Dwells83

This entry was inspired by speaking to a genuine fin-Domme, something which, as a general rule I avoid, but being gorgeous, and the spitting image of my ex, I chatted to her. It was interesting to get a perspective from her point of view, but, be you a fin-sub and domme or one of the many scam artists on here claiming to have an interest in financial domination, I invite you to read this: 

I know the world of fetishes is a unique and varied place, and although we might not 'get' someone else's kink, as long as it's consensual, legal and safe, as a community, we don't (or at least shouldn't) judge others. However, I am having a real problem with the number of supposed 'financial Dommes' who have suddenly found their true motivation and are selling themselves around CM and similar sites, without seemingly any understanding of what a D/s dynamic is. 

Within the context of play with trusted Dommes in the past, I have voluntarily bought them gifts/shoes/lingerie or within a respected 'consensual blackmail' setting as a buzz for both parties, because at the end of the day, the shift of power is what drives us all one way or another. However, there seems to be something horribly crass about many of these supposed 'fin-doms' who demand money from subs upfront, or without even really knowing them. Many claim it's a true fetish of theirs, it just happens to be money that turns them on. I'd refute that. The transfer of money or gifts may be a real turn on, but unless you actually know the mindset of the person sending it, or understand or witness what they are going through, where is the D/s element? There isn't one. Your bank has more money in it than it did previously and you can go out and but that stuff you wanted... or in most cases of 'fin doms'  on CM, probably pay your bills. 

For me, this is where the wall breaks; we all find different types of Domme/sub attractive, but power is always the kernel of that attraction. I have little or no attraction for Dommes who are ignorant or reliant heavily on others. A woman of true strength is imaginative and self reliant, sure, she may choose to take from you when some kind of relationship is formed for amusement/kink/to degrade, but a woman openly looking for gifts and money upfront really is targeting the desperate subbies out there who have too little self-respect or are too eager for attention. I urge you not to do it, because the majority of these 'fin-doms' are scammers or glorified cam girls, neither of which was what a D/s site like CM was intended for, or used to be about. 

Before the hate mail starts, I am not making disparaging remarks about financial domination as a fetish, to each their own, but with seemingly 3 out of every 4 profiles being from a new 'fin dom' you do the maths and see that each of these is unlikely to be genuine... I mean, it's just like that rush of profiles a few years back when over 75% of new Dommes were all really turned on by breath play ... you remember that, right? no? I wonder why.

My advice, for the little it is worth, is for the subbie out there to hold out. Take that £50 or £100 you were going to send to lil paymygasandforabottleofwinevixen90 and stick it in an envelope every time you would have sent it. Then a few months down the line, why not go out and splurge on a nice bit of tech/family and friends / a hobby / drop a £20 into a charity, whatever floats your boat. 

You will find a Domme/Dom eventually into your thing and, I'm sure will have plenty of opportunities to spoil them, until then, have some self-respect, save your cash, and stop feeding the birds, because you are attracting a ton of shit! 

I was thinking about what 'true' female domination would look like recently. Even the most up themself scene player has bought into what is essentially a male construct, and I hold my hands up to being as guilty as everyone else in that regard. I imagine there would be a tiny minority of women  out there who actually exercise a dominant role entirely on their terms. Would a true dominant dress in a schoolboy's fantasy of pvc, stockings, mini-skirts and the like? Clothes that invite ification. How do people reconcile that? Teasing a sub? Not really a concern of a pure dominant, is it? Why tease? To get something you want? Surely a true Domme is self-sufficient, or at least takes without concession. 

I've met a couple of 'Dommes' in the past who claim they don't go into the whole fetishware garb out of a conscious stance against ification, however, digging a little deeper, it quickly becomes apparent that, in fact, it's merely a body image issue, a fragile insecurity lurking beneath a mask of supposed dominance. When both these  Dommes became comfortable that I was not judgemental, they were as keen as the next 'student at a Halloween party' to slip into a corset and hold up stockings. Is that a need to be desired? Does true domination equate to sociopathy; a girl taking what she wants, without regards to any of her subs desires or wishes. Many girls claim this is their mindset, many guys claim that's what they want, and I think 99% of those are probably deluding themselves. 

Am I looking for one of these 'pure Dommes' - nope, I love the interplay and teasing that exists between an interaction between top and sub, the vastly mismatched mental battleground, and I love a pair of shiny heels as much as the next dumb little fetishist. Would be interesting to chat to one though.I know there are many 'feminisms' so the term 'feminist' is a misnomer, but for want of a better word, is it possible that a feminist could reconcile a role of a Domme as most would understand it? Thought for the day! 

Having a Dom spell and require an 'ordinary' inexperienced girl for the following: 

I'm seeking a shy, probably socially awkward bookworm/writer type of girl. You were probably as far from the 'in crowd' at school as it gets, probably quiet and secretly a little disappointed you've never been more outgoing.

You are probaly a deep thinker with a dislike of clubs / slutty attitudes of a lot of young loud and confident girls (and rightly so in most cases ;)) Probably sexually submissive or a little ashamed of some of your fantasies and never having lived out anything too daring before.

Me: I am an intelligent, imaginative guy in good shape. I am into power play, dominance and submission, and at the moment am very interested in controlling and molding a quiet little bookworm into a slutty plaything.

I'll make you take some of those beauty treatments you scoff at others for, have your hair done in a style you've never considered... Something you'd see in a club as opposed to a uni library. Take you out and select some lingerie, stockings and suspender belt and a very short dress and heels.

Want to see you awkward and out of your comfort zone, trying to walk in heels. I may take you clubbing or perhaps somewhere not as intimidating in public, then back somewhere private, where I can tie and restrain you, teasing you and ifying you for hours before getting you off in an agreed manner (the scenario doesn't have to involve sex)

Despite your 'superior intellect' you'll enjoy every second of playing the slut.

You should be D&D free, as I am, and very much prefer a non-smoker.

This would be ideal for a repressed, ordinary 'good girl'.