Dreamless

Hey there! I know I have not gotten back to some of my messages, and some of you are worried. For the record: I have not blocked anyone and am not hating on anyone, I'm gonna get to them! I got a double whammy of severe spring allergies to the face combined with a dental emergency and while I'm reading things I haven't been in the best of state for replying, mostly due to drowsiness from meds.

I am not dead, my face just wishes I was and the rest of me is contesting.

I'll sneakily sneak some more art into my profile for your viewing pleasure instead. Yes, I take commissions!

Furthermore on the frequent questions.

1) YES, I seriously fetishize steampunk. Come on, buckles, chains, blackout goggles, skirts, and nicely dressed people getting dirty, what's not to love. You should try it. I like the combination of aesthetic and functionality, and I do in fact wear steampunk inspired gear most of the time, though my everyday is a little more boho I think the recycled aspect ties in well with the functionality of steampunk.

2) YES, I have a hypnosis fetish, I'm mostly into erotic scenes and the creation of illusion with the power of the mind. I'm not going to lie and say I'm some super serious experienced master of hypnosis. I've been put under a few times and think it's hot and put to good kinky use, know it's hot. I am not even close to ready to unleashing my powers on the world. Mind control is a very delicate art. I am interested mostly in knowing what people are looking to get from it as a fetish, not in doing Skype sessions with you.

I've come to the conclusion that I really hate being complimented, at least on my looks. My biggest turnoff might be people who obviously haven't read my profile closely enough to glean that I hate being called 'mistress', and am not a 24-7 super hardcore domme, but my second biggest turnoff is people telling me I'm beautiful. This is perhaps a more recent realization on my part. I started to think about it after going on a date with a CM member (sometimes the stars do align and I leave the house!) who commented on how stoically I took any and all compliments. It was nothing intentional on my part, but how I deal with any of that on a regular basis. In part it's probably the steampunk. I don't go outside without someone poking my goggles or asking questions. But I knew there was something more to it. After some contemplation--quite a great deal, in fact--I finally realized what it was that bothered me so much.

Beauty is an unattainable thing. It's entirely based on subjective, opinionated concepts of standards. You're born with your looks. Sure, you can get good with makeup, nice clothes, whatever, but there is no true challenge to beauty. A great deal of my personal lean to dominance comes from a deep, desperate urge to conquer, to win the game, to make someone break, to make me the best I can be (because how can I control you if I cannot defeat myself).

To me, being told "you have beautiful eyes" is like saying "you have eyes". It's something based completely on your opinion of me. Possibly based on your intent to manipulate me into giving you what you want, but I'm feeling suspicious today. At any rate, it's meaningless to me, because I did nothing to earn it. I don't think I'm beautiful. I'm overweight with anarchist hair and by which I mean it defies any attempt of mine to be ruled, and I have a seething hate of the cosmetics industry (except for nail polish containing all of the glitter, ALL OF IT), so if anything, I'd say I look non-threatening. This is a face I was born with. No manipulation, no lies. No challenge, no success. It's just me.

A compliment that strikes home for me is based on something I earned. Something I defeated. I'd sooner hear that you found my profile searingly honest (because then as a writer I have succeeded at conveying a point through a medium limited to what my intellect produces) than that you found me attractive.

I want to win things.

Not be handed a prize.

It's like the difference between you handing me a good novel, and me writing a good novel.

Much like I want nothing more than to earn a compliment (and by proxy, earn your submission rather than you handing it off because it was already there and you needed SOMEONE to take it), it takes time for me to gain respect for your opinions. I don't NOT care about my appearance, but if I don't know you, your opinion on my appearance is just going to glance off the surface, it won't be the break you want it to be. On a good day, I'll just smile. On a bad, it might annoy me.

It's much easier to get my attention with intellectual things.

I mean, I have things that make me snap into feral prowl mode. I saw this woman the other day when getting the mail and daayyyuuuum she reminded me why I'm a pansexual top. Whew. Hot stuff. Too bad regular people are usually probably vanilla and wouldn't take well to "hey, you're hot, wanna go back to my place and rough each other up?"

Actually, I don't think most kinky people would take well to that as an intro. That's why it annoys me when you open with "I want to submit to you and have you do x y and z to me!" Ease into the things, guys... ease in.

*that's what she said.

I do check my messages! Sometimes! For those wondering, no, I haven't died, still kicking. Pretty well lost a few months, but still kicking. So tired of being sick. Also, in other news, I have relocated to Winnipeg, which I'm being honest about because 90% of Manitobans live in Winnipeg anyway, so suck it, I guess.

Things people have asked me, as general answers.

1: Yes, totally looking for literary-only buddies! If you have stuff you want beta read or you wanna beta read and nothing sexy strings attached, YES, contact me. I might be slow at getting back but please do.

2: I am interested in hypnosis as a fetish, and would like to record tracks at some point so if you have things you'd like to hear, send ideas.

3: I take art commissions, if you're willing to pay me for art by all means, contact me and I will be your art bitch. Paintings generally start at 30 bucks for single-person portraits, double that for two people, and I will totally draw whatever you want. I do book covers!

4: Yes, if you have steampunk/xpunk recommendations in the oh, webcomic, novel, movie, whatever range... send away, and I'll show you mine, I am like 90% more likely to answer your message if you hit on one of my non-fetishistic interests.

Freaking life. Back and still single though. Not that I've had time to try.

I still take decently eloquent messages! Switchy types preferred. <3<

Computer technical difficulties. To people messaging me, I will not probably get to replying until I get this virus off my computer. For now, it's too laggy. This does not apply to people messaging me just to say "hi" or similarly lacking in content messages unless it amuses me. Those of you who've sent me well-composed, readable messages of interest to me, I will reply to once I have a functional computer.

I have decent virus protection so when I do get hit, it's with something seriously buggerific.

I hate it when I finally breeze through some of my messages, read a striking message from a person who appealed to me who had clearly read and understood my profile, only to find out they'd deactivated their account. (sigh)

For people who've messaged me: I'm slow at replying, I usually read by hovering over the message and then only open a message when I have time to write a good reply. I pride myself at writing decent responses to messages and it's less that I'm ignoring you (well, unless you're sending me "hi"... YOU GUYS KNOW WHO YOU ARE) and more that I really have no time to compose a well-thought out reply.

Steampunksteampunksteampunk, please, yes. Thinking about putting up a picture instead of an idea of a picture, we'll see. Mostly interested in the ladies at the moment. Decided to drop back by after all this time, so yeah.