I have come to realize that a lot of people fear the unknown. Or have the wrong idea on just what BDSM is.
I understand that many people view BDSM as something different, but that doesn't mean I just what to hook up with someone have a small session and then jump in the sack.
I don't care too much about the looks. I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. I want someone who sometimes makes me go ouch due to their wit and evil sense of humor. I want someone that I can reach out and touch randomly. I want someone I can cuddle with.
I am a very selective person on who I want to send a reply to, with their profile factors. I might have sent you a brief note asking you if my age is OK with you since when I met my wife we were 7 years apart. Not everyone is OK with large gaps in age so I will ask to save you and me the time. No Response is Rude and uncalled for.
My main goal at this point is making NEW contacts, building friendships, and then maybe finding another person to teach or grow with.
I am a very neat and tidy person, some would say almost compulsively clean and I do not mind the work. I can also cook (I guess it is a skill you pick up after living alone when I went to college for so long). I was also widowed at a young age. My sub, turned slave was taken from me way too soon by some teen kid in his daddy's new truck high on drugs. I felt that day that my heart was ripped out of my soul. It took me a while to get over that. But I have moved past, and am seeking that one that believes in that type of commitment level.
About 95% of my friends call me people person. I am also considered to be a relaxed and easy going, emotionally stable person. I am the strong quiet type, someone you can rely on. Or I can be the real a-hole as well for rough play. I am very secure inside with who I am. If I am unsure of something, I will research it and ask. I am unwilling to risk the loss of life in my hands.
The one I am seeking is a mature female, responsible and intelligent. She cares about family, friends and the world around her, if she commits into the relationship, she is willing to release her inner control and allow her Dom/Master to make the right choices for her. She respects herself and is both confidant and comfortable with her desires.
I don't want a doormat. I want to be able to converse with my partner after a long day at work. She doesn't need to understand everything about my day (thou it would be wonderful is she wanted to learn) and give me an ear. then again door mats to have the advantage of making sure your feet are clean so you don't attract dirt into the house. >:)
I want something of a Mental Challenge, Physical Wiliness, Spiritual Connection, a bond with you as a friend, a partner, then see where our relationship will lead, then maybe we can get sexual in nature, but not before hand.
I cannot post a real life photo for work, social and community reasons. But i can distort my face so you can see me in everyday life or my play life.
It will be a act of I'm not going to lose as an respect holding an executive position in the company I work for though my co-workers or create social drama so some stranger on the internet thinks I am more "real" or serious about my interests then I am with life issues.
I feel like I been zapped sometimes back to grade school with some of the childish games that I really have to note why.
If you have made it this far, GREAT there is just a little bit more to go.
Who I would like to meet?
Well, I am old school (leather) with a kick of fire and spice with some flaming hot sauce too boot... I am a very interesting mix. But it is very nice to know when to draw the line even when the submissive can't see the line. This only something you pick up on after you been in the Lifestyle for a while, not after reading some story on-line!.
I am a single, a very skilled Dominant, which has earned his title of Master, Mentor and wonderful Teacher. I am interested in finding a compatible Sub or maybe a slave again (in time) that I can eventually give my full-time life to, one who understands the essence of true D/s. What that means, and you should understand, I can’t become your Dom or Master unless you are will to have me as such. That is how BDSM works. You can’t really be a Dom without a sub.
What are you going to be without one, a Dom of yourself?
Really?
If you are new and you are not sure really what makes a Master a Master, I can explain it like this: Mastery is mostly about style. A Master of something is really just an “Expert on a roll.” A Master is an Expert who can look back and put themselves in a Novice’s shoes and create the rules, and do the monitoring/mentoring necessary to help them move forward.
I am not interested in merely being a TOP or a WEEKEND PLAY PARTNER with someone on going and am NOT really into the cyber-sex scene, though I think it is interesting. I am not into reading sexual stories anymore; I would rather create the story with my partner that never ends.
If you have a burning desire in your heart and soul to live in the D\s life to worship me as much as I will adore you, to live with guidance and discipline, talk to me. It is a great first step.
I am not in a rush to find the one. I just want to make sure the one I find is the RIGHT one.
