danceswithmark

Jean Thompson stood in front of her fifth-grade class on the very first day of school in the fall and told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her pupils and said that she loved them all the same, that she would treat them all alike. And that was impossible because there in front of her, slumped in his seat on the third row, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed he didn?t play well with the other children, that his clothes were unkempt and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy was unpleasant. It got to the point during the first few months that she would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X?s and then marking the F at the top of the paper biggest of all.

Because Teddy was a sullen little boy, no one else seemed to enjoy him, either.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child?s records and put Teddy?s off until last. When she opened his file, she was in for a surprise.

His first-grade teacher wrote, ?Teddy is a bright, inquisitive child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners...he is a joy to be around.?

His second-grade teacher wrote, ?Teddy is an excellent student well-liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.?

His third-grade teacher wrote, ?Teddy continues to work hard but his mother?s death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best but his father doesn?t show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren?t taken.?

Teddy?s fourth-grade teacher wrote, ?Teddy is withdrawn and doesn?t show much interest in school. He doesn?t have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class. He is tardy and could become a problem.?

By now Mrs. Thompson realized the problem but Christmas was coming fast. It was all she could do, with the school play and all, until the day before the holidays began and she was suddenly forced to focus on Teddy Stoddard.

Her children brought her presents, all in beautiful ribbon and bright paper, except for Teddy?s, which was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper of a scissored grocery bag.

Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of cologne. She stifled the children?s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume behind the other wrist.

Teddy Stoddard stayed behind just long enough to say, ?Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my mom used to.? After the children left she cried for at least an hour.

On that very day, she quit teaching reading, and writing, and speaking. Instead, she began to teach children.

Jean Thompson paid particular attention to one they all called ?Teddy.? As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. On days there would be an important test, Mrs. Thompson would remember that cologne. By the end of the year he had become one of the smartest children in the class and...well, he had also become the ?pet? of the teacher who had once vowed to love all of her children exactly the same.

A year later she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that of all the teachers he?d had in elementary school, she was his favorite.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still his favorite teacher of all time.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he?d stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs.

Thompson she was still his favorite teacher.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor?s degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still his favorite teacher but that now his name was a little longer. The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D.

The story doesn?t end there. You see, there was yet another letter that Spring. Teddy said he?d met this girl and was to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering...well, if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the pew usually reserved for the mother of the groom. And guess what, she wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And I bet on that special day, Jean Thompson smelled just like... well, just like the way Teddy remembered his mother smelling on their last Christmas together.

The feminine side of Tao is called Yin. It is depicted as white in the Tao symbol. White, it should be remembered, is not a color in itself: rather, it is that which reflects nearly all the rays of sunlight. Black, or yang, light. The Western world views white as representing good, versus the evil black; yet this value judgment is not seen in Eastern cultures absorbs light. The Western world views white as representing good, versus the evil black; yet this value judgment is not seen in Eastern cultures.

Rather, white and black in the yin/yang symbol represent two parts of a whole. The natural dominance of a man to a woman is accepted as well. This is not to say other expressions of dominance do not exist. The way of nature, however, reflects the relationship of man and woman. One is not complete without the other?black and white, or male and female?just as a Dom is not complete without a sub.

Yin is sometimes described as a calm pool of water reflecting what looks into

it, just as white reflects light?s rays. When something enters the pool of water, spreads out and influence everything that is seen in the water, while the pool accepts and nourishes that which entered it. She is that from which life comes: a giver. She is the Mother. ripples spread out and influence everything that is seen in the water, while the pool accepts and nourishes that which entered it. She is that from which life comes: a giver. She is the Mother.

As the yin of a D/s whole, a woman assumes these characteristics. In all things, childless or as a mother of dozens of children, she exhibits the endurance, tolerance and patience of the feminine. A sub reflects her Dom and represents him. She allows herself to be entered, accepting her Dom?s discipline and guidance, and nourishing her Dom in return. This is her strength, and why she is part of the whole, never less. Submission is far from a passive state. Submissive does not mean weak.

Often a mother subordinates herself for her children. This is the nurturing aspect of femininity. It is a matter of nature that allows her to subordinate while finding joy and strength. The fullness of a mother is her sacrifice, and her love. The fullness in other aspects of submission lies in the times when her will comes second and is part of what makes the Dom more.

