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First I should say that my name is drew - I'm a southerner at heart, was born and raised in North Carolina, bounced around the country for a few years before landing in California to finish my degree in Computer Science at Berkeley. I'm a nerd, an artist, a deep but playful thinker and a social theorist who is deeply passionate about finding ways of using technology to re-imagine societal structures and re-engineer democracy toward its original goals. I'm ambitious, and I'm very (very very) playful - both of which tend to get me in trouble in all sorts of contexts...
Secondly I should say that, although I've had submissive tendencies for as long as I can remember, they have never defined my basic personality. I'm an assertive, free-thinking, rebellious and funny person with a laid-back temperament and a quirky disposition. I love to laugh.
What follows is something I wrote a year or so ago. Everything in it remains true, and it presents an accurate description of my headspace surrounding D/s. I should note that lately I've found myself more interested in play that can be more aptly described as gender-bending than pure sadomasochism: I'm certainly not averse to pain - in fact I enjoy it tremendously - but I'm more turned on by the act of submission - by the mental and physical exchange of power, the phenomenon of being taken - than by anything else. In short - I enjoy pain when it is an expression of her dominance, and I truly adore it when her enjoyment from inflicting it is palpable, but I don't see sadism as being an inherent or even necessary element of dominance, and I tend to be most attracted to Dommes who recognize this as well. Also, being very playful by nature myself, I tend to be extre(eeee)mely attracted to Dommes who have a natural playfulness themselves, and can balance it with sternness and occasional severity in that perfect feminine way... mmm.
A smile is my only fetish. I can lose myself in hours spent licking broad strokes from the backs of Her ankles to the tips of Her toes and flirting soft kisses back down Her heels. I'll always be up not because I have a thing for feet -
well, I do, but...
When I look up at her looking in me and our eyes lock in Her magnetic vacuum trance, there's a glimmer of a smile she wears in her eye that tells me she's pleased, that she knows she can do anything she wants with and to and through this mound of clay at Her feet - if only alas at that place in space and time,
this moment
is where and when I tender my most final surrender. I have no inferiority complex. To surrender is a fully conscious decision I make. It still shocks me every time I do it. It makes me the perfect degree of scared.
In all things - and particularly in submission - I try to be artful.
I've had several long, loving, powerfully connected vanilla relationships, all with women I remain close with today, and I never wanted to grab my ankles or hit my knees with any of them - not but because I'm not naturally submissive, but because I am: I've always been good at intuiting what the women I'm with want, and I didn't sense that they wanted me to submit. In bed, I sensed they wanted me to fuck them authoritatively, so I did and I loved every minute of it because I knew they were loving it too. I love being fucked by women who love fucking me for the exact same reason: I live to please others - though I naturally get more enjoyment out of being the one bent over.
I'm wired to yearn to please, and I can adapt to fit most any woman who lets me. But there's something.. different, and much more exciting to me when I sense that a Woman wants to fuck me with authority. The magnetic vibe in the air is more electric. Her presence resonates powerfully inside me before we even say hello. She needn't say a word nor flinch a muscle when she wants to Take me. The palpable energy of She and I knowing together what she wants and that I want to give it to her is more than enough to drive me to my knees, ass on my heels, back upright and subtly arched with a bright eager smile on my face that reminds her how happy I am to be humbled by her, how much fun I have being her bitch. (I'm always looking for nonverbal ways like this to show her how deep and loving my surrender is), if a bitch is what she wants me to be at the moment.
As I kiss the top of her foot with my eyes softly closed, I open my ears not to hear but listen to her, to help her talk through and verbalize ideas, thinking of her problems as my own as I paint her soles with light strokes of my tongue and lips. At some point her big toe will be in my mouth cupped by my pulsating, worshipful tongue and I'll look up at her and she'll be looking down at me and
t h e r e it will be, that smile...
one she wears not on her mouth but in her eyes as she gazes into mine, pleased with knowing she can do anything with and to and through this mound of clay at her feet, if only at that place in space and time -
that moment
is where I invariably find myself thrilled to be the canvas at the command of her brush's whim, begging to be made her masterpiece.
The moment and the smile in the eyes are one in the same - my fetish. It makes me rock hard. I don't just want to please Her, I want to overwhelm Her with pleasure - and whether its bending over and taking her wrath, talking about the macroeconomics of te European debt crisis or singing I'm a Little Teapot in falsetto that will please her most, I won't wait to be asked.
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