in the day...let your porn self suffer slightly for the long term advantage of back health and firmer breasts, women tend to look and feel sexier in nice lingerie anyway)

Finally, does yanking a chick over for a weekend and putting her on a chain next to the bed, forcing her to lay there bored until you decide to use her like a toy, making her bed to go use the bathroom, and only letting her walk with a butt plug in mean a good time? It sure does!  But keep things in a realistic perspective.  Sure you can put kinky things and direct control things into your daily life- but that's not what makes a relationship strong, it's not what makes a relationship last, and it's not what you should be thinking of as your priority.

You're the dom- however you want to train and whatever you want to train is going to happen.  Yes it's important to communicate your goals and priorities and methods before you own someone.  But it's more important to just relax and be yourself.  Putting exclamation points on the micro managing parts of life is great for mini-breaks, but bad for long term chemistry and connection.
Having difficulty responding to emails on the site lately...
Trust me, I know how "cool" it is that I "discovered" myself so early in life.

See the "5 years active experience" up there (nearing 6)?  That includes playing,  munches, conventions,  24/7 live-in service.

I'm not a delicate flower.  I'm not a "precious gift" to adore and cherish.  I am a slave.  An awesome slave, but just a slave.

See my "Dislikes" including "underestimation?"  I know it's hard- but try.
Tips by Liz:

Profile tips!

Spell check religiously.  This is a first impression, it's also more permanent than an email.  Show that you put time and energy into it.

No cock pics unless you are gay.

No pussy pics- ever. 

Don't trash others.  This makes you look like a dork and that you can't handle simple cyber issues with a mature attitude.  How on earth could you handle years of training a submissive?

Don't put a list of "don'ts."  This makes you sound scared, jaded, cynical, and not fun.  People want to be with people who look forward to things, not who put fences up everywhere.

Do put a list of do's.  Being specific lets people know right off what you want.  It's ok to prefer skinny people, or non-smokers, or no kids.  State it simply and clearly- not in a "ew gross" attitude.

Avoid the catchphrases- SSC, "loving dom," "respects limits," "true master" and the like.  First off, they are tired, trite and cliche.  It makes you look like you are trying too hard without any real understanding.  If you have to SAY you are those things, it makes us think you weren't sure at some point.

No more than three paragraphs.  Know what you need to say.

Be unique, be yourself.  Don't make lists of fantasy promises.  Don't make up cyber fantasy stories.  Just explain who you are, what makes you special.

Dominants are brittle.  That's why they rely so often on scripts and toughness.  The dominant that works well is one who is open with their brittleness and can balance it.
Tips by Liz:

If you aren't comfortable stocking your own cabinets with tampons, pads, midol, toothbrushes, washcloths, and other extra goodies- you aren't yet ready to live with another woman.
Training by Me

Training is not simply learning how to suck cock or bite nipples.

Training involves become aware of self and then changing your essential awareness.

Your posture, your clothes, your diction, your reactions, your problem solving, your attitude, your filters- you will be trained to have a new perspective based primarily on who you are- an owned piece of property.

This takes years, not days or even months.  This takes cooperation, not rote obedience.  This takes learning and practice and desire.

This takes understanding essentially who you are today- and you cannot even begin to delve into that with someone else until much time and experience has been shared.

Training is an art.

Naughty Girl by Beyonce

I'm feelin sexy
I wanna hear you say my name boy
If you can reach me
You can feel my burning flame

I'm feelin kind of n-a-s-t-y
I might just take you home with me
Baby the minute i feel your energy
Your vibe's just taken over me
Start feelin so crazy babe
I feel the funk coming over me
I don't know what's gotten into me
The rhythm's got me feelin so crazy babe

Tonight i'll be your naughty girl
I'm callin all my girls
We're gonna turn this party out
I know you want my body
Tonight i'll be your naughty girl
I'm callin all my girls
I see you look me up and down
And i came to party

You're so sexy, tonight i am all yours boy
The way your body moves across the floor
You got me feelin n-a-s-t-y
I might just take you home with me

Baby the minute i feel your energy
The vibe's just taken over me
Start feelin so crazy babe
I feel the funk coming over me
I don't know what's gotten into me
The rhythm's got me feelin so crazy babe

Tonight i'll be your naughty girl
I'm callin all my girls
We're gonna turn this party out
I know you want my body
Tonight i'll be your naughty girl
I'm callin all my girls
I see you look me up and down
And i came to party

I love to love you baby
I love to love you baby
I love to love you baby

Tonight i'll be your naughty girl
I'm callin all my girls
We're gonna turn this party out
I know you want my body
Tonight i'll be your naughty girl
I'm callin all my girls
I see you look me up and down
And i came to party

I actually had a guy ask me today "What's philosophy?"