Sure, we are all seeking something different... but I think you will see I am clear on what I want. And I am focused on what you want as well.
I do not believe in the SMOKE & MIRROR GAME, who really ever wins that game anyways?
I am very realistic on conforming in today's way of life and integrating the BDSM lifestyle into every day functions. I am NOT seeking to have a harem of slaves. While I might share my sub or slave with close friends in the lifestyle I am not looking to have a hoard of subs or slaves or share my slave with every Tom, Dick or Harry. I prefer and my slave to stay STD & HIV FREE.
I am a great friend, Teacher and lover, but over all I am a human being with feelings and emotions. I Listen, Address concerns, Instruct. Command Attention, Deserve Respect and I Provide a Wonderful Place to learn to grow and explore. ***WARNING: Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this or you may copy and paste this one.***
What I am NOT looking for;
1. under the age of 18
2. if you are a convict
3. you are pregnant
4. you have been committed to a mental hospital
5. you are a run-a-way
6. you are age 38 or over,
7. you have or had any STD,
8. you are 5'10" or taller,
9. you are HIV positive, AND LAST BUT VERY IMPORTANT - you have been sexually abused as a child.
Fifty Shades of Grey: Just my views on this series
Many people when they first hear about Bondage-Discipline and Sadomasochistic relationships think that there must be something pathologically wrong with the person(s) administering or receiving the pain, humiliation or restrictions which can be involved in this type of dynamic. Like the heroine Anastasia in Fifty Shades of Grey, she is asked to read over a list of activities to see which are hard limits. Meaning activities she would never want to do under any circumstances, and then the soft limits. Thus meaning activities that she might consider trying, and then sign a contract.
Take the following for example; "Bind my ankles with your white cotton rope so I cannot walk. Bind my wrists so I cannot push you away. Place me on the bed and wrap your rope tighter around my skin so it grips my flesh. Now I know that struggle is useless, that I must lie here and submit to your mouth and tongue and teeth, your hands and words and whims. I exist only as your object."
The satisfaction gained from S & M is something far more than sex. It can be a total emotional release. Many people do not want pain in this lifestyle, but rather another type of sensation that can cause the partners to get a type of "high" that other people might get finishing an Iron Man. It can put people in a type of trance-like state that lifts them out of their ordinary experience known as sub-space. A good scene doesn't end in an orgasm, it ends in catharsis.
I think it is so cool that people are starting to be willing to talk about BDSM on national television, even if they’re just starting to debate whether kinky people are sociopathic or not! I think polyamory and kink are definitely on the way to social acceptance, although I expect polyamory to be first.
And Last, nothing will matter except you, me and the sound of my voice. I'm interested in manipulating what's in the mind, the brain is the greatest erogenous zone.
I am looking for a submissive that wants to get involved in a relationship where we feed off of each-others sensual wants and needs. While I'm not going to waste my time or yours on some six month drawn out email and chat fantasy life.
Here is what I will offer:
I will chat with you
I will talk to you on the phone
I will meet you
And WE (you and I) will then decide if we should move forward. If you agree to move forward, I do demand that you stop seeing other people that involves any type of sexual interludes. I just don't believe in seeing multiple people and creating a conflict of interest.
I tend to be attracted to a younger submissive, under 33 and most are often the ones I find most attractive, however I am not setting a limit on age, if you are an exceptional submissive in appearance and attitude it will not matter what your age is, if you are not exceptional, it will not matter how old you are or even how pretty you are, it will not work. I am attracted to all races and I no issue with bone structure and body type, they are not to important to me, I am more focused on petite, height.
My style is very conservative and no-nonsense, but if you like FOX News and you are a Hardcore Republican there in no way I can see us moving forward.
I am an advocate of discipline imparted through my hand, brush, paddle and strap. And needless to say, a young lady who is truly grateful for the guidance I can provided, will wish to express her thanks in a manner that is pleasing to her "one". Such is how these things work...
This ONE will hold you when you cry, listen when you are upset, scold you when you are naughty and punish you when you are bad. When we have our PASSION when we kiss, you will wish it could last forever.
I am not looking for cyber or virtual, I would like to find a life-mate that is also my baby girl (only in context). If you are just exploring for now, the ONE understands and he can help you with that, but eventually the ONE wants a full time lil one.
