CzarPeter

Male Dominant, 42, Perth

Reader Hello to you fine person. As per usual, it has been a long time since I have written and my Life, insignificant and magnificent, a cross between two evils, is looking to change once again. Not long ago my existance was one of wonton chaos. All in my world seemed slowly and painfully melting; my job, my home, my relationships, and my money. I could take solace only in exersizing, but even that was severly cut back do to back to back injuries.I still suffer from some of my injuries now, but the pain is not as acute. I was in such a rut that I contemplated giving up and falling on my blade, but like Yoshimi I fought off the pink robots and stand now. Things are much improved now. I am still in ruts but I am dealing with them much better than before. I am learning to control my emotions and not let them control me. My two best friends were married two months ago and they will soon be gone off to Indiana, leaving Czar Peter all but friendless. It is a good thing that I am living in this digital age. I know that we will see each other again. My ventures wil my MC are soon to take a big step as I go on my first long ride, all the way down to North Carolina for a party. I am sure that that will go well, at least I hope that it does. As soon as I get back I will be leaving for another long trip up to Conneticut to take the initial exam for the Fire Dept. of Norwich. This is not my first choice, but I could certainly due for a change of pace. These 12 hour days of my current duties are very demanding, a 24 hour day would do me much better. I am not hanging too much on getting the job, and even if I do pass the test it is simply the very very first step in a very long and arduous process. It may take a year or more. That is all that I have for today, fine reader, all that comes to my mind. I wish you well with you domns and subs.

Dear Reader Hello once again. I find myself again in throws of madness, confusion, and change - as if there could be a different thing for me to write about. But than no one ever wants to read about nice things it seems. My work continues in a constant stagnant pace. No fires, nothing of any interest to us in the FD, just wretched old people needing to be picked up and fender-benders on the roads. I have entertained the notion of volunteering in some shit-hole area or finding employment elsewhere or finding a new job - one which I shant relate here but am going to create a resume for soon. In my desperation for human companionship, of a friendly nature, mind you, I have joined a motorcycle club and it has become my latest obsession. Long gone is the notion or desire to find a SHARP crew, for Czar Peter has been happily accepted into this MC and looks forward to a good time with these guys. I do stand with caution on this very unfamiliar ground though; perhaps it is too good to be true and I am setting myself up for failure or trouble. But for now I bask in this wonderful feeling of welcomeness which I have never felt in either the Marine Corps. or the Fire Department. With the one new clique the old one is fading for me. I have not been out to any of my old and familiar gothic clubs for a long time, and the whole genre seems a relic now. This, however, is an unwanted neglect. I am going to make an effort to get back to my old haunts because I imagine it will simply be like putting on an old pair of boots: they fit well because they are worn in and reliable. My old cloths do not fit as well anymore though and I am trying to fix that as well with gusto. I must be off now. Good bye my fine and faceless reader, writing to you is always a fine reclaimer of sanity. Czar Peter

Dear Reader    Good evening and thank you for veiwing - both of you. So much has happened since I last wrote that I strain to recall but I will do my best.    I have moved in with my girlfriend, of all the things. Please note that is has nothing to do with affection, or the love thing, or that I have any plans at all to get married or any of that bullshit. I moved in because I could find no one to be my roommate, as much as I desperately tried and made every effort. I am as lucky with roommates as I am with getting fires at work. I had a great amount of aprehension for this because the last time I did this it was disastrous, and culminated into one of many disasters that I had at that stage in my Life. But I was a very different person back than, and this woman I am with now, my darling Czarevna, is a thousand times that floosy I was with so long ago (I must state though, that she has matured quite a bit since that point) and we are far more likely to survive. At least I hope so.    My job has worsened. We at the firehouse despise our new leader and do not trust him in any type of situation, fire or otherwise, because he has already proven himself as the leader he is, which is about as much as a gerble. I shant go into more detail, but now work has become a chore where once it was a place where I enjoyed.     I am still suffering from my self-identity crisis and am lonely. I still have a facination with SHARPs, and can easily see myself of that bunch, but I do not want to be a loner, as I have been for the longest time. I have had almost no luck online in finding likeminded souls in my area (kind of like on this site) but have not yet given up, I even started a myspce page. I have never had friends who were very much like me. I am jealous of those of you who have.    I carry and fight on as I always have and always will. At least my Life has become much more stable now, and for that I am very thankful. I hope that you enjoyed reading my little bit of nonesence. Take care.