If you have to ask this question, we aren't meant for eachother.

If you have to ask "are you a sub?" we aren't meant for eachother either.

But I DO encourage questions and comments.

15 for a moment by Five for Fighting

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15…there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15… I'm all right with you
15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15… there's still time for you
22… I feel her too
33… you're on your way
Every Day's a new Day

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

21 Things I Want in a Lover
Alanis Morissette

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?
à la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted?

Are you curious and communicative...
Back to MD this loss.

Please don't expect replies until next week.
Away for the DC for the Leather Fleamarket and Play.   Have fun with your toys!

Harder to Breathe
by Maroon 5

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head You should know better you never listened to a word I said Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely
Backstreet Boys
Show me the meaning of being lonely So many words for the broken heart It's hard to see in a crimson love So hard to breathe Walk with me, and maybe Nights of light so soon become Wild and free I could feel the sun Your every wish will be done They tell me

Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart
Life goes on as it never ends Eyes of stone observe the trends They never say forever gaze Guilty roads to an endless love There's no control Are you with me now Your every wish will be done They tell me Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart There's nowhere to run I have no place to go Surrender my heart' body and soul How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show You are missing in my heart Tell me why I can't be there where you are Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart
I just want to say that if you are a male and have not yet experienced the pleasure of a prostate massage during sex, you're sexually deprived.
Come Clean
by Hillary Duff

Let's go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned

'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no lie
I defy

Let the rain
fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the
fall down
I'm comimg clean, I'm coming clean

I'm shedding
Shedding every color
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin

'Cause different
Doesn't feel so different
And going out is better
Then always staying in
Feel the wind

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the
fall down
I'm comimg clean, I'm coming clean

I'm coming clean
Let the
Let the rain fall
I'm coming clean

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the
fall down
I'm comimg clean, I'm coming clean

Let's go back
Back to the beginning

An FYI-  I am on vacation until after Valentine's Day.  I will not be checking email often. 

Please feel free to message me and I will return as soon as I can.  Specially if you want to help me out with my car insurance payments...

Break Away- By Big Pig

All my life I've wanted to fly
Like the birds that you see way up in the sky
Making circles in the morning sun
Flying high in the sky 'till the day is done.

I can't break away

Like a child in his fantasy
Punching holes in the walls of reality
All my life I've wanted to fly
But I don't have the wings and I wonder why

I can't break away

One is one
Two is two
You are me and I am you
Black is black and
White is white
Just come down in the middle
Tween day and night

I can't break away

Well mama told me when I was young
Stand tall girl you're number one
She said you can be what you wanna be
But you can't change the course of your destiny

I can't break away

A brief departure from the norm (if I have a norm)

Why do so many people post in their journals about how hard it is to find someone or the difficulties of finding someone?

If we weren't looking for someone, we wouldn't be here.

Father Figure by George Michael

That's all I wanted Something special, something sacred In your eyes For just one moment To be bold and naked At your side Sometimes I think that you'll never Understand me Maybe this time is forever Say it can be That's all you wanted Something special, someone sacred In your life Just for one moment To be warm and naked At my side Sometimes I think that you'll never Understand me But something tells me together We'd be happy (Baby) I will be your father figure (Oh baby) Put your tiny hand in mine (I'd love to) I will be your preacher teacher (Be your daddy) Anything you have in mind (It would make me) I will be your father figure (Very happy) I have had enough of crime (Please let me) I will be the one who loves you Until the end of time That's all I wanted But sometimes love can be mistaken For a crime That's all I wanted Just to see my baby's Blue eyed shine This time I think that my lover Understands me If we have faith in each other Then we can be Strong If you are the desert I'll be the sea If you ever hunger Hunger for me Whatever you ask for That's what I'll be So when you remember the ones who have lied Who said that they cared But then laughed as you cried Beautiful Darling Don't think of me Because all I ever wanted It's in your eyes baby, baby And love can't lie, no... (Greet me with the eyes of a child) My love is always tell me to... (Heaven is a kiss and a smile) Just hold on, hold on I won't let you go, my baby I will be your father figure Put your tiny hand in mine I will be your preacher teacher Anything you have in mind I will be your father figure I have had enough of crime (So I am gonna love you) Until the end of time I will be your father I will be your preacher I will be your daddy I will be the one who loves you until the end of time
(Change Is) Never a Waste of Time by Alanis Morrisette