Can being honest have its drawbacks?
I wonder this, many times over. Being honest and up front, not rude or disrespectful on a small note to someone.
While I know who I am, as a person, I don't demand a reply back as Sir or Master. However it is nice to get a "Sir" and you are not my sub.
Send a current photo as well, only to be ignored like some dog shit you pass by on a sidewalk.
Have things changed that much in 15 years were a simple "sorry Not interested" is not possible?
Well if someone can give me an answer to that besides the standard answer. I am willing to listen.
While I am on the computer, I will reply to everyone that does send me a message within 72 hrs. It is just the way it has to be when my responsibility are family, then work, then social.
Finally I was able to get around to update this profile.
Hopefully I can find someone that is willing to STOP the Childish Games!
Sorry All, I have been so busy with work. I have taken over a smaller company in the same field and now the task is see if I can retain every one's job without letting anyone go.
It will be a few more weeks, Rachel till I can really get back to you, I am sorry. But I am committed at the moment to preserving my 12 new employees at there full time status.
HEY ASSHOLE, I TOLD YOU I AM NOT INTO PAIN!
So is PAIN Good or Bad? And is Pain to some, not Pain to others, is it?
You say that you do not like pain and thus are not interested in this lifestyle. I have heard it a thousand times before and in almost every case the person making that statement retracts it once they find out how 'erotic' some pain can be.
Follow along with me and see if you don't change your mind. I would almost be willing to bet that you have ventured into this lifestyle in the past and not even realized it.
Before we begin we are going to make a few assumptions about you and your sexual background. First, we assume that you are sexually active and have, or have had, a steady partner. Second, we assume that you have been active long enough that you have experienced many of the different lovemaking positions available to you.
We are going to discuss a position that I think that most of you have been in before and we shall try to do it in such a way that it does not cause you to blush, too much.
We are going to assume that while making love/fucking (whatever you choose to call it) with your partner, at one time or other, you have been on top with your partner laying on his back. While on top, your partner has had full access to your breasts and has taken full advantage of that position.
We are now going to assume that at some point in time you have leaned forward just a little bit so that your lover could take your nipples into his mouth. He nibbles and you both are getting closer to where you need to be. The closer you get, the more excited he becomes and the more aggressively he nibbles. You feel little twinges of pain mixed with the good feeling of his nibbles. Not enough pain to kill your erotic feeling but enough to add that extra bit of stimulation that brings you closer to that special moment. He is getting closer, you are getting closer, the nibbling intensifies and in moments you find yourself........
STOP!
Just before you reach that magic moment, I want for you to stop and remove yourself from that situation. Place yourself, if you will, walking in your local shopping mall. If someone were to walk up to you at that very minute and squeeze your nipple with the exact amount of pressure that you were receiving with your lover, you would scream out in pain without a doubt. However, back in bed, you were about to scream out for a much different and much more enjoyable reason.
Let's take a moment and examine the two types of pain that you just felt. One was very erotic and enjoyable and the other was neither erotic nor pleasurable. Both were exactly the same but under different circumstances are received in totally opposite ways.
My question to you would be, which would you prefer, the erotic pain or the non-erotic pain?
I think most of you would vote erotic every time.
Share your thought with me and tell me which you perefer.
Education.. Idiots.. Common sense..
Why BDSM? Because Satan possessed us with the Demon of Perversion, naturally - why should gay people * have all the fun pissing off the religious right? Actually, I explain it this way: You know the scene in "When Harry met Sally" where they explain high maintenance vs. low maintenance? BDSM practitioners like high maintenance sex. The rest of humanity settles for "the number 3" and gets on with it. I also like to refer to it as "geek sex". Some people are happy to play checkers and some people want a full RPG experience where you come dressed as your character and play all night. Some people are happy with a straightforward fuck, and some people like their sexual experience to actually involve the setting up and breaking down of equipment, with a side order of rules and protocols.
So, it's like, really different?
Not so much. At the risk of falling into the trap of "justifying" by saying "everyone is a little kinky"... almost everyone is a little kinky.
