hi,i been on here for a while, i have been a online sub and have done what i was told and try other things to my self.  but it just isnt the same,  knowing that you can stop doing what your doing to your self isnt much fun really.  i really need to find the real thing.  i need to know that if it starts to hurt i cant cant stop doing it.  i want to know and feel that i am being control  body and mind.