The fullness of her life can be seen in its richness: in the successes of children and/or Master; in the care they felt when they fell; in the full swell of a woman?s body; in the womb of her experience which has spread and accepted life; and in the inner depths which are explored in D/s. It is a gift that she gives as a giver of life.

In the same way, a sub must learn to nurture herself, for her being is valuable as well. This nurturing includes physical self-care and grooming, as well as emotionally caring for herself. It can also include reaching her highest potential in her career. Through being honest with herself and her Dom, she teaches herself her own strengths and gifts and admits the areas where she needs guidance. Her Dom may help her better define her weaknesses as well as her strengths, offering his guidance to help her enhance her own being. This is how the inner depths are explored in D/s.

Then there is the other side of mommy: the wanton woman, unseen by most, and reserved for a special man. She is the woman of your fantasy, and will be the realization of mine. In D/s, Dom and sub find each other, and perhaps each a little of themselves.

The expression of the Dom as the sun works well in describing the relationship of Dom and sub. While the Dominant is the sun and the wind, the sub is earth and water. The earth revolves around the sun. The wind exists, as does the sun, above the earth and her water. In this relationship the earth mother gives life, and the warmth of the sun causes her fruit to grow.

What she is and has is offered to the sun. She submits to his will: the warm glow that causes growth and, on occasion, causes the fire that cleanses and starts her anew.

A sub nurtures her growth and the influence of her Dom with the water of life. In nature, water evaporates, seemingly disappearing, and rises toward the sun. Yet nothing is ever wasted, and the substance of life returns to the earth after being transformed by the sky and sun, to nurture what they have produced together.

Water also is controlled by the movement of the earth around the sun, and those tides themselves are the most primeval source of life, and the origin of mankind. This is how far back this relationship goes. On the surface calmness of the water, the wind causes the ripple that sets everything in motion, just as a Dom affects a sub when he first takes her. The interconnected oneness of wind and water spreads out and influences the universe, and at the height of their passion wind and water create a fury, the power and elegance of storm. This is the potency of D/s, and can be a powerful force. This is power exchange.

In Power Exchange the Dom accepts responsibility for the whole, and seeks to rule wisely. The character and integrity of the Dom as leader particularly in areas of reasonability and trust create the character of a D/s relationship, as does the subs acceptance to accept her Dom?s leadership. 

As he leads he maintains and nourishes his sub, gaining trust and compliance, or

fails and this action will cause disharmony. However, when leadership is

positive the relationship becomes potent, and each grows and contributes more to the relationship.

A wise leader rules with the least interference, and thus allows creativity.

People learn when they want to please the leader, and are allowed to find the

fullness of themselves and the knowledge they have gained on the path the

leader sets for them. However, the wise leader knows they must walk the path

on their own legs to gain enlightenment.

Comment: As you can probably imagine, we receive many inquiries about books, tapes, seminars, etc. on the subject that I sarcastically call ?new age tantra?. Occasionally, I review such materials for the sheer irritation value of it, hoping to find some depth. Rarely do I find anything even to get my feet wet. Rarely do I recommend ?this genre? to anyone interested in a serious study of tantra. Mostly such workshops, books, videos and tapes misrepresent the authentic tantric tradition, which is well established through several well respected lineages. Such materials are usually very far from genuine tantra in spirit (most importantly), in form or in content. As a rule, they constitute cleverly disguised digressions on sex and marriage therapy or are musings on the theme of Kama Sutra?a medieval Indian treatise on human sexuality.

It is unfortunate that tantra has become another casualty of our plastic culture that loves the common denominator, that trivializes everything and that strives to delude us with grandiose ideas of perpetual youth and pain-free life. Let us not allow ourselves become sullen, silent and guilt-ridden perpetrators of triviality. Let us not allow the rich and profound tantric tradition to be watered down and ignored through distortion.

A serious student of tantra should know that the main point of tantra is contained in the very meaning of the term tantra: tan means expansion and tra connotes liberation. Thus, tantra always refers to liberation through expansion?breaking through personal barriers and courageously going forward toward the Divine Bliss both as an individual and as a society. Ultimately, tantra is the path of the spiritual warrior (shambhala/avadhuta) that encourages us to fight unceasingly against limited or prejudiced thinking, against inner and outer enemies of genuineness, truth and the Divine Plan, against shallowness. In particular, tantra inspires and teaches us to seek Ananda?the Divine Bliss as opposed to being caught in the cage of merely looking for pleasure and avoiding pain.