Some stupid arguments: Women, do you like clitoral orgasms? Then you must be kinky, because stimulation of the clitoris is not necessary for reproduction. Men, do you like the female breast? Then you must have a "breast fetish", because the breasts aren't involved in sexual reproduction in any way. Some might argue that the giving and receiving of a hickie is kinky. Ever seen new lovers playing "hard to get"? You could argue that that's a consensual play activity, in which both parties are playing the roles of predator and prey to make it more fun.
Then we go to the next level. Anal sex is a good example of a borderline BDSM activity. There is a giver, there is a receiver, there is a dominator and a submitter. A temporary exchange of power. Then from there, you can go with spankings and "rough handling" and then to go on from there you're into the whips and chains.
You mean that? Everybody's a little kinky? Actually, no. More people are kinky than they themselves know - it just never occurred to them to think of it as kink.
So it's just about sex?
Absolutely not! There are also those who want to take a "high maintenance" approach to the relationship itself. It is quite possible to be a Master/Mistress or a slave and not even engage in sexual variations. BDSM encompasses a huge variety of practices, so that really there should be a way to separate the subcategories so that there's less confusion. Here's one classing system I like to use:
"Tops", "bottoms", and "switches": Bedroom-only player. In it just for the sensation. They really are in it "just for the kinky sex" for the adrenalin/endorphin/serotonin rush, and could quite possibly tell you to go to hell if you ask them to respect Dom/sub protocols.
"Dominants" and "submissives": Lifestyle players. The wide range of in-between the kinky types and the Total Power Exchange types. Their "play" extends beyond the bedroom, with perhaps a serious commitment to a Leader/follower role. The Dom may make rules for the sub to follow and discipline them when they deviate. There may be a contract involved. The majority of married/committed couples who have a BDSM relationship usually fall into this category.
"Master/Mistress" and "slaves". This is full-blown, the 24/7 scenes. The slave submits all power over their lives to their "owner". The kinky sex/disciplinary activities might be completely missing or might require a home dungeon set-up or anything in between. Some people do this because that's a way in which they feel their lives work better. There will usually be a heavy degree of control, ranging from simple rules about who spends the money and does the dishes, to the slave having to seek permission to eat, drink, pee, fart, whatever. When players get together in this bracket, there's a whole lot of rules, protocols, standards, etc.
The Tops and bottoms wish the Masters, Mistresses, and slaves would get over themselves and stop correcting them whenever they accidentally forget to lower-case a slave's name or to seek permission from the Owner before talking to the slave at all. The Masters and Mistresses sneer down on the Tops and bottoms and regard them the way geeks regard 'script kiddies': as not at all players, slackers, in fact, lacking the proper standards to do the Lifestyle 'for real'. The Doms and subs wish everybody would loosen up and just interpret the Lifestyle in whatever way pleases them, except for the few who think that their moderate approach is actually "the right way".
So, you're all leather-bound gimps chained up in the basement all the time, huh?
Actually, your average Lifestyler looks and acts just like you! Plain old folks. Believe it or not, "naked and kneeling in chains 24/7" is a nearly impossible feat - these people still have to raise kids and go to work. At least (at the very, very least) half of the stuff you see on the Internet about the Lifestyle is pure bullshit.
Some recommend "The Story of O" as a good fictional treatment of the scene; many of the BDSM set might see themselves that way or perhaps wish they were more like it, but you want to see a movie that tells it like it really is? Rent "Secretary"! As close as a movie can get, there it is in real life, at least how it *could* happen. Even Secretary is a little over the top. But it does show the important transition from thinking that you're the only one having these strange urges to meeting that glorious other person who has them too, and then slowly, fumblingly coming to grips with this new kind of relationship and accepting it about yourself.
Are Lifestyler?s just fucked-up in the head?
As a matter of fact, people should know that if they have head problems, they don't belong in the Lifestyle. Work out your issues until you can handle a ?(normal... what a word!) Vanilla life first, then come back for the high-maintenance stuff. BDSM is not therapy to work out your childhood trauma, nor an outlet for your anger issues, nor a short-cut to getting laid when your pathetic ass can't get laid any other way. Here's what it really takes to make it work:
Communication!