To the Reader Hello, again. It has been a long time for my writing on this sight, and I am curious as to who notices now, but not very concerned. I find myself tonight in a state of confusion. My future seems even less certain than usual. What with looking toward a different place to live, and likely a different place to work. I will still remain in my current occupation, but am likely to be transferred to a new place, and I am not very keen to leave. All things change, I know; the dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity, but good can come of such things and I do my best to be optimistic. To bolster my enigmatic senses I find myself suffering from an identity crisis of sorts. To elucidate, the last of my good friends are leaving the state and I again feel things ebbing away. I have always been a lone wolf because I was mistreated when I was very young by other people and developed a very Thomas Hobbes outlook on life. But I have always yearned for acceptance of others, but in a small pack. I had such a group of "buds" in high school, which was nearly a decade ago. I have gotten much more control of my deamons since that time and further harsh times, but I find myself craving such a group, a gang, a pack, a posse. Many of the things I used to do have become somewhat stale - my love of S&M remains strong, though - and I thirst for more of a welcome and happy change. My latest interest is in getting together S.H.A.R.P. group. That stands for Skin Head Against Racial Prejudice, which I by default find myself one of. It would be nice to have a roudy group of such. So as it stands I am lonely and morose. I often spend money when this occurs and I have but remained frugal. I will remain as I always have and do. I must be gone for now. Thank you for reading. Czar Peter marches on.

Hello, my dear reader and best friend in the room. It has been so long since last I wrote that Czar Peter is troubled with what to ramble on about. In the beginning of last month I traveled to Seattle for the wedding of my younger brother. The wedding was nice and I looked presentable in the suit I was to wear - the bride's bitch of a mother forbade my brothers and I from donning our resplendent uniforms - but it hardly interested me and I saw as more of a hassle than a joyous event. After all, my darling brother had been married to her for quite some time before the knot was tied. It was the Emerald City, as Seattle is referred to, that truly captivated me. The city contains so many goths and punks and hippies and skaters and rivet-heads and folk of every denomination outside this CNN and MTV driven society that it is an off-beat Israel. For the first time in all my Life, no one gave me a second look (unless they were checking me out). The people were all so nice that even the Germans could not compare. I had a grand time at the clubs and downtown areas which I love. Unfortunately, the voyage put a tremendous strain on my wallet and my relationship with my girlfriend. The latter is more a cause for concern for me. I have been dating this most amazing of women for quite some time. I do not deserve to be in her shadow. I have always had much trouble staying faithful. Perchance my subconcious was scared by the wedding and the old mannish fear of commitment took hold of lecherious Czar Peter, or that same force flushed with the newness of a new environment wanted to ditch all things former and charge full-tilt into unbroken ground. Temptations are my calamity. As soon as I got back I discovered that I had been transferred off of the ambulance in which I had been working for two long years and onto a coveted engine company. I was sad to bid my old Station behind, for it is one of the toughest houses in the county and I had become a trusted part of it, in fact had I not known that I would be stuck in the hardest working ambulance (which I called "the Pit") in all the county - the only ambulance - with no hope of seeing the inside of a fire again, I would have happily stayed there my entire career. So, with a sense of both freedom and lament I went to my new station. I have been there for nearly a month now and it has taken some getting used to. My fire knowledge needs some fine-tuning and my engine driving needs some cobwebs dusted off but in the all I love the place. Best of all I can truly call myself "Firefighter" again. That is nearly all there is. I am doing well for the most part. "The Pit" was the source of many many of my daemons which were difficult to expunge from my torrential mind. With that variable gone and my medication refilled and acting as a grand hemoglobin for the mind I rise and sleep better. The bliss of S & M is still lacking in my Life, but I am sure that it shall return in good time. Not too late I hope. I must now to bed. Fair thee well, fine reader. Czar Peter