It is true that tantra encourages savoring life to its fullest, with its pleasure and pain, beauty and ugliness, living and dying. It is true that tantra teaches us how to go beyond, how to reach the union of these opposites and how to transcend them. It is true that many images used in tantric philosophies and practices to represent these opposites appear to be obviously erotic. However, one should not interpret these images out of context, merely based on the first visual impression.

At its very core, tantra is founded on the philosophical notion that one Living Divinity (Brahma) separates Itself into Him (Shiva) and Her (Shakti), into the Creator and the Creatrix, into Cognitive and Operative Principles of the Universe. Everything: God, Truth, Divine Love is viewed as having two aspects: male and female, now and then, here and there, self and other-than-self. The continuous relationship between these opposites generates appearances of energy and matter. Our continuous ego-driven (Shakti-inspired) interference with our life?s mission (i.e., the Divine Plan for us) sustains the separation of these opposites. Thus, we are caught in the Play (Lila) of energy and mass by holding onto ever-unresolved, infinitely complicated relationships between the opposites created by the Divine Order Itself for our edification and imprisonment in the world of perceived self and other-than-self.

As a system of practice that aims to resolve and go beyond these opposites, tantra naturally endeavors to address the most obvious example of Shiva and Shakti engaged in eternal play: the attraction and relationship between the sexes. In a heterosexual situation, the man embodies a bit more of Cognitive Principle (Male/Shiva) than a woman, while the woman embodies a bit more of Operative Principle (Female/Shakti) than a man. Tantric techniques help an individual to balance these two principles within and, thus, to reach a state that equally embodies Shiva and Shakti, Male and Female, Anima and Animus.

Generally such evolution, such development, such training is accomplished in several very specific steps. The crude tantric teachings (i.e., tantric dos and don?ts) are used to prepare a person for the more subtle tantric teachings (yoga). Subsequently, the yoga system is engaged to calm the tug-of-war game of opposites, to learn to handle this game well and eventually to go beyond such dualistic mode of being through a form of Abhidhyan (non-dualistic) yoga practice. Typically, a well-balanced tantra yoga training would include developing a solid moral foundation, a daily practice of asanas (yoga postures), mental exercises of concentration and meditation as well as certain advanced rituals of appeasing the deities (puja/japa yoga) and serving your guru/teacher (guru yoga) and his ashram (karma yoga). Since the tantra yoga system of practice is based on the tantra yoga philosophical system, such training would necessarily include learning the theoretical side of tantra from a reputable source.

Regular and sincere efforts at yoga practice ensure that a sadhaka will gradually move away from animality (pashu) and eventually proceed to the stage of skilled warrior (viira). A viira (brave individual) is a person who has gained control over the six enemies and eight fetters. The six enemies are physical longing (ka?ma), anger (krodha), avarice (lobha), vanity (mada), blind fascination (moha), and jealously (ma?tsarya). The eight fetters (bondages) are hatred (ghrn?a), apprehension (shaunka), fear (bhaya), shyness (lajja?), hypocrisy (jugupsa?), pride of ancestry (kula), vanity of culture (shiila), egotism (mana). There is a certain advanced initiation into a tantric (not a yoga) practice (kapalika diiks?a) that dramatically accelerates gaining control over six enemies and eight fetters and reaching the brave stage of spiritual development. Such initiation is available to anyone who has reached a certain degree of expertise in our tantra yoga meditation system.

Sexual rituals constitute a miniscule part of tantra. Such practices are undertaken only if they are absolutely necessary for a disciple?s further spiritual development and only after he or she has become an unquestioned expert in laya yoga (yoga of dissolution), i.e., he or she has become a viira (see previous paragraph). To attempt a practice of sexual tantra before the successful completion of proper preparatory training is pretty much like studying higher mathematics without first being trained in arithmetic! The presence of such desire betrays the student?s ignorance, impatience and confusion of pleasure seeking with reaching out to Divine Bliss.

It is not possible for a novice to practice sexual tantra rituals even if he or she tries because the beginner has by definition no experiential foundation on which to base such practice. The beginner can surely go through the motions: like children who imitate ?peculiar? motions they observed in their parents? bedroom. Trust me, though, such ?tantric? union yields no spiritual babies.