Lots and lots and lots of communication. Before you start, you'd better have it thoroughly hammered out exactly who does what to whom. Know what you want and how to ask for it. Know how to listen. Know when too much is too much and too little is boring. Have some patience. And by the way, you'd better get to know yourself pretty well, too! Education.
If you do get into the Lifestyle, watch out for the idiots. They'll tell you to do all kinds of stupid, unsafe things because the world to them is one big Jackass movie. A heavy dose of medical and psychological knowledge is necessary. Whips can crack bones, suspension harnesses can come loose and send the rider crashing to the floor, candle wax can burn, knees can dislocate from kneeling too long, and there are places on your body where it's not a good idea to stick Tabasco sauce, no matter how much some moron in a chat room claims that they do it all the time. Ask anybody who's worked in an emergency room.
Common sense.
Most especially a good grounding in reality and careful deliberation before you rush into something. No matter how much of a King Hell Gorean Slavemaster you are, there will be a time to TAKE A BREAK. And when you play BDSM activities with a partner, you will be fooling with some very heavy psychological territory, as well as the physical safety issues. Be prepared to stop many times and question yourself, your partner, your activities, and where it's going.
Trust!
Trust must go four ways at all times, or stop everything immediately. Four ways as in you must trust yourself, trust your partner, your partner must trust him/herself, and trust you. You can always talk it out and try this again later. If there is a single insecurity hidden anywhere in your soul, this lifestyle will find it!
It's not for everybody. There's nothing "right" or "wrong" with you whether you are interested in it or not. You are not alone. And may peace and love be with you on your journey.
*This is written from the heterosexual perspective. Yes, gay/bi people can do BDSM too, and we love them for it!
BDSM is a clever little acronym that stands for:
Bondage & Discipline Dominance & Submission Sadism & Masochism THERE IS NO SEX LISTED THERE
SEX would be part of the fetishes we work into our roles into BDSM. And yes SEX is FUN!
SOME QUOTES TO HELP DEFINE ME
"The body is both a pleasure palace and a torture chamber" ~ Charles Levin
"A riding crop and a blindfold doesn't make it BDSM. There is a big difference between being kinky and being in the scene. It's not a sexual thing to me, it's a very spiritual thing." ~ DominaBlue
"When you think night and day and every moment only of pleasing me, things will be very easy for you." ~ Anne Rice
"A masochist walked up to a sadist, and said 'Hurt me'. The sadist said 'No' and walked away." ~ Author Unknown
How does a master center a slave? Being centered is a Zen term that means a person is balanced, calm, healthy, peaceful, grounded, nourished. Some might see it as a relaxed state, one of calm, creative, full of the realization of being well-off, in communion with one's self and one's environment? How does a master center a slave? He does it by creating, with his slave, a right relationship, that is, one in which each is free to be him or herself; one with openness, honesty, and clarity of purpose. Centering comes from having a clear focus, mutual support, encouragement, and purpose. ~ Jack Rinella in SM Leather
"It doesn't matter that my limbs are fastened to this bed. Power is not in the body. It's in the mind. Hard to explain to a novice. But I've got the time, if you've got the inclination to listen." ~ Alison Tyler, "Blue Sky Sideways"
I cannot post a real life photo for work, social and community reasons.
I'm not going to lose respect though my co-workers or create social drama so some stranger on the internet thinks I am more "real" or serious about my interests then I am with life issues.
I am however still working getting a few updated pic's that I can send when asked.
Thank you for your understanding.
On a second note.
PLEASE DO NOT EMAIL ME IF DO NOT LIVE IN THE USA.
If you are from Nigeria, I'm just not interested. To many Scams are out there, from there, and I am unwilling to change my point of view, PERIOD!
I am not going to relocate ANYONE without knowing them and meeting them. So don't think I am a sucker for it.
As I said in my profile;"I am not in a rush to find the one. I want to make sure the one I find is the RIGHT one."
Look, it is is a 2-way street here.? If you want to chat great. Please however stop sending me your short messages with "hello Sir, please email me at XXXXXXX"
If you liked what I had to say in my profile? great! Just tell me what it is you like and why.?
I am not interested in sending my email address out to someone right away, I really don't know to have my email filled with porn advertisements or fake viagra offers.