I know there's a reason you're forcing a smile
You hide what you're feeling and you have for a while
I can tell that you're falling
And you feel that you can't go on
But a new day is calling
And you'll see that the feeling is gone

You know you're not the only one
Who has a lot to overcome
And when the time has come then you move on
'Cause you've been crying for too long
Sometimes life is so unkind
But change is never a waste of time

I know how you're feeling, I've been there before
The hurting is something much to strong to ignore
Don't be waiting for someone
Who can take all your fear away
When there's no one to listen
That is when you should not be afraid

Repeat Chorus

But change is never a waste... it's never a waste of time
"Ordinary Morning" by Sheryl Crow

I left a man
Asleep in the nude
My name is my pocket
With lipstick and rouge
Everything I ever wanted,
What a lovely pie you baked,
Is anybody listening/
Don't the painted birds ever fly away

It's just an ordinary morning
It's just an ordinary day
And I'm just an ordinary woman
Slipping away

The walls have been talking
About me again
I'm good for a joke, but when I awoke
The dream didn't end
Now everytime I turn around
I'm only sleeping, John, is anybody out there?
Don't the wounded birds still sing?

It's just an ordinary morning
It's just an ordinary day
And I'm just an ordinary woman
Slipping away
Pop by Nsync

Dirty pop

I'm sick and tired of hearing all
These people talk about
What's the deal with this pop life
And when is it gonna fade out?
The thing you got to realize
What we're doing is not a trend
We've got the gift of melody
We're gonna bring it till the end
(Come on now)

It doesn't matter
Bout the car I drive or what I wear around my neck
All that matters
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect
It doesn't matter
About the clothes I wear and where I go and why
All that matters
Is that you get hype and we do it to you every time
(Come on now)

Do you ever wonder why
This music gets you high
It takes you on a ride
You feel it when your
Body starts to rock
(Body starts to rock)
And baby you can't stop
(You can't stop)
And the music's all you got
(Come on now)
This must be pop

Dirty pop
Baby, baby you can't stop
I know you like this dirty pop
This must be

Now why you wanna try to classify
The type of thing that we do?
Cause we're just fine doing what we like
Can we say the same for you?
Tired of feeling all around me animosity
Just worry about yours cause I'm a get mine
Now people can't you see?

It doesn't matter
Bout the car I drive or the ice around my neck
All that matters
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect
It doesn't matter
About the clothes I wear and where I go and why
All that matters
Is that you get hype and we do it to you everytime
(Come on)

Do you ever wonder why
This music gets you high
(Gets you high)
It takes you on a ride
You feel it when your
Body starts to rock
(When your body starts to rock)
And baby you can't stop
(You can't stop)
And the music's all you got
(Baby come on)
This must be pop

Man I'm tired of singin'...

Dirty dirty dirty pop

The Milkshake Song by Kelis

My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And they're like "It's better than yours"
Damn right, It's better than yours, 
I can teach you, but I have to charge

I know you want it...
The thing that makes me,
What the guys go crazy for,
They lose their minds, The way I wind,
I think it's time... 

I can see you're on it...
You want me to teach the,
Techniques that freaks these boys,
It can't be bought,
Just know theives get caught,
Watch if you're smart,

Oh, Once you get involved,
Everyone will look this way so,
You must maintain your charm,
Sametime maintain your halo,
Just get the perfect blend,
Plus what you have within,

Then next his eyes are squint,
Then he's picked up your scent,

My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And their like "It's better than yours"
Damn right, It's better than yours,
I can teach you, but I have to charge