At this point let me also warn the reader: if practiced prematurely, sexual rituals can potentially undo years of efforts at yoga practice. Tantric gurus know that a practitioner?s mind must be established first in Cosmic Consciousness (viira stage, i.e., control of six enemies and eight fetters), then he or she can experiment with anything. For this reason spiritual masters are known to test their disciples severely before they impart such sexual practices, for both the teacher and the student must be certain that the student is ready for the practices.

Present-day announcements from the proponents of phony ?new age tantra? usually cater to particular groups of people. Who is usually attracted to the so-called ?sexual yoga?? 1) People who need basic sex education, 2) People who desire to go beyond (resolve) their adolescent emotions/notions regarding sex, 3) People who want uninhibited sex packaged as a spiritual practice, 4) People who are ashamed of or are out-of-touch with their sexuality, 5) People who are trying to reconcile their strong and unrestrained sex drive with their spiritual longing. All but the last of these groups are confusing personal fulfillment with spiritual growth. That is why ?sex tantra? seminars are necessarily populated by people who are in need of emotional growth and who confuse psychology which seeks to improve their personality in relation to its functions in the world with spirituality (such as genuine tantra) which seeks to free the eternal human soul (atman) from the bondages of the world. A person would qualify for a genuine tantric initiation (tantrikii diiks?a) only after this confusion has been adequately addressed. This is important because the practice of tantra yoga can commence only after an aspirant has procured a tantric initiation from a qualified teacher.

A rational attitude to inquiry requires that we check the sources and references of any information that is being presented to us?be it a book, a tape, a person. How did the author acquire his or her knowledge? How many years did he or she practice and what are the results of such practice? I have not yet found one book, etc. on ?new age tantra? that references authentic tantric scriptures, teachers and practices. The authors of such books usually have not studied with a genuine tantric master but had a limited course of study with a sex therapist masquerading as a ?sex-tantrik?. (I think I may have invented this term. I love it and demand credit for it!) This state of affairs is unfortunate considering that the genuine information is widely available.

Don?t get me wrong. ?New age? tantra may actually be helpful. Such sex and marriage therapy can be really healing. ?Sexual tantra? may free people of inappropriate shame of sex, educate them about sex, enhance their enjoyment of sexual life. If you want to have great sex?go for it! Have fun, have pleasure! But act responsibly and do not call it tantra?for the whole point of all tantra training is gaining freedom through attainment of spiritual Divine Bliss (A?nanda) that is beyond physical pleasures and pains of sex. Living in A?nanda is a permanent happy state while an orgasm is an intermittent, temporary pleasure.

Think of yourself as the management of a fine wine estate, responsible for creation of the finest wine in the world.

You have grown the best grapes. You have a skilled wine master turning the grapes into juice and then guiding it in the fermentation process. To introduce it to the industry, you have had the $$ tasting and fashion show. You have gotten wide notice in the wine press and high marks from the Wine Spectator and Robert Parker.

But finally, it is the taste and conditioning of the customer which determines what he or she buys. A little "you look fabulous" from the sales persons. Beyond that they can do nothing.

Let us say I am an artist and a photographer, always with an open eye for the beauty and challenge of the natural life. If I roam Manhattan in fetish regalia, I may attract one or another fashion victim, but not so much wonderful to photograph. Some objects, views, people and process are inherently magical and provide the yeast of art.

Similarly, my taste in women. I prefer a woman who, for her own deep reasons and needs and desires who comes into the shop with the attitude: "I need wine for tonight. We are having a lamb stew in pomegranate sauce, sweet potatoes, cranberries, asparagus and sorbet for desert.

She has come to me knowing what she needs, not coming to "look" or to do price comparisons. She has come to satisfy her need. It is not that more than 1 or 2 things (in our case people) will come home with her, but she is not innocent prey for the lettuce on aisle 2a

Nor are you the idle prey of the various people who write you 3 line invitations to kneel before them, before either of you know the others' name.

If, as, and when we meet, there will be a "dance" which will naturally arise. We either will sway gently to the music, caught up in the rhythm. It is then and only then, that the question arises "who will lead, who will follow"

And that is where we are today. You have just entered my studio and are slowly looking at the art. My job has been to create the best art, the best experience I can. Like the sea, you must enter me. The ocean will deal with the inevitable r?stance and mind refuse

Claro?