Eloi

Hm. Ok. So I've never felt the need to use this journal before. Mostly because I'm inexperienced, confused, etc. Anything I said would likely be ridiculous and misinformed. However, something happened recently that's made me think. A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend, and we began something. Nothing serious, and nothing heavy, but it was enough to make me realise something I hadn't before. Although he was very skilled in a technical sense, something didn't feel right. It only really hit me later that the problem was that, even though he was 'on top' he was passive. I tried to nudge him, but I couldn't get any force/dominance from him at all. I hadn't realised before that, even when it comes to just messing around, I need that power play. The energy is entirely different. It's strange to me, given how inexperienced (read: virginal) I am, that I know what I don't want more than what I do. I definitely think I need to do some more research, because it's strange to feel like all I know is 'more' and I can't even finish the sentence of what 'more' really means.

Ok, I'm rambling now. Over and out.