Hello, My Friends, and the rest of you whom I am not as fortunate to call myself as such. Max Morris, 28 years of age, Staff Sergeant, USMC, was killed in action yesterday in Bahgdad when his humvee rolled over an IED. This was not mentioned in the papers as you might expect, after all, he was not a celebrity like our real hero, Heath Ledger. I went to Boot Camp on Paris Island with him. He was my bunkmate and my best friend. I have now lost 4 from my Second Battalion platoon out of about 86 graduates. I can vividly recall nearly every moment on the Island, as most who have been there can wether they like it or not. It is when people I know go or die that I want back in the military the most. It could have been me and it should have been me. I have nothing to leave behind, no wife nor children, nothing that I would not leave to go back that would not be so effected by the loss of Czar Peter, and I would give all that I own to go. Everything but the lives of my family and friends. I wonder what the fatalist would say, that it was God's plan that he and three others should perish where my lesser Life continues. In my mind creeps the notion that our Kyle Wilson was killed in the Marsh Overlook fire one year ago next week, on the very same day that the Virginia Tech slayings occurred. As one might have suspected Kyle's death was overtaken by their's because they had the bigger body count. I remember that day as well because I was there. I deplore the fatalist who would tell me that they are in a better place. What a lie. The best place for friends and family is next to each other. I would take all their places, 5 times over, as Firefighters and Marines would. Then as now I sit contemplative with a shaven head - my ancestor's traditional way of morning. I now have a bare head for "Max A Million" as I called him. Spring is not my season. I leave you now to exersize memories of screaming Drill Instructors, playing "Two Sheets and a Blanket" and two young PFC's embracing after graduation on October 10th. "I'll see you in the Fleet!" one says to the other. We only saw each other once after that. But death is not the end. Not the end.

Dear Bored Reader Hello again. It is very late and I have a mood to randomly rand on nonsense once again. It is now past midnight, all the good cartoons are over and I should be lying happily with my pretty and devoted girlfriend. I wonder what made me such an insatiable creature, some latter-day Icarus melting my wings in the sun. I hold now all that I have desired and all that I could want: a stimulating and well-paying job, a strong body, interesting tattoos, a fine place to live in a good part of town near things that I love, a motorcycle, a loving family and friends (though in a limited amount in the latter), a computer, a fair roommate with similar interests, one of the center pieces in any Goth club I step into, a feared and respected fighter in Krav'Maga, and a girlfriend who has supported me in everything that I have ever done; one who is so understanding that she knows full well that I am on this site soliciting to be a Domn or Sub to someone whom she does not know, even though she has only scant interest in S & M (but I am working on fixing that). With all this that I do my best and try and not take for granted I still find myself as human as I wish that I was not: in that throws of greed. I deplore the rich and despise their undeniable selfishness, but how would Czar Peter be were I celebrity? Would I be as they, with more cars than I will ever need and a huge house that could hold 17 people within one of it's 24 rooms, and an untold number of possessions all just to 1-up myself? I of course like to think not, but I have never had in my bank account more that $ 5,000 at one time, and I have not had that in years. What comment can I make upon someplace that I have never been? Personal greed is my business as well. I am after all, Firefighter. I meet people who thank me for doing nothing for them, but they are pleased for my job as they can see when I sport my shirt. They think us heros - what a corporate word - and feel we are the knights of our time. The truth to most of these folk which I try to avoid is deplorable to them when I reveal it to them. The truth is that we as Firefighters want your house to burn, we want peril and mayhem and the hellish flames to engulf a structure, we sit all day in the firehouse hoping to God that a structure fire call will come out. The truest form of pyromaniacs. How selfish is that? True, we do a service when we get to perform in the compasity we like best, but it is like giving someone a gift so that you might feel good to yourself for giving - for than who truly is the gift for? We are all like this, all humans, selfish as goblins are we. I will always want more fires in my job, a bigger and faster motorcycle, and a prettier lover. Would that I could only be a cog, a gear in a machine that serves it's purpose and nothing more. How Prussian. Let me walk, desiring little and committing no sin, like an elephant in the forest. I find always ways to be happy with what I have, which is more than many and all I need. I am. Though I do wish more of you would contact me, but than I am not a hot chick. I must to bed now to dream and fantasize of riding a Boss Hoss Chopper motorcycle, with a gorgeous Israeli Dominatrix on the back of it to a roaring structure fire for me to fight with Krav'Maga hoses. Have a good morning. Czar Peter

