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season 4 of venture bros. is literally a work of genius! |
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this is my LARP crew. they are here to keep the peace |
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cherry noir: definitely the raddest name for a vodka flavour evah |
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i have a ritual. and it starts on the couch. |
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inner beauty: very important
outer beauty: also very important |
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slaaaaaaaaaaaack motherfucker! you motherfucker! |
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psych! j/k totally not getting married |
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omg im getting married!!! |
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making a pros and cons list |
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drinking san pellegrino w/lunch. san pel is basically trash. perrier is so much better :( |
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i hate to brag, but im a pretty big deal |
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self-proclaimed dominant dudes are funny when they get mad. all fat and angry and sputtering impotently. :D |
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"life is short. have an affair." lol
<3 ashley madison |
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lol "daddy doms." has there ever been a "daddy dom" who didn't weigh at least three fiddy? |
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that's the wrost thing i've ever seen in my life. did you grow up in the woods? are you nell? from the movie nell? |
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lol ugly dudes always get so mad when women don't like them :D |
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luxury dog park. poodles only. no pooping. |
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jp morgan lost 2billion dollars. lmao. kill all bankers ;) |
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i love when dudes talk shit and then block me b/c it just proves i'm in their head. fucking sad old pathetic dudes are hilarious :D |
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i am nuking a vegan black bean enchilada thing, and the directions tell me to cook it at half power for nine minutes. fuck that. if i accidentally buy something that has directions any more complicated than "cook this at full power for x minutes"--especially if at some point i am supposed to take it out of the microwave, change power settings, and then cook it some more, i always follow the directions precisely and then, if the dish is not similar in quality to what one might find at per se or schwa, i send angry letters of complaint to the manufacturer. occasionally i get a coupon or something.
microwaves aer supposed to make my life easier, fuck anybody who makes complicated microwave shit. |
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oh man i wish the john laroquette show was on dvd |
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also jesus why does cm double and triple space journal entries every time i hit return? christ, is there anything this site does right? (hint: mods pming me to threaten to post personal information in response to a post on a message board is NOT an example of doing things right! :) ) |
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dear straight jacket company advertising on the side of my screen:
straight jackets = hot
wildeyed beardos who look like charlie manson's acid casualty second cousin wearing jackets = not hot |
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"wiping out the human race? that's a great idea! but more of a longterm goal" |
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<3 12 monkeys
the end of the world gives me mega-wood |
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ha ha ha @ dudes begging for strangers to volunteer to "hold the keys to my chastity belt." so sad, funny, and beautiful. but mostly sad. |
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"i married alf. and we're pretty happy." |
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skinny cow ice cream bars are fucking amazing and they go great with watching season 3 of night court |
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paunchy dudes wearing panties :( |
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dont sass me. ill go upside yr head |
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"don't you dare....feed that waffle to that dog!" |
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lol fat dom dude so mad he has to compete with good looking younger dudes |
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i fuckin love avocado and pecan smoothies |
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SOPHOMORE SLUMP OR COMEBACK OF THE YEAR |
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i am incredibly peckish for mango chutney |
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women who are not fat but chunky, like maybe five to ten pounds overweight, look fucking awesome in leather pants. right on the cusp of trashy is uber-hot |
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saw a girl at target today who looked just like aubrey plaza. pretty totally sure it wasn't here though. |
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jesus christ do i love blackberries and perrier. real talk. |
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HA HA HA THE PARROT IS DEAD MMM THIS PORT WINE IS DELISH |
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drinking port and watching monty python at 8:37 in the morning. so posh! |
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blah blah blah bro, tl;dr |
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"this dudes all wanna be some super genius novelist/they end up music journalists/the chicks just ain't then into it" the hold steady |
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i've always wanted to stay in a hotel in an airport. not like one of the ones right next to an airport, but IN an airport. i think that would be awesomely tacky plus imagine the luxury of waking up the morning of a flight and being like "oh shit i have to rush to get to the airpor.....oh DUDE the airport is RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BALCONY!" |
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man this site automatically removes references to that other, better site from the journals? that's some fuckin' fascist bullshit jive. |
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join my group for supragenius slacker types if you dare!!!! |
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"longing on a massive scale is history" <3 don delilo |
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so i fucked up and bought one of those microwave entrees with the complicated instructions where you have to nuke it on full power and then take it out and nuke it a little longer on half power blah blah blah so i'm all standing there pissed off glaring at an organic burrito flipping it the bird because fuck that shit.
im so mad. totally trolled by the supermarket gourmet microwave aisle. |
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lol @ "online tasks." r those liek quests? are there experience points and vorpal swords? "i'm a 9th level pisspig, bro!" |
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after ten or fifteen minutes, thunder storms just get really tiresome and irritating. it's like, jesus christ, nature, i get the point. |
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my new fetish: valley girls subjecting me to ritual sexual abuse to a duran duran soundtrack |
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sometimes i see submissive dudes in their 40s looking so sad and sincere standing there forcing a grin for the camera trying to keep the game going for just a little longer and i think "christ, is that gonna be me someday? i hope i get this shit out of my system." |
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man how much better would wall street have been if it had starred pacino instead of that dork michael douglas? |
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added fact: the devil's advocate contains one of history's great "dorky white yuppie assholes dancing" scenes. |
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watching the devil's advocate. drinking an impeccably cold gin and tonic--like, cold as a mt holyoke girl who has just realized you are taking her to steak 'n shake.
man, keanu reeves has brought so much joy--point break, bill and ted, the devil's advocate. bliss overload. holyoke chicks have also brought much joy, natch. |
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i will always remember the late 90s as the era when fat dudes thought they were allowed to wear double breasted suits |
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"voicemail. pagers. these are the things robots carry. they get their hair done." kool keith |
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got in pretty drunk and pretty wired pretty late last night and started reading super-cannes to try to fall asleep. the book kept me up instead. my ballard boner grows daily. |
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watching parks and rec. aziz ansari is the shit and the piss. <3 |
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growing a beard. like a total dude. |
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perrier + chocolate chip oatmeal = ball so hard |
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BRING BACK YUPPIE MULLETS |
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my advice to the graduates: aim low. fit in. give up. never ever follow your heart! ;) |
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pro tip: dudes with saggy boobs, dont post pix plz ok thanks!
seriously, bro, nobody wants to see that shit. |
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i worry about whether jimmy's hair in season one of boardwalk empire is historically accurate. it looks awfully mid 80s madonna-background-dancerish to me. |
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hey yo any bronies here? i'd love to give someone a swirly today! |
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went on a crazy shirt and book buying spree last week, now i am trying to remember if i have enough cash money in my bank account to get enough yogurt and organic soup to make it through the week.
ah, the price of being a baller. |
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so the whole notion of "experience" in the sad little imaginary tea party of "online bdsm communities" is transparently just an effort for the old timers who are worn out and have been around forever to feel like they're somehow superior to better looking people, right? i mean, let's call a spade a spade. |
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strawberries drizzled with extra spicy salsa = some magically delicious type shit |
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watched fight club and american psycho back to back this afternoon. totally going to fantasize about tyler durden and patrick bateman having sexfights. |
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protip: edamame drizzled w/wasabi sauce = amazingly delicious! |
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dear lord do those poor buffoons looking for either a "mommy" or a "daddy" here give me both the heebies and the jeebies! zut alors! |
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if i started wearing track suits like everywhere, like all track suits all the time, could i get people to start calling me "coach?" what if i wore a whistle around my neck?
followup: why in sweet goddess kali's name can i not find pastel track suits? urban outfitters is totally dropping the ball here. |
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"Do not let me hear
Of the wisdom of old men, but rather of their folly,
Their fear of fear and frenzy, their fear of possession,
Of belonging to another, or to others," ts eliot
a passage that often bubbles up in my mind when i read old dudes yammering about
experience (which oscar taught us is just the name so many give to their mistakes) in
journal entries |
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drinking a scotch and soda. eating fancy crackers with cheap caviar. watching old episodes of dr katz. working on a short story. just ordered some couture hawaiian shirts. i give today a B+, so far. |
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tonight over dinner a female friend, tres yuppieish, admitted she'd been caught shoplifting when she was 17. for the first time i found her wicked sexy. there's something about trashy behaviour that i find maddeningly sexy. probably ties into my fetish for bully girls. |
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reevaluating the tom hanks oeuvre: joe vs the volcano was *so much* better than castaway. comparing the two is like comparing an original basquiat to a dorm room calendar compilation of "street art." |
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i just discovered chocolate chip flavored oatmeal and OMFG SO GOOD! |
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i know i'm kind of a bizarre motherfucker, but sometimes i like to lift weights in my apartment while wearing my favorite pair of ray ban wayfarers (black). |
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i'm a little under the weather, plus good friday always stresses me out. i mean, will jesus see his shadow on easter sunday or won't he? if he does, as everyone knows, that means six more centuries of damnation for all souls. :(
watching miami vice episodes on netflix, drinking a margarita and i just ordered a bunch of pastel shirts because i am mega-suggestible to media imagery! |
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