denied4life

Okay i probably shouldn't but i really can't resist.

"If you are what you eat then why would any man object to being called a pussy?"

What do you do when you know what you want but you don't know if what you want is even possible. Every heart has a range of desires, and sometimes we may want more than one thing at the time depending on where our emotions are in the moment. 

But i know the shape of my ideal - and why may i not have an ideal even if one argues that as a future slave/sub i should exist only to please the other? 

i'm not interested in anyone who is seeking tribute or to be materially spoiled. i'm not going to debate whether or not that is something that the Lady deserves or not, it's just that to me, putting it in that way has a negative connotation. 

.....and i'm making no secret of the fact that i'm in no position to spoil anyone with anything other than attention. 

The fact is, in a manner of speaking i've already been in a relationship that was primarily about "spoiling" someone - or basically being used only for money and for little else. It wasn't fulfilling. Maybe some part of me craves to be owned, possessed, my choices taken away, my body used to amuse your whims. But i don't want to be some disposable interchangeable toy that gets used once then trashed. 

i guess that's my way of saying that i'm looking for some kind of relationship to evolve -  a committed relationship.  i commit to serving you only, you commit to my always having a place in your dungeon, or at your feet, or......well you get the idea.

A while back i received a bit of criticism - that my profile was entirely about sex and sexual preferences. 

Well, i had been working under the assumption that the purpose of a site like this was to be noticed. Generally, in this place people put certain sexual activities and preferences in their searches, not requests of whether the slave prefers science fiction to horror, or fantasy to history.

As a compromise i'll try to include those details in the journal, adding to it as i'm inspired.

i like science fiction and fantasy - in fact you could say i'm passionate about it. i have been since i was 8 or 9 years old and was introduced to my first Heinlein juvenile. It may go back even further. In fact the only thing i can remember having from an even younger age is a foot fetish. 

i like to write. Once upon a time, when i wrote a lot more and a lot more frequently, i was quite good at it. i still have some of my old erotic fiction hanging around on obscure parts of the net. i'm not sure i'll openly admit to exactly which of it was mine, but while i second guess the content, i'm a bit proud of the quality.

i'm being cautious in terms of who i contact. 

i understand that as a slave i bend to the will and desire of whatever future owner may claim me - provided such a thing ever actually happens. At the same time if i'm going to contact anyone it will be someone who i think or hope i can provide the core of the things she is looking for - assuming she's been absolutely clear about what that is. There are things i don't so much seek as pray for, there are ways in which i hope to be used. 

However in a lot of those things i want to be used to such an extreme that it ceases to have any chance of being a pleasure in itself so that it can be more truly certain that it's serving her pleasure first.

My life situation changed a few weeks ago - and I find that I am free now to go out and find someone to serve or worship or love, or whatever comes my way. I find however that while there are many interesting Ladies and profiles on here, in reading what they seek, there's always something that ends up preventing me contacting them first.

I'm either not local to them - fair enough I can understand why that would be a problem.

I'm not well-off or established, nor do I have a successful "career". There were reasons for that and maybe it will change in time now that certain restrictions have been lifted - and maybe it will not. Sometimes those things take on something of a chicken and egg attribute. One has to have a reason to believe - a hope - a promise that a better life is possible before one can motivate oneself to make the difficult changes needed to move forward - but sometimes there is no hope unless some kind of change happens first.

One of the intriguing profiles on here I have not replied to or sent a message to because the Lady made it very clear that she wanted her sub to have at least 7".  I don't quite measure up to that. On my best day when I'm most fully erect if one pushes it I still fall at least a half inch short, or maybe a tad more. I don't begrudge her the desire to have a well endowed sub, but thought well - considering I'm open to being cuckolded, perhaps that wouldn't or shouldn't be as big a consideration. Besides I'd be willing to offer any long-term serious committed Mistress/Owner carte blanche to do anything to me there that Her precious heart desired, no matter how extreme or permanent.

Which comes to the last manner. I had someone message me a month or so back - I didn't mail Her first. I responded to Her query, and in the end when all was said and done, she changed her profile - and I'm not sure how much of the new profile was aimed at me - however let me state, that in no way or shape would I be considered old enough to sire Her, unless her mother had been a pedophile.

I'm not a brat. I can be a smart ass - though not to my chosen Lady. And I do have a smart mouth - or smart typing fingers, though I prefer to think of it as being witty. I like what I like, I seek what I seek, but the thing I seek most is someone to please which means in the end i bend to Her will, and She sets the limits - if She sets any at all.