Good Evening Hello again all beautiful folk who read this, both of you. My nightly thoughts hand tonight on frustration. As of late I have played the Domn roll to a tremendous amount. I have done this so far to both a very mild play to a rather intense group of sessions with some very very fine Ladies. One of my toys has even been broken from over use and must sadly be replaced, but is any good flogger REALLY replaceable? I know that it seems odd to complained about such a thing - like lamenting making too much money - and I should feel happier to be blessed to be in the company of such magnificent Women, who are stripped and bound at that, but as you all know Czar Peter is a switch. It has been so long since a Women has taken total control over my powerful body and forced me to do only and exactly as she says, punishing and humiliating her brawny toy when he disobeys and rewarding her obsequious plaything when he is good. Lust becomes me as I write. I cannot even recollect when last I was in such bliss. While I love wielding the lash and am told that I am great at it, feeling it is even better. I am of the belief that Women, not men, are the image of God incarnate and that men were created much later to serve and protect. For only Women can create. It must have been some time before recorded time that men eventually used there strong bodies to take control in some prehistoric coup de ta, thus forcing Women into the degradations they have had to endure since recorded history. To serve one of the God-incarnates who truly will use the power which she possesses is a joy and an honor. One that Czar Peter has not had an age. So that is my gripe that ended up in a sermon, as I sit here typing away with a very small violinist standing near. I hope that I will be soon naked and bound, but until then I must be patient, a fly waiting for a spider to catch him. I must go now and submit myself to my enemy dreams.

Hello To All It is good to write you again, oh my Ladies and brothers and only friends. I now have the honor of writing on my very first personal computer. It was a birthday gift from my beloved family. Know now that Czar Peter is not at all computer literate and I consider myself lucky that I can even check my e-mail, nonetheless set up a profile on this lovely sight. But with a computer that I own - most of my work online is from work, which forbids this sight, or my very few friends' computers - I should be able to write more often and am even entertaining the notion of setting up a MySpace page (!). I never saw this coming. To defend this new gift of a gift I bought for myself for my birthday a firearm. I am hardly an advocate of owning a personal arsenal, but my Marine Corps. experience and my later armed security experience makes me a better candidate than Bubba Podunk the yocal to be one of our well-armed populace. As with any weapon (this includes a car [a car is the deadliest weapon in America - I have seen far more people killed in those than I have from guns, as a Firefighter and a civilian]) safety and discipline is the key, and I promise to do my best to maintain both for all our sakes. I rant on enough, that is what I get for getting online with nothing to speak of. I am sorry for boring all you who have wasted your time reading my inanities and prattling. I hope that all of you are in good health and high spirits as I am at the moment. Fair thee all well. Czar Peter

To all whomb may read    By Thor! Has the time gone by so quickly? It has been a long, long time since I have made a journal entry and just as long since I have even laid eyes on my profile. Upon that note; I need to update. Since last even putting in my information I have improved: I have moved twice - currently residing in Arlington, grown much stronger, been hospitalized twice, taken up Krav'Maga, purchased a new motorcycle, aquired more tattoos, and grown a mohawk atop my head. So, you know, the usual things folk do when they have the time.    Another thing I have not done in a long time is any play since August. While unpacking my goods in the Arlington house I unearthed toys that looked very lonely, and Czar Peter mourned for them. I dein to do some private play once again, feel hands on my skin, the crop on my ass, a wet tongue upon parts of the greatest sencitivety. Ive not been in shackles for too long. Forgive me, gentle readers, I shall hault my complaining. Getting on it was good to see folk in my DC/MD/VA area (IndigoEris: you are as gorgeous as ever, words defy and are improper descriptions of your beauty). I hope that I shall be better aquaintences with many of you.    For the new year I hope to modernize myself to the max. A better computer, and a digital camera would be grand, that way I can update my pictures for all of you. If anyone knows of one who is willing to play photgrapher for the site please let me know.    I hope that all of you are doing well and that the decline of 2007 finds you missing it, but not mourning it. Fair thee